Fifty Shades of the Darkest
by 14alouis
Summary: Ana's life is currently on the up and up. She is in a loving relationship with her BF of 6 years and she is now interviewing for an internship at GEH that can change her life. What happens when true colors are revealed, truths are discovered and relationships are being put to the test? Can Ana make it through the darkest. *first books of Darkest Before the Dawn*
1. Chapter 1: Great Opportunities

***I do not own the characters. All characters belong to E.L James***

**Hello all, this is my first Fanfic and too be honest I am scared shitless. I read a lot of them and have come up with some interesting ideas as far as this story is concerned. I am thinking that I may split this into three parts (Fifty Shades of the Darkest, Fifty Shades Before, and Fifty Shades of the Dawn). I ask that you leave honest (but not hurtful) reviews and feel free to give me more ideas. I am really excited to try this out and see where this goes. I think I am going to try and upload like the first 5-10 chapters, maybe and after I have given you that I am going to move to the probably once or twice a week update. I am probably going to rate this story as M because there are going to be a couple of rough themes, the language and lets be real Fifty Shades has always involved sex so I think M will be fitting. Thanks soooo much !**

Chapter 1: Great Opportunities

**I can't believe** the day is finally here. Today is the day that I can possibly receive the opportunity of a lifetime and make my dreams come true. Since I was younger I have always had a passion for reading and the way that through words, you can create a whole new world through your own imagination. So today is the day that I have my interview with Christian Grey, from Grey Enterprises and Holdings. I have been worried about where I would be after I finished college but here I am a month away from graduation taking the steps towards the beginning of my actual adult life. It feels like after all of my hard work everything is falling into place. Logan and I are finally on the same page after 5 years of being in a relationship. He was able to land his internship for med school, we have discussed taking the next step in our relationship and where we would both like to see ourselves in the future; even though that's something we still need to work through; we are finally moving on to bigger and better stages. I was beyond excited when I received the email from my advisor the Grey Enterprises and Holdings is looking to grant six lucky graduating seniors in college the ability to change their lives. The email said

_"Grey Enterprises and Holdings is willing to give the opportunity of a lifetime to 6 lucky graduating seniors in college. Successful CEO and entrepreneur Christian Grey is looking for new areas to invest in and develop into new companies and branches to add to the many businesses ran by GEH . Individuals who are interested in seeking this opportunity are to apply for the 6 month long, paid internship at Grey Enterprising and Holds and must have be willing to commit up to 15 hours a week, have a flexible schedule, construct a possible business plan for the area of your choosing, and be willing to appear for many interviews by Christian Grey himself, or his Team members"._

The day I got that email I knew that everything could change so here I am fresh out of the shower throwing on my black pencil skirt, black leather booties, and a blue blouse; but of course on the day that could possibly define my future my hair refuses to cooperate so I have to settle for throwing my chestnut mane into a somewhat organized pony tail. On my way of my apartment I try and find Logan before I go off for my big interview. Walking by the den I see him there at the desk that we share going over different medical procedures before attending another day at the hospital.

"Hey babe, I'm about to go. I just wanted to say goodbye to you before I left. I thought you said that you were going to go with me and drop me off but when I saw your scrubs still sitting on the chair I assumed you weren't coming" I said as I'm walking over to where he is sitting down

"Ohhh yeah, I'm sorry Ana I've just been so busy reviewing that I forgot that I was even supposed to be taking you to the interview today. But Good luck" he says as he finally gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Hopefully I will see you later in time for dinner so that I can make it up to you" he says after he gives me a kiss on the check and continues studying

All I can think is that he would not have to make anything up to me if he would have stuck to his word in the first place. But I know that after all that we have been through that we have to pick and choose our battles; and this was not one that was actually worth the fight. Once I cut my losses, I exited the den and headed straight towards to parking garage to hop into Wanda; my old beat up but very reliable beetle and make my way towards GEH. After I finally left the apartment I went downstairs and started up Wanda and it the road.

The drive to GEH was long and tedious. From my house, it took me at least two and a half hours to get there. I know that seems outrageous but I plan on moving, should I get the job anyway. I will just have to suck it and do what I have to do to get this job. Once I have landed this internship, I can start to get more comfortable. Before I make my way into the building I run my hands down my skirt attempting to smooth out my outfit, and run my hands over my ponytail one more time to see if there is any possibility that I can make it more manageable; but of course I still get the same result.

Walking to GEH I am met with a very sterile white walls; with accents of black, navy and silver along the lining of the furniture and the wording on the ways that say "Greys Enterprises and Holdings" in very large letters. In the center of the room is a much put together and sophisticated blond wearing her hair in a perfectly gelled back bun, a fitted grey skirt suit and way too much makeup. As I walk towards the desk she says "Hello how may I help you"

"Ummm hi, my name is Anastasia Steele and I am here for an interview with "

"Do you have an actual appointment or are you coming to schedule one?"

"My appointment is for 10 am sharp"

The golden haired beauty then brings the phone to her ears, and then starts to give my name and appointment time to the person on the other end of the line and after a few more seconds she nods her head and says "Great, please go towards the elevator to your left and go up to the 20th floor. When you get up there Andrea will give you further instructions."

I nod at her and then proceed to make my way towards the elevator that she just directed me to. I enter, press 20 and the elevator smoothly starts to lift me towards my destination. Holy shit my future can change within the next hour of meeting this man. I hope I don't screw up.


	2. Chapter 2: He Will See You

***I do not own the characters. All characters belong to E.L James***

**Hello again, here is chapter two. Hopefully I can get 3,4 and 5 done for you tonight so that you have something to actually read. Make sure that you review. And here goes nothing **

Chapter 2:He Will See You

_Ok you can do this. Walk in there with your head held high, your chest out and your business plan ready to go. _

**My thoughts are** interrupted by the dinging noise that lets me know that I have made it to the 20th floor. Once I exit the elevator I am greeted once again by a lobby that looks very similar to the one on the ground floor with another platinum blond sitting behind the desk. _What is with this company and its army of blonds? _Once Blond beauty number two lifts her head from the screen in front of her she says "Ms. Steele?"

"Uhhh, yes that would be me." I reply shyly.

"Mr. Grey will see you now; you can walk straight through the double doors straight ahead." She says while gesturing for me to walk towards the silver double doors at the end of the hall.

Holy Shit. This moment is finally here. I begin attempting to make my way gracefully towards to large silver doors. Once I make my way through the lobby and begin to push the door open, the first thing that I am seeing is the same very sterile black ,white, grey and silver furnishing that I have been greeted with every time I enter a new space in this building. When I begin to look around, I realize that there is no one sitting at the actual desk. _I thought that he was ready to see me? But I guess that gives me more time to relax and calm myself. I mean I know my presentation from the back of my hand._ When I keep looking around I notice that although this office is the same in structure as majority of the spaces that I have seen; it differs slightly by the vibrantly colorful artwork that is displayed on its on the walls. Clearly all of them are abstract but the many different shades of reds are calling out with me. Some can find the use of these reds to be kind of threatening, but for some reason they feel oddly… comfortable. Once again my thoughts are interrupted by a noise, but this time my focus is broken by someone clearing their throat. When I finally avert my eyes to the direction that the noise came from.

"Hello Ms. Steele, are you ready to begin this interview process?."

Holy shit he's hot. If Logan were not in the picture I would be utterly swoon. It should be dangerous to look that good. His build is tall and fit. He's wearing a dark black fitted suit with a very crisp white button down, slim grey tie and copper locks slightly gelled to perfection but with the right about of flare that still allows his hair to curl naturally on its own. The thing that I find most striking about his physique is his piercing grey orb. Oh my God his eyes, grey embers that look at you with such certainty and control that it makes me slightly uncomfortable but slightly intrigued at the same time.

"Ms. Steele?" He says while throwing me a questioning glance.

Oh shit, I've been too busy breaking down all of the beautiful attributes of this man, that I have failed to realize that I haven't even responded or moved at all.

"Uhh Yes, sorry about that." I say as I begin to clear my throat.

"I think we can do the interview over here on the couches so that we are comfortable, or would you rather we sit at my desk?"

"Oh um, the couch is will be fine" I say as I stare into his grey orbs.

He then starts to walk over towards the couches where we will conduct the interview. As I am making my way towards the couches my clumsy nature goes into full effect and I fall straight on the ground while trying to make my way. _Shit. _I curse under my breath as I try and pick up what is left of my pride and my body off the ground.

The next thing I know, is that I am feeling a jolt of electricity run through my arm and I am being lifted off the ground. When I look up I am again met with the stormy grey eyes of Mr. Grey. I think he also starts to feel the effects from the power of electricity surging through my arm when we both gasp. He immediately lets me go and gives me this charming yet smug smirk while saying "you alright there?" I continue to stare at him in utter shock and disbelief. _Smug bastard knows he's got it bad. I should be illegal to be that hot. _After gathering myself together and smoothing over my skirt, I reply "Yes I am fine thank you. Uh I guess we should get started now. _Well this is going just well isn't it_.

When we finally make the trip to the couch safely; I begin presenting my business plan for the opening of a publishing house under the eyes of GEH.

"Well , as you probably know, reading is essential to everyday activities; which is why I think that GEH should consider going into the area of publishing. When we are as young as children, reading becomes a daily routine in our lives. What actually inspired me to love reading so much was the ability that reading has to create worlds and paint pictures by using imaginations daily. By reading people can increase their vocabulary, find a hobby, a profession, a love and can become better communicators. Reading is also needed for the base of education. We learn how to write through reading, become better speakers through enhancing our vocabulary, and become better thinkers through reading, which is why GEH should open a publishing house. By opening up a publishing house here in Seattle, we can help people of many ages all over the city".

"And how will this benefit my company?"

"Well currently books are needed for almost anything. A book can be for pleasure, for business, for learning and as gifts and so on and so forth. My plan is that we have different departments which all specialize in different types of books to create the most profitable income. I also think that it would be wise for the publishing company to also expand its horizons to the possibility of using e-books because in the society that we are currently living in; technology is what runs the world. Even though technology has replaced some of the everyday things that we would do it has not taken away from the amount that people read books. If anything it has probably increased the amount of book reading that happens around the world. Considering eBooks as an opportunity to gain profits." I state confidently.

"Which genre of books are you looking to get into?"

"Well really it's not so much the genre but we can have all types but mostly there just need to be departments that focus of the age groups. So hopefully a young adults, readers of all ages, children's, and educational are what I believe would be best for the company that is starting off."

"Hmmm. I can see how that makes sense"

_Oh thank God, I let out the breath of air that I didn't even realize that I was holding._

"Thank you."

Subconsciously I begin biting my lip as the silence grows, waiting for what else there is that he wants to say

"Do people always make you this nervous?" He asks while slightly cocking his head to the side.

_Wait huh?! _

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I don't know it appears that I make you nervous seeing how you keep on biting your lip, blushing, and need I mention the slip up coming in to my office."

_My subconscious is putting on her boxing gloves preparing for the throw down to begin. Is he seriously going there right now? Like how does he do that? Just because he's rich and everybody bows down to him doesn't give him the right to make me feel completely uncomfortable._

"Seeing how I am currently in an interview that can decide many important aspects of my future yes, I am slightly nervous for the outcome of this interview." I snap. _What the hell is wrong with this guy?_

He begins to chuckle, the good looking bastard is beginning to chuckle at the fact that his attractiveness and intensity is distracting. Isn't that just awesome?

"Well Ms. Steele is see how that can be fitting in the today's circumstances." He replies smugly.

"Yes very fitting." I start rolling my eyes and I am interrupted by a sharp intake of breath coming from the couch that his opposite of me. When I look up I see that he is staring at me with a very intense gaze that I myself don't even know how to interpret. He opens his mouth as if her were ready to say something and then quickly closes it. When he opens his mouth for a second time after clearing his throat he says

"Well, it seems that you have made your point, you can now continue with your presentation on a publishing house." I nod at his admission and then continue to make my point. For about 30 minutes we go into the numbers, application process, and logistics and now we are finally coming to a close with this interview. _Or so I believed we were. _

"Thank you Ms. Steele for your presentation and cooperation throughout this interview." _Thank God, I can finally get home to my good looking but well-mannered boyfriend. _"Now that we are finished with the completely business side of the interview we can get started on the personal."

"Um ok." I reply while attempting to sound nonchalant.

"I am going to give you a sheet for you to fill out regarding your personal information and everything else will be handled by my personal security staff. But other than that I want to know if there is anything that you think that I should know about regarding your personal life that could possibly interfere in any way that is positive or negative with your work experience for my company."

"Well I could say school, but I am graduating in a month so I don't think that could be a possibility for too much longer. And I have my dad but he has never interfered with my work or education thus far. And I also have my boyfriend Logan but I don't see how he would be a problem?"

"School, father and boyfriend you say?" He says while raising an eyebrow at me. _What? I think those are pretty usual things in someone's life._

"Yes those are the three things."

He writes those down on a sheet of paper and then begins to nod his head up and down.

"Ok Ms. Steele thank you for your time. This concludes our interview for the internship opportunity. You should be receiving a response on the status of your internship here. Until then have a goodnight." He says somewhat coldly. Thank God this interview is over. Not only is he arrogant, but I have been shitting bricks this entire time trying to go back and forth between how I feel that this is going. I stand up and start to make my way to exiting his office when I realize that he is gathering his briefcase and walking towards the exit as well.


	3. Chapter 3: Introductions

***all rights to the characters belong to E.L James***

**Hey guys I am back again. Thank you soooo much for the three views that I have thus far (lol three reviews isn't a lot) but it was such a sweet gesture to hear from people and hear what you all have to say. I am hoping to be able to update on Tuesdays, Thursday and Sundays. But for now I will try and continue to upload more chapters to give you all. OMG I am freaking out. I am soo excited to hear more from you guys ! continue to review ! **

Chapter 3: Introductions

"You're leaving?" I ask questioningly. I didn't think that he was actually going to be leaving his office after.

"Well yes, not that it's not any of your business but I have a meeting with a friend at lunch today."

"Oh, I'm sorry" I said as I begin to blush "Sorry for intruding."

"It's ok Ms. Steele"

We are finally starting to make our way out of the door when his assistant rises from her seat. "Is there anything that I can get for you Mister Grey?" She says with a confused expression on her face.

"No Andrea that will be all for now, I am going to lunch with Elena I will see you later."

"Ok, Ms. Steele are you leaving?" She asks.

"Yes, Andrea thanks. Have a good day."

As we both walk towards the elevator I can feel him staring at me. I look towards him out of the corner of my eye to test my theory and realize that I was right. When he notices me looking at him,I see his side smirk appearing on his lips. For the life of me I cannot understand how much a beautiful man can be so infuriating at times. I mean yeah we all go through some fucked up shit so it's not like he is the only one who has a past or bad things but I mean look at me. Just thinking about husband number three and my mom sends shivers down my spine. I quickly shake them off. My thoughts are interrupted by the ding of the elevator approaching. He then extends his hand gesturing for me to enter the elevator first. Once we are both in, he clicks the button for the bottom lobby. As the door begins to close that's when I feel it.

Holy shit balls the energy. It's everywhere and it's suffocating. What's even more uncomfortable is the fact that I can't tell if the suffocation is one that I welcome or not. I look at him questioningly, trying to see if I am the only one that feels it. When I make eye contact with him his jaw is so tense, that I think it's about the fall off from the amount of pressure. His eyes turn into story grey orbs of thought and I am lost. I am lost in the tension that is erupting throughout this elevator. Before I am realizing it my breath is starting to pick up and it's getting even harder to breathe. I am trying not to embarrass the hell out of myself so I close my eyes and try and calm myself down.

_My subconscious has her arms crossed and one leg standing out saying " I told you so, he's fuckin hot and he feels it too. Just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean that you can't look. And boyyyy are you a lucky bitch to be able to look at him." _Shut up! What happened to self control?! And yes I know that he's good to look at but he's also an asshole. And just because he's hot, fit, and dreamy doesn't mean that he's not an asshole. Goddamnit this is not helping.

The next thing that I hear is the sound of my freedom *_ding*_

Thank you Jesus I can get out of here the next thing I know I heard the sound of the voice that I know all too well.

"Babe? Hey, Ana? Babe! Are you ok? You don't look so hot"

"Huh?" Oh shit, Logan.

I shake off the feelings of my former discomfort and realize the love of my life is right in front of me. "Oh, hey yeah, I 'm alright.. I was just in uhhh deep thought about something". I can see the smug bastard looking at me in the corner of my eye and he's smirking. He's smirking again; it's like he gets some strange high from making people uncomfortable. Once again to my previous argument HE'S ASSHOLE.

"Oh ok, that's fine it's just you looked a little pale and I was worried about you" he says as he kisses my temple sweetly. "Hh and these are for you by the way." He says as he hands me a dozen of pink roses.

"Awwww, thank you Logan this was so sweet; I'm glad that you were able to break away and have lunch with me so we can talk about the interview and everything. Have you heard from your resident about if you had to stay at the hospital later tonight?"

"That's actually why I am here. I am only able to sneak away for lunch. I have to stay for the night shift this evening so I won't be able to make dinner like I promised." He says regretfully.

"Aww ok." I said with a slight pout as Logan and I were beginning to embrace each other. That's when I notice that he's still standing here, witnessing the affection that's taking place between my boyfriend and I. What he does next surprises me. He walks closer to us and raises his eyebrows while gesturing to Logan as if he wants an introduction. Fine I can give you one then. I begin to slowly move away from the comfort of Logan's arms to then say " Babe, this is , the owner of GEH and the person who interviewed me for the internship opportunity here". I say while gesturing towards " Mister Grey, this is my boyfriend Logan". From the moment I am done introducing them to one another, the tension between the three of us starts get almost unbarable. It's like there is a silent pissing contest happening right before my eyes. These two men are sizing each other up in the middle of a lobby. _What the hell is his problem? Does he just like to go around beating his chest at everyone that he first encounters? _

"Its very nice to meet you Mister Grey." Logan says while throwing his arm around my shoulders, silently staking his claim.

"Likewise." responds dryly, while keeping his eyes focused on me.

"Hopefully we will be seeing more of each other when my girl here lands that internship opportunity for your company." He says while looking at me proudly. _It's things like this that remind me why I love him. He has his moments but he always has my back and always supportive. God I can't wait to marry him one day. _ 's gaze harden as he looks at me before saying.

"Me too, I'm sure that I will...Well Ms. Steele it was nice to meet you and your friend today. I will be seeing you; I have a lunch to attend to." Is the last thing he says before making his quick but smooth exit from GEH; before I even have the opportunity to correct him on his slip up on the status of my relationship.

_My subconscious has taken her heels and earrings off and is ready for a fight. FRIEND?! A FUCKING FRIEND?! My boyfriend of six years is definitely more than a goddamn friend! _Thinking over the events of today in my mind, getting an internship here may be harder than I thought, because I am sure that mister Master of the Universe is not used to being told when he's wrong, but he will hear from me when he is.


	4. Chapter 4:Sunrise,Sunset

***I do not own any of the characters. All Rights to the characters belong to E.L James***

**AN: OMG GUYS ! I am fangirling really hard over the amount of people who have viewed and commented on my story. Ahhh this is really cool. I wanted to start off by saying that I am going to need y'all to stick with me here. There is a lot of background that needs to be covered in order for this story to make sense so give me time to get y'all to where you want to be as far as the plot is concerned. Also if there were any questions that you want to know I would love to answer them. I am also going to try and get better as far as my editing is concerned, sorry about all the typos. I wanted to try and get out a couple chapters so that you guys were not left hanging so much. I will definitely work on that. **

**I also want to let you all know that the update schedule should be for every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday. I am up normally till like 5 am so they would probably be posted on like a Tuesday at midnight and likewise for the other days.**

**Thanks for everything and here is chapter four.**

Chapter Four: Sunrise,Sunset

After less than welcoming introduction to Logan, we both walked over the café right near GEH. Logan and I are sitting down enjoying our sandwiches when a thought pops into my head. I try and finish chewing somewhat quickly so I can get out what I have to say.

"Hey, so… I was thinking… the last time we really got a chance to talk we didn't have this internship as a possibility for us. Now that it is, this might be a good opportunity for some circumstances to change."

"What circumstances?" he replies, while trying to chew.

"Well now that we both may have a steady form of employment other than me working at Claytons and you are working for the hospital. So now that this internship can get us more money and we have more of a stable income… maybe we can think about moving somewhere that is closer to Seattle instead of staying a little outside the city in Portland. AND we can think about possibly getting that dog that we talked about." I reply enthusiastically.

"Ana." He says with a sigh "Why do we need to move closer towards the city? I mean yes I can see how it can be beneficial for us to live closer to the city but do we really need that much change going on in our lives at one time?"

"What do you mean? I think that if we have the means and opportunity we should take it?! This is a chance of a lifetime for us to start our lives the way that we want to and go into these new changes fresh."I am actually quite surprised; I thought that he would be happy about these new opportunities and seeking something more.

"Babe, I understand what you're saying but right now we are comfortable, and in the past when there has been too much going on at one time we have fought and taken our frustration out on each other instead of embracing the change as a good thing. I don't want to get back to where we were your junior year; where you were falling deeply into your major while I was trying to get through the first weeks of med school, along with also trying to buy the apartment together and adjusting to our lives together as a couple. I want this to last."

Even though it's not what I want, he can make some sour things sound so sweet.

"Well can we compromise? Maybe give a time slot for how long we want to stay in Portland and maybe then we can decide if we really want to move into the city. And don't think I have totally not noticed the fact that you are trying to stray away from the topic of getting a dog because I haven't." I say while sipping my tea. I don't know how he doesn't think that by this time I would not notice when he is trying to move away from a subject and keep things from me.

"Ok, fine. But can we discuss this time slot when things are more concrete. You know I want you to get this internship more than anything, but we also need to work in the factors of if you don't get this work opportunity, and what happens with my internship at the hospital." He sets his sandwich down and crosses his hands over mine, while he proceeds to rub his fingers over my knuckles. When I look up from my tea he's giving me his all too familiar sexy smirk, which makes me blush.

"Oh come on! You can't get all cute on me when I am trying to make a point." I say as I try and reign in the sensations that are going on in my most sensitive of areas. _Damn good looking men! My subconscious sneers._

"Ok let's make this fair. We are going to see about moving to Seattle and then over the next couple weeks we can keep our eyes open about the dog. But for right now it's important that we keep focus on the important things." He begins to then make another point, but is distracted when he hears the ping coming from his cellphone. He reads whatever is on the screen and then looks up at me and continues with

"Like I was saying, we need to keep our eyes on the important things and make sure that we stay focus in both our long and short time goals. We need to make this work this time Ana…I can't take us not working out again. That time of our lives was almost too much for me to bare." He says as his eyes begin to descend towards the floor.

_Damnnit._ I didn't mean to make him feel like we can lose everything if we move. I know that he wants to try and give me anything that I want but I can do this for him. I can make him feel comfortable in this area; I mean why not? He tried to compromise for me?

"Ok, Ok that sounds good and fair we can do that. Just… lets also make sure that we don't get so lost in trying to get ourselves involved with everything around us that we lose sight in the big picture. Ok?"

He smiles that perfect all white 32 smile and leans over the table to kiss me sweetly, leaving me slightly breathless before saying

"How could I lose sight in someone as sweet as you?"

"I don't know you tell me?" I say suggestively as I give him another chaste kiss on the lips.

He snickers and replies "I will show you tonight just how much I know I couldn't." He replies before kissing both corners of my lips to then finally rest his lips upon mine once more. _My subconscious is fanning herself down from all the heat leading towards her lower regions. Yum _

"I will hold you to that Mr. Andrews I will look forward to you showing me." We break apart when he receives another text message on his phone and lowly whispers _shit._

"What is it?" I asked concerned.

"Nothing baby, I have to get back to the hospital, another intern just texted me, we need get our stats together for a project that we have the work on so that we can get started on our next set of rounds". _Damn and things were just starting to get hot!_

I am finally home from my shift at Clayton's when I get a text from Kate

* * *

**Kate: Sooooo how was the interview?**

_Me: I'm not sure it honestly could have gone one of two ways_

_**Kate: Ok should I be concerned? Do I need to break out the tequila?**_

I giggle out loud reading her response

_Me: No Kate, I just… ughh he was just very infuriating. He called me out on my nervousness, made too many snarky comments for my liking, and he belittled my relationship with Logan_

**Kate: wait wait wait. Steele I need more details than this. He met Logan?**

_Me: Yes Kate, he met him. He referred to him as my "friend". How can you refer to someone's significant other of six years as their "friend" and to made it worse he did it in from of him!_

I am waiting or Kate's response when I my phone starts to ring. I answer without even looking the caller ID.

"Yes Kate." I say while rolling my eyes

"Seriously Steele? You think you are just going to give me some half ass explanation about how your smokin' hot hunk of a boss met your boyfriend on the day of your interview. Yet not only did he just meet him he also insulted the status of your relationship while Logan was right there. So cut the shit I want the full story!" She demands from the other side of the line.

I should have known that I would encounter the Katherine Kavanagh inquisition when I told her about what happened today. I mean in all honesty it's not really like she gave me much time to really even explain what happened at all, but I should have expected that from the aspiring reporter. My thoughts are interrupted when I hear Kate's voice blaring through my phone once again.

"Honestly Steele, You are killing me. I'm coming over I will see you in 10."

"So is this you asking me or telling me?" I reply sarcastically.

"Oh this is definitely me telling you. This situation needs to be digested in the way that only I know how. Honest and over margaritas."

"I don't see any other any other way that I am going to get out of this so I guess I will see you in 10."

* * *

**Several margaritas later**, Kate and I are sitting on the couch after our talk about today when the front door opens and Logan walks in. He looks absolutely edible in his scrubs. I get off the couch and walk up to him and give him a kiss and ask him how his day was.

"It was good, we've started this new game about how whoever is able to diagnose the most patients gets to choose the resident that we want to observe that day so I am looking forward to trying to win that but that means I have to study more." He says while sounding regretful. I run my fingers through his hair in order to try and relax him from the stress that is rolling off of him in waves.

"I am sorry that you are stressed babe, but I honestly the stress is just a part of what we have to go through to get to where we want to be." At that moment he finally takes the time to say hi to Kate, who just says that she's leaving. I start to walk her to the door and say goodbye and try and schedule another time to hang out. Once I close the door I join Logan on the couch.

"Talk to me babe, earlier it seemed like you had everything together and like we were moving into a new and positive place?" I say to him with much concern, I hope that we are not taking more steps backwards instead of forwards.

"Well, yeah I am excited about this new opportunity but it's stressful. I am still trying to get everything together. I mean honestly Ana we have to figure out how we are going to get ready for you and this new internship, we are still working on our relationship and trying to rebuild our trust. In addition to our relationship, there is also my internship. Ana I want to go into plastics… It's important to me for me to be able to get into the area that I like. In order for me to do that I need to put in more hours and I can't lose focus."

"Of course you have to focus, but I think that you are doing a good job thus far I mean from what you've told me you are probably in good standing with your residents, you go in whenever the hospital has needed you, you are studying your ass off so I mean what else do you want to do Logan? You can't stretch yourself too thin. I know that we are still working on us, but so is every couple. I mean what happened happened. We both crossed lines, and you hurt me but I thought we worked through this? I mean we've been seeing since junior year. I thought we were past this? I forgave you?" I reply somewhat exasperatingly.

"To be honest Ana everything is out of control right now. We are still trying to figure out where you are working, I am still trying to make a place for myself in the hospital, now you are talking about moving, and getting dogs. I mean I am trying to figure out what I want to do with myself everything is out of control." He runs his hands over his face and sighs

"I do think you trust me but I am not 100% sure that you have forgiven me. I mean I saw the way that Grey was looking at you, you were bate in his eyes. He was looking you like he was going to eat you for dinner… As much as I want you to get this internship… it seems like he makes you uncomfortable and that he may not be able to keep his hands to himself. It feels like you may just try and get back at me for cheating but it's been a year. I thought we were past this but by the way that you two look at each other... I am not so sure". He says as he rests his elbows on his knees and runs his hands over his face while sighing.

_Is he fucking serious right now? It is completely normal for people in relationships to be attracted to other people. AND he was the one that cheated on me last time. I told him that I forgave him. We said we were working through this, and if I didn't mean it, then we wouldn't be together. My subconscious is flipping through the pages of our relationship wondering where the hell this is coming from? We've been working on rebuilding us for about 9 months now. Everything has been moving in a much more positive direction. We were suppose to be past this._

I start to stand up from the couch.

"Honestly Logan, I don't know where the hell this is coming form? Earlier we were in the café kissing, talking and everything was fine. Now everything is turning into a fight. First of all yes, things are changing… shit happens. But we should be excited about all of these things that are going to happen, we should be making the best of it. Two, We have been together for six years… excuse me if I'm excited for us to move on to different steps within our relationship. What's the point in being in one if after six years you don't even move on from the same place that you have been for the past six years. Three, it is perfectly normal for people who are in relationships to be attracted to other people. Which before you say something, yes he is attractive… but he is also an asshole. A self-centered arrogant asshole so you don't have to worry besides anything happening between and I. When did you ever start having doubts about my ability to stay faithful to you? Have I ever given you any reason to doubt my fidelity to you? I mean I am attracted to you like a moth to a flame. I don't understand why you would think that I would be trying to be with anyone else? You cheated before and I forgave you so honestly where this is coming from because we never have had an issue with you doubting me."

Logan gets up from the couch without another word and starts to walk to our bedroom. What the hell is his problem? How does a typical "how was your day" conversation turn into him questioning my ability to stay faithful to him. To say that I am confused right now is an understatement. I walk into the room to find Logan with his back turned to me taking of the top of his scrubs. Even though I am annoyed by our less than pleasant conversation; I can't help but lick my lips at how beautifully sculpted his back is while he lifts his shirt over his head.

"Logan we need to talk about this- " I am cut off by his voice echoing throughout the walls of our bedroom.

"I KNOW WHAT SAID ABOUT COMMUNICATION ANA BUT THIS IS GETTING SO OUT OF CONTROL. I AM DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS NOW. SO IF YOU DON'T MIND I AM GOING TO GO TO THE DEN AND PREPARE FOR THIS DAMN COMPETITION". He says as he storms out of our bedroom.

Stunned. That is the only word that can come to my my mind.

What the hell just happened? What the hell is his problem? He literally just snapped at me for no reason? Is there any reason I should be ashamed in wanting more for us as a couple? Should I be ashamed that I want us to continue to grow not only within ourselves individually, but also as a couple? There are so many emotions running through my head I don't even know what to do. I am so confused because earlier he was slightly against the idea of us moving and making changes but he was at least willing to try and work things out. Now he isn't sure about me getting the internship, he's second guessing my ability to be faithful. It's like his prospective of me just took the turn for the worst. I don't even realize that I am crying until the tears are flowing so rapidly that they slowly start to dampen my blouse. I rapidly wipe away the tears that are following like faucets from my eyes and make my way towards the shower. I just need to go to bed. I just need to get over this and talk this over with myself now that I may have some free time. I can't stand it when it's always a back and forth situation with Logan. We have been through too much over such a long time that things like this shouldn't be bothering us. We need to move past here…. We can't keep continuing to go around in circles about how we should go about our relationship. After I have finished bathing and washing my hair I apply my strawberry scented lotion, throw on a big shirt and undies and hop into bed; right before I was about to fall into a troubled slumber I remembered…I was supposed to be getting laid tonight.


	5. Chapter 5:Promises

***I do not own the characters, all rights to the characters go to E.L James***

**AN: Hello all! Thank you all for reading my story thus far it's been very fun to write for you all. I know I said that I was going to update Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays but I kind of feel like just doing it whenever I want. (You will still receive multiple updates a week). Please send me a PM or a Review stating what you guys prefer. Also while we are on the topics of reviews, PLEASE POST REVIEWS AFTER YOU READ! I like you know what you all are thinking and I like the feedback and the criticism. Thanks for all of the support and I am glad that you all are enjoying the story. Stay with me, there is a lot that is going to come I promise **

**Warning****: Please also note that this story is rated M. There are going to be a lot of explicit languages and disturbing themes throughout the stories so I would advise that you read this fanfic if you feel that you are able to withstand harsh things, language, and sex. ****This chapter will have harsh language, sexual content and disturbing themes so please read with caution****.**

Chapter 5: Promises

I am being awoken from my slumber by the feeling of the mattress dipping on the opposite side of the bed. I know that it's clearly Logan but I just stay to myself to attempt to not stir up another argument. It's really killing me because we have not been like this in forever. In all honesty our relationship has been everything but perfect in the past, and that's ok because no relationship is suppose be drama free. What's really bothering me is his mood swings, I mean the man is having more mood swings than a women in heat and it had only been a day. I honestly can't deal with him when he's like this because it makes everything feel like it's off. I think it's my own fault because after all we've been through in some ways I depend on him for normalcy. I am use to having him around to talk to, to hold, to shares my demons with, and to conquer my fear and most importantly to love.

Growing up I never really had much relationships with men other than Ray. I know that my birth father passed away a couple days after I was born which ultimately left my mother emotionally crippled, but the only man that I knew growing up was Ray. The way that I saw relationships was of one of caring and loving nature when my mother Carla and Ray were together but that image of love was quickly tainted when my mom become greedy. My mother Carla is currently on husband number four, but it seems like she is always searching for something and finds it in who she believes to be her soulmate and then realizes that it's not what she wants and then decides that she can find it elsewhere. That's only the first of my issues with relationships. I don't know if the concept of the soulmate actually exists and given my mother's track record in relationships, it's hard to tell.

In addition to Carla's multitude of men, there is also the issue that the men in which she chooses to find love in are not those who really have the ability to love either. For example: husband number three. I could never understand what possessed her to stay with that man for the life of me. From what I can remember I can understand how he could have been seen as attractive because he seemed smart, charming and he was good looking. The problem is; good looking, smarts, and charm do not take away from the fact that the man was a pedophile. For years I have struggled with the concept that someone could "love you" yet their actions speak louder than their words do. Sometimes I wonder if my mom never read the signs. The sighs that show that he was making me uncomfortable or that my demeanor changed and maybe there is also the possibility that my mom was so far in love with this man that all other flaws seemed to be nothing because of the fact that he said he "loved her" and that he "accepted me, and love me as his own" and that he got her nice things. The problem with being loved and accepted is that the form of love and acceptance has to be mutual, and it was not.

The level of discomfort that I felt was sickening. Your home is supposed to be where you can go to escape all odds. Your room is supposed to be your own sanctuary, your own personal cove of all that makes you. Shower time is supposed to be a rejuvenating and cleansing experience not only for your body but also for your mind. While living in Nevada those things were hell for me. Going home felt like a prison. There were rules for everything. As a young women I needed to assist in "providing" for the man of the house. I needed to cook, clean, and become his own personal slave. What was hell about just being home was the emotional abuse "_You stupid little bitch you can't even clean out the kitchen right how can you even think you will make it in school",_ _"Easy little bitches like you don't deserve a guy like me, when you are easy you don't get nice things", "You think you are better than me but in all actually you are as worthless as a grain of rice"_. I can still remember what it felt like every time that he would walk into the room. It was like walking through a home of defining darkness. Even when I thought that I could be alone I couldn't. I just wanted to read, and mind my own business but that was something that he still even tried to take away from me. I remember the first time it happened…

**Flashback:**

I am sitting at my desk with my feet elevated on top of the desk when he walks in. All I can think to myself is please good God just go away. This is the one place in the house that I feel comfortable. As I continue to try and ignore his presence Stephan continues to make his way into the room. Before I know it he is standing right behind me and his is putting his hands on my shoulders. The moment that his hands touch mine I feel instantly repulsed. My skin began to crawl, my face pales, and my hands began to become coated in sweat. He slowly started to make his way to caress my arms from my shoulders all the way to my hands. I sat still hoping that if I didn't say anything at all maybe he would just go away. Maybe he would just stop. The thing that I wished the most, was that this was not happening to me and that this wasn't real. My heart stops when I feel him bring my hand to his lips and whisper

"You are so good sitting here reading, it's like you are my own sexy librarian".

From the moment I heard those words come out from his mouth I yanked my hands out of his grasp only to then be greeted by a hard slap across my face. It felt like my left cheek was on fire. I remember my face pulsating in the area that I had just been hit.

"What are you doing! Please leave me alone! I haven't done anything I tried to stay out of your way I finished all of the chores! Just please leave me alone! I promise I haven't done everything that you asked!" I remember I had my eyes closed so tightly that water began to fall from my icy blue orbs. I was afraid to open my eyes and be faced with his wrath. When I slowly opened them while still clutching my left check I was shocked! He stood there saying absolutely nothing. Nothing. He said nothing. It was in that moment that I realized that this was only just the beginning to a terrible ending.

Later on that same week I was doing my normal routine of coming home, completing my homework, cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, reading my book. I had finally realized at the time that it was now getting late and that it was time from to take a shower. The first thing I did was walk into the bathroom and begin to disrobe myself and get into the shower. While escaping t my own personal nirvana in the shower I felt a change in atmosphere, I ignored this feeling and continued to then release my chestnut locks from the confines of my ponytail and wash my hair. After I was done putting the conditioner in my hair I realized that I ran out of bar soap. I then turned around to reach over to my shower caddy that was next to the toilet and to the right of the shower to then come into contact with a body. When my eyes finally registered what happened I realized that the cloth I was feeling was not from a towel or something from my caddy; but actually Stephans shirt. Husband number three was sitting on my bathroom toilet with his member full and erect stroking himself with I took a shower. The moment I realized what happened I let out the most earth shattering scream and wrap the shower curtain around my small frame.

"GET OUTTTT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! LEAVE ME ALONE! THIS IS DISGUSTING! YOU NEED TO LEAVE!" I am about to continue my charade of screaming when he then begins to lick his lips much of my disgust and shoot his seed all over himself. At this point my stomach can no longer contain the contents of my dinner and I begin to violently empty out my stomach in the shower. Over the sounds of my stomaching empting itself I hear the ripping of toilet paper and then his voice.

"You stupid little bitch do you actually think that your mom is going to believe you? Right now she thinks I am at work and she has her head so far up my ass that she wouldn't even see this coming. So right now you need to listen to me and I am going to tell you how this I going to be. We are going to keep up our own little private time routine with each other and your mother is not doing to hear a word of it. And do you know why that is my sweetheart? Because if you do I will beat your ass. If you think that small little slap was something to be afraid of then you have no idea as to what is in store for you next. So we are going to keep this little secret arrangement all to ourselves and continue to enjoy it together". Over my sobs I hear the sounds of the toilet flushing, a belt being fastened, and the bathroom door close. This whole time all can do is shrink myself into a fetal position and cry my eyes out. All I can think I why? Why is this happening to me? Why can't he just leave me alone and what have I done to deserve this. All of these questions are popping through my head as I continue to rock myself on the bottom of my bathtub. I just stayed in the bathtub for about two hours, afraid that when I left the enclosed area of my bathroom that I would encounter the man who would now haunt my dreams for many years to come.

That was the first time anything every really happened with Stephan but that was also not the last. From there he would continue to try and find his way invade my personal shower time. I tried to lock the both my bedroom and bathroom door in the hopes that he would then not be able to enter; but then he just got the locks removed. I tried to bring in a chair with me to lean against the doorknob and keep him from coming into the bathroom when it was occupied. But whenever I did that I would be greeted by a blow to the face. If by any chance my towel would fall when I would try and regain my composure he would pin my down and his hands would find his way to my folds where he would touch me for his own pleasure. When he would try to do this I would beg, plead and cry for him to stop but always resulted in a blow to the face and him entering his fingers further into my depths. After these attempts to withhold him from the bathroom failed I was determined to tell my mother, but every time that I would try to get her alone he was somehow always there. He began listening in on my conversations with Ray, monitoring how, when and where I was, how I got to and from school and who I was hanging out with. I felt like I was suffocating, no matter what I tried to do there was no escaping him. He was in my dreams and my reality. I was constantly sick. Whenever he would touch me it would result in me vomiting up all of the contents in my stomach that day. The idea of being touched by a man became revolting. I thought that I was going to be able to find my way out of this suffocating hell that I was living in just to find out that it was only going to get worse.

This went on for about two months when he decided that my body was only use and purpose was for his own self fulfilment and pleasure. After these two months of torture this crazy motherfucker decided that because he "loved me" it was his responsibility to show me how you are supposed to "love someone the right way" the day that he was trying to explained how he loved I knew the man was obviously bat shit crazy. There is no way that you love someone that you cause harm to. On that day I tried to fight him off. For some reason my aggression was a turn on to him. My aggression just fueled on his sexual desire for me. Everything about me was appealing to him, while his mere presence was revolting. I remember after those two months of torture he broke through the confines of my virginity. It was excruciatingly painful both emotionally and physically. I had a precious attribute ripped right through me. I thought before it was bad, and it was. I hated his touch before, but it was easy to hate him because of what he did to me. But after he rapped me I began to hate myself. I began to question if I was actually allowing this, if there was something that I was doing to egg him on, if there was any way that could've stopped it.

After he stole the last bit of dignity in myself that I had left he treated me like I was nothing. I really knew he was insane because clearly to him I was all about the chase. After he got what he wanted he never even laid an eye on me again. Much to my liking I was finally invisible. He stopped trailing my daily activity, he stopped jacking off about me in the shower, the hitting stopped, the emotional abuse ceased. From that point I called Ray and told him everything. Less than seven hours after I told him Ray was standing on my front porch beating the hell out of husband number three, my bags were packed, and I was back in Portland where I belonged. After I was finally able to break away from the hell hole, Ray sent me to a psychology unit to seek help. By this time I lost so much weight from all of my vomiting and self-worth issues that I needed help rebuilding my physique and self-esteem. When I was finally healed Ray began teaching me about shooting, and self-defense so I could never find myself in this situation gain.

Even though my attitude towards men was skittish this all changed my senior year. It all changed when I met Logan. We both knew some of the same people and were introduced. It was your typical love story. Girl meets boy. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy impresses girl. Except with my personal issues regarding to trust and men it was difficult. The building of our relationship didn't even really happen until we were both freshman in college. All throughout high school he just remained my close friend and romantic interest and we both fought for our relationship. We had to work hard at me trusting him and being able to love in the way that someone is supposed to be loved. He had to be careful around me because truthfully I didn't even really know how to behave. By the time I was finally ready to become intimate with him we were sophomores in college. We spent so much time together, so much effort putting myself together that he became a part of what I needed to cope. He was there after all of the crazy things in my life happened and he was there to make feel better about myself. Because of him I was actually able to trust another man not only with my heart but also with my body. When you meet someone so amazing and is able to help you forget about many of the troubles that you have encountered in your life thus far it changes you. It may sound unhealthy but they become your sun, the moon and the stars and you just continue to bask in all their glory. I can honestly say the man treated me like a princess. We were perfect.

This all kind of changed when we got to our junior year of college. It was lot for us; I mean we were starting to get into the serious aspects of our majors, we were also still trying to figure out how to flourish as a couple and we were buying an apartment and moved in together. It was a lot of change. If there is something that I know about Logan Andrews is that he is not very well with change. I am all for stability but change happens and when it does you should embrace it. Logan on the other hand often choses to run the other way when he's not comfortable, and unfortunately our junior year of college this caused him to run away from me and into the arms of someone else. Oh my God I remember how much it hurt. I remember feeling like he just declare WWIII on my heart and destroyed me. I could not grasp how you can love me but still be able to find that same thing that we have with someone else. For the longest time I didn't even know what to do with myself. But if there is one thing that I did do I did give him hell. We broke up, I moved in with Kate, we didn't speak, I was ignoring him, I changed my phone number. I wanted to become invisible to him just like I was to husband number three I needed to be away from all of the hurt that was being caused by these men. My sun, my moon and my stars were all taken away from me so fast that I was just left in perpetual darkness.

One day I was pulling up outside of Kate and I's apartment to find Logan there looking so cliché; waiting for me in the pouring rain with flowers in his hands. When I got out the car he started to walk towards me and that's when I realized that the man looked like hell. I thought maybe for one second that he was feeling just as shitty as I was. Form the look in his eyes I could tell that he was devastated. I could always tell by the way that he looked at me exactly what he was feeling. From that moment I decide that I owed it to myself to try and see what he had to say and how we were going move forward wither we were together or not. After three long months of growling we finally got back together. My emotional groundhog day was over and the forecast was that we were going to be together and happy again. I was back to being treated like a princess, we were in couples counseling sorting through our issues, we worked on our communication and we made promises to each other that whenever we were feeling doubt that we would talk to each other before we act.

I use to blame my mom for what happened between husband number three and I but it took me going through with Logan to realize that love literally blinds you. It makes you stupid. It erases your common sense and everything you know to be true. Carla fucked up. She was with a complete and utter asshole. She should've seen the signs more. If not from him, at least she should've seen the signs that were coming from me because they were definitely there. I do blame my mom for what happened between us but I do understand how it is easy to get so wrapped up in the idea of loving someone that you don't even realize what's happening around you. After that moment of realization I promised myself things. The first thing I promised myself was that I was not going to allow myself to become reckless with my love and who I give it to. Second I promised myself that in no way shape or form could I be anything like her again. Thirdly I promised myself that if the bastard were to ever cheat on me again that I would leave his ass.

**End of flashback:**

Yet here I am thinking about all of the things that lead me to where I am right now wondering _how the hell did I get here?_ Things with Logan got so out of hand tonight I am just trying to figure out where I went wrong. I roll over on my side and come face to face with who I believe is to be the love of my life. I am looking into his emerald eyes and I'm confused. I am not even sure I know what he's thinking. We continue to stare at each other and for a moment I think that I may actually say something. As if he knew exactly what I was feeling I hear the words "I am sorry" leave from his beautiful lips. For a moment I just lie there looking at him trying to get some kind of a feel for what he is feeling and I get nothing.

"I was being a complete dick earlier and you didn't deserve it. I have just been so stressed with this internship that I have been taking it out on you. And then there is this Grey fucker who is trying to offer you a little bit more than an educational opportunity and I feel threatened. I didn't know what was going on because you seemed so enchanted with him I just thought that you were trying to get back at me". He raises his hand upon my check and caresses the side profile of my face lovingly. "I just love you so much that I am afraid of losing you and instead of coming to you I came at you".

"I get what you are saying Logan but you can't do that to me. I don't deserve that shit. Anytime that you have something going on you need to remember that I am not rooting against you and that I am rooting for you. We've been together since we were seniors in high school. What would make you think that for any reason that I would want somebody else?"

He opens his mouth as if he is going to say something and I just interrupt him my lifting my hand gesturing for him to stop

"Actually don't answer that because I don't want to you say something that you are going to regret and for you to receive a reaction that you aren't going to like". He looks at me with shocked eyes briefly. "We need to get past this. We keep saying that we are over this and it seems like we aren't. We can't keep staying in this constant state of denial. We need to make this work".

"I know I am really sorry baby I am honestly so sorry. You know that I fuck up a lot but I am really going to try and work this out for you". He raises my hand to his lips and kisses each of my fingers before saying "You mean everything to me".

"Then I need you to start acting like it". I say with a cracking voice "We can't just keep continuing to be sorry we need to just be happy". I feel the first tear fall down my cheek and he lifts himself up and moves his face towards mine and uses his lips to move the tear away.

"I am so sorry that I hurt you baby, I want a life with you. I will do whatever it takes to fix this. I promise".

"Ok" I whisper against his lips that are so close to mine

"Can I kiss you?" I nod my head.

He then brings his lips to mine and begins the steady and sensual pace of his lips moving against mine. Before I know it I feel his tongue graze my bottom lips asking for entrance to my mouth. I open my mouth to his and grant his tongue access to mine and I feel his arms wrap around my frame and engulf me in a loving embrace. I wrap my arms around his neck and our tongue continue our sensual dance. His lips then move from my lips to both of my cheeks, my eyelids and then downwards to my jawline before he then begins the trail down my neck. My breath begins to pick up and I am now squirming in his arms from his passionate kiss.

"Can I fuck you?" _well wasn't that just charming? my subconscious sneers at his remark._

I try to bring back the element of romance in our kiss when I try and reconnect our lips, and he then swiftly takes my arms in his grasp while bringing his lips close to mine

"Can I fuck you baby?"he states as he then leaves a chaste kiss on my lips and begins to reconnect his lips to my throat.

"_mmmmm_" is all that I can respond to his mouths sensual dance along my throat

"I think I will take that as a yes" he says as he then lifts the top of his body while also wrapping his arms around me to be in a sitting position with him. He then kisses all inches of my face while also beginning to lift off my large shirt. His hands then begin to make their way straight to my breast, where he then begins to knead my now erect nipples between his fingers.

"Do you love me baby?" _huh?_

"Yes" I reply as I try and look into his emerald globes while he continues his assault on my breasts.

"I want you to show me… I want you to show me how much you love me so that I can show you how much you mean to me right back". I then try and direct his hands away form my breasts and direct them to his thighs so then I can effortlessly remove his t shirt from his torso. Once his upper body is bare of clothing I begin to push him downwards on the bed to lay flat while I start my trail of kisses starting from his belly button all the way to his lips were I whisper "I love you" right before I bring my lips crashing down to his. All of my control over our position is lost when he then flips us over and swiftly makes to rid myself of panties. I can barely even register what's happening before he is inside of me pounding into me so quickly that I can hardly even catch my breath.

"Woah woah babe" I say slightly out of breath due to his relentless pounding into my depths. "Slow down a little bit" the only reply I can get is his low grunt while he continues to plow into me. _So much foreplay we barely were even touching each other. I was barely even ready for him to take me before he just entered me._

" C'mon Ana let me hear you, I want to hear you give yourself up for me" he says as he then brings one of his hands down to then message my clit while he continues to move inside of me.

"_ohhhhhhhhh" _I say while still trying to catch my breath. "Lo- Lo-Logan" I moan

"C'mon Ana, give it to me".

"I…"I say in a gaspy breath "I'm not ready, I... I need more"

"C'mon baby I'm about to come, give it to me" he says as he then pinches the my very sensitive bundle of nerves.

"_Uhhhhhhhh"_

"Give" thrust. "it" thrust. "to" thrust. "me" "ANA!" as soon as he is finished screaming out my name, he is emptying himself inside of me. _ . .happened_

"Ohhhh Ana baby that was awesome. I am so glad that we made up. We really needed this" he says as he begins to remove his flaccid member from my depths and deposits the condom in the trashcan beside our bed. I am staring at the ceiling utterly confused. He didn't even get to finish me off. We just had sex, _that I was barely even ready for by the way and it was basically over before it started._ I feel the mattress dip and arms going over my mid-section.

"I love you so much Ana…. We can do this I can make this work. I promise that I am going to try harder". I don't even respond because I am too busy trying to still come to terms with what that was while trying to also not move my now sore lower regions. There was no spark in what we just did. What started off as a passionate and loving kiss between two partners turned into a one sided and unsatisfying fuck.

"Ana?" I try to move my leg to positon myself onto my side when I am met the with the tenderness of my core. "Are you ok?"

"No" I whisper as tears start to flow heavily down my face. "What would cause you to believe that I was ok after you just plowed into me so hard I thought you were trying to dig all the way to China using your dick inside of me. No I am not ok because my body hurts and what was supposed to be a passionate make-up and loving making session turned into a one sided fuck" I say I continue to sob.

"Ana… I… I am so sorry it barely even registered to me that I was hurting you. I was just so caught up in the moment that I thought that you were enjoying it" he says as he says as he takes my face between his hands and starts to kiss my face.

"Please, just stop! I just don't want to be really intimate with you right now…please just stop!" I say slightly harsher than my original tone. "We can't do this Logan we can't keep taking one step back and then two steps forward like this".

"Shit Ana. Baby. I am so sorry for hurting you I never meant to do that. I just got so lost in you I didn't even realize what I was doing to hurt you. I should've just taken my time with you and cherished your body the way a man should". I still try and remove my face from the confines of his hands when he slightly tightens his hold on the outline of my face.

"Logan just let me go please" I say as I continue to cry. He sighs and then says

"Ok baby, I will let you go but can you please just let me make up to you another time? Please? I can't stand to see you cry and know that I've hurt you. Please"

"Fine just please let me go now". I whisper

"Ok baby".

I finally release the breath that I didn't even realize that I was holding and try to lull myself back to sleep. I am starting to drift off when I hear.

"Ana?" I sigh

"Yes Logan?"

"I… I am so sorry baby and I just wanted to tell you that I love you. And I love you soooooo much and I am going to make this up to you I promise".

"I love you too" is the last thing I say as I finally reach my destination of sleep once more.

**AN: This is my first time ever writing a sex scene soooo please give feedback on how you think that went so i know how to go about it for future occasions :)**


	6. Chapter 6: Yay or Nay

***I do not own the characters, all rights to the characters belong to E.L James***

**AN: I am completely stunned by the amount of people that have viewed my story over the past couple of days. Thank you all very much for your responses and being honest in your reviews. There's a couple things I did want to let y'all know. I am going to move more into the Christian and Ana more but I do have t also give enough background for the plot I have in my mind to work. Unfortunately that means that there probably is going to be quite a bit of insight on Logan and Ana so that future things can make sense. Another thing I wanted to say was that although it was unpleasant to have to read through a Logan and Ana lemon that was also necessary for future plots. I did get quite a few responses from people wishing to not have to read through an actual lemon between Ana and someone else other that CG and from now on I will try and just state or imply the lemon instead of writing one out. Thank you all for reading. Please stick with me I have the overall plot down but I am still trying to work out some details and make sure that the story stays interesting.**

**PSA:I uploaded the non-edited version the first time this is the same chapter just wit corecctions**

Chapter 6: Yay or Nay

I am losing my mind. He said that would hear from GEH about the status of my internship in two days and it have been SIX! Six painful days of not knowing where the future of my career is heading. Can people do this? Can they just chose to decide not respond to you like this? I would think such a prestigious company such as GEH would at least have the courtesy to let me know if I did not get the internship. I need to know; I need to able to prepare myself for whatever is to come, and seeing how I haven't heard from anyone from GEH in over a week I need to know. You know what I am going to call. That's what I am going to do I am going to call and ask. I walk back into my room and receive my cellphone from onto of the dresser and I start to dial. At first it takes a moment to ring and then I am met with the sound of a very sophisticated voice "Grey Enterprises and Holdings this is Claire speaking how may I help you?"

"Hi, Claire this is Anastasia Steele and I was calling to see about the status the internship that I applied for with GEH."

"One moment, let me transfer your call"

"Thank you" after a few more moments I am met with another voice.

"Hello this is Andrea secretary of how may I help you?'

"Hi Andrea, this is Anastasia, I was at GEH a couple of days ago for an interview for the 6 month internship opportunity. I was told that I should hear something in about two days and it's been about a week. I wanted to know if there was any progress with my application."

"I'm sorry Ms. Steele but we were asked not to give this kind of information out over the phone. I am sure there is a way for you to find out this information but unfortunately I cannot be the one to give it to you. If you would like I can try and transfer your call to human resources and you can see if they can provide you with the information that you are looking for?" _She can't be the one to give me that information? Why the hell not! I mean you work for the guy directly? _I let out a frustrated sigh.

"Uhhh, yeah that's fine thank you for your help" Andrea transfers my call and my ears are met with elevator music and then are very stern voice "This is Stan from GEH human resources how may I help you?"

"Hello Stan, this is Anastasia Steele. About a week ago I completed an interview for the 6 month internship opportunity and I was wondering if you could help me find out the status of my application."

"One moment ma'am let me check and see if my computer has access to that information." I am put on hold for about two minutes when I hear muffled sounds in the background. Stan comes back to the line stating "Hi Ms. Steele. I appears that I do not have immediate access to your personal file and in order for you to find out the status of your application you would have to find out from someone else. Unfortunately I do not have clearance to give away this kind of information over the phone" _are you fucking kidding me? How the hell is HR not allowed to give away information about the standing of someone's work? This is bullshit. I have half a mind to drag my ass all the way over there and demand an answer from mister master of the universe himself. Wait! That's it! I am going to go over there and get the answers that I am looking for. _

I quickly make my way in and out of the shower. After I am done I go into my closet and pull out a casual yellow sundress, a dark blue blazer and nude flats. I brush out my hair and attempt to flat iron it into lose waves. After taming my hair is complete I put on some lip gloss and mascara and then try to locate my keys. I grab my purse and cellphone and begin my departure for GEH. The entire drive I am freaking out. What if he didn't like my presentation? What if the pissing contest with him and Logan ruined everything? Was my sass too much for him? I should qualify right? Before I even know it I am sitting in the Grey Enterprises and Holdings parking lot. Holy shit. The possible moment of truth is finally here! Deep breaths. Breathe in…. breathe out… you can do this… you are qualified… you are a boss ass bitch… so I think anyway. You are going to march your butt right in there and demand answers. You can do this. Just be assertive. I apply a little bit more lip gloss before cutting my losses and leaving the slightly comforting confines of Wanda and walk into GEH.

"Hello, I am Anastasia Steele… I just dropping by in the hopes that I could find out some information regarding the status of my application of my internship here at GEH?"

"Hi Ms. Steele, is expecting you. You can make your way up. Andrea will great you when you make it to the 20th floor." She says with a smile as she then reverts her eyes back to the computer screen and continues about her days work. _Expecting me? Why the hell would he be expecting me? This is just getting more frustrating as the moments go by. _I walk away from the platinum blond at the front desk and start on the somewhat familiar path to office. I step into the elevator and I press the button for the 20th floor. In no time I hear that familiar ding that lets me know that I have reached my destination. When I reach the 20th floor Andrea is waiting for me once it make it off the elevator.

"Hello Ms. Steele, you can go right in he's been expecting you." _Why the hell does everyone think that he is expecting me when I haven't even make an appointment to be here? This was just a slightly ballsy attempt just get answers. _

"Ok.. uhh Thanks" I said after giving her a small smile. _Don't trip, be assertive. You can do this. You totally got the job. Just relax everything will work himself out. Oh and try not to stare to hard this time. I know the man wildly good looking but you must remain professional. _Right professional. I give myself a small nod of encouragement before opening the doors to his office. I can already feel him before I even know he's there. I walk in with my head slightly casted down. _Damnit what happened to head up, assertion and confidence? My self-conscious sneers. Well shit is she were walking into the master of the universes layer she would be scared too! _Before I even really get the chance to pick up my head and regain my confident composer I walk straight into a hard mass. _Jesus did you seriously walk into a wall this time? My clumsiness seriously just has no end. _I look up after my slight embarrassment I am met with stormy grey. Holy shit I just walked into his office and bumped right into him, that was not the entrance that I had in mind. When I take a moment to analyze the situation his are on my arms helping my stray upright. The clearing of his throat is what breaks my temporary haze

"Better now Ms. Steele" _Oh Jesus Mary and Joseph. SERIOUSLY! AGIAIN?!_

When my eyes finally take a moment to fully adjust to my surrounds I move myself away from his old and girl him a short nod "Um yes I am fine thanks"

"I'm surprised that I haven't seen you before now" _what?_

"I am sorry but I am not following" I said to him was we both continued to move further into his office

"Well" he starts to say before he gestures with his hand for me to sit in the seat in front of his desk "You did seem to be rather nervous about the interview that we had together last time so I assumed that you were rather eager to get a job here… or was I under the wrong impression?" I turned scarlet. I swear this man just thrives on the idea of always having the upper hand in conversations. He leaves no stone unturned.

I start fidgeting with my fingers in my lap and when I finally muster up the courage I say

"Well yes, that's exactly why I am here. In our last meeting you said that I would probably hear my decision as far as my internship is concerned in about two days… it's been six. I didn't want to be disrespectful but I began to get worried. Which brings me to why I am here. I came here to ask about the current standing of my application because apparently no one can tell me 'directly' over the phone." When I look up he is nodding his head as if he is agreeing with me and then proceeds to stand up and pick up the top of his suit piece of his suit _where the hell is he going? _And walks over to where there is a cabinet to retrieve his cellphone from his briefcase

"Would you like to get coffee with me Ms. Steele?" _how the hell does he just switch up the conversation like that? We were supposed to be talking about my application. _

"Umm, if you don't mind me asking why are we going to get coffee? I thought that we were going to talk about the status of my application"

"We can, I just don't want to talk about it here" _of course you don't _

"I'm sorry what was that?" He said. _Oh shit I actually said that out loud? I feel heat quickly spread on my face and I'm guessing by the knowing smirk he is wearing that he knows that I didn't mean for that to actually be said out loud._

"Nothing sorry… that was uhhh... Nothing. Where do you want to get coffee?" _switch the subject and everything will be fine it will be like you never even said anything else at all._

He lets out a small laugh that sounds like music to my ears before saying "You have a very smart mouth Ms. Steele" after he says my name his eyes turn two shades darker and for some reason it makes my lower regions do cartwheels. _Jesus this man is beautiful. I can understand the act of just appreciating beautiful people but this man's beauty is something else. Just to be around him is a blessing. He turns your everyday_ fitted suit and crisp white button down dress shirt into a masterpiece. Through his shirt you can see his tight and fitted chest and it's obvious that his abs are to die for. He always has his hair slightly gelled but it still as its natural curl and roughness to him. Everything about his screams macho man and its attractive. I can honestly say that if I get this internship I won't just have one job. One job is the actual internship. The other job is to maintain professionalism and not want to rid myself of panties every time that I see him.

I am interrupted by my thoughts of what he looks like behind his suit by his soothing yet authoritative voice "TAYLOR!" about a minute after he says this a very tall man with a blond buzz cut and very broad shoulders comes in wearing a suit that is almost as crisps as Christian walks in and says "Yes sir" with a very curt nod.

" and I are going to be stopping by a nearby café to discuss some business. We will be walking there it will only take us a few minutes."

"Yes sir" Mr. Sharp Suit man replies.

then turns to me and says "Ms. Steele this is my head of security Jason Taylor he may be trailing us this morning while we engage in our business matters."

"Hello it's nice to meet you" I say as I extend my hand to shake his.

"It's just Taylor Ma'am" he says while accepting my extended hand for a firm shake.

"Call me Ana, ma'am makes me feel old, and that's way too formal." After I say this is see and Taylor exchange a look followed by Christian shaking his head _what did I do now?_

"Sorry Ana but Jason is to call you Ma'am or Ms. Steele. It's important to keep this professional and formal"

I snicker before answering "That's good to know, but it's also a good thing that he doesn't work for me but Ana will do. I will even accept Ms. Steele but definitely not Ma'am." I say with a slightly grossed outlook _I am like 22 years old, why would anyone refer to me as "Ma'am"_

Taylor's lips try to maintain the smile that is dying to appear from my remark to his all business boss while Chrsitian looks at me for a moment with somewhat shocked expression that very soon turns into a mad one. _My subconscious has out her bullhorn telling all to evacuate the premises because Mount Grey is going to blow_. He tenses his jaw before saying "Like I said a very smart mount . We can address formalities when we go to grab coffee but we need to get going. He starts to walk out of his office with Taylor at his side before reaching back to grab my elbow. As soon as he touches me that familiar electricity is shooting right up my arm. I look at his face to see if he is experiencing the same thing that I am and his pupils are dilated and he looks at me with an emotion that I cannot even read. _How the hell does it he that? It's like his presence is beautifully suffocating. _While passing Andrea on the way towards the elevator he says "Andrea if anyone asked I'm out at the café and just take any messages if anyone calls for me. Anything that needs to be handled right at the moment. If anything Ros will have it all under control." As he's done speaking the elevator arrives and we begin out trip to the café for coffee.

\- page break-page break-page break-page break

All I wanted to do was go to GEH and be given the status of my application. Now I am walking into a café with Christian Grey.

"Why don't you chose a table while I get the drinks? What would you like?" he asks me and of course just as polite as ever.

"Ummmmm I will have English Breakfast Tea" I reply as he turns away to go towards the register "Oh wait! " he turns when hearing his name "I forgot to tell you I like the bag out" _such a beautiful human being_

"You don't want coffee?" he asks while raising his eyebrows

"I prefer tea"

He smiles at my omission "Ok, tea with the bag out. Would you like sugar?" _his smile is so incising. My subconscious is once again fanning herself down to the thoughts of the one and only Christian Grey._

"No thank you" I reply as I make my retreat to go find us a table. I am about to walk away when I hear his velvety voice "Anything to eat?"

"Nope" _get away Steele you are already starting to blush. This man makes me so irrational_

He gives me a nod and then runs his gracefully long fingers through his slightly disheveled copper hair. _HOT! _ I feel him before I see him which causes me to stare down at my hands in my laps and bite my lip.

"Penny for your thoughts" he says which in returns slightly startles me. My face burns up _damnit you can't just run up one me like that _

He shakes his head and sets the tray that he is carrying down on the round table seated for two. He hands me a cup and causer, a small teapot and a side plate that contains a single bag of Twinnings English Breakfast Tea. _Mmmmm my favorite. _He has coffee that bears a wonderful leaf pattern imprinted in the milk. _I have no idea how the hell they do that. _He has also brought himself a blueberry muffin. Putting the tray aside, hi sits opposite to me and crosses his long and sculpted legs. He looks so comfortable. So in his elements and so very much in control; it's his typical master of the universe stance. While I sit her in my dress trying to maintain my composure and not embarrass myself. I can't help but compare our opposing stances.

"I asked about your thoughts " _there you go getting all day-dreamy and forgetting you are in the middle of a conversation again_

"Well this is my favorite kind of tea" I reply in a quiet voice. He frowns. He can totally tell that I am holding back. He begins to look at me with a curious gaze. I pop the teabag into the teapot and almost fish it out ask quickly as it put it in. He cocks his head to the side quizzically.

"I like my tea black and weak" offering an explanation to my tea drinking habits.

"Your friend? How long have you been with him" _what the hell? Weren't we just talking about tea?_

"My friend?" what friend did he meet? That's when it hits me he's talking about Logan

"Logan and I have been together since high school basically." _why did he ask me that _"With all due respect . When speaking about Logan you can't keep calling him my friend please. We have been in a relationship for six years and it's kind of rude…" I start to sip my tea after I make my comment._ OH God this is so awkward. Way to school your possibly future boss on the status of your relationship._

looks at me for a moment with a very stern gaze _Crap did I piss him off? _I begin to lower my view back to my hands that are resting in my lap._ It is ok to as for respect in some cases right? I mean to get respect you have to give it…. Right? Or is that not a thing anymore. _For a moment I thought that he was going to bite my head off when his stern gaze begins to soften.

"You seem nervous around men."

"I find you to be intimidating" I flush scarlet _this is so embarrassing _

"You find me very intimidating" he nods. "You are very honest. Please don't look down. I like to see your face" _holy shit. Well that as oddly comforting coming from him_

"It gives me a clue about what you are thinking." He picks up his coffee and takes a sip and says "You're a mystery to me Ms. Steele."

"There is not much mysterious about me actually" I say with a slight chuckle

"Oh yes you are, it's like you say so much but yet say nothing at all at the same time. You never give away the full 'story' so to speak. The only time I seem to have the slightest idea of what you are thinking is when you are blushing. Therefore you are a mystery to me." He sets down his coffee mug "and you always keep me guessing." _Such a gorgeous man and God that smile. And there I go blushing again_

"Do you always make such personal observations?"

"I had not realized I was. Have I offended you?" he sounds surprised.

"No not really"

"Good"

"But you are high handed"

He raises his eyebrows, and if I am seeing things correctly his cheeks flushed slightly.

"I am use to getting my own way, Anastasia"

"HA! You called me by my first name!" he realizes his actions and slightly flushes "And I don't doubt it. Why haven't you asked me to call you by your first name?"

"Because I told you there has to be professionalism between the two of us. Secondly, only my close friends and family call me by my first name"

"Well technically I don't work for you yet and it's not like you cannot have friends within your work place."

"Actually starting today, yes you do and we are not friends"

"Well we could be"

"I wouldn't allow it"

"You are just being a control freak"

Our conversation was put to a hold because he goes completely ridged staring at something behind my head. When I turn around to see what he is looking at a somewhat older woman with platinum blond bob wearing all black starts to walk towards our table. Who is this lady? She gives me the creeps.


	7. Chapter 7:Check Mate

***I do not own the characters, all rights to the characters belong to E.L James***

**AN: Thank you all for your reviews and sticking with me through this. I am going to try and keep giving you all chapters frequently. If you all have any questions, please PM or review and I will try to get back to you. I love getting reviews and learning about what you all think. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! I am re uploading this because the site keeps cutting words out of my story after I post it. Its not letting me say Grey**

Chapter 7: Check Mate

She continues to walk towards our table as is still frozen in watching her come in our direction. _Is he ok? " Grey?"_

" Grey?" he reverts his eyes back to me briefly. His jaw is still very tight and the tension is rolling off of him in waves. _Who is this woman?_

"Christian?" When I call him by his first name he looks at me for a second time and his gaze softens and his shoulders relax.

"Are you ok?" he clears his throat and nods at me before saying "Yes I am fine thank you Anastasia." After he says this, whatever personal progress that we were able to achieve is now thrown out of the window because his hard and ridged demeanor is back and gone is slightly playful Christian.

"Christian darling, I called your office to see if we could meet up for lunch today and Andrea told me that you would be her" she purrs at him without even acknowledging my presence _RUDE!_

"Hello Elena." He says to her shortly "I am here on business with Anastasia" he says while gesturing towards me for her to actually acknowledge me. "Ana this is a close friend of mine, and Elena this is Anastasia. She is one of my new interns from a project that I am doing." He says while looking at me from what I can detect is pride? _Are you proud of ? Well I am proud of me too and we can celebrate that later because this woman is rude and that needs addressing._

She finally removes her gaze from him to actually look me in the eye. _Finally bitch_

"Well hello Anastasia, it's interesting to meet you." She says very flatly. _Interesting?! Seriously? That's the nicest thing that you could possibly come up with?_

"Yes, yes it is" I say while glaring at her over the rim up my mug. _GAME ON LADY!_

"Do you mind if I join you both?" She says while returning her attention back to him. I don't know why… but it feels like she is looking at him as if he was what is on the menu for dinner… if you know what I mean. Christian speaks up before I do by same

"I am not sure about that _Elena" _he says while pronouncing her name harshly. _YES! Please leave_

"Well certainly it's nothing that I probably would not find out about anyway. We do spend a lot of time together Christian" She says as she puts her hands on his shoulders. As soon as her hands make contact with his shoulder his eyes pop out and reach to mine with a pained and panicked expression. _That's it the gloves are coming off. He clearly does not want her hear and she's making him uncomfortable._

"I understand that Ms. Lincoln, seeing how Christian and I will be spending lots of time together" I replied in a snappy tone, and with much emphasis on the "lots" and "much". Clearly I struck a nerve due the shocked and slightly offended look that is plastered all over her artificially sculpted face.

_Check mate bitch_

"Christian huh? Seems like you two are pretty close aren't you Anastasia" _did she intended for my name to sound like an explosive?_

Christian lets out a sigh before interrupting our verbal cat fight by saying "Elena." I stop him right before the next word comes of his mouth to answer the she-things question by saying "Oh, Ms. Lincoln Christian and I might not be yet, but we will be" _Cut the shit lady, you don't want to go there with me_

"Well it seems like Anastasia here does not like me being here. I won't stay where I not wanted." _Yep. My name definitely sounded like an explosive _she says before giving his shoulders one last squeeze and attempts to sashay her nasty and saggy ass out of the café. That woman is utterly repulsive! She made him look so uncomfortable! For some reason that I myself cannot even explain; I am protective of him. It's very strange to see sides to him other than the control freak master of the universe that is Christian Grey. To see him look slightly afraid or uncomfortable bothered me. I am honestly seething.

"You are your smart mouth Anastasia" he says while smirking and reaching for his coffee. _Welp, the master of the universe has re-entered the building everyone!_

"That woman is a 'friend' and I am using the term woman loosely. She is like 40 to 50 years old or something. How did you meet her?" _I feel kind of bad for the guy because I can only imagine what my facial expression looks like. _

He takes a sip of his coffee before replying "She's a friend of my mothers. She's known me since I was young and she actually helped me start my business." He says with a somewhat sad expression. _Why is he looking at me like that?_

"Interesting"

"I'm surprised that you are not talking about the fact that you gotten the internship for my company. You were rather eager before" he says while unwrapping the blueberry muffin that he purchased earlier and then takes a bite. _How is it possible that even the way that he chews is sexy?!_

"Well it was rather difficult to get excited about it when the She-Thing came over here and start shooting daggers at me."

"As always, that's an interesting observation Anastasia"

"Why do you call me Anastasia? Why don't you just call me Ana? No one actually calls me by my full name."

"Really? I think that Anastasia is a beautiful name." _Ahhh! My subconscious is doing he happy dance. Go Ana! It's your birthday!_

"Well thank you Christian, that is nice of you to say but you can still just call me Ana." I say to him as I lower my gaze to the fingers twirling around on my lap because I know that my face must be on fire right now.

"You do realize that now that I am your boss you can no longer call me Christian right?" _Oh C'mon_

"And why is that?"

"Simple, professionalism."

"I can still be professional and respect you and still call you Christian"

"Yes but like I told you; only my close friends and family call me Christian."

"Well now I am a part of the GEH family, and I would think it's safe to say that we are friends" I reply in a sassy tone while sipping more of my tea.

"Really?" he says while raising his eyebrow at me.

"Yep" I reply giving him a curt nod.

"I don't have many friends Anastasia"

"Well, not you have one more" I say while smiling brightly at him.

"I guess I do, but let's get back to GEH so that we get you started with your contract." He says while looking at me with this strange expression that makes me shift uncomfortably in my seat. He gets both our trash and sets them on the tray to then walk over to a nearby trashcan and dispose of everything. I look over to the seat that he previously occupied and realized that he has left his suit jacket and I get a whiff of his intoxicating smell of fresh linen, cologne, and Christian; and walk over to him and reluctantly give him back the top piece of his suit. Our hands graze each other's briefly and the well-known electricity between us is back. We comfortably continue to look at each other hoping to find what the other is thinking when my phones ringtone disturbs our steady gaze. I break my eye contact with him and I hear him sigh. Out of the corner of my eye I can see him rake his fingers through his short copper locks. When I get my cellphone out of the confines of my purse and look at the screen I see that it's Logan calling me. _Here we go_

I answer the phone saying "Hey babe, what's up?" I see Christians eyes snap up to mine when he realizes who is on the other line and immediately his facial expression hardens.

"Where are you? I was going to try and take you out for lunch." _At least he is trying to make up for his behavior recently. We've both been kind of distant lately. After that night I've been very skeptical about our relationship and what had been going on."_

"Oh, babe I wish you would have told me earlier. I just went to the café with Christian."

"Christian? Who's that?" he says in questioning kind of tone

"Oh yeah, umm, that's Mister Grey. His first name is Christian"

"Oh." He says in a shocked tone "How was the café?" I am still making eye contact with Christian and mouths "We should get going Ms. Steele." _Oh boy. Now we are back to the whole "Ms. Steele" thing again. _I nod my head ant him and follow him out of the café while responding back to Logan "It was pretty good actually. You are now speaking to one of the six interns for Grey Enterprises and Holdings" I say enthusiastically.

"Ana! That's great! When do you start working?"

"I don't know yet, we haven't gone over the logistics yet."

"Oh, Ok well it's a Friday. Maybe we should go out and socialize and celebrate tonight?"

"Yeah that would be great! We need more time together… you've been so busy lately"

"Well, I will let you go and get everything taken care of. I will call you later and let you know what time we are going to go out. I love you and I'm proud of you baby"

"Thank you, and I'm looking forward to tonight. I love you too"

"Bye baby."

"Bye." I hang up the phone and finally look back at Christian and his eyes are glued completely forwards in the direction of GEH.

"That was your boyfriend I am assuming." He says sharply

"Seeing how I said I love you and called the person babe. I would assume so because I don't cheat."

_Even though you have dirty thoughts about Christian while you have a boyfriend, my subconscious points out. Yeah I know, but I don't act on them! He's just attractive and I just point out the fact openly and frequently that he is indeed attractive. But you probably would jump his bones if you could, she snaps back at me. Well who the hell wouldn't? But it doesn't matter because I can control myself and the moment that I feel like I cannot; then I will remove myself from the situation. If you say so yourself she replies. My internal debated is interrupted by him saying _"Well, I did not mean to offend you but I thought that friends could ask private questions?" he says sarcastically before entering the doors of GEH and heading straight towards the elevators on the left and side. I don't even bother to reply to his statement in the middle of the GEH lobby. There are people in business suits all throughout the lobby rushing through their days work. When we are finally in the elevator, I attempt to answer his question by saying.

"Well, there is no much that you give away so I did not think that asking personal questions were on the table yet"

"Well that's why I told you that I don't have many friends. I am not the kind of friend that you are looking for Anastasia." _Why does he always do that? He just switches the circumstances so that the odds are always in his favor._

"Don't I get any say in that?" I snap back at him. Before he can even respond to me, the ding that alerts us of our arrival sounds and puts a pause on our conversation.


	8. Chapter 8:Realizations

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belong to E.L James***

**AN: Hello all **** I am back with another chapter. I have a couple orders of business to get out. The first is that I was asked if I have a pinterest. The answer is that yes, I do have a personal pinterest but I do not have one for this story. Would you all like to know my personal pinterest? Or would you guys like me to create one for this story? My second order of business is to keep you all posted on my troubles with updating. For some reason when I upload my chapters to the site, it keeps on erasing some of the words I have in there and just keeps leaving the punctuation or just it just cuts out part of words. It won't even allow me to say "M r grey" all together, i can only just say Grey without it getting deleted. I have tried to fix this numerous times, sometimes it won't allow me to do so. I am sorry for the inconvenience, but I am going to still try and get that fixed so that it's easier to read. Once again thank you for your reviews and feedback please feel free to PM or give me a review with any concern or comments.**

Chapter 8: Realizations

The entire walk back to office he blatantly ignores the comment I made wen leaving the elevator. _He is so complicated I instantly start to roll my eyes at his reluctance. _Once we are inside of his office he goes straight to his desk and uses the intercom to contact Andrea.

"Andrea can you please bring me an NDA for Ms. Steele to fill out, the questionnaire, and her contract to my office please."

"No problem I will get them to you as soon as possible."

He brings his attention back to me when he realizes that I have not sat down yet

"Are you going to sit Anastasia? We might be here for a while"

"Well yes, but you still have not addressed my comment as far as our friendship is concerned."

"I didn't address it because I felt that I have already discussed the comment with you in previous conversations why even bother to keep running around in circles?" _He can be such an ass. _I don't even bother replying and just roll my eyes while I take a seat in the char that sits in front of his desk. When I look at his face I see that he is staring at me with that same dark expression. _Uh oh_

We both continue to sit in this uncomfortable silence before I decided to break the ice by asking him a question. "What is your favorite thing to do?"

"Work"

"Well do you have any interests outside of your work?"

"I have varied interest Anastasia." A small smile touches his lips.

"I was thinking more along the lines of hobbies, passions excreta."

"I enjoy flying. I own a helicopter and a glider. I also enjoy sailing. What do you like do with your spare time?"

"Reading" I giggle. I thought that would pretty obvious given my character.

"Oh course, who are your favorite authors and what are your favorite novels?"

"Hmmmmmm, probably Tess of the d'Urbervilles"

"I see" he relies just as Andrea makes her way into his office carrying many sheets of paper. She walks straight in, goes to his desk and leaves the stack of papers on his desk and makes her exit right after.

"If you are going to work for GEH you will need to sign an NDA. There are a lot of things that happen in this building and I don't like for people outside of this company to know what happens in these walls" He says as he hands me the first stack of papers. I quickly skim over the few pages and ask "Do you have a pen?"

"Aren't you going to read over that Anastasia?"

"I would assume that because we are friends that you would not screw me over."

"Interesting observation." He hands me a pen and I sign my name on the pages necessary.

"Good alight let's get the rest of this done." Over the next few hours we go over my contract, my hours, and important dates that I need to be aware of. Once everything is done he giving me all of the information that I should need to start work he lets me know that I just need to stop by HR to get my ID badge and passwords.

"Oh so they can give me my passwords and ID but they could not tell me if I was even employed here earlier when I called." I say in a frustrated tone as I gather all of the paperwork that I need to take home.

"They could not tell you the status of your application because I asked them not to" He says simply as he lifts his leg and crosses it over the other. When he says this my eyes snap up to his. _Whoa, that was not expected._

"And why would you that" I ask quietly as my mouth begins to suddenly go dry.

"Because I needed to see you. I felt that this was information that you would want to ear in person." _Holy Shit! _I can't even find the words do reply. How do I even answer that? Was that a compliment or was that just a statement? This man truly has me at a loss for words.

"You should stop biting your lips Anastasia. It's very distracting." _Holy cow! I didn't even realize that I was doing it. And distracting is an interesting choice of words. I already know that my face must be the color of a tomato by now._

"Oh, I'm sorry." I say while beginning to pick up my things "I… I didn't mean to um." _Dammnit! Now I am an English major who can't make coherent sentences. He has me over here stuttering and babbling like an idiot. _"I didn't know that I. Maybe I should? Ummm, thank you. I will be going now." I start to try and make a quick exit out of the room but he is hot on my tail. From behind me his hands grab both of my elbows and pull me towards him. The moment that he pulls me closer I am drowning in the scent of him, and it's so beautifully intoxicating which causes me to inhale sharply. _Ummm clean linen, cologne and Christian. _He's so close to me that I can feel his hot breath rolling onto my ears.

"Relax Anastasia" he says breathlessly while his body relaxes from behind me.

"But... I… You… can't" the words still won't come to me

"Ana." He whispers

"I have to go." I say with slight regret

"I know… just… don't run from me. I won't hurt you. We are friends remember?" _HEY! You can't use that against me_

"Friends don't invade each other's personal space this much… I have a boyfriend." I state factually.

"I know" he growls in a low voice. "But I don't do anything to you if and when you are with him. I believe in monogamy Anastasia but for some reason I just can't seem stay away from you."

"Ok… Then that means that you have to let me go… We can't keep doing this to each other. It's not fair to any of us. We can be friends but if not… It may be best if we stay away from each other until we can get ourselves in check." _Please let me go. I don't want to have to walk away from you. _I feel his hold on me begin to lessen and he takes a step back from me and runs his fingers through his hair. _He seems to do that when he's frustrated a lot doesn't he?_

"Let's get you out of her Ms. Steele." _Here we go with the Ms. Steele again _I say to myself while rolling my eyes. We both make our way out of his office and start towards the elevators. The electricity is between the two of us is bouncing off of the walls and it's insane. I don't get this way usually around men and seeing how I have one this is strange for me. Once we are standing in front of the elevator, he uses his long and sculpted fingers to call the elevator to the 20th floor. We both make eye contact with one another before turning our eyes back to the elevator. When the doors open I step in and he stands between the two doors with his hands in his pockets before nodding his head gesturing his departure and saying "Anastasia." I reply "Christian." Offering my goodbye as well before he moves from in-between the Steele doors and allows them to close leaving me with one last look at this beautiful man.

As soon as the doors close I lead my body against the wall of the elevator thinking to myself _how did I get here? What the hell is wrong with you? _I have a boyfriend that although he is an ass, he loves me. I feel like I am cheating of him. Am I attracted to Christian? Yes. Am I going to act out on anything that I could possibly be feeling right now? No. I feel like I am cheating on Logan. Maybe because we have been so distant lately I am feeling drawn to the attention that I am receiving from someone else? Does he feel that way about me? Do I not give him enough attention? I don't know what to do with myself because every time the two of us are in the same vicinity of each other it turns into a glob of sexual tension. I can't keep doing this. I remember how it felt when Logan cheated on me. To say I was devastated was an understatement. I loved him with every fiber of my being and the mere thought of him being with someone else repulsed me. I think I would still feel the same way now if we were to go through something like this again. I think that lately we have both been so focused on everything around us that we have not been putting enough energy into each other. We need each other as a support system. I can't betray him like this. I really need to think about my choices before I get myself into something that I won't be able to get myself into. This whole thing is making me wonder if Logan was right… maybe this internship won't be a good thing in some ways. In all honesty I know that there is no way that I could turn this opportunity down because it would give me the opportunity to do what makes me happy for the rest of my life… but it could also come with a cost. I want a future with Logan, and in order to have that I can't keep getting myself into these situations where I almost cross the line. Even though he intrigues me to no end… I need to not stray with Christian Grey.

I finally was able to get all of the information I needed from HR and I am sitting in Wanda getting ready to call Logan. I want to see if he still has plans for us thing evening because I think some couple time could do us well. I start to dial his number and he answers after the second ring.

"Hey baby, were you able to get everything that you needed for work?"

"Yes I was actually. I am all set for my first day on Monday. I was actually calling to see if you still had plans in mind for us for this evening?"

"I do actually, I hope you like it. I know that we have been going through it lately but I am going to start getting back to how we were in the beginning when we would just do the little things. I miss us and how we use to be. I love you too much to mess this us with you baby." _Thank God, we are on the same page._

"I think so too Logan, I want us to just get over this hump and get on with the rest of our lives. We have put so much time and effort into this relationship for us to just let it drift away." A lone tear falls at this confession.

"I know baby, we will get better I promise."

"Ok, that's all I wanted to hear"

"I will call you when I am out of here and let you know where we are going. I love you so much Ana".

"Me too babe, me too. I will talk to you later." I hang up the phone and hold it close to my chest. That hurt more than I expected, we are both failing at our commitments to each other. We can do this we can try harder. I know what I should do! I should call Kate and see if she would be willing to meet up with me at the mall to get something nice to wear for this evening. I dial her number next, her phone goes to voicemail and I leave a message.

"Hey Kate, I have a date with Logan tonight and I was wondering if you can allow me to partake in your form of torture and meet you at the mall and try and get a few things. We also have some things to talk about. A lot of good news though, Logan and I are trying to move into a positive direction with our relationship and I got the internship with GEH. Tomorrow we should plan something together. Love you, I will talk to you later." I hang up the phone and start up Wanda and make my way home.

Kate was really busy this afternoon so I was not able to get her to accompany me at the mall. I did stop by anyway and get some new pale pink bra and panty set. The bra is a pale pink lacy push up bra with matching cheekster underwear. I also went to express and got a nice emerald peplum tube top and new fitted jeans to ear for this evening. I already know that my heel wearing skills are lacking so I will stick to the ones at home. After I left the mall I also took the chance to stop m Claytons and give them my days' notice. They anticipated that I was going to get the internship so they already hired someone else to take my place in my absence.

Later that evening I get a text from Logan that reads

_Hey baby, I should be home within the next 30 minutes. We need to be ready to go in around 45 minutes after I get home. I have something special planned. I love you and see you soon._

Hmmm I wonder what he has planned. I decide to go ahead and get in the shower. I am washing through my hair when I feel arms wrap around my sides.

"I missed you today." He whispers in my ear

"Me too, I am glad that we are going out tonight"

"Me too, but let's hurry up so that we don't miss anything I have planned for tonight." He says as I finish rinsing out my hair.

"Ok geez, but can I at least have my kiss first." I say in a seductive manner while biting my lips

"Of course" he replies before grabbing me by my hips and bringing his lips to mine. The kiss instantly becomes very passionate and both of our tongues are starting to caress each other's. While we are kissing I feel his hard member pressing against my folds. We both instantly moan from the pressure that is being pressed against both of our sexes.

"Ana" he says breathlessly. "We have to go"

"Ok" I whisper before giving him one last chaste kiss and stepping out of the shower before we end up never leaving the apartment at all.

It's around 8 o'clock and we are finally leaving our apartment and we look pretty good. Logan is wearing khakis, and a white button down under his charcoal blazer. He looks hot. We have been driving for about an hour and I notice that we are turning into an unfamiliar exit.

"Logan where are we going?"

"You will see I promise"

After driving for about 15 more minutes we are finally stopping in front of a woody area. _What the hell is going on? Where are we going? _Before I even get to ask those questions for myself he tells me to just trust him before he grabs my hand and starts to lead me down a path through the woods. As we are walking through the woods he says

"Ana, I know that we have been struggling lately romantically but I just wanted to do something a little different to show you that things haven't changed. I am realizing that you were right. We have both been so distracted that in turn we have forgotten about each other. We have put too much into this to let this go and I wanted to make up for my ass-like behavior lately." He takes a deep breath before continuing "I stopped by here earlier before I came home to set up. I hope you like it." _What did he plan? I'm actually kind of excited now. _We take one more sharp left and that's when I see it. Candles!

A whole bunch of candles spread all along the grass leading uphill to a lone blanket. This is so cute. I'm so shocked, he has always been sweet at times but this is the most romantic things! I look at him and his nervous expression and throw myself into his arms and pepper his face in kisses. This was exactly what we needed! I finally stop my attack on his face to whisper "Thank you" in front of his lips before giving him one last kiss. He grabs my hand and leads me towards the picnic blanket that sits in the center of all of these candles. There is not much of a view of anything specific on the top of this hill but it's just so naturally beautiful there are trees so tall that they basically kiss the sky, and stars that are lighting up the whole world and I just get to sit here on this peaceful evening with the guy that I love. He helps me sits down and then tells me he will be right back before he leaves down the same pathway that we entered. Five minutes later his comes back holding a brown bag of what I can assume are goodies.

"I'm sorry that I left you here, I had a friend drop off our food to us so that our food would be fresh and hot."

"Ok don't worry that's ok, Thank you for doing all of this…. It makes me feel really… special" I reply before capturing my lips between my teeth.

"You are special to me baby". He says while rubbing his thumb along the side of my face and placing a sweet kiss on my check."

"It's nice to hear every once and a while"

"I can definitely do that more than. I would never want for you to feel like you were not special to me." He says as he begins to take out the contents of the brown bag of goodies. First he sets out two burritos from Chipotle, a pack of chips and guacamole and finally two waters. He hands me my burrito before saying "I thought we would play it safe and stick with Chipotle for tonight, you can never really go wrong there." He says while shrugging. I just nod and agree and dig into my food. For the rest of the night we talk about our days, our goals for the future, the ways that we can improve our relationship and update each other on what is going on. It's about 12 o'clock when we start to head back home. During the car ride home we keep on talking about everything that is happening and the things that are to come on our schedule. I am telling him about my possible outing with Kate tomorrow when he alerts me that his parents will be coming over to grab lunch with us. _Shit there goes my good evening_

**AN #2: I know you all are mad at my right now. I had to do it, they had to establish some kind of common ground in order for my other sub plots to work. Please bear with me! I promise that there will be more Christian and Ana interactions coming up soon. Before everyone goes nuts on the views remember that there is always trouble in paradise ;). I am working towards some shifts happening hopefully throughout the next couple chapters. I am trying to get everything to fit where I want it to hopefully have this story be between 20-30 chapters long. I want to make this work without over doing it so hopefully I can make good filler chapters to get to where we need to be in order to have a smooth transition for the next story. Feel free to give me any ideas or suggestions I really like knowing your inputs.**

**See you soon,**

**Alysha **


	9. Chapter 9:Glass Houses

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belong to E.L James***

**AN: Hey everyone I'm back. I had to take a couple of days to figure out what to write for this chapter. Just a warning there is discussion on women's rights and also a little bit of bible talk. Hopefully no one gets offended but, hey you can't please everyone. I also have a beta reader for my chapters now so hopefully they will run smoothly. She is also going to edit the chapters that I have already posted, I will let you know when I re-update the past chapters with the edited version of themselves. Just so you all know the last "chapter 9 update" was just me requesting if anyone would mind being a beta reader for my stories. I deleted it after I found one, so don't worry you haven't missed anything.I also going to work on that pinterest page for you all. I will let you all know when that's done. Thanks for everything and remember to review **

**-Alysha**

Chapter 9: Glass Houses

Last night was wonderful. We were finally connecting again and for one night, I finally felt like I got my boyfriend back. Lately, it seems like every time that we have been around each other, we end up fighting. So it was good to have a night of pure relaxation and romance; where I could spend the night with my boyfriend without having any outside interruptions. Spending that quality time with him made me realize that I really do love him and that these "lapse of judgment moments" with Christian need to stop. I can't let the idea of someone interfere with my relationship with Logan. All that being said; it was a great evening. That is, until he told me that we were having lunch with his parents today. I swear every time that Mr. and Mrs. Andrews and I are in the same vicinity the Lord is testing my patients. They have good intensions, so I think… but they just don't know how to go about them the correct way. His mother, Betsy, just loves him a little too much. I know that seems odd to say, but she never allows him to take responsibility for his own actions. When he cheated on me junior year, she blamed me for "leaving him when he needed me the most" and that "he needs help learning how to be a better man while being in a relationship." _That's such horse shit! _He's a grown man. When you disrespect someone, they have the right to remove themselves from the equation. It's hard to communicate with her because we will never see eye to eye. He acts the way that he does because he didn't have a good male remodel when he was younger because his dad was never there, and whenever he was he was always disrespecting his mother; and his mother never made him own up to anything.

So here we are walking hand and hand into this restaurant to meet with his parents. Before we can give the hostess the reservation name I tug on his hand to grab his attention.

"What's up, babe? Is everything okay?" he says while trying to search my face for answers.

"Nothing… I just wanted us to promise that no matter what happens, that we are not going to let anything get in the way of our progress." I say while looking into his eyes. He sighs before saying:

"Babe, we are going to be fine. And I promise that I won't let anything get in the way of what we are trying to do." He replies while lovingly kissing my temple.

I close my eyes and whisper "Ok."

We walk towards the hostess and give her the reservation name and start to walk towards the table. The closer we get to our destination, the more I see of Betsy and Craig Andrews with impatient faces. Although his mother and I don't get along very well, I have to admit that the woman is gorgeous. Her blonde curls cascade down her back, with piercing emerald eyes just like her sons and a golden tan. She's pretty fit for her age as well and dresses impeccably. She is wearing a loosely fitted coral button up blouse, khaki slacks, and multi-colored pumps. She is putting my black knee length dress and sandals to shame. You can tell that she and her husband fit well together because he is dressed in the same caliber and she is. On the outside they both may appear to be the dream team. _If only he wasn't a cheating, misogynistic asshole my subconscious argues._

After we have all given our hellos and have sat down conversation starts to flow.

"Logan how are you darling?" Betsy asks.

"I'm doing well, mom. Just trying to successfully complete this internship. Ana and I are doing awesome as well. She actually just landed this internship that she wanted with GEH." He says while looking lovingly at me.

"Oh really, Anastasia? How is that going?"

"It's going well thus far. I am really excited about starting the publishing house with GEH."

"How long are you planning on doing that?" She asks while reaching for her glass. Before I can reply to her question the waiter comes and asks what we would like to eat. After we are all done ordering our food, Betsy looks as if she is about to say something when she is interrupted by her husband.

"Honey, maybe we shouldn't go there today? We are all just trying to enjoy ourselves." _Go where? _I take my lower lip in between my teeth nervously waiting for her to explain herself further. _Please be positive. Please be positive._

"I was just trying to ask her and see what she is planning on doing with this hobby of hers and how long she hopes to keep this up." _Hobby?! My job is not and will never be just a hobby. Is this something that I enjoy doing? Yes. But I've put in a lot of hard work and effort to get this opportunity. _I release my bottom lip from my teeth before replying.

"I'm sorry, Betsy, what was that?" She can't even respond to my question before Logan interjects on our conversation.

"Mom, please just leave it." He asks as if he is almost begging. _Leave what? I should be able to defend myself if she says something rude. _

"No, Logan. We are just talking. I want to make sure that I am understanding her correctly."

"I am asking how long you are planning on partaking on this whole 'publishing' business. I think that Logan needs you. He needs you to support him and take care of him. If you go into this too long then where does that leave him? He needs to be the number one priority in your life." _Where the fuck is she getting this from? Does she just expect me to be his servant and to be on his beck and call every second of the day? _

"Well, Mrs. Andrews, I can support my significant other while I work. We are both individuals outside of our relationship. I would never want him to give up on certain opportunities because of me. He works too hard to give up on his dreams." I reply sternly

"My son should never have to give up his dreams for a woman. In all honesty, Anastasia, the bible even says that women were created to be the assistant and servant to men." Logan's father states factually. _Has this man lost his damn mind? _I look over at Mrs. Andrews and wonder if she is really okay with his opinion of woman, and there she sits just as calm as ever and nodding her head in agreement. _Why isn't Logan saying anything? _I already know that I am giving both of his parents the bitchiest and most disgusted facial expression that I could possibly give. When I turn towards Logan, he is sitting there on his cellphone blatantly ignoring the insulting statements that are coming from his parent's mouths. Clearly I am in this all on my own. _This misogynistic bastard is going to get the business. _

"Well, Mr. Andrews, I can honestly say that I am quite disappointed in the statements that have been made by not only yourself but also yourself. Firstly, I am capable of working and still devoting enough time to my relationship at the same time. There is a word for doing two things at the same time… it's called multitasking. Secondly, I have always given Logan enough. There have been instances where we have both been busy people and we have had to make up for lost time, but I have never purposefully abandoned him. I love him and we've been together for six years... that isn't something that you come by easily. Thirdly, Mr. Andrews, not only was your statement completely and utterly repulsive but it was also false. The bible verse that you were attempting to reference has been interoperated incorrectly. The bible was stating that a woman is a man's partner; that they complete each other. They are a team. Yes, the man was created first, but the woman was never intended to be seen as lesser than that of a man. Don't use the bible to support your ignorance. I am quite disappointed that after six years of being in a relationship with your son that you are doubting my ability to be the woman that your son deserves. Fourthly, as far as my career is concerned at least I have one, Mrs. Andrews. I have worked my ass off to get to where I am, and I am sorry for my use of language by I will not apologize for defending my career choice. Quite frankly I don't appreciate you trying to ask me to commit to being strictly a house wife, because honestly if I am able to achieve what I have achieved now in such little time why would I stop here? What you are implying is just an insult to my intelligence. I respect your choice in choosing to be a mother and wife; but in return you must respect me in choosing to be a business woman as well. For such intelligent people I would have hoped that you knew better." I say while grabbing my glass and taking multiple long sips. _My subconscious is giving me a standing ovation at my speech. _Not that I am much surprised, but Mr. Andrews is the first to reply to my rant by saying

"Well, Anastasia, not only was what you said rude but it was also insulting! You are making a mockery out of our lifestyle and trying to belittle mine and my wife's intelligence." _Believe me man, you didn't need my help, you do that on your own. _

I guess Mrs. Andrews has decided that she now has something to say, "Anastasia you are just sooo... soooo incredibly…"

"Go on, Betsy. I'm sure that you can think of something to say." I reply in a sassy tone. She stares at me with he mouth open wide.

"How can you do this? How can you be so disrespectful to your boyfriend's parents! We are just trying to point out the fact that you should be doing more for him. Logan deserves a woman that wants to provide for him and give him a family. Have you even honestly talked about having kids? To be honest, I am not even sure that you should be having his children giving your current behavior. You always blame everything on everyone but yourself. You never take into account how the things that you do affect my son. Maybe last time he wouldn't have cheated on you if you were there more." _If she says one more thing like this I swear I am fucking leaving! _"You abandoned him when he needed you and I won't have it anymore. You will not marry my son one day if you cannot be what he needs in a woman!" She says as she harshly lands her hand on the table. Well I've had more than enough of this bullshit so I am leaving. I politely give her a smile and chuckle before I speak.

"I really do believe in respecting my elders, but you two make that phrase almost impossible. It really must take a lot of effort to walk around like your shit doesn't stink all the time. Remember that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Before you try to destroy my house with your words remember that in doing do you are doing the same thin to yourself in return. As always, it has been more than an eventful outing and I will see you all soon." I reply before giving them one last fake smile and a nod. I pick up my purse, stand up confidently, smooth down my dress and make a quick move towards the exit. By the time I have made it outside of the door, Logan is nowhere to be see. Part of me is mad that he would leave me on my own after his parents have basically verbally attacked me for the entire outing. The other part of me is glad to have this time to myself.

Instead of waiting for Logan to catch up, I hail a cab and head towards our apartment. On the way home I realize that seeing Logan with his parents has reminded me that I have not talked to Ray in a couple of days and that I also have not gotten the chance to tell him about me getting the internship. I start to dial his number and he answers after the third ring.

"Annie!"

"Hey, Daddy how are you?"

"I'm good sweet pea, how are you?" I pause before answering… _how am I actually feeling?_

"I'm okay dad, I just have a lot going on."

"Well, what's goin' on then?"

"I got the internship that I was telling you about, and I'm really excited about it." I say while trying to shift the conversation away from my problems.

"Aw, Annie, I am so proud of you! But why would you just be 'okay' after hearing such great news like that?" I sigh before replying.

"It's just been difficult… lately Logan and I have been having some issues that we need to work through… but it's going to be fine."

"What kind of problems have you two been having Annie?"

"It's nothing, daddy. I don't really want to talk about he and I right now. I want to enjoy my conversation with you."

"Okay, Annie. Let's talk about… your job! What are your coworkers like? What's your boss like?" _Oh boy, Christian. Do we even want to go into that kind of conversation with my dad? My subconscious asks._

"Well… thus far I haven't met any of the other interns that I will be working with at GEH but I have met my boss and he's…well... rather interesting to say the least."

"Interesting?"

"Yes, interesting… We've actually talked about possibly become friends and when he lets go of his controlling CEO demeanor he's actually not so bad to be around."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's pretty cool."

"It sounds like you like him Annie." _Oh shit! How am I supposed to respond to that? Well yeah dad I kind of do; yet at the same time I don't. We have spent some time together over the past couple of days… We've accidently had a couple of instances where the sexual tension so thick that you can actually cut it with a knife but you know, it's no big deal. _My internal debate is ended by the sound of Ray's voice.

"Annie?" _Here goes nothing._

"Uh, yes, dad?"

"Do you like this man?" I sigh before answering

"I don't really know daddy, but at the same time I really don't think that I do. But there is something so strange about this situation that I myself don't even know what of make of it. We have not done anything. I really do love Logan and I wouldn't do anything to hurt him; l I love him too much to hurt him."

At this point I want to cry. This conversation has made me realize even more than before that things between Christian and I have gotten too far. I could be hurting Logan. He doesn't deserve to have to share my heart.

"Annie, you need to tell the boy about what you been feeling towards your boss. It's not fair to both of you to have this weighing heavily on your chest and for you to say nothing about it. You really need to decide what you want." _This is so weird for me. I have never really gotten this deep with my dad before._

"I know what I want daddy, there has never really been much doubt about that. I want Logan. Who else is out there for me other than him? I think I just like the idea of my boss, I actually don't feel anything for him and even if I did think that I did for a moment, I just won't allow it."

"Annie, just follow your heart and do what's best for you." He says as l pull up in front of mine and Logan's apartment building. I pay the cab and start walking towards my apartment.

"Don't worry daddy, I already know that Logan is what's best for me."

"If you think so sweet pea then do what you have to do. I know you don't want to be on the phone with your old man all day. I will let you go, sweet pea."

"I love you, daddy."

"I love you too, baby girl."

My conversation with Ray has really made me think about quite a few things. Logan and I really need to be honest with each other. We also need to talk about what happened at lunch today. One thing that his mother was right about was that we have not talked about what we want for ourselves in the future. She kept mentioning us being married and having kids, is that even something that he even wants out of life? Even thinking about our future has me thinking that I may need to tell him about Christian. In order for us to work, there can't be anymore secrets. I can't even run into the risk of hurting him in any way. Logan has done some pretty shitty things, but I still love him and I forgave him for those things. Sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite. I feel like I keep telling him and myself that we need to work on us and be better and communicate, but I feel like the words are just being repeated on a broken record. I need to be more proactive. I can't just saying that I want these things to happen. I need to make them my reality.


	10. Chapter 10:Tumbling

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belong to E.L James***

**AN: Hey guys here is chapter 10. I am working on the pinterest page for you all. I just wanted to say that I understand that Logan is an asshole. I am pretty sure that you all know that he is asshole to. But I am not going to rush the plot just because people want Ana and Christian together. I am not going to be one of those who give you that after 3 chapters, let the plot develop. There is a reason why I am "dragging this on." I have also heard that some feel that Ana does not have much of a backbone. Personally I do believe that she does in my story, but there are areas and times that she does not. She is supposed to be kind of naïve and innocent in ways. I will defend my story and my reasoning for doing what I do as far as te plo is concerned. Even though some reviews are slightly judgmental, I really do enjoy hearing what you all have to say. I like being able to respond and help explain my actions, I also like to know what you all thought of the chapters. Please keep reviewing, and just hang in there with me! I promise changes are commin' in the upcoming chapters**

**-Alysha**

Chapter 10: Tumbling

I've been waiting here for nine fucking hours. It's been nine hours since we've had lunch and I am just now hearing the front door open. I am already showered, and tucked in for the night reading a book. I flip the covers off and head towards the living room. I've had enough. They say that the silence speaks louder than words and trust me it's been talking. I walk out to the living room to find him carrying in a box with a big red bow. Well obviously he knows to bring something home since he's fucked up, but bringing me home a gift is not going to change what he has put me through this evening. When he notices that I am there his eyes widen.

"Ana! I'm glad that you are awake, I have something for you!" I don't even reply, I just lean against the wall with my arms crossed over my frame. I can to this. I take a deep breath in and out and continue to look at him with a facial expression lacking emotion.

"Ana? You okay, babe?" Funny that you ask, Mr. Andrews.

"You know…" I say while I direct my eyes towards to look towards the ceiling. I can't even look at him right now. "I've done too much for you. It's sad because I have realized after waiting for you for nine hours that you don't have the same attitude towards me. No matter how shitty you treat me, no matter how much you aren't there, no matter how many mistakes you make whenever people ask me about you and me, I always tell them about how in love with you I am and how much I want us to work out and be together. But you know what's sad? What's sad is that you don't act like you deserve my declarations and I still constantly stand by you. What's even worse is the fact that you make me question my own judgments with your actions. I think sometimes that you're hiding something, and that something is wrong, but because I love you so much it makes me feel shitty to doubt you. But in return I end up doubting myself. I can never understand how for six years I've allowed you to put your sanity over mine. I've allowed you to stand by when your parents berated and degraded me for wanting to be my own person, I've stood by you when you have walked out of our bed and into the arms of someone else, and I have stood by you and watched you use me for your own sexual gratification. I have stood by you for six years trying to be everything that you have needed me to be, but I am tired. You have won, congratulations because I my legs have finally given out." I state while finally bringing my eyes back to him. He clearly wasn't expecting my reaction to his lack of effort today at lunch to be like this.

"Ana… I… baby. I thought that we promised that no matter what happened at lunch today that we were not going to allow it to come in between the progress that we are making together. I never have meant to initially hurt you baby, you are everything to me. I don't know why you would ever think that I thought differently about you. I came home with this…" He says as he unwraps the large red bow from the top of the box and pulls out a small Cocker Spaniel dog. I would be ecstatic over this if it were not for the current circumstances. "Because I want to make you happy. You said that you wanted us to start moving forward and I thought that maybe we could start to move forward together. I know that lunch was a fuck up but you can't walk away now bay we are too far into this. We are too close to our happily ever after for us to give up now."

"See that's where you are wrong. You are forgetting that I know you, Logan Bailey Andrews, and I know that the only reason that you have brought this dog home is because you are trying to compensate for the fact that you sat on your phone while your mother repeatedly told me that I was not a good of enough woman for you. But after waiting for you for nine hours, I got bored. I thought maybe I should go on Facebook and see what's going on social media. And lo and behold there was some girl named Rene posting something on our page about how much fun you had with her one night. I don't even know why I was surprised. There have been moments that I thought that maybe you were stepping out on me again but once again I said 'No. Logan would not put me through this again,' but here we are having the same kind of conversation that we had junior year. I'm the kind of woman that you are supposed to be making your wife one day. I am not supposed to be the woman that you walk out on. I won't have it."

"Ana, Rene is just another intern at the hospital, I am not walking out on you. I've been working. I don't like that you are doubting me and my ability to stay faithful to you again when you have this thing going on with Grey. It's not like I don't know about it. So, don't sit over here and try to play innocent like you are the only one that is hurt here." Is this fucker crazy?

I actually start to laugh before I reply "Honestly Logan, is there some kind of weird attraction between Christian and I? Yes, there is, but I am not taking it out on you or taking more time away from you to be with him. Don't think for one second that I cannot tell that right now that you are trying to flip this situation out on me and make it seem like I am the one doing wrong to take away from the fact that some bitch is on social media talking about the time that she spends with you, because quite frankly she is taking away from my time with you. I am the girlfriend of six years, I am the one who has helped you move through stressful times, I am the one that knows your milestones, shit I was the one who was there to accomplish them with you. Don't try and make me out to be the bad guy when something else is clearly going on. I refuse to just be another option to you. I won't do it, Logan."

"You are taking something so small and turning it into a big situation! You are taking small things that we have said we done already and bringing them up again. Honestly do you just enjoy fighting with me? Do you just enjoy not being happy? I bought this fuckin dog just to make you happy and you don't even care about it! You just see you, you, you, you, you and you don't see anything other than yourself!" Clearly he has lost his mind, because I have given him everything that I possibly want or ask for. I am just sick of getting nothing back in return. I need more from him.

"You just don't get it do you? You don't get that the things that you do effect me, Logan. Your parents offended things that I basically stand for because they feel that because I don't powder your ass for you that I am not a good woman. When you love someone and they are being disrespected, even if it's by your parents then you are still supposed to STAND THE FUCK UP AND TELL THEM THAT I DON'T DESERVE THAT SHIT! YOU TELL THEM THAT YOU LOVE ME! YOU TELL THEM THAT I AM JUST WHAT YOU NEED AND THAT YOU DON'T NEED THEM TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO BECAUSE YOU ARE A GROWN FUCKING MAN! THAT'S THE HELL YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO DO!" I shout. At this point my tears are flowing like the Nile and at a rapid speed.

"You don't get that this is supposed to be the happiest time in my life thus far. I have finally landed my dream job and I want to share this is a happy experience with you and you are SHITING ALL OVER IT! I want to share my happy moments with the person who is supposed to be the love of my life but I can't share these happy moments with you because apparently some chick named Rene is the only one getting the happy moments. My first day of work is tomorrow we should be fucking our brains out to celebrate my accomplishments but instead we are sitting here fucking arguing again!"

"Because you are the one over here starting shit about nothing Ana!"

I this point I break down. My legs give out on me and I collapse to the ground hysterically crying. "I can't take this anymore, Logan. Either you need to change or we are done. I am not going to stick by and play dumb anymore. I think you are cheating on me with this girl and you keep denying it. I am supposed to trust you so there is nothing else that I can say on the matter but I will say this. If I find out otherwise we are done. And I don't mean taking a break done, I mean I am moving out and we are ending our six year relationship done. I can't take this constant arguing right now. I need to get ready for work and in all honesty I don't really want to be with you right now. I would stay with José, Kate, or Ray but quite frankly I am too embarrassed to even show my face in front of them. I spoke to Ray earlier and defended you and I want out with José and Kate and defended you again. You are taking everything that I love away from me and I can't stand to stay here in this apartment and play house with you. I think it's best if I leave and take time to get myself together. I can't stay in this house and keep thinking about all that we are meant to be and know that we are not that." I say as I dash away my tears and make my way towards our bedroom. I go into the closet and get out a suitcase and start to go through my closet for the things that I need to pack. Second late Logan is hot on my tail.

"Where the fuck do you think you are going?!"

"Away from here." I reply coldly

"You can't just leave when we are having difficulties in our relationship that's bullshit and it's not fair!"

"Well you got to sit by and not say anything earlier and now it's my turn to do the same. I get to sit quietly and just let life go by." He is looking at me with the most shocked expression. Yes Logan naïve Ana is dead and gone. He stands there watching me pack and when I am done, I take my luggage and gather up my laptop, cellphone and papers that I need for work before making my way towards the living room and I am stopped by the beautiful dog. I set my stuff down and pet the dog. It comes closer to me and I extend my hand to it. It comes close and licks my hand. So fucking cute. My interaction with the dog is broken by the sound of Logan's voice

"His name is Charlie." He says while walking towards both of us and resting his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"He's really cute…"

"Well, he's yours so you can feel free to do what you feel is best." I sigh before replying

"I am going to a hotel so it's probably best that I leave him here with you."

"How do I even know if you are coming back." He says while looking really sad. I don't really know what to say to him right now. It's time for me to do whatever it is that is best for me. I sigh before saying

"Logan… I have to do this." He comes towards me and tries to kiss me on my lips and I turn my head and his lips fall to my cheek. The look of rejection is plastered all over his face. He doesn't make any other moves to try and talk to me. He hangs his hand and walks towards our bedroom and shuts the door behind him. I pick up Charlie and give him kiss on the top of his head and he licks the side of my face. I put him back down and make my way out of our apartment.

* * *

Holy shit! Today is the day that I finally start working at GEH! I am excited to meet all of my new coworkers and embark on a new journey. Although I am happy a part of me is also sad that Logan and I are going through so much right now. I wish we were in a situation that I could celebrate with him. Thus far he has not said anything to me about today being my first say at work. I shake my head of all the negative thoughts and make my way to get in the shower start getting ready for my day. I clearly did not think through what decided to pack for myself, at this moment I am worried that my outfit will not withhold the level of decorum that is usually associated with GEH. I ultimately decide on just settling for a black button up blouse and a pair of high-waist flair khaki slacks and black tank top. I then plug in my flat iron and try to do my hair. I decided that I would leave it out in loose waves to cascade down my back. I don't want to look like I am trying too hard so I leave my face relatively natural. I put on some mascara and eyeliner. I actually look kind of good today. I grab my notes for the day and my bag and leave my hotel room. For now I am wearing flip flops and holding my brown black peep toe heels in my hand. Once I have made my way through the lobby and walked to the parking lot to hop into Wanda. The drive from the Fairmont to GEH was not too far from each other.

I make my way towards the lobby when I am grated by Claire the front desk receptionist.

"Hello, Ms. Steele. I was told to inform you that today you have a meeting with HR and the rest of the interns at 10am this morning, around 2:30 you have a meeting with and the different head departments here at GEH who will be assisting you in your projects. Make sure that you check in Nathan Fletcher, your head and let him show you to your work study area. Make sure that you also attend all of your meetings today. I hope that you have a good first day here at GEH." She says sweetly with a smile. Jesus, I am in for one hell of a day. I was not expecting my first day to be this busy.

"Oh, um, Claire, what floor am I supposed to be on?"

"Your office is located on the 16th floor, sorry I forgot to tell you."

"Thank you" I say while nodding in her direction and them making my way towards the elevators. I press the button and wait for the elevator to arrive. While I am waiting I hear Claire reiterating the same speech that she gave to me to a young man with dark brown curly hair and brown eyes. The elevator is just came to the lobby floor when the other intern is just starting to make is way towards the elevator. I hold the elevator open for him. Once he answers he gives me a very tired "Thank you before asking my name.

"Hey, my name is Ana Steele, are you another one of the interns?"

"Yeah, I am interning here as well, my name is Ryan Powers. What business plan did you present him with?" he asks as the elevator starts to ascend towards the 16th floor.

"I presented him with a plan for creating a publishing house, and you?"

"I am trying to construct a product testing warehouse."

"That's actually cool, where did you get the idea for that?"

"Well, I was thinking that there are so many products that err produced daily. I think it's important to expand the business area of product testing. There are so many products that get recalled on a daily bases. I think it's important to pay attention to the way that things work and what makes them tick." he states factually

"That does make quite a bit of sense."

"Yes it does. I wonder what the other interns are going to be like. In all honesty I am still in shock at the fact that I was able to land this opportunity in the first place."

"Me too, it doesn't even feel like this is real. I am so excited to be able to partake in the opportunity of a lifetime."

"Likewise." He replies before the ding of the elevator lets us know that we have reached our destination. We both make our way towards the front desk and the clerk lets us know that our offices are located on the right hand side of the hall. We both make our way towards the different cubicles in the area looking for our names. Mine is the second to last office in the room. I make my way into my cubical and find a single silver desk and matching office chair and a phone. I am definitely going to have to liven up this place. Ryan comes into my office and tells me that the other interns are now starting to arrive. I make my way out of my seat and start to walk towards the lobby of the 16th floor. When I finally make it to the lobby I am greeted by four other interns; two women in addition to two more men. We all make introductions to one another and when they are complete I have now met Ryan, Kirsten, Lilly, Jeff and Patrick. I look over at the clock on the wall and realize that it is now 10 minutes until our first meeting starts.

"Guys, our first meeting starts in 10 minutes, we should probably get going."

I hear different "Okays" coming from everyone. We all make our way to the conference room and wait for our boss to show up. After 15 minutes our boss finally makes his way into the conference room.

"Hello. My name is, Nathan Fletcher, I will be your head during your internship period here at GEH. Normally I am working in HR but during this time I will continue to work up there and also monitor your progress here. I am basically here as a coach. Seeing how you all have got this internship opportunity here, I know that you all are more than capable to succeed in the different works that will be required of you. That being said here are you agendas for this week. Every week you will be given a different agenda that will consist of the activities that need to be completed in order for your business to succeed." he says as he passes each of us a folder. "Each of you will also be assigned to a mentor who will help you with your projects. Your first project will be to start looking for potential building locations for your projects. You not only need to find a location but you also need to find a contractor to construct or renovate your site, you also need a way to provide funding for your project. You all can either decide to come up with a funding project as a team or to do it individually. Whatever proceeds that you are able to raise will be matched by GEH itself. Are there any questions?"

Lilly raises her hand before saying "Hi, my name is, Lilly Saunders. I wanted to know when we would know who our project head is?"

"You will find out who your project head is at the second meeting that is being held this afternoon. That meeting will be held in the 20th floor conference room."

_I wonder if I am going to see him._

"If there are no more questions we can move on to the next topic?" No one raises their hand, so Fletcher starts to move on to the next topic. For the next two hours we go over what we should expect to happen over the next few months to come, company conferences and outings, budgets, business plans and editing, and how to go about getting the permits needed to actually contract your business. When we are finally done viewing power points, it's time to take a break. I go to my office and begin to go over possible locations for Grey Publishing to be located. I have looked through page and page and page over the last hour and I am getting nowhere. I decide it's finally time to take a break and go grab lunch.

I am walking through Seattle for somewhere to settle down and eat. I am continuing my walk along the sidewalks when I past this beautiful modern building. It's all white with many windows and glass doors. Even though I wouldn't personally be interested in this building due to its lack of privacy but there still has a very attractive element about itself. I am starting to look closer to the building to see who is responsible for the design when a man with blond messy curls starts to make him way towards my direction. Oh shit I've been caught.

"Hi, may I help you?"

"Um, yes I suppose. I was wondering who the construction company responsible for this building was." He gives me a dazzling all white smile.

"Myself actually, my name is, Elliott Grey. I am the CEO of Grey Construction. It's nice to meet you."

_Oh shit, this is the other Grey? _


	11. Chapter 11:Valid Points

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: So today we are going to start off with apologies for my ridiculously long absence. I am very very worry that it has taken me this long to post a chapter. Originally it took me like 4 days to even write this one. I was having really bad writers block, then there have been issues reaching my beta so I didn't want to post something that was not edited. So I got two of my friends to edit the chapters for me for now so I can at least here we are almost two weeks later. **

**This should never happen again. I am giving you all two chapters tonight because my absence was ridiculous so y'all deserve a little more than one chapter. I am also going to try and crank out another 2-3 chapters for you all this weekend but I do still have to write two papers and study for a psych exam so I will do what I can within reason. I really do feel bad and I will make it my mission to at least post twice a week. I won't leave you all hanging like this again. I am not going to be on of these authors who get you all intrigued and then don' update in forever. That being said please enjoy chapters 11 and 12, and review review and review! I love you all dearly and thank you!**

**-Alysha**

Chapter 11: Valid Points

Of course while I'm in the process of site hunting, I run into Christian's brother. _Is__ it__ normal that all of them are actually this good looking?__!_

"Hi I'm Ana Steele."

"Hello Ana, why did you need to know who the contractor for this building was?"

"Well actually, I am currently working on a project and we all need to find a site to place our business expositions. We also need someone who can renovate or contract the building, and I was admire your work."

"Thank you, what kind floor plan or idea are you looking for?"

"Ideally, an office set up for a publishing house."

"When do you need to need to have this building or site built by?" he asks.

"Well in all honesty I don't really know… I haven't even had a meeting with my advisor yet."

"Have you decided if you want to construct or renovate?"

"I think it may be in my best interest to renovate, depending on the building. It may be less to do that then to try and construct a whole different building. What do you think?" I ask him.

Before he gets a chance to answer me my phone starts ringing. I give him an apologetic look before saying "One moment, do you mind if I take this?" he gesture with his hand for me to go ahead with my phone call.

"Hello?"

"Steele where the hell are you? I went by your house to see about us catching breakfast together, and Logan told me that you are living at a hotel? Why the hell are you staying at a hotel?" _Here we go, I don't know why I thought that I would ever be able to escape the Katherine Kavanagh inquisition. _"You know that you could have stayed at my house, we need to talk about this! I am starting to worry about you, today was supposed to be a good day!"

"Are you done Kate?" I say while rolling my eyes.

"No I am not done, where the hell are you? I am going to take you out to lunch."

"If I go to lunch with you another, time will you stop with all the questions?"

"Probably not, but it's worth a try."

"I am on my way to the Italian restaurant on 8th. I am trying to discuss business right now, Kate"

"Oh… my bad Steele, see you in 15." She says and then the line goes dead. I let out a breath of frustration. "I am sorry Mr. Grey, I had to take that or she was never going to stop calling me." I say to him apologetically.

"It's fine, why don't I accompany you to lunch and we can talk all about your reno options for your publishing house."

"I would love to but unfortunately now that my crazy bestfriend knows where I am going, there is no telling what chaos will occur. I would want to give you my undivided attention when discussing business matters."

"Oh don't worry Ms. Steele, I would love to accompany you and your 'crazy best friend' to lunch."

I sigh before replying. "Well you insist Mr. Grey, 8th street here we come."

"Please call me Elliott, it seems like I will be seeing much more of you to keep this strictly business ."

"Please call me Ana then."

Elliott and I begie talking business when I see Kate with her gossip gameface coming straight toward us. When I look at Elliott his eyes completely fixed on Kate. _Here we go. _When Kate finally makes eye contact with Elliott she stops mid stride. Clearly she finds Elliott to be just as attractive as he thinks she is. I think Kate noticed that she has stopped dead in her tracks to admire him. This is the first time that I have ever witnessed Katherine Kavanagh blush.

"Ana… who is that?" Elliott asks in a husky voice.

"That would be my best friend, Kate. Kate Kavanagh," I say proudly

Kate finally makes her way to the table on shaky legs. If I wasn't so shocked, I'd laugh._ Seeing Katherine Kavanagh in this state is truly astounding._

"Kate, this is Elliott Grey. He may be my contractor for my internship. Elliott, this is Kate my best friend." After all hellos are exchanged Elliott and I continue to discuss business and the benefits of working with his company. I noticed the entire time that Kate has not taken her eyes off of Elliott. Although Elliott and I are discussing business, I notice that every once so often his eyes drift over to Kate. _Jesus these two are having tunnel vision. _At this point I decide to cut my losses and say goodbye to the potential love birds and make my way back towards GEH. I got back just in time for my second meeting to begin. In the second meeting we learned who our mentors are. Of course now that I am trying to stay away from Him, who do you suppose is my new mentor. It looks like Mr. Grey and I will be spending a lot of time together. Of course the entire meeting he is avoiding me like the plague. Instead of waiting till tomorrow after the meeting I decide to approach him as he is starting to walk out of the conference room."

"Christian?"

"Yes Anastasia?" he replies coldly

"Well I was thinking that seeing how we are going to be working together and spending lots of time together, that we should get to know another better?"

"Really? And how do you think we should do that?"

"Well I was thinking that we could have dinner? When I get squared in my apartment, we could have a friendly dinner."

"Why are you not in your apartment?"

I sigh before responding.

"I am currently staying elsewhere until I work over some things. There is nothing to worry abou,t I am fine."

"That's not answering the question Ms. Steele." H_ere we go with all of the Ms. Steele business. He's always so dam__n__ demanding. _

"Well that's what you get for this one." I reply defensively

"Point made as always Ms. Steele, although I do feel that if we are going to get to know each other, I should probably know why you are not staying in your apartment, and we should also answer each other's questions." He replies smartly, I just roll my eyes at his response. He can be such an ass sometimes.

"You are rolling your eyes again Ms. Steele." Why_ does he always have to do that?_

"Oh c'mon I don't really say anything about your snarky responses to my questions, so you don't get to talk about me and my eye rolling tendencies" _take that smart ass_

He raises his eye brow at me and lets out a heart filled laugh _oh my God he's beautiful and that laugh just does things to me_ before replying "There goes that smart mouth again. Why don't we call it a drawl and since you are not currently staying in your apartment how about you come over my place and we cook dinner there sometime this week?"

"I guess this one isn't worth fighting about, and that will work. When do you want to have dinner?"

"I will email you when I find a time that I think will suit the both of us."

"That's sounds great." I reply before we both say our goodbyes and make our way to our own prospective working areas.

My first week at GEH goes very well. I myself am actually kind of shocked by my progress. This week I was able to secure Elliott as the contractor for Grey Publishing, decide on renovating this amazing place Elliot found, and I was able to make all of my scheduled meetings. Now the main focus is figuring out possible fundraising strategies to sponsor the renovations, and budget for GP. A notification brings my train of thought to an abrupt stop. **You have one new email from GREY, CHRISTIAN.** I open up my mailbox:

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject:** Dinner?

**Date:** May 6 2011 2:15

**To:** Anastasia Steele

Dear Anastaisa, I was wondering if you are available for dinner tonight at 5:15pm?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

I hit "reply."

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject:** Timing

**Date:** May 6 2011 2:17

**To:** Christian Grey

Firstly Christian, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Ana.

Secondly that is right when I end work, I would not have time to go to the store and get the necessary components for dinner.

Thirdly what are we having for dinner?

Anastasia Steele

Intern at Grey Enterprises and Holdings

I hit send and wait for a reply from Mr. Lord of the Universe himself when almost automatically I receive a reply back.

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Valid Points

**Date:** May 6 2011 2:18

**To:** Anastasia Steele

Once again Anastasia you make a fair point as always. I did not mistake the timing at all. We can go to the grocery store together to get the ingredients tonight's dinner. I will have Taylor wait for the both of us at the downstairs lobby at 5:15. As far as what is on the menu. That is truly up to you; I trust your culinary instincts.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

I can't help but grin at his response. _He's such a smart ass_

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject:** Valid Plans

**Date:** May 6 2011 2:20

**To:** Christian Grey

I agree to all of those terms. I suppose that Stir Fry will be easy and simple for the both of us to make. I will see you downstairs at 5:15.

Anastasia Steele

Intern at Grey Enterprises and Holdings

I don't receive an email response from Christian after the last message that I sent him. I am really looking forward to dinner tonight. This week professionally has been wonderful but personally it has been a bit draining. It took Logan a couple hours, but when he finally did contact me he wouldn't stop. He kept asking when I would be home, where we stood, if I could forgive him, if we could get together; but to be honest I am not really ready for all of that right now. I still need to do some thinking and processing about everything that has occurred. It's now Friday, and I now that at some point he and I are going to have to talk. He called me earlier to let me know that he won the internship contest for the surgery of their choice. In all honesty ,I am very happy for him. I am glad that he is moving forward in his career. Although I am still upset about how everything has happened, parts of me still wish that we could be experiencing all of these good times together. I shake off all of the negative thoughts about my relationship and start to throw myself back into my work.

I've been so deep in my work that I have not even realized that it is now 5:25. _shit__,__ shit__, __shit he is going to be pissed_! I am trying to pack everything up swiftly when my efforts are interrupted by a booming voice

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU FOR 10 MINUTES ALREADY?!" _what the hell is his problem? I get that I am late but I mean doesn't that happen to everyone? _

"I was doing the thing that I am paid to do called my job, and I was just coming. I was so focused that I didn't even realize that it was past 5:15. I'm sorry about that I did not mean to keep you waiting" I say while attempting to stay calm

"I get that but you should have been more prepared. You need to have control over your time Ms. Steele!" _ok seriously I don't need this right now. If he wants a fight, a fight __he's gonna get. _

"If you want to use our personal relationship against me by using my last name formally to get under my skin that so be it Mr. Grey!" I spit back "I have a long and hard week, I don't need this shit from you today! I have already apologized for being late. Now can we move on or are we going to waste more time sitting here having this petty argument!" I reply while letting out the breath that I did not even realize that I as holding. _He can just make me so mad sometimes! Walking in here like he owns the place. Well technically he does my subconscious points out. I mean I know that he does but it does not mean that he needs to walk around here barking at everyone. Sometimes the barking is just so unnecessary! _I am waiting for him to verbally charge back at me when his expression softens. He runs his hands through his hair and sighs before saying

"Ana… I didn't mean to upset you. I am just not a very patient man. I do not want to argue with you this entire evening. i am not use to people calling me out for my outburst because truly I don't have many friends that tell me otherwise because I don't really have friends. Can we forget that this happened and try to enjoy the rest of our evening?"

I ignore him for a moment and continue to gather my belongings before replying "Fine, let's go."


	12. Chapter 12:Broken Barriers

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Enjoy this chapters, I just wanted to let you all know that from now on I am probably going to post on the weekends. I know it sucks that you have to wait all week but I am going to try and crank out 2 chapters a weekend. Enjoy and review**

**-Alysha**

Chapter 12: Broken Barriers

When I met Christian, never in a million years did I think that weeks later I would be grocery shopping with him. Yet here I am, on a Friday night, grocery shopping with my very temperamental boss. Most would find this kind of situation strange, going through aisles picking out the items that we need. I find it slightly intimate. It's so strange to me because in these small moments with him I am feeling the reality of the situation itself, there is something between Christian Grey and I and it's unnerving to think about. I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I finally take a moment to really look at Christian in this setting, I honestly find it a bit humorous, he just looks so out of place here in his neat suit and sexy demeanor. Every woman in our vicinity has their eyes completely focused on him and have entirely disregarded the produce they're picking out to bask in the beauty of this man. _I don't know how he does it. How does he manage to look this good without even trying? How does he not even notice that every single woman in this area (including me) can't move their gaze from him? _The entire time I'm having this internal dilemma, he is eyeing everything in this section of the store as if he's never seen any of it before. _Does this usually happen every time that Christian goes shopping? _

"When's the last time you've been to the supermarket?" I ask. He stops for a moment to look at me before replying,

"I don't remember." _Well that would explain a lot_

"I am assuming that you have someone who takes care of your grocery shopping then, seeing how you eat and what not."

"Yes I have a housekeeper, Ms. Jones, she maintains Escala and cooks my meals there." He replies as I inspect some green peppers, trying to actually focus on something other than him.

"Well its good to know that you have someone to help you out in that ivory tower of yours."

He sighs before replying,"Ana I… I am glad that you still decided to come to dinner tonight even after our timing incident earlier, I am really looking forward to your cooking." He says before giving me his well-known heart-stopping smile. _His radiance becomes a new form when he smiles. I wish he would smile more _I think to myself.

"Well we should have a good time as long as your don't revert back to your arse like tendencies." I say while pushing the cart to the pasta section of the store. He stops for a moment and lets out a slight laugh.

"Arse like tendencies Ms. Steele?" he asks while raising his eyebrow at me in a snarky manner.

"Oh Yes Mr. Grey, definitely arse like."

"You do know that I am your boss right? You probably should refrain from referring to my tendencies as ass like."

"Well it's a good thing that are both not on the clock, and that we are just trying to get to know each other. Because when such things happen I believe that using phrases such as arse like are completely acceptable."

"You and that smart mouth"

"You know it." I reply before winking at him and moving towards the direction of the next aisle. By the time that we are done shopping we have quite a few bags that Christian himself decides he wants to carry towards the car. When we finally make it to Escala Christian is once again on his bag man duties carrying the bags up to the penthouse. This is such a strange look for him, this is nothing like his control freak CEO demeanor at all.

"You look very…" I say while trying to come up with the best words to describe the picture in front of me, "Domestic right now, its pleasantly different from the usual."

"No one has ever accused me of that before," he replies dryly before setting the bags down to enter the elevator code for his apartment. The elevator doors finally begin to close and that similar electric feeling becomes magnified. _This is ridiculous! We can never be in a closed setting without having all types of feelings running all throughout the area. The attraction is defining can you could slice through the tension between us with a knife. I shouldn't even be thinking of these things because I still am technically with my ass of a boyfriend, who I really haven't even given myself the time to think about; yet here I am in an elevator having dirty thoughts about my boss. Is this what it feels like when he with this Rene character? The thought alone sends my mind on a mental road trip. _I am finally being pulled back from my mental vacation by Christian's voice saying

"Just breathe," in a thick raspy voice. I finally get the courage to make the eye contact with him and I am greeted by smothering grey eyes. His eyes look so grey they almost appear to be black and that's when I realized again, that he feels it just as much as I do. I lean my head back against the elevator wall and try to collect myself. I feel him before I see him because now I am completely suffocated in all things Christian. I feel his hand against the curve of my face and move a lone hair from my forehead behind my ear. As soon as I feel his fingertips brush against my ear I let out a gasp that I myself was not even prepared for. By this point my face is burning with heat and my heart rate has increased. _How the hell does he do this to me? _His name then begins to roll off of my lips like a prayer before saying "We can't". I finally open my eyes for the second time and this time I am greeted with an entirely different expression from the smothering grey gaze ta I was previously given. This one is a look of pain. His jaw tenses and before I know it he has moved to the complete opposite end of the elevator from where I am standing. It's not fair, I hate making him feel this way but I hate that he keeps putting me into these situations where I have to reject him. After what feels like eternity the elevator doors finally open up to reveal Christians apartment. _Fucking finally! Why do elevator rides with Christian feel like forever. _Christian darts out of the elevator smoothly and avoids all forms of contact with me. _Here we go, another one of Christians shades. _He continues to make his way through his all white foyer. As we continue to walk through his apartment I notice all of the brown, black, dark blue, grey and white embellishments throughout his home. It's so sterile in here, I guess his office and his home have very similar tastes. Every so often I notice different pieces of artwork throughout the apartment that add some personality to his pristine environment. I personally don't see how this enjoyable, there is barely any evidence that life and happiness happens here. The only feelings that I can muster from this environment is coldness, darkness and a slight feeling of danger.

We finally make our way to the kitchen and Christian sets down our groceries on the island counter and walks towards the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of wine.

"Would you like a glass of wine?"

"Yes Please."

"Red or white?" he asks. I know it seems like an innocent question but it seems as if his eyes darkened slightly when he mentioned the color red.

"I would like white please." I reply as he moves comfortably round the kitchen to retrieve two wine glasses and a wine opener. While Christian is situating the wine I ask "Where would I find your pots, pans, seasoning, cutting board and cooking utensils?" He gestures to the places where I will find the materials while uncorking the bottle of wine. He pours both of us a glass and brings his glass up to his delicate lips. _Mmmmmm Christians lips. _This oddly, feels so normal. Two people, getting to know each other, over a meal. Yet at the same time it doesn't seem like the previous strenuous situations between Christian and I have been forgotten. Especially the incident that just happened in the elevator; I know that at some point we are going to have to discuss these lapses of judgment with each other again. Even thinking about all these slightly intimate moments with Christian have me blushing at the fact that I have such personal moments with someone that I barely know. I have a feeling I'm going to be leaving here with a lot to think about over the weekend.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks before taking another sip of his wine. _Shit my subconscious says we've been caught again. _

"Nothing…" I reply as I start to make myself busy with slicing the chicken into smaller strands. He sighs before saying

"I can always tell that you are thinking about something slightly unnerving because the blush on your cheeks say it all" _oh great, he totally just called me out, which in return has probably also worsened my already heated cheeks. _"Don't shy away from me Anastasia, aren't we supposed to be getting to know one another?" _Damnit he always knows how to use my own points against me._

"I am thinking about how little I know you." I state factually. _See I have at least admitted half-truths to what I was thinking._

"I am a very, very private person Anastasia, the fact that you are even here at all means that you probably are going to know more about me that a lot of others would." _Here we go. _He is eyeing me as I focus on seasoning the chicken that is in front of me. He sets his wine glass on the counter across from the island before asking "Can I help you with that?"

"No its fine… you can just sit and chat with me."

"I'd like to help." He says a little sternly. I sigh before telling him grab another cutting knife from the drawer and the cutting board. He then walks back towards the islands awaiting further instruction.

"You can chop the vegetables." I say motioning toward the peppers.

"I don't cook," he says while looking at the knife in his hands suspiciously.

"I imagine that you didn't and don't need to." I say as I am starting to make my way back towards the chicken that I was previously preparing. I continue to season the meat when I realize that I am not hearing any sounds of the knife dragging across the cutting board and through the vegetables. When I look over he is still looking at confusingly at the items that have been placed before him. _This is so strange, I am not use to domestic and confused Christian._

"You've never chopped a vegetable?"

"No." I smirk at him _ohhhhhhh Mr. Grey, your culinary innocence is adorable._

"Are you smirking at me?"

"It appears that I Anastasia Rose Steele have found something that the Master of the Universe himself cannot do." I say while doing my own victory dance at my small accomplishment. He stands still with a small smile playing across his face. "Here let me show you." I motion for him to move back a little to allow me to occupy his current working space. I start to pick up the knife and begin to show him how it's done. "Like this." I say while slicing the red pepper, and attempting to be mindful of the seeds.

"Looks simple enough." _Oh boy, cocky Christian is back._

"You shouldn't have any trouble with it." I reply with a slight sarcastic undertone.

He gazes at me impassively before continuing his previous tasks. Seeing that he is now accustomed to his task I then return to preparing the rest of our meal. Not too long after I continue, I hear him slowly cut through the pepper. When I look over at him he is eloquently slicing the peppers at a very slow, careful and precise rate. I look up at his face and see his brows slightly furrowed and he is looking intently at the pepper and knife. He is so concentrated. His efforts are sweet though. _They may be sweet but from the looks of it we may end up being here all night, my subconscious snaps sassily. _I chuckle slightly at his immense efforts in pepper slicing and continue to prepare the rest of the meal. I have finally completed all of the other tasks and now am only waiting for the peppers. I grab my glass of wine and make my way towards the opposite counter to get a better view at the stuggling Christian Grey. He is still intently working on this single pepper. After five minutes of watching him I ask

"What are you doing there big man?"

"It's called cooking Anastasia."

"Yeah, and you are really good at it."

"You know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." He says factually before briefly making eye contact with me.

I decide to put the poor man out of his misery and gather up another knife and a second cutting board to cut all pieces of garlic, shallots and other vegetables. I quickly make smaller pieces of the vegetables and then look back at Christian. He is still focusing heavily on this single pepper. "Want me to finish that?"

"No I got it."

"Christian, let me finish it so I can throw all of these things on the stove." He reluctantly lets go of his knife and allows me to move it. I quickly slice through the pepper and gather up the rest of the items to place them on the stove.

I am putting the ingredients together in the frying pan when I hear him say, "You're quite good at this." He states.

I shrug my shoulders at his confession,"Ehh... it's just years of practice," I say while putting the lid on the pan. I turn around and face Christian, "Well now we should actually start the get to knowing another part."

Fifteen minutes later we are both comfortably situated at his breakfast bar and eating.

"So Christian, what should we talk about first?" I ask before bringing some noodles towards my mouth.

"I don't know Ana this was your idea after all, I thought maybe you would have something interesting to discuss."

"Well I wasn't entirely set on a conversation I just thought that we would just let things flow, but I suppose that I can think of something to ask." I take a moment to race over a couple of questions that I could ask him. "Hmmmmm, what about where are you from? That's an easy one."

"I am from Detroit technically, but I have lived in Seattle since I was four," he replies

"How come you moved to Seattle?"

"I was adopted at four." He says quickly. He quickly shifts the conversation to ask about where I am from.

"Well I lived in Montasello for quite a bit of time with my dad Ray. But when my mother and Ray split she got remarried, and we stayed briefly but then she got bored again and we moved to Nevada so she could be with her third husband." My voice starts to falter towards the end of that comment by the mention of husband number three. Thinking of him still makes my skin crawl. There are some things that still can bring me back there to t terrible time in my life.

"Ana are you alright? Your face has paled significantly."

"Yes I'm fine." I reply in a soft voice "Can we switch the subject please?" I whisper before grabbing more stir fry to distract myself.

"Yes sure." He replies confidently. He may not think I notice it, but I can tell that he is eying me suspiciously. "You told me that you and this boyfriend of yours have been together for a long time."

"Well yes, it's been six years. We've gone through some interesting times together."

"How so?"

"Hmmmmmm, well, we met at what I would say was a rather…. Interesting and stressful period of time in my life and in many ways he helped me move into appositive direction in my life. In addition to that Logan has been one of the most constant factors in my life. He was the first boyfriend I ever had, first person that I fell in love with, when I see my future I would see us together…. Don't get me wrong we've had some shitty times too but that just comes along with being in a relationship."

"Well then why are you not at your apartment with him currently?" I look down at my plate shamefully and play with the contents of my meal. I sigh heavily before responding

"Well we are going through a rather tough time in our relationship right now, and we are just still trying to make sure that we still are both on the same page. I am probably going back, I just have a lot to work through before I go back." I say. I don't really want to talk about Logan and the lack of steadiness and certainty in our relationship right now. "How about you? Are you seeing anyone?"

"No, I don't do the relationships. I am not the hearts and flowers kind of man." He replies coldly

"And why is that?" I ask shyly _how could this beautiful, successful man, not be in a relationship. And I am getting the feeling that he has never been in one to begin with. I find this almost impossible to believe. _

"Because I am fifty shades of fucked up and I have no heart Anastasia."

"I don't think that I believe that." I reply confidently "I've seen the charity work that you do, I've heard how you talk about your family. You love them, you love to help people and you do great things. You can be an ass sometimes. But I won't believe that you don't have a heart Christian. I won't accept that from you." I say before grabbing my wine glass and taking a plentiful amount of wine into my mouth, getting nervous by his silence. He is looking at me intently with a strange expression on his face that I myself cannot even detect. _My poor fifty. _He realizes his inability to respond and clears his throat before saying "What is something that you have always want to do?"

"I've always wanted to go to the zoo. I know that it sounds silly, but I was never able to go as a kid and I've always wanted to go since then. Logan says he's going to take me but hopefully we can get around to actually go to doing it." He nods his head in response and takes a sip of his wine. "What about you?"

"I would like to actually go back to the places that I have visited as a child and actually get to see everything. When I was little I did not really get to experience the attractions the way that I would now like to."

"Where did you go as a child?"

"I've gone to Paris, Greece, Germany, England and Spain." I am looking at him in complete awe, I would love to be able to travel that much.

"I must say, I am envious of you. I've always wanted to travel the world. If I had the option to choose between the places that you have gone I would definitely go to England. I would love to visit Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, the Palace of Westminster's, the art museums, and libraries. I would just lose my mind there. Being the English literature junkie that I am, I would probably never want to leave." I say enthusiastically.

Over the next couple hours he and I are still talking about ourselves and getting to know another. Christian tells me more about his family. He tells me about how his mother Grace, saved him from the terrible life that he was living. How his father has been a great influence of his life. He tells me about Elliott and Mia and how he loves his goofball of a brother, and his overly enthusiastic sister. He tells me more about The Grace, Charlie Tango, and his gliders, how he started his business and his friend who helped him. He tell me about his slightly rebellious childhood and short attendance at Harvard. I feel that by this point in our conversation his walls have been put down tremendously. He looks so calm and collected and in his element. I am just sitting here listening to everything he says. I did not even realize how much time has passed and I notice that it is now 11:30. _ Time flies when you are having fun I suppose._

I release the yawn that I didn't even realize was approaching and I'm slightly embarrassed.

"Sleepy Ms. Steele?" he says I sigh and nod my head before saying.

"Yeah, its been a long week and my body is just exhausted. I should probably get going." I say unenthusiastically. It was nice to just sit and talk to someone. Tonight was very relaxing other than our slightly stressful situations earlier. Christian is looking at me silently for a while. I don't know what he's going to say at all.

"You are right, its late… you should probably get going." He replies in a reluctant tone. His tone makes me pay more attention to his facial expression and I noticed that his jaw is now tensed and his eyes are that stormy grey color again.

"I had a great time tonight Christian… it was nice to get to know you and see you outside of the office setting." I say while gathering up our used dishes and start making my way towards the kitchen. I am putting the dishes down in the sink when he sets the next set down as well.

"You can leave them here, Ms. Jones will take care of them."

"Are you sure? I mean it would be no trouble for me to just clean these up?"

"It's fine Anastasia, that's her job."

"I know that it's her job Christian but I don't want to make it any more difficult for her than it needs to be."

"It's fine Ana… I enjoyed you coming tonight as well by the way…"

"I really did have a good time, we should do this more often." I say while gathering my belongings and make my way towards the elevator." He runs his hands through his unruly copper locks before saying

"I still believe that you should stay clear of me Ana."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I want to be friends with you? You paint yourself out to be this bad guy that you are not. I am not going to allow you to deny yourself the credit that you deserve. And I won't stop until I feel that you have finally accepted my terms. You are better than what you give yourself credit for Christian." For a moment he just stares at me. At first I am waiting for the volcano to blow but he simply asks

"What hotel are you staying at? I will drive you home since your car is at work still. If you want you can leave your keys here and I will have Taylor drop your car of to your hotel in the morning and leave the keys with the concierge." _I am seriously not going to get anywhere with this argument tonight. _I sigh before telling him that I am saying at the Fairmont, room 5002. He nods his head before stepping into the elevator with me. We descend towards the lobby and neither of us make any moves to say anything or contact the other. The car ride home is very similar to that of the elevator, silent. We are finally pulling up in front of the Fairmont and he stops the car and puts in in park before saying "I did enjoy your company Anastasia, I hope you sleep well." I just stare at him for a moment. Why does he have to be so damn difficult? I shake my head before wishing him goodnight.

When I finally make it to my room all I can think about is my night with Christian. I was so comfortable and so at peace when he finally let his walls down. I'm realizing that I think I want to spend more time getting to know him, I want to go out with him, and do the things he loves, meet the people he loves and get even more personal then I have already managed to get. I realize that my feelings for him are anything but innocent. It's making me realize that I don't feel that way towards Logan anymore. There is no comfort, no love in our embraces, no interesting conversations. Hell I haven't had an orgasm in forever! Maybe that is why I have been so crazed over Christian when he and I are in close proximity. I want to know all about him, I want to break down all of his defenses and show him how good he truly is.

But first…I have to break up with Logan.


	13. Chapter 13:Novel Knowledge

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belong to E.L James*  
AN: Hey Everyone! You won't believe how busy things have been. In addition to me being busy. In addition to me being busy, I also have yet to hear from my Beta. I have also messaged other people to see about being a Beta reader for my story and I have yet to hear from other people as well. In addition to that I have asked another friend of mine to read the story and she caught Pneumonia so yeah it's been a mission to find someone to edit my stories. If you know anyone who would be willing to Beta read my story please PM me. Other than that there is a good chance that I will have a snow day tomorrow so I am going to try and get some more chapters up over the next couple of days. I am sorry for how long it's taking me to post lately. I really appreciate you all reading my story! Please keep reading and remember to post reviews! I really love to hear from you guys. If you all have any ideas of recommendations as well, I am open to anything **** thanks a bunch!**

**-Alysha**

Chapter 13 Novel Knowledge

Last night was rough. It took me forever to finally fall asleep, and when I finally did all could keep thinking about was last night and the possible conclusion that I have come to. I might be breaking up with Logan. I think that's still what I want but I'm not sure if that's actually what my heart wants or if it was just me acting in my post Christian haze. I've been lying awake in bed for the last 20 minutes, doing nothing but trying to work through what I actually want to do with my life.

In all honestly I really do love Logan. We've been together for six years. There has been a lot that has happened over the past couple years. Looking back on our relationship I know that there has been a lot of good and quite a bit of bad too. Even know, things between he and I are not very pleasant. I really don't know what to do as far as he is concerned because I feel like he has hurt me too many times. He keeps making these stupid mistakes and these mistakes that he is making are common for the beginning of relationships but we are six years in already! We should be thinking about our future together as a whole and lately I've been thinking about all things Christian.

_Christian_

I don't even know precisely what it is with Christian that makes me act like a giddy twelve year old girl every time I'm around him. Sometimes I think that it's his mysterious and charming ways that have me all intrigued. I hate that he doesn't give himself enough credit. He is such a beautiful person and I don't just mean physically. Every time we are together he always tries to berate himself and find a way to distance himself from me and I won't allow it! I want to help him. I don't want him to feel broken and alone. I'm broken in too many ways, and I know that; but I don't want him to feel broken and alone because that is something that I am all too familiar with unfortunately.

Before I met Logan I was a mess about the whole situation with husband number three. I was struggling both physically and mentally. I was afraid of almost all men accept for Ray. At one point I was home schooled because I couldn't handle the possibility of having a male teacher. I remember waking up every night trembling from atrocious nightmares. Ugh God the nightmares! They were horrible. I couldn't find peace anywhere. I was in an everlasting nightmare. As stupid as it sounds men existed in not only in reality but also in my dreams. Every time I had a nightmare it was a replay of the occurrences or new experiences with him. Sometimes I would even imagine that he couldn't come into my room alone. I hated the fact that something so normal made me feel like an outsider. I hated the fact that I would cringe away, or the fact that my heartbeat would accelerate to an uncomfortable pace every time I was around a man. I couldn't feel safe anywhere else other than home. When I finally felt comfortable enough to go back to school I was still struggling immensely. I would eat by myself, I wouldn't talk to anyone inside or outside of class and what made it easier was that no one ever really tried to talk to me. The only person who ever did eventually try to talk to me was Logan.

Truthfully he was the only person that I could feel comfortable with at school. He would sit with me at lunch, talk to me in class and try to help me get the notes. At first I was annoyed with the fact that he would keep trying to approach me when it was obvious that I felt uncomfortable. After a while it was clear that he was not going anywhere and I just gave up on trying to push him away. I then started to open up to him slightly. I would just say high or just give him small answers, but that something small was better than nothing I guess. I was afraid to give much away about myself. So many times I would just sit there and listen to him talk. I could listen to him talk for hours. For the first time I actually felt myself wanting to be near someone else. At first we just talked, after a while we would hang out, and he met Ray. I liked the fact that he cared enough to wait until I was comfortable. I think that the history that we have together is make makes me irrational when it comes to him.

I've realized that over time I've allowed him to do too much to me. He's cheated, and maybe more than once now, he puts me on the back burner, emotionally abuses me at times and I mean, hell, he let his parents do it. To be truthful the sex hasn't been the same anymore either. I'm not satisfied at all. I miss being able to spend time with him and when we do actually get around to spend time together it's like he's never there. I really do love him so much that sometimes I think that I just depend on him as a form or normalcy. After that traumatic experience, he and Ray were the only two people that helped get me back together again. I know that it was years ago and I have found the strength to stand on my own now.

I think I should end it with him. If we are really meant to be together than eventually we will. He needs to prove to me that he's the man that I think he is. I also don't want to sit by and just potentially waste time just because I'm comfortable. I want my life to be plentiful. I don't want to look back and regret. I also don't want to stay with him and feel like I am emotionally cheating on him with Christian. I need to give myself the opportunity to figure out what I really want.

With these concrete findings I need to get out of bed and do something productive with my day. I lean over towards the night stand and retrieve my cellphone, where I am greeted with 4 texts messages. The first text is from Kate, the second is form Christian, and the last two are form Logan. _Oh boy, this is just what you need... more confusion, my subconscious snaps sarcastically while rolling her eyes._

The first text from Kate reads: "Hey Steele, I know it's been a rough week but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have fun, let's go out tonight." _I already know that if we end up going out tonight, that it's going to result in a shit show. Yet at the same time I think that the mental break will do me well._

I reply with

*S**ure, where do you have in mind?***

Next I move onto Christian's text that says "I really enjoyed your company last night, I hope that you were able to find sleep easy." _Ha! As if, I couldn't get you off of my mind! There is no way that I could actually say what's on my mind though. _So instead I settle for

***I really enjoyed myself as well, we should plan another evening."**

I check my other two messages that are from Logan

"Hey babe I've missed you! What are you up two?" and the other says "Hey babe, we haven't been able to properly celebrate our accomplishments together. I was wondering if you would want to gout to the lounge tonight with a couple of friends and celebrate."

I really don't know if it's best for me to go out with Logan tonight when I plan on breaking up with him. I don't want to ruin the evening and I also don't want to confuse him. Although I really don't want to go, I do owe it to myself to celebrate my successes. Even so this way I can kill two birds with one stone and invite Kate. I reply back with a sure what time? Before hopping in the shower.

All day I have been trying to brainstorm and find a way to fundraise money for GP, thus far I have been struggling to find a way. I've also been communicating back and forth between Kate and Logan. Tonight we are going to go to a bar called fifties _isn't that ironic? We are going to a place called fifties after yesterday's discussion with Christian. _I am grabbing my cellphone and bag full of clothes to start heading towards Kates. After I've got everything that I need, I start to make my way towards the door. I'm expecting to just walk out and continue on my merry way, when instead I trip and end up landing straight on my face. _What the hell was that? _After pushing off the hair out of my face and brushing down my clothes, I looked right in front of the door and saw a large box. What the hell is that? I looked closer at the box and it's addressed to me. I pick up the box and then stand up to walk back inside the hotel room. _Who the hell is sending something to my hotel room? The only people that know that I am here are Logan, Kate, and Christian. CHRISTIAN! At the realization that the books are most likely from Christian, I am frantically trying to tear this thing open. _

Opening the parcel, I find two items. Firstly, I find a half other box containing three identical old cloth books that are in mint condition and a plain white card. On one side, in elegant writing, the card says,

"**Why didn't you tell me there was danger? Why didn't you warn me? **

**Ladies know what to guard against because they read novels that tell them of these tricks…" **

I automatically recognized the quote from Tess. He remembered. He remembered that Tess was my favorite book and used that quote to tell me something. But… why? It's clear that he's trying to send me some sort of warning, but I don't understand. I've already spoken to him about my determination so this message that he is trying to send me is pointless. I then open up the front cover and written in an old face on the front plate is

'**London: Jack. Rosgood, Mcllvaine and Co., 1891.**

Holy shit – there are first editions. That's crazy. Is he insane? What in his right mind would possess him to buy me first editions? Holy shit! If he's already bought me outrageously priced books, then what the hell less did he put in here? I sat down the first edition Tess books and reach into the box and pick up the next item. On the outside of the smaller box is the same beautiful handwriting that I found with the Tess quote, but this one reads

_There's no need for you to waste money staying in a hotel. I have an extra apartment at Escala that you are more than welcome to use at any time that you need it. I would feel more comfortable if you stayed there so I would at least you are safe. Please consider my offer._

_Signed,_

_xC_

Fifty has surely lost it. Not only does he start off by buying me first edition books that probably cost around $14,000, but now, he decides to offer me an apartment at Escala. This is way too much. I would try to call him and tell him that this was too much, but he didn't answer any of the text messages that I sent earlier, so I know he won't answer. You just can't send someone these kind of things and then not answer them when they try to contact you. I am going to return these the next time that I see him. I shake my head at the thought of trying to convince Christian that I don't need these things. I set down the keys to the apartment and gather my things for the second time and head out to Kates.

At Kates house we talked all about my dinner with Christian, the gifts and everything that has been happening between Logan and I. After talking everything hearing everything Kate was definitely on the break up with Logan train. While at Kates, she convinced me to wear a spaghetti strapped dress, with an accent black and gold belt. For some reason I have also submitted myself to the torture of four inch black stilettoes. Now hours later we have finally showed up at fifties and we see Logan, Jose and some of Logan's coworkers from the hospital all gathered around a table. I am pretty nervous about being around Logan tonight. I don' mean to make him feel bad because I don't want to be affectionate with him. I don't want to get him confused and have him think that I want to be with him now when I don't. We have a lot to talk about and I don't want him to think that this whole time ta I have been pretending. When Logan's eyes meet mine he gives me a beautiful smile. We start to make our way towards the table Logan makes his way over towards me. He greats me with a hug, but when he tries to kiss me on the lips I turn my head towards the side. I feel bad for denying him but it's necessary at his point. I know what I want know and know that I don't want him in that way anymore. When I look up at his face his facial expression displays one of extreme hurt.

"Ana?" rolls off his lips in disbelief

"Logan," I say with a sigh, "Let's not do this here and ruin the night for both of us. Let's just enjoy ourselves ok?" I said to him while I place my hand on his shoulder.

"Let's not do what Ana because I invited you out tonight because I wanted to spend time with you and try and get back to where we are and now you act like you can't even kiss me so let's not do what tonight Ana because the only thing that we seem to not be doing lately is be together so let's not do what?"

I roll my eyes at his response replying "Honestly Logan I don't have time for this today. If you want to sit here and pout and fight I hope you enjoy doing that by yourself because I don't feel like doing this all night with you. So enjoy your pity party and I am going to go ahead and make my way towards the bar." Walking away, I head towards the bar and grab a rum and coke.

Two rum and cokes later I am really starting to feel it. We are all gathered around the table sharing laughs and talking about everything that is going on in our lives. We are all buys enjoying ourselves when Kate says

"Ahhhh! I can't wait for us to finally graduate! I'm so proud of my Ana banana for finally landing her internship with the one and only Christian Grey…" She says while nudging my shoulder playfully and laughing playfully "I think you and are going to be able to achieve so many things together…" she says until she is interrupted by Logan who snickers before saying "Yeah she will do everything with him but won't do anything with me."

"Excuse me?!" _what the hell is he doing right now?_

"You leave our house together, you don't answer any of the ways that I try to reach you and I know that he wants you Ana. If you want to be a gold digger than you do that. I thought I knew you better than that but apparently I don't." he replies sassily before taking a sip of his drink. _Has he lost his fucking mind? What would make him think that it would be ok to question me in front of everyone in this group? This is exactly why I didn't want to go out tonight…. I did not want to have to deal with him and the pettiness that he is showing right now. I deserve better than this. This is exactly why I want to break things off with him. The only reason that I haven't said anything about us breaking up yet is because I think that no matter how things are playing outright now that he deserves to know the truth; and the whole truth. I don't want to leave any stone unturned and I want to have closure about everything that has been going on. I can't believe that after everything that we have been going through I would've expected more than this._

"Logan I suggest that you shut your mouth before you open up a new flame that you don't even know how to tame." I reply sharply. I am going to need a lot more alcohol to get through this evening based off of his current behavior. I go towards the bar and order the next round of drinks. All I can think to myself is why is it that every man I have encountered gets like this? In all of our time together I have barely ever seen him get like this. His behavior is so ridiculous. Now I feel like he's been acting like Christian by being so stubborn. CHRISTIAN! I still have not been able to talk to him about his extravagant gifts. He needs to know that he can't just send me things and not give me the opportunity to even accept or decline his offers. I need to try and get both of these situations under control because things are really starting to get out of control. First I need to get together with him tomorrow and really break things off officially with Logan. I also need to call Christian about these books.

After several drinks I have thought long and hard about everything and I want to talk to mister master of the universe now! I pull out my phone and scroll to his contact and press call. The phone rings three times before the line goes silent and the sound of Fifty's masculine voice breaks through saying

"_Anastasia?"_


	14. Chapter 14: Do I Wanna Know

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hey guys! So here is the next chapter. There are a couple of references from chapter 5. The material in this chapter is not that bad but it does reference from some of the things that happened between husband number three and Ana so hopefully it won't be disturbing. It's not where near as detailed as it was in chapter 5. Also! I have finally made that Pinterest page that you all asked for. I will try to do better with updating it along with the story. The name to follow for the Pinterest page is alyshalouis. It is my personal Pinterest but there is a board for Fifty Shades of the Darkest. I also wanted to say that I did see the movie and I thought that it was great! I really enjoyed it and I thought that Jamie and Dakota did a great job! I think you all should try and go to see it and give it a chance. As always thanks again for the support and reviews and please continue to be awesome. Please review and review and review and I am hoping to get the next chapter up for you all really soon.**

**Much Love,**

**Alysha.**

**PS: just in case fanfic doesn't allow the Pinterest page to show just search for the at sign and then alysha louis (all together)**

Chapter 14: Do I Wanna Know

Crap he actually answered? I didn't think that he was actually going to answer this time. _Well it's too late to be second guessing yourself now…You might as well just reply my subconscious says. _Here goes nothing I guess I have nothing to lose.

_Before I get the change to respond, he repeats the thing that he said when he answered "Anastasia?"_ He sounds surprised to actually hear from me. To be honest I am surprise that I actually called him.

"Why did you send me those books Christian?" I attempt to say confidently. Do to my immense slurring I am definitely failing miserably.

"Anastasia are you ok? You sound strange?" he says in a concerning way

"I'm not strange. You are strange! You are strange oh mysterious, controlling and bossy one" _Ha! I told him! _

"Anastasia have you been drinking?"

"I don't know, do you think I've been drinking? I drink every day. I drink water, and orange juice, and tea, and Coke, and . I love to drink."

"Have you been drinking alcohol Anastasia?"

"I told you my name is Ana!"

"I am not going to ask you again, have you been drinking?"

"What's it to you Christian?"

"I'm just curious… Anastasia where are you?"

"At a bar."

"Which bar?" he says sounding exasperated

"A bar in Portland? You know where I live?" I reply sarcastically

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit Anastasia, and how are you getting home?"

"I'll find a way" I say with a nod. This is not going how I expected at all.

"Why did you send me those books Christian?"

"Anastasia, for the last time where are you? And I need you to tell me now." His tone is so intense and controlling. He always thinks that he can get people to do whatever he wants just by changing the tone of his voice.

"Your voice is so domineering." I say with a giggle.

"Ana, so help me, where the fuck are you?"

Christian Grey, Master of the Universe is now swearing at me. I actually start to laugh at the fact that I am unnerving the control freak. "I am in Portland… which is a long long away from Seattle."

"Where in Portland Anastasia?"

"Goodbye Christian."

"Ana!"

I hang up. HA! I showed him! I am standing against a wall at a bar drunkenly laughing my ass off because I have unnerved the control freak. I still can't believe that I actually decided to call Christian Grey and sass him. What's even more surprising is that he answered. I my victory laugh to myself is interrupted by my phone ringing. _Whos calling? _OH SHIT CHRISTIAN! I reluctantly answer the phone with a "Hi."

"I am coming to get you." He says, and then hangs up. Oh crap! I don't know if I should be concerned because of the possibility that he is actually coming to get me? Or because of the fact that he replied so calmly. If there is one thing that Christian Grey does not do calm. Oh shit… shit shit shit shit shit! I need to take a breather. All of this drama that has transpired tonight has given me a headache and quite frankly I think that all of the alcohol that I have consumed is now getting to me. I really don't want to vomit tonight. I am totally not in the mood to vomit. I walk away from the wall and walk towards Kate. When I finally find her, I see her with some guy talking by the bar.

"Excuse me, sorry…. Um Kate I'm not feeling too hot. I am just going to go outside and cool down."

"Ok Steele, see you in a few."

I am starting to walk outside when I am approached by Jose

"Ana!" he says while rubbing the side of my arm "You ok?"

I put a little distance between the two of us and reply "I think I've had a little bit too much to drink." I while smiling weakly at him.

"Me too," He murmurs "Do you need a hand?" he says while moving closer towards me while trying to put his arms around me.

"Jose, I'm ok. I've got this." I say while trying to move away from him clumsily

"Ana, Please." He whispers, and now he is holding me and trying to pull me closer to him.

"Jose, what are you doing?"

"You know that I've always liked you Ana. Logan isn't the guy for you. He doesn't treat you right and I always would've treated you right. You know that I care about you." I am frantically shaking my head trying to wrap my head around what the hell is going on. The only reason that I even went out tonight was so that we could have a good time. Now I have to deal with Christian, Logan and Jose. This is too much. "Yo quiero uno mi amor… un beso por favor mi Corazon. Te quiero mucho Ana." **(I want one my love… one kiss please my heart. I love you so much Ana) **He whispers while trying to bring his lips towards mine. _Oh shit! He's going to try to kiss me! I don't want this._

"Jose no, please" I say while trying to pry myself from out of his arms "I don't want this please." I slur while drunkenly begging him to stop. His efforts are brought to a halt by the sound of a loud voice that is saying

"Hey! What the fuck are you doing?!" before I even realize what's happening I am being ripped away from Jose's arms and there is a lot of screaming going on. This whole time I didn't even really register that it was Logan who has thrown Jose away from me. All I know that he his yelling at Jose and shoving him. Oh shit. I should probably intervene now because I don't want any drama to start because of me.

"Hey! Logan Logan!" I say while trying to get ahold of his shoulder and gain his attention "Stop! Its ok he's drunk. We are all drunk, he doesn't know. Don't get upset. Let's have a good time." When he finally makes eye contact with me the only thing that I can see from his facial expression is rage. Even though I am drunk, I know Logan well… and whatever is about to happen is not going to be good.

"Have a good time? How the hell am I supposed to have a good time when you have been in a completely different place this entire time? How am I supposed to have a good time when the only thing anyone here can ever talk about is Christian Grey? How am I supposed to have a good time when I find my girlfriend of six years out here in the arms of someone else? HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE A GOOD TIME THEN ANA?!" he screams while getting close to my face. At this point I am backed up against the wall and he is screaming in my face. I know that he would never treat me this way if everything was not so tense and if he was not so drunk.

"Logan… it's not like that. I don't want that." I reply shakenly

"What is it that you want then Ana? Because it seems like you want everybody else but me."

"I… I don't want to talk about this. I don't feel good and I just want to relax for a minute."

"No Ana I want to talk about this NOW! So I need you to start talking." He replies while getting closer towards my face. OH MY GOSH! Today is the actual day form hell.

"Let's talk about this tomorrow when we are sober. Let's get breakfast? Let's go to the Mile High and get breakfast."

"I don't want to talk about it any other time than now. We are talking about this now and then we are going to go home. When we get home I am going to fuck you and remind you of what you are missing." I am shocked! Who the hell is the person that he is becoming. I have no idea about what is going on. Clearly there is no way that I am going to be able to talk any sense into him tonight. I am trying to pry my way out of being against this wall and locked in with Logan.

"Logan please get off of me."

"NO!'

"Logan please get off of me." I reply while trying to pry away from him

"No! You are mine! Right now you need to listen to me and I am going to tell you how this I going to be." Once those words escape his lips I go frigid against the wall that I am currently being pushed against. He can't say that. He can't say those exact words. He can't say those exact words that HE said to me. He can't be like husband number three. He can't do this to me. He's supposed to be my safe place, my person. He can't do this to me. I think that am going to be sick. At this point I am hyper ventilating. I don't even realize that Logan has now been torn away from me until I smell the all too familiar scent of cologne, body wash and Christian. _Christian! _All I can hear is the sound of his voice saying "I believe that the lady said no" aggressively over the sounds of my harsh gasps for air. The person who I am assuming is Christian rushes over to me and asks

"Anastasia are you alright?" _yep that's Christian. Just as formal as always_

I don't even get a chance to reply to him before I am emptying the contents of my stomach all over a pair of designer shoes. The background I can hear a "Dios mio, Ana" coming from Jose and an "Oh great" coming from Logan. Christian grabs my hair and pulls it out of the firing line of vomit and gently leads me over to a raised flowerbed on the edge of the parking lot.

"If you are going to throw up again, do it here. I will hold you."

I shrink away from his touch and say "Only hold my hair please." Before continuing my vomiting. I am not ready for a man to touch me my now. The words of husband number three are still lingering in the back of my mind. _"Right now you need to listen to me and I am going to tell you how this I going to be." He would always say that before he tried to do something to me. Now it's not only the alcohol that's making me sick, but it's also my memories. _By the time I am finally done vomiting, Christian hands me his handkerchief with CTG in fine print. I wipe my face and lean my head up against the wall and close my eyes. _This cannot be happening to me. _When I finally open my eyes, Christian is looking at me intently with so many different emotions. I try and open my mouth to say something to him but I can't seem to get a word past my lips. Our eyes are both connected to each other's in tunnel vision. Clearly we are both trying to figure out what the other is thinking. Fifty is the first to break the silence by saying

"Anastasia are you ok?" I can't even reply I just continue to stare at him. He doesn't know what to say back at first and he just walks towards me and reaches his hand out towards mine and tries to grab my hand. I am still struggling with trying to separate the horrifying images of my childhood with reality and I flinch away from him. When he tried to move closer towards me and my face crunches in fear.

"Ana it's ok, I'm not going to hurt you. I just didn't appreciate you calling me intoxicated and put yourself in a state of danger. I needed to know that you were safe."

"Danger?"

"Yes Ms. Steele, danger. Clearly I was right to assume that when I get here and your idiot of a boyfriend has you cornered against a wall hyperventilating."

"I don't need you to tell me about what happened because that happened to me. I was there. I don't need you to remind me " I reply sharply. I guess I am sobering up quite a bit now that majority of the alcohol has left my system. He runs his hands through his copper locks before saying

"I just needed to come here and see if you are ok and get you somewhere safe." _Great! Now I feel bad because he has tried to come here and be my knight in shining armor._

"I'm sorry." I reply while lowering my head while taking my bottom lip between my teeth.

"What are you sorry for Anastasia?"

"The phone call, mainly. Being sick. Oh and the list is endless."

He nods his head before asking me if it's ok to reach out for my hands again. I give him a curt nod before placing my hand in his. When our hands make contact again I feel that electricity that is always there between us. Both of our eyes shoot up towards one another's as soon as we both can feel it. For a while we just stand still, looking into each other's eyes. Our interaction is broken when he shakes his head and then says "Where is your stuff? We need to get you home."

"We can't go home because I don't want to go home with Logan, and all of my stuff is inside with Kate."

"Well let's go inside and get your stuff so that we can go."

"How do you know where Kate is?"

"She is inside talking to my brother Elliott."

"Elliott? I know Elliott, they sat and talked while he and I were trying to talk about business together."

"Yeah, that sounds like him. Well they are inside talking so we are going to go inside and get your stuff and get you home."

As we are starting to make our way towards the inside of the bar and I suddenly get curious… how the hell did he find me. We continue to keep trucking towards the entrance of the bar I ask "Christian?"

"Yes Anastasia?"

"How did you find me?"

"I tracked your cellphone." He replies calmly before opening the front door to the bar. _How can he say something like that and make it sound as if it were no big deal? This was a big deal! At the same time I remember who I am dealing with. Of course the control freak tracked my cellphone. How is that possible? How is that even legal? What a stalker my subconscious sneers._

We continue to walk into the bar and we automatically spot Kate and Elliott grinding like animals on the dancefloor. In all honesty it was about time that the two of them got together. I knew it was bound to happen the day that we went out for lunch together. Christian and I are making my way towards Kate and I still haven't seen Jose or Logan since Christian helped me outside. We finally make it towards Kate and Elliott and Christian starts telling Elliot about how he is going to help get me home and to make sure that he gets Kate home safely. The four of us make our way towards the table with our belongings and grab my things. I turn to look at Christian and nod my head towards the door so that we can try and get the hell out of here. I just want to put an end to this horrible evening. He looks at me sternly before walking us both towards the bar and sternly asks for a glass of water. He hands me the glass of water and tells me "drink." I roll my eyes at his bossiness and start to take a couple small sips of the water. I set the glass down on the table before asking him

"Happy now?"

"Drink." He orders again. I look at him in a really confused way before he then says "All of it."

Of course the control freak is still once again me around. He can be so overbearing at times. He runs his hands through his beautiful hair again and sighs frustratingly. What is his problem? Besides the fact that a silly girl drunkenly called him in the middle of the night. I know that I called him, but I didn't think he was actually going to come and fetch me from a bar. I did not ask for this. I didn't want him to come here and save me from my troubles. I just wanted to know why he sent me those outrageously expensive books. I didn't want all of this I just wanted answers. My internal thinking is broken when I feel his hand pulling mine again. We are about to walk towards the exit of the bar when a song I love comes on. The sound of the bass and the beat moves me. I automatically start to bob my head to the sound of the song. He looks at me and raises an eyebrow at me questioningly.

"I am assuming that you like this song?" he says

"Very much actually."

"What's the name of this song?"

"Do I Wanna Know by the Arctic Monkeys" He nods his head at me and tries to continue to make his way towards the exit of the bar. I grab his hand and try and pull him closer to me before whispering "Dance with me." His eyes are looking at me questioningly wondering if he should actually give in, as if he is continuing to question wither or not if he is going to dance with me when. That's when the first words of the song start.

_Have you got color in your cheeks?_

I tug his hands once more and say c'mon before starting to drag him towards the dancefloor. I grab his hands and look into his eyes and I can see his sense of reluctance but under the cool colored strobe lights I can also tell that he is amused. As we continue to look at each other. The rest of the song continued to play.

_Do you ever get that fear that you can't shift_

_The type that sticks around like something in your teeth?_

_Are there some aces up your sleeve?_

_Have you no idea that you're in deep?_

_I dreamt about you nearly every night this week_

By this point I am moving my hips and I have my arms in the air swaying from side to side. He steps closer towards me but this time I don't shrink away. My paranoia about husband number three and Logan are long forgotten. At this point I am not afraid. He is looking at me intently and I am giving him the same exact look that he is giving me. Christian makes me forget. He makes me forget everything. The rest of the song continues to play and I am getting lost in the music. It's intoxicating.

_How many secrets can you keep?_

_'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat_

_Until I fall asleep_

_Spilling drinks on my settee_

_(Do I wanna know)_

_If this feeling flows both ways?_

_(Sad to see you go)_

_Was sort of hoping that you'd stay_

_(Baby we both know)_

_That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day_

_Crawling back to you_

_Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?_

_'Cause I always do_

_Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new_

_Now I've thought it through_

_Crawling back to you_

_So have you got the guts?_

_Been wondering if your heart's still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts_

_Simmer down and pucker up_

_I'm sorry to interrupt. It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you_

_I don't know if you feel the same as I do_

_But we could be together if you wanted to_

Before the chorus kicks in for the second time he takes my hand and spins me around and pulls my back towards his front. I continue to move my hips along to the chorus and the rest of the song.

_(Do I wanna know?)_

_If this feeling flows both ways?_

_(Sad to see you go)_

_Was sort of hoping that you'd stay_

_(Baby we both know)_

_That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day_

_Crawling back to you (crawling back to you)_

_Ever thought of calling when you've had a few? (you've had a few)_

_'Cause I always do ('cause I always do)_

_Maybe I'm too (maybe I'm too busy) busy being yours to fall for somebody new_

_Now I've thought it through_

_Crawling back to you_

At this point I am completely surrounded by all things Christian. I can smell him, he's so close to me that I can almost taste him, and lord knows that I can feel him. I can feel his very impressive erection pressed against my behind. _Oh my god this man is blessed! _I continue to grind my lower body into his. He closes his arms around my mid-section and pulls me closer to him. I then feel his ragged breath against my ear before he whispers my name in an exasperated breath.

_(Do I wanna know?)_

_If this feeling flows both ways?_

_(Sad to see you go)_

_Was sort of hoping that you'd stay_

_(Baby we both know)_

_That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day_

He then takes one of my small hands that he is holding and spins me so that I am facing his front and looks deeply into my eyes. All I know is that this man wants me in some way and that I also really want this man. For reasons that I myself cannot even understand I still feel guilty. I already know that I am going to break up with him. Even after tonight and his drunken rage there are still parts of me that love him. I honestly think that there are parts of me that always will. I know that I am so stupid for thinking about Logan that way that I have been but you can't just erase six years. You also can't erase all of the bad things that have happened which is why I am breaking up with him. I shake my head to try and rid myself of the thoughts of Logan and move my eyes back to Christians. I know I want him. It may take me a while to get there but I know that I want him. Christian nuzzles his head into my neck and whispers my name into my ears like a prayer. The way he says his name catches me completely off guard and suck in a gasp of air and close my eyes contently.

_(Do I wanna know?)_

_Too busy being yours to fall_

_(Sad to see you go)_

_Ever thought of calling darling?_

_(Do I wanna know?)_

_Do you want me crawling back to you?_

The song finally ends and we both start to separate from the closeness and comfort of one another and look into each other's eyes. He continues to look into my eyes as if he is trying to search for something. He then runs his beautiful hands over that gorgeous face of his before he then grabs my hand to move me away from the dance floor and says "Let's go" before we make our way out of the bar. We finally make it outside of the bar and walk towards the curb. He then pulls out a set of keys and clicks open his beautiful Audi R8. He opens the passenger side door for me, just as a gentleman would and waits for me to enter before he then closes the door. He gets inside and starts the engine and starts to drive. It's now that I realize that I am actually very tired.

"Where are we going?"

"To the Heathman. I have a room there and its close." He says before darkness consumes me.


	15. Chapter 15: On Your Mark

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hello all **** thank you very much for all of the reviews! I really do love hearing from you all, it makes my day. It's crazy to me that this store has over 16,000 views! I just wanted to let you all know that I really do appreciate you all and that I hope that the story is going well. I am really trying to move the story along for you all. There are a few things that have to happen in order to get there but please stay with me! Speaking of moving the story along, my birthday is tomorrow so I am going to be doing a lot of celebrating over this week and weekend, so I am going to try and get some chapters out for y'all but I can make no promises. I promise I won't be gone longer than this week if I don't end up posting. This chapter is a little of 5,000 words so hopefully that can keep you all satisfied until the next update. Please continue to review! And if you all are curious the Pinterest page is alysha louis but all together. Fanfic is picky with what they let go through. Keep reading and reviewing. I really do love you all. Thanks for everything and see y'all soon!**

**Alysha!**

Chapter 15: On Your Mark

When I wake up it is very quiet. Maybe a little too quiet for my liking. When I actually open my eyes up enough to get adjusted to the room I realize that I am not somewhere that I recognize. _Where the hell am I? _I am looking around this extremely large hotel suite trying to figure out where I am. I start to look around the suite while still sitting in bed and I see a suit jacket sitting on the back of a cream colored chair. I keep looking around the suite and I also see a pair of really dirty Italian shoes. Why the hell are those shoes really dirty? SHIT! That's when I remember that I threw up on Christian last night. He came to the bar and helped pry Logan away from me after the whole situation between him and Jose. Oh God, last night was such a mess. I am trying to remember what else happened that night and the image of me grinding against Christian comes back to my mind. Oh God, we danced to Do I Wanna Know. I wonder what he thought. Did he like it? Was I ok? I run my hands over my face and I look down at my lap and I now notice that I am not wearing the same outfit from last night. I am in a large white t-shirt, no bra, and my plain light blue panties. I bring the hem of the shirt towards my nostrils and when the intoxicating smell invades my nose I can only think of one thing: Christian. Although I can admit that I do often enjoy being encased in all things Christian I am starting to panic thinking about what happened last night. Did we do anything? Did I try and do anything to him? Did things get better or worse after we left the bar? My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the door clicking open. In comes Christian looking absolutely edible. He is wearing a plain dark gray sweat shirt, black sweats that hang off his hips in just the right way, and running shoes. Sweat is dripping down the sides of his face and is rolling down his chin towards his mid-section. The sight of him like this is also too much for me to bare, I can't help but lick my lips at the sight of him. I take a deep breath and close my eyes and try to control myself. I feel like a twelve year old girl.

"Good morning Anastasia. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Better than I deserve." I mumble back

I look back up at him and he places a large shopping bag on the same chair where his suit jacket is. He grabs a towel that is hanging from his neck on both ends and stares at me with a much clouded expression. For a while he just continues to look at me before I notice is jaw start to tighten. I clear my throat and then ask the question that I've been dying to know.

"How did I get here last night? And where exactly is here?"

He sits down towards the edge of the bed. He is close enough for me to touch, for me to smell. Oh my gosh. I thought that Christian in a suit looked good, but Christian drenched in sweat is an entirely different experience.

"After you fell asleep in the car I didn't want to risk having to leave you by yourself just in case you got sick again. I know that you are staying at the Fairmont, but that is so far away so I decided to just bring you here to the Heathman."

"Did you put me to bed?"

"Yes" he replies impassively

"Did I actually end up throwing up again?"

"No."

I stare at him for a moment before asking one of the questions that I am dreading "Did you undress me?"

"Yes." He replies shortly while raising his eyebrow at me. My entire face heats up at his omission.

"We didn't… have sex or anything right?" I ask. Then his playful and flirtatious facial expression is quickly forgotten and replaced with a hard one.

"Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women sentient and receptive." He replies before his eyes start to turn into a smothering grey that's almost black.

"I'm sorry…" I say while lowering my gaze towards my fingers that are dancing in my lap. I feel his hands move onto my chin and lift my face to meet his gaze.

"It was a very diverting evening. I probably won't be forgetting it for quite a while." He says while searching my eyes.

"Well this night from hell didn't have to happen the way it did if you didn't go all secret service, inspector gadget on me and track me down at a bar."

"First of all tracking services can be found by simply using google. Second, you needed my help more than you realize. Your ass of a boyfriend had you cornered against a wall while you were hyperventilating. Does that sound like a good outcome to you? If I wasn't there, Lord knows what could've happened to you."

"I was handling it! Eventually he would've snapped out of it and I would've been fine. I can handle myself. You act as if I am your responsibility! I am not yours."

He snickers at my response. Before I know it he has reached over, grabbed me from my underarms and has flipped me so that I now I am sitting in his lap facing him. Both of my legs are astride of his and I can feel his impressive length on my center. I suck in a ragged breath, lean my forehead to rest against his and close my eyes. Instinctively I roll my hips against his to try and gain that friction that I crave. Christian groans in response to my sudden movements, and my breaths are coming out even harsher than they were before. At the sound of Christian clearing his throat and open my eyes and find that I a met with smothering grey. He grabs my face between his extremely large hands and says

"Anastasia, if you were mine you would not be able to sit down correctly for a week." My eyes widen at his response and my face heats up. _I wouldn't be able to sit down for a week? What is that even supposed to mean? Was that a threat? _I am looking questioningly at him and he drops his hands from my face. He brushes his hands through his unruly copper locks before he then sighs and lifts me off his laps. He turns his back towards me and walks towards the living room and says "Breakfast is going to be ready soon. The bag on the chair has some items for you to change into and you can go ahead and take a shower." As so has he's done ordering me around, once again, he closes the door and moves into the living room. After he shuts the door I flop down onto the bed and just stare at the ceiling eyes wide. _Christian Grey is going to be the death of me. I think that we are clearly attracted to each other but knowing fifty he is going to try to find some way to put distance between the two of us. I am not really sure what I hope to gain from this whole thing but in the end I know that I want to have Christian. I want to get to know him more and try to spend more time with him. _My thoughts are interrupted by the pinging of my phone. I reach over towards the nightstand and gather my cellphone and unlock it. I go to my text messages and see that I have multiple texts from Logan. I automatically roll my eyes. I go to open the text messages and they all say:

*Ana, I am really sorry about last night can we please talk about this?*

*Babe… I really want to make this right can you please answer my texts?*

*Can we go out and chat about this over lunch?* _Oh now he wants to talk? My subconscious snaps while crossing her arms. _

*I want to meet up? Can you meet me at 11:30 at the Mile High? I really want to talk and apologize properly…. I love you soo much baby*

I drop my phone on my chest and let out a frustrated sigh. I really don't feel like dealing with Logan and his shit today but at this point I just need to rip the Band-Aid off. It is obvious that the both of us are clearly not happy together and after last night I know I am making the right choice. I can't be with someone who wants to be two different people to me depending on the circumstance. I don't want to feel like I am being put on the backburner and I don't want to feel like my relationship is being forced either. I know that there are parts of me that will always love him but after everything I think it's best that I just let this go. I pick up my phone for the second time and send Logan back a reply that says:

*I agree, we need to talk. I will see you at the Mile High at 11:30"

I get up from the bed, plug in my phone, and grab the bag of clothes that is sitting on the chair and go into the bathroom. I turn on the shower and start to bathe myself and get ready for this sit down with Logan. After about twenty minutes there is a knock on the door and the sound of Christians voice comes through the door saying "Breakfast is here."

I shout back and "OK!" and try and quickly rinse off. I turn off the shower and dry off my hair with the towel. I take the hair tie that is on my wrist and throw my hair into a messy bun at the top of my head. I dry off the rest of my body and then reach into the bag to get dressed. The first things that I pull out are a light blue and white lace bra and pantie set. I automatically begin to blush at the thought of Christian picking out underwear for me. I look at the tag and realize that he has also managed to get the correct sizing for both the bra and underwear. _How did he do that? _I put on the underwear set and reach into the bag and pull out more clothing items. I empty out the rest of the bag and there is a white and navy stripped t-shirt, navy fitted jeans, and yellow flats. In all honesty the outfit is actually pretty cute, I guess Christian actually has some pretty good taste. _I don't know why I wouldn't expect good taste from a man that dresses like a God every day. _I take a moment to look over my appearance and then exit the bathroom. I walk out into the common area and see that Christian has now lost his shirt and is sitting on the couch spreading cream cheese on a bagel. At first I don't think he has noticed me walk into the room and I just stand there looking at the beautiful man that is Christian Grey. I am broken from my trance by him saying

"Anastasia you look beautiful."

Heat automatically rises to my cheeks and I lower my head in attempt to hide my embarrassment before saying thank you and walking towards the couch.

I finally sit down and gather a plate of fruit and pour myself a glass of orange juice. We are both eating in a comfortable silence for about 10 minutes before he asks

"How did you sleep last night?"

"Well and yourself?"

"The same oddly… it was a strange occurrence for me."

"What sleeping well?"

"Well yes but also sharing a bed with someone."

I set down the glass of orange juice that I previously had raised to my lips and ask, "Why is that strange?"

He replies "I don't share beds with people?"

"What do you mean haven't you slept with anyone?"

"That seems like a very personal question to ask Anastasia."

"For the millionth time it's just Ana, and isn't it quite personal to rescue someone form a bar and then share a bed with them? Because I believe it is and since that did actually happen, I believe that I should be able to ask you some personal questions… don't you think?"

"Normally, I don't subject myself to such personal questions which is why I don't engage in friendships."

"Well isn't that just unfortunate seeing how we are going to be great friends aren't we?" I reply while giving him a sarcastic side smile and continue to pick at my fruit salad.

He nods his head at me in return and murmurs "Fair point as always Ms. Steele." We are both eating in a comforting silence when I decide to ask him about his plans for the day.

"Well I am actually going to meet up with an old friend for lunch today at around 12."

"Oh that sounds nice."

"What are you doing for the rest of this evening?"

"I am actually going to meet up with Logan at around 11:30, which I actually need to start leaving for now." I say while sipping the last of my orange juice. I raise my head up to meet his gaze and he is looking at me intensely. _Why is he looking at me all weird? _Before he can say anything I raise my eyebrow to him and ask "Did I say something wrong?"

"Well not necessarily that you did anything wrong… I am just trying to figure out why the fuck you would want to go out with your crazy ass boyfriend. He had you cornered against a wall while screaming in your face. I don't know what would possess you to think that seeing him would be a great idea." He replies sharply at me. _What the hell is his problem?_

"I am actually meeting with him today because I want to break things off with him officially, thank you very much. I didn't know that I would need to seek your approval to converse with someone, who mind you, I am actually dating currently."

"You are going to break up with him?" _Is that seriously all that he was able to gather from all that I just said?_

"Yes… today at 11:30… which is why I need to get going now so I am going to catch a cab…"

"No! Taylor can take you to wherever you need to go."

"Honestly it's no trouble, I may have to make more than one stop anyway so that I can take out money to repay you for these clothes."

"Anastasia you are not going to do anything of that sort. Taylor will drop you off to wherever you need to go and you will not pay me back for the clothes. That was honestly nothing and if I am the friend that you say that I am then that means that I can take care of you. In order to take care of you I needed to buy you clothes. So forget about it." He replies while giving me his beautiful sarcastic smirk _what an ass. _

I let out an exasperated sigh before nodding my head and saying "Ok Christian, whatever you say. Honestly thank you so much for everything. As much as I hate to admit it, I probably really needed you last night. I'm actually quite surprised that you haven't kicked my ass for prying into your life so much." I say with a giggle "Well… now I feel like I am just rambling. All that I wanted to say was thank you" I then lean in towards his face and grab the left side of his cheek before whispering "Thank you" and placing a light kiss on the side of his cheek. When I pull away his eyes have returned to that smothering grey color. I remove his hand from the side of his face and I've his hand a tight squeeze before saying "Goodbye Christian." And walk towards the dorm of the hotel room and try and make my way towards the Mile High.

* * *

This is so incredibly awkward. I know exactly what I came here to do yet it is so hard to let the inevitable words flow from my lips. Logan and I are both avoiding the conversation and paying close attention to our meals. I am fidgeting along with my fruit salad and he is twirling his fork along his plate while staring at me with emotions that I myself cannot even place. _C'mon Ana! You dragged your ass all the way out here just do it! You can't keep pussy footing around the situation. It's time that you get what you want. _I take a deep breath before saying "We really need to talk about things"

He places he fork down on his plate, places his hands on the table and crosses his fingers before saying "Yes I think we do."

"Logan I think we need to talk about…"

"I'm sorry!" he blurts out. _Well I figured you would be, but that does change anything _"Last night was completely not called for and you didn't deserve that. I got a lot more physical than I expected… I.. I, I don't even know what happened last night. You know how much I love you, I would never hurt you on purpose."

"On purpose or not you still did. Whether or not you meant to or not does not change that fact that you did indeed hurt me. What's sad is that you think that last night was the only thing that you have done to hurt me. Every time something happens, you just expect me to lie down and take it and I'm sorry but I refuse to do that."

"I know Ana… I know that I have really messed up sooooo much lately, but I am trying to get better. It's just hard to try and get better when you aren't even there to see the change. It seems like all we do is fight…"

"The reason that we continue to fight all the time is because you refuse to take responsibility for your actions!"

"Ana what do you mean?! Every time something happens I say sorry and I try and do something to make up for it. We went on our special date, I got you a dog, and I tried to plan an outing….. What else can I do to make it up to you?"

_This is why we are breaking up. He can never see the problem. _I frustratingly rub my hands over my face before replying "Well you see… that is exactly the point. You think that sorry and some sort of a gift will cover it every time and it never does. You can't buy me out. My love for you cannot me purchased."

"Honestly Ana I don't even know where to go from here? I am really trying for you because I love you."

"I don't think you love me. I just think that you are comfortable with me and that you tolerate me."

His face morphs into one of anger as soon as the words leave my lips. "I don't love you? What the fuck are you talking about Ana!"

_Well you already let the cat out of the bag so you might as well just go all the way towards the finish line. My subconscious is waving the checkered patterned flags ready to scream ON YOUR MARKS GET SET GO. She's patiently waiting to see who finishes first. _"I said that I don't think that you love me… anymore that is. I think that you just tolerate me because you are comfortable. I think that we are just hanging on to what is left of our relationship because we have gotten comfortable."

"Wait wait wait! WE?! Where the hell is this shit coming from? I am not comfortable and we have been together for six years and now you are trying to tell me that we don't love each other?! Are you sure that it's just you that doesn't love me? We fight and fight and fight and then you fucking leave to a hotel and then last night fucking Christian Grey is showing up to saving the fucking day like he thinks he's superman or some shit. Are you sure it isn't just you that doesn't love me? Because it seems like you are the only person in this relationship that doesn't give a fucking shit about us!" he says while slamming his fist down on the table. _Well this is just going downhill quickly._

"Well maybe you are right. Maybe I don't love you anymore. Maybe I have come to realize that my love for you may just exist in the fact that I love the idea of us working out. I would love to be able to say that we made it for six years, and that we would get married happily ever after, eventually make bank and have beautiful children. I would love to be able to say that, but it's simply just not true. You let your parents berate me for the lifestyle that I want to live. You basically use me for sex sometimes, and then let us not forget about the lovely Rene who has a great time with you on the weekend. We are not shits and giggles Logan… We are nothing like the beautiful picture that we try to paint in our minds because it's not reality Logan. Reality is that we are moving apart from each other. We want different things. The beautiful picture simply does not exist. I am looking for that picture in realty Logan…. I just don't think that I can find that reality with you." I say while looking at him sheepishly. Not matter how this turns out I would never want to hurt him purposefully. I just need more… I need something different and for so long I have just gone with the flow, but for once I want to be selfish. I want to do something because I want to and not because of him. He just sits there with his head in his hands for a while before looking at me with a pained expression before replying in a whispering tone "What are you trying to say right now Ana."

I just look at the face that I use to think I would want to see for the rest of my life before saying "I think that we need to let each other go Logan."

His jaw drops and shock and that once pained expression is now gone and is masked with one that resembles the same rage that I saw last night at the bar. This time I am smart enough to know that I should not hang around for this shit. The minute I see things start to get out of hand, I am getting the hell out of here.

"You want to break up?"

"Yes." _Here we go… moment of truth. _I am shocked still by his response. Logan sits in front of me cackling like a hyena. People in the restaurant are beginning to stare at us. _Shit this is embarrassing! _I slap that side of his arm to grab his attention "Logan." _Nothing _"Logan, stop…. People are starting to stare."

"You think I give a shit about if these people are staring at us right now Ana? Do you really think I give a shit about what anyone else thinks of you, me or this shitty situation? And to be completely honest to do think that I really give a shit about what you think or have to say?" _This would be a god time to pick up your stuff and start leaving Ana, my subconscious snaps while waving her arms at me, trying to grasp my attention. _I am so shocked by his outburst that I cannot even get myself to move from the seat the butt is currently planted in. Logan takes a sip of his water and laughs a little before continuing his rant.

"You really are a piece of work Ana. You think this world revolves around you and that you are so important but NEWSFLASH sweetheart it doesn't. I've done you such a favor by loving you. I've stayed with you and all of your baggage for years! Everyone has been telling me to let you go but I kept you around to keep you happy. All you care about is work, books, and Ray. You are terrible in bed, boring and I've honestly had better ass than you." _This is definitely when you need to be leaving _"That's why I cheated on you then… and that's why I am cheating on you now. Rene knows how to fuck. She can suck my dick so good that I am cumming in a matter of seconds. You are nothing. You are a waste of air, I apologize to myself for having to have dated you, fucked you, slept with you and honestly I wasted so much of my time. So if you want to go, please over my dead body, Anastasia walk away. I dare you to. You've been my bitch for years." At this point my common sense has finally registered back to me. He did it… I actually cheated on me again! I was nothing! I want to reply, I want to reach across this table and rip his throat out but I cannot even find a set of words that can actually make it past my lips. I reach for my purpose from the back of my chair, grab my phone form on top of the table, stand up and start to walk away. As I make my way towards the elevator I can still hear Logan shouting from behind me "DID YOU REALLY THINK IT WAS JUST YOU ANA? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW THAT EVERYTIME THAT I WAS INSIDE OF YOU I WAS INSIDE OF HER FIRST." I lower my head and speed walk through tables trying to rid myself of this undying embarrassment. Who the hell is he? What the hell has happened to him? So many different things are running through my head right now that I am at a lost. I don't even register that I am crying until I bump into a mess in front of me and a waiter that stands in front of me offers me a napkin to wipe my face. I take the napkin and continue to make my way out the restaurant. I cannot believe him. In the back of my mind I thought something was happening… but to think that I was literally nothing but a waste of air to him has me feeling sick. I think that ever time that he has touched me, kissed me, had sex with me, slept next to me; he was with her first is beyond what I ever could have thought. I feel mad, sad, devastated, yet relieved all into one. I am finally free of the chains that Logan has had wrapped around me for our entire relationship.

I finally make it towards the elevator and I am pressing the down button for the elevator like a mad woman. It feels like it's taking an eternity for the elevator to finally be called, at this point I am ready to just take the stairs. I am about to walk towards the staircase when I feel an alarming amount of electricity flowing through my body _oh no. _I hear footsteps start to make their way towards me before I am greeted by the sound of his beautiful voice "Anastasia?" _Shit! I really don't want him to see me like this. I know the questions will be endless once he sees my makeup and tear stained face. _I reluctantly turn around and I am greeted with worried grey orbs. _Christian. _I want to say something, anything really, but what feels like for the millionth time today I am utterly speechless. Christian is studying my face trying to find answers to explain my distraught character. He pulls my hand into his and asks,

"What happened? Why are you crying?"

I still, shocked and speechless. All I can manage to do is stare at that beautiful face of his. I am looking at him pleading with him to put an end to his inquisition. He is able to read my facial expression and just asks

"What would you like me to do Ana?"

Finally words have found their way back to me. I reply with "Take me away from here. Anywhere just please away from here."

I don't even have to wait for his reply before he is calling the elevator up to take us away from this very shitty situation. Unlike last time, the elevator makes a quick appearance. We both step inside and he presses the button for the lobby. We both stand in silence for a moment before he says,

"So I take it that you met with that boyfriend of yours." He spits out the word boyfriend and locks his jaw so tight, I am afraid that it just may fall off from all of the pressure.

I awkwardly clear my throat before saying "Ex-Boyfriend as of today."

His face snaps to mine before he says "You broke up with him?!"

I barely finish the words yes before his he says "Thank fuck!" in a relieved voice and his body is smothering mine. Christian has my hands locked above my head, and his hips planted firmly to mine, and his mouth is searching mine with grave need and urgency.


	16. Chapter 16:Electric Feels

***I do not own the rights to the characters, the rights to the characters belong to E.L James***

**AN: Hello everyone, thank you for being patient with me. I really had a bad case of writers block for this chapter. I was hoping to at least give you all something. I am going to try and map out the next couple chapters so that they can be better. Sorry about the delay, thank you all for sticking with me. Please review. I hope to get another chapter in to you all soon. If I continue to dislike this one I will repost a newer one with changes.**

**Alysha**

Chapter 16: Electric Feels

Holy shit.

I am kissing Christian Grey.

How did I ever get so lucky to be blessed with this kind of fortune? I recall the many times that I have admired his beautifully sculpted lips from a distance. Never in my mind did I really think that they would feel this good or that I would ever have the pleasure of experiencing their talent first hand. Kissing Christian is like an out of this world experience. To be honest. It's completely consuming. I call feel him everywhere, hovering and capturing every inch of my body. His hands have mind pinned tightly about my head, his hips are pushing against mine; pressing me back against the elevator door. I can feel his very impressive erection standing tall and alert against my mind section. _Oh my God he's huge! _What makes the experience of kissing him so intense does end at just the physical level. I can smell him, taste him, feel him and breathe in all things Christian. What's even worse is that it feels like my body is tingling all over. I thought that the electric feeling of him just being near me was overwhelming, boy was I wrong. This entire elevator is ringing with the electricity between the two of its. It's completely chemical, no matter how many times I have tried to understand the vibes between the two of us I can never come close to an answer.

His tongue sweeps across my bottom lip, asking for entrance to explore my mouth. I reply to his silent request my parting my lips, allowing him to invade my mount fully. Between the two of us, our tongues are dancing a beautiful and sensual dance. He pulls his lips away from mine, and his grip on my hands loosens briefly before I feel one of his hands grasps my tiny delicate hands in his. When we both open our eyes to look at each other I realize that we are both panting heavily. He brings the hand that is holding both of mind to rest on his over back. He then brings his empty hands to the small of my back and pushes my hips further into his, creating a brief amount of friction. I moan escapes my lips from that amount of friction while a throaty groan escapes his. _He feels so good. _I am half expecting his lips to come back towards mine, but instead he dips his head towards the hallow of my neck and begins to coat me in kisses. I roll my head towards the side welcoming his sweet pecks. I close my eyes trying to savor the moment. _This is really happening. He is really kissing me right now. _

Part of it feel completely normal. The other part feels completely foreign. Today I ended my six year relationship with another guy, yet here I am receiving neck kisses from another guy. I am actually pretty conflicted. There is an internal debating brewing within me on wither to be sad because the reality of my flawed relationship has been brought to life; or if I should be rejoicing in the fact that Christian really does want me. Though my actions are clearly displaying the latter. I am so enthralled in Christian that I almost miss the elevator dinging, alerting us that we have reached a new floor. The two of us separate hastily. I am leaning back against the elevator wall, panting. I look over at Christian to see if he is just as effect as I am, to only see that he is just as stoic and cool as ever. _How the hell does we do that? We were making out in the elevator, grunting and moaning like horny teenagers. _The elevator door open and five men in business suits enter the elevator. Once they walk into the elevator, they continue their conversation as normal and I turn towards Christian to talk

"Well that was nice…" I say while blushing

He chuckles a bit before replying "Sure was."

I giggle back in response, shaking my head at the very heated memory of us in this elevator. It's crazy to me how much time can change things. About three minutes ago the two of us were in here tongue deep down each other's throats, and now we are both standing here trying to pretend like it never happened. I wonder what the rest of the day is going to be like… all I wanted to do is get out of here and it is just my luck that I end up running into Christian on the way out. Wait! How the hell did he know I was here? Was he stalking me?

"Christian… how did you know where I was?"

Before he could even part his lips to answer my question, the all too familiar sound of the elevator has rung again. He strolls out of the elevator gracefully and walk towards the exit.

"Christian?"

"I didn't know that you were here." He replies sharply

"Then why were you here then?"

"Because I was going to have lunch here with a friend, but I ended up running into you on my way out of the elevator."

"I didn't mean to disturb you, if you need to go and meet with your friend then I can get home by myself."

"Anastasia, you were a mess when I found you upstairs. There is no way in hell that I am going to leave you by yourself to figure all of this out." He replies before walking towards his Audi R8 and opening the passenger door for me. I look at him questioningly, standing still before asking

"Are you sure that you want to do this? I mean I am fine now… more than fine actually." I blush while saying this, remembering our passionate moment in the elevator. "You really don't have to do this… I didn't mean to interrupt your day."

"Anastasia, can you please just get in the car? I already told you that I am not leaving you alone like this so you might as well just come with me."

I sign before whispering ok, and then I sit in the passenger seat. Christian closed the door after me and walks towards the driver's side of the car. When he is finally seating he sits down for about thirty seconds and runs his hands through his copper locks, letting out an exasperated sigh. He puts the key in the ignition, turns it and the car roars, sounding its coming to life. He pulls us out of the driveway and turns onto the street.

Since we have been on the road for the last eight minutes he has said absolutely nothing to me. He is such a temperamental man. For a while I thought that this was just going to be a silent car ride, until he says

"Anastasia, what are your plans for the day?"

"Ermm…. Now that I think about it, nothing. What about you?"

"This evening there is a gala at my mother's house… do you like to dance?"

"Um yeah, but I just so happen to be very terrible at dancing."

"Well it's good that you would have me as a dance partner… because I can. We will go together than."

"Woah woah woah, I don't want to impose on your mothers evening with you, and I would also having nothing to wear…. I don't want to go looking subpar and hastily invited… you can drop me home, I promise I will be fine."

"But I want you to come with me." His response surprises me and I look over at him driving. He is grabbing the steering wheel tightly. The car ride is once again growing silent, awaiting my answer.

"Ana?"

"Yes?"

"Come with me… I hate having to talk to all of these people who only speak with me to try and get something from me… I want to be normal for one night." He says while looking at me sadly.

"But you are normal Christian..." I reply while touching his shoulder. When I try to inch downwards towards his arms he flinches with a pained look expression. I swiftly move my hand away from him before saying his name questioningly

"Christian?" he doesn't reply to me calling him and looks like he is trying to recover from his previous facial expression. "Christian are you ok?"

"To answer your first question no Anastasia, I am not normal I am fifty shades of fucked up. You will understand what I mean when I show you. And you have to be careful… I don't like to be touched… you can touch my arms, my shoulders, and face but you cannot touch my back or chest."

"Why do you always have to do that?"

"Do what?"

"Paint yourself out to be the bad guy all the time… are not as bad as you try to make yourself seem."

"You don't know me so how can you say that?"

"Well I guess that you do have a point, but I am getting to know you. So you won't be able to say that soon."

He sighs before saying. "If you say so."

"I won't touch you… but will you tell me why?"

"Not right now."

"Later?"

"Ana I don't know." He replies sharply

"Ok ok ok, jeez. I didn't mean to offend you oh grumpy one."

Hours later, Christian has had a dress delivered against my request. My hair and makeup are done and we are on our way to the gala.


	17. Chapter 17:Coping Together Pt1

***I do not own the rights to the characters and some of the scene play, all rights to the characters and parts of the scene play belong to E.L James***

**AN: Hello all, there are a couple things on the agenda for this authors note.**

**Firstly: I am sorry for the very long delay in posting this chapter. I promise that I have no forgotten about this story. I currently don't have a computer, so I have been using my friends computers and such. It's is not always easy to take theirs all time. I am also currently on spring break so I've been in the airport quite a bit too. So I haven't even been in my dorm to use my friends computers.**

**Secondly: It has recently been brought to my attention that my attempts at explaining the locations have been difficult to understand. That being said I wanted to clarify. I know that the distance between Seattle and Portland are quite the distance away… that being said, Ana had been commuting to Seattle while working for Christian. She has been staying at the Fairmount while she and Logan were having difficulties, meaning that it was closer to her job for her to work. There is also the fact that now that she and Logan are broken up, she will not be living is Portland anymore. In past chapters she has stated a couple of times that she wants to move from Portland to Seattle, and she is going to do that in future chapters (Quite soon actually). It was also brought to my attention that the Fairmount is quite expensive. Note that her internship at GEH is paid, and she has not been staying there too long, and Logan comes from relatively wealthy background. Hopefully that will help clarify for anyone that is having trouble. I will try to get better with my positioning, and make sure that I no longer am confusing. I have to get better with research.**

**Thirdly: I currently still don't have a Beta and I am working on getting a new one still. I am really going to try and lock down on my grammar and such so that the story is easier to read. Please stick with me while I try to figure this out. I hope that this aspect does not turn you all off from my story entirely.**

**Lastly: Thank you all for Reviewing, reading, following, and favoring my story. I really do appreciate the support. I hope that this authors note did not come off as aggressive, because it was not meant to be in the slightest. I don't mind too much criticism, I want to make this story interesting and enjoyable to read. In that, I have to make sure that I am improving as a writer and I hope to achieve that as time goes on. I do appreciate all forms of support. Please do keep on reading, reviewing and PMing me with any questions or concerns that you may have. I also hope to go through past chapters and edit them, so that the story can run smother. Thanks for everything! And I hope to have another chapter up for you all real soon.**

** Quick side note: the outfits for this chapter are posted on my pinterest page, which is the at sigh and alysha louis all together. The board is under the title of the story.**

**Much love,**

**Alysha**

Chapter 17: Coping Together Pt.1

I am really nervous. When I told Christian that I just needed to get away from the Mile High restaurant, I did not think that he was going to take me to a gala. The majority of our time earlier was spend debating. I didn't want to intrude on his day, he argued that I wasn't. I didn't think I should go to the gala, he thought that I should. I told him that I had nothing to wear, he said he would buy me something. I told him that I don't want him to pay for a dress, a dress was delivered by 3:30... The day, thus far, has been a series of debates and all of these small debates have lead us to now.

Now I can barely recognize myself in this fire engine, red laced, mermaid fit gown. I thought that I had won the argument about him not buying me anything to wear for the gala. Yet, at three thirty a clothing bag was delivered to his apartment, Escala, and when I opened it I came across a very beautiful gown. The gown is a very vibrant red, with lace that runs over the top of my cleavage, down the low "v" on my back, and covers my arms. The gown is made from Chiffon, and its mermaid styled; it hugs all of my curves to a tee. I have to admit that this dress is absolutely stunning, I never would've picked it out for myself. What surprised me even more is that Christian did, because he does not seem like the kind of man that really admires many colors. Based off his apartment, office and car choices; I wouldn't see red on his list of favorite colors. I am also wearing a pair of sparklie Christian Louboutin peep toe heels. When I opened the shoe box I swear I almost passed out. I have seen these shoes in the department stores when I am going shopping, but never in my life did I ever think that I would ever actually own a pair. I should've know that when Christian is involved, there will only ever be designer names. I try and dress semi-fashionable, but still cost effective. I am pretty sure that his entire wardrobe probably amounts to three months of rent at my old apartment.

Thinking about my old apartment reminds me of why I am even going to this gala in the first place. I just broke up with Logan. After what I learned today I am especially happy that we broke up, but this just makes me wonder about many things. I am curious about how I am going to move all of my things out of the apartment. I am curious about how long he had been sleeping with her. Are they officially together now? What am I going to do about the dog? Where am I going to live? So many things are just up in the air right now. Something that I am really curious about is where I want to go as far as Christian is concerned. There is obviously something between us that we both just can't seem to ignore, but do I really want to jump into something else; having just left something so complicated? I know that Logan and Christian are two different people, but that also means that they are two different kinds of complicated. Christian is dark, complicated, controlling, passionate, intelligent, and so much more. I use to think that Logan was passionate, loving, caring, kind, smart and driven; but all of that has been tainted by this new persona that he has adopted. Before I thought there was an ounce of a possibility that he and I could remain friends; but after his outburst at brunch I have strongly rethought that idea. I don't know that is happening to him. Lately he has been so short tempered, controlling, aggressive, and down right out of control. I cannot have people in my life who just seek to hurt me. In some ways I think that is why I am be apprehensive about Christian... There are parts of him that I don't understand, and that I have not seen yet and I wonder if those parts have the potential to be the parts that would hurt me. He totally rescued me today... But I don't know if that is just him making me see what I want to see.

I am already dressed. My hair is fixed into a low bun, with my bangs gelled to the side. A makeup artist came and worked their magic, keeping my face looking lightly coated; yet natural. I am nervous to go down stairs... I am curious about what he is going to think, what is he going to say, is he going to like it? What I am really worried about is that I am going to fall flat on my face. I don't want to embarrass myself any more than I already have today in front of Christian. I take a couple of deep breathes, and begin to make my way out of one of his guest rooms and down stairs. I continue to make my way down the stairs, step by step. I have my eyes casted downwards at first until I hear a large gasp coming from the bottom of the staircase. I stop where I am standing on the steps and my eyes dart up to find Christian staring at me with his mouth wide open. I go Crimson before asking-

"Do I look ok?" I ask him while looking at him nervously, and in return I get no response.

"Oh God I look terrible don't I? I am going to go change." I feel kind of shitty. A big part of me was really hoping that I could pull this dress off and impress him, but evidently I haven't. Clearly I am not enough…again. I tug my lips between my teeth and begin to make my way back up the stairs, towards the guest bedroom; to change into my old clothes. What was I thinking? Why would I ever believe that for some reason I am enough for him...? I couldn't even do that for someone that I was dating for six years, so what made me thinking that I could do that for someone that I barely know? I keep making my way up the long staircase until I feel a tugging on my elbow. I know that he is trying to turn me around to make eye contact with him, but I can't. I am much too embarrassed to be sharing a moment with him after it is clear that I could not meet his expectations. I keep my head faced away from him, looking up towards the guest room that could serve as a barrier.

"Christian can you please let me go so I could change please?" I say with a shaky voice

"Ana I-" I cut him off before he can even find a good set of excuses for me to listen to.

"I just want to change... Clearly this was not the dress for me and I shouldn't have tricked myself into beveling that I could pull it off. I would really just like to eat some ice cream and have far too many glasses of wine. So if you could please just-"

"WILL YOU LET ME TALK PLEASE!" I automatically shut up at the raising of his voice. I finally bring my eyes to meet his and he runs his hands over his face.

"Anastasia... You looked beautiful. You looked so beautiful that I was shocked into silence. I didn't even know how to respond to your question because you far surpassed my expectations. I didn't mean to make you think otherwise, but you need to stop running." Well I wasn't expecting that. I continue to look at him, blank faced, confused and surprised he liked it?

"You... yo-you liked it?" I ask questioningly

"Yes I did, don't doubt yourself so quickly. When I picked out this dress for you to wear, I knew you would look beautiful in it."

I let out a frustrated sigh. I am being so stupid today. I am letting this whole Logan thing effect my night with Christian. I've been snappy and jumpy all day; I really need to get it together. I run my hands over my face, without damaging my makeup job.

"I'm sorry…" I say in a hushed tone.

"It's ok, let's just go so that I can show you a good time tonight." I smile at him sweetly before saying

"I would really like that."

* * *

We have been in the car for a while now. We have made small talk for about twenty minutes. This entire time I have not actually had a moment to taken in how handsome he actually looks. He is wearing a two-piece black suit, white button down with silver buttons and a black bow tie. To put it simply, he looks gorgeous. I have always wondered how he does it. No matter what he wears, he always manages to look fantastic. I think every woman can honestly say that they appreciate a man in a suit, but that does not compare to Christian Grey in a suit or tux. I am too busy admiring his physique to actually notice that he has now caught me staring at him. He looks at me, raising his eyebrow towards me questioningly, while smirking. He is such a smart ass, he should know that it should be illegal to look the way that he does.

"Penny for your thoughts Ms. Steele." He says sarcastically

"Sorry-" I say before grasping my bottom lip between my teeth nervously "I was just-"

"Staring." He says bluntly

"Well, you would too if you saw someone that looks as good as you do right now." I say boldly. Maybe if I just admit it he won't comment any further. _Boy was I wrong_

"Well I could understand your point … I feel the same way when I am looking at you."

My face flushes the color of a tomato. That was definitely not the response that I thought I was going to get back. I turn my head towards the window, away from the intense gaze of Christian. I can't believe he just said that. Out of the corner of my eye I see him raise his hand towards my face. He holds my face in his muscular hands and turns my face towards him. "Hey…" He says in a hushed tone "Don't hide from me." I turn my eyes towards my freshly manicured fingers that are twirling in my lap. He caresses the side of my face sweetly and almost instinctively I have learned my face into his palm.

"Look at me." He says sternly. I neglect my focus from my hands to his beautiful Grey orbs. "You look beautiful, you look beautiful always. Never doubt yourself, and don't doubt me when I tell you that you are beautiful… ok?"

"Ok" I whisper back. He leans towards me and gives me a chaste kiss on the lips. At first the kiss seemed to be short and sweet, until the kiss takes a heated turn. He brings his lips to mine again for a second time. When I think that he is going to pull away I bravely wrap one of my arms around his neck and bring my lips back to his. He accepts my bold move and brings his hands to my hips to bring us closer. His tongue skims across my bottom lip, requesting entrance to my mouth. I respond to his silent question by opening my mouth to his. We are creating a synchronized rhythm with our tongues, moving as if our lips were made to be pressed against the others. I take my hand that is not wrapped around his neck and press that button that would release the hold of my seatbelt. At the sound of the click, Christian removed his lips away from mine. He looked down at my recently released seatbelt and shook his head.

"Anastasia you need to-." I cut him off by lightly pressing a kiss to his lips before saying.

"Shhhhhh." I move myself carefully to rest myself against him in his lap. I wrap the both of my hands around his neck for the second time and bring my forehead down to rest against his "Trust me." I whisper before pressing my lips back to his. I pull away from him in attempt to read his facial expression. He looks at me for a moment and you can see the debate that he is facing internally. I can see that a part of him really wants to reject my proposal and make me return to the confines of my seatbelt; while the other part of him wants to give in to my tempting persuasion. I bring my lips back to his quickly before he allows the rational part of his mind to win, and dictate his decision. We continue our passionate caresses and kissing until we feel the car come to a stop. At this moment we finally come up for air and realize that we must have made it to our final destination

Now that we are here, I think that it is best that I myself from his lap. Once I am finally positioned back in my original seat, I take a moment to look over at my beautiful fifty. Looking over, I see that he is running his hands over his face. He lets out an exasperated breath and then reaches into his pocket. When his hand reemerges, it now contains a masquerade mask within its hold. He then sets the mask down on the seat and brings his hands to my shoulders to turn me around. Once I am turned around to face the car window, he brings the mask towards my face and secures it behind my head. Looking at my reflection in the car door window; I can see that one half the mask extends down the whole of my face, while the left half of the mask covers the top of my eyelid and my upper forehead. The mask is beautiful. Its simple black leather fabric and lace design makes my piercing blue orbs even more noticeable. I spin my head around to look at Christian. He sits silently looking at me for a moment before the words "Beatuiful." Roll off his striking lips. He then takes out a second simple black masquerade mask, brings it towards his own face, ties it and extends his hand out to me.

"Ready?" He says.

"As ready as I am going to be." I murmur back in response. He opens up the car door, extends his hand out towards me and first thing that I can see is the dark green carpet that turns along the side of the house, leading to extremely impressive grounds that would be known as "Grey Manner". I thought that we were supposed to be going to a gala at his parents' house? This house is more than just your normal house, it's a mansion. At the same time that I am having these thoughts, I don't know why I am so surprised. I should've expected that Christians parents would have the same lavish lifestyle that he does. While thinking about the extravagantness that is his parents' house; Christian puts his arm around me protectively, resting his hand on my waist. We follow up the green carpet towards the extremely fancily dressed guest attending the gala. Two photographers position guests to pose for pictures against the backdrops.

"Mr. Grey!" one of the photographers calls. Christian nods in acknowledgement and pulls me close as we pose quickly for a photo. How do they know it's him? Looking him over, I realize that it's definitely the copper hair.

"Two photographers?" I ask Christian.

"One is from the Seattle Times; the other is for a souvenir. We'll be able to buy a copy later." _Great… that's just what I need… my picture in the press._

After our pictures are taken, we continue to walk towards the entrance of the gala. Right at the end of the pathway, there are servers on each side carrying champagne glasses. We stop in front of the servers and Christian gets the both of us glasses.

We approach a large white pergola hung with smaller versions of the paper lanterns. Beneath it, shines a black and white checkered dance floor surrounded by a low fence with entrances on three sides. At each entrance stand two elaborate ice sculptures of swans. The fourth side of the pergola is occupied by a stage where a string quartet is playing softly, a haunting, ethereal piece I don't recognize. The stage looks set for a big band but as there's no sign of the musicians yet. I figure this must be for later. Taking my hand, Christian leads me between swans onto the dance floor where the other guests are congregating, chatting over glasses of champagne. Toward the shoreline stands an enormous marquee, open on the side nearest to us so I can glimpse the formally arranged tables and chairs. There are so many!

"How many people are coming?" I ask Christian, thrown off by the scale of the marquee.

"I think about three hundred. You'll have to ask my mother." He smiles down at me, and maybe it's because I can only see his smile that lights up his face, but my inner goddess swoons.

"Christian!"

A young woman appears out of the crowd and throws her arms around his neck. I automatically know that the person touching him is Mia. In past conversations, he has expressed to me that she is the only person that he allows to touch him that openly. She's dressed in a sleek, pale pink, full-length chiffon gown with a stunning, delicately detailed Venetian mask to match. She looks amazing. And for a moment, I have never felt so grateful for the dress Christian has given me. At first I thought that she was not going to acknowledge me at all, _boy was I wrong._ Before I even have the chance to prepare myself, a very high pitched squeal is ringing throughout our vicinity.

"OH MY GOD! Who is this?!"

"Christian did you bring home a girl?"

"Oh my God she's a pretty girl?"

"A real, breathing, pretty girl… with nice boobs!-"I flush crimson at her admission. How embarrassing, your boss's sister admires your boobs right in front of him.

"Mia?!" Christian says while raising his voice slightly "You don't need to embarrass her. She has barely been here, and if you keep it up she won't want to come back."

"I'm sorry! I'm just sayin, I wish I had boobs like that_." Oh god this is going to continue to get more embarrassing as the night goes on._ I wrap my hand around his bicep and turn my head inwards, trying to escape the situation I have been put into.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"It's too late for that." Christian says under his breath.

"I am so sorry for my terrible manners, what's your name by the way?"

Before I can even reply Christian has already beat me to the punch.

"Mia, this is Anastasia, Anastasia… this is my over bearing sister, Mia."

"Oh hush Christian." She says while hitting the side of his arm playfully "You know you love me. Anyways it's so nice to meet you Anastasia. Christian has never brought a girl home before."

"Mia!" he says in attempt to chastise her.

"What you haven't? I am just stating facts this time. Oh my gosh! Wait until mom sees you, she is going to flip!"

"Great." Christian grumbles. "Anyways Mia, this was fun but I think Ana would like to sit now."

"Oh ok, I will see you at our table. It was very nice to meet you Anastasia."

"It was very nice to meet you too Mia and you can just call me Ana." I reply

"Ok, I will be seeing you later Ana."

Before I can even give my last goodbye, Christian is whisking us away from his sisters never ending stream of questions.

"I'm sorry for that by the way, she can be pretty intrusive." He says apologetically

"Yeah, but it's only because she loves you."

"Yeah I suppose you are right." He says while leading us throughout the party. After walking around and completing many different introductions, the master of ceremonies voice breaks through all over the gala.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Please take your seats. Dinner is served."

Christian takes my hand, and we follow the chattering crowd to the large marquee. The interior is stunning. Three enormous, shallow chandeliers throw rainbow-colored sparkles over the ivory silk lining of the ceiling and walls. There must be at least thirty tables, all wrapped in gossamer silk beside it is a basket of goodies.

Christian consults the seating plan and leads me to a table in the center. Mia is sitting with a gorgeous middle aged woman with mahogany locks, pinned up to perfection and dazzling hazel eyes. As we continue to walk towards the table, we are once again greeted by Mias' enthusiastic squeals. _oh boy._

"How is she so happy and excited all of the time?"

"I ask myself the same question almost every day." Christian replies.

We keep walking towards the table and Mia, along with the middle aged woman get up and start to walk towards us.

"Christian… who is that woman that is walking with your sister?" he looks at me through the corner of his eye and gives me a sarcastic smirk

"That would be my mother." He replies confidently.

I automatically stop walking to digest what he has just told me. His mother?! I am meeting his mother and he didn't even give me some sort of a fair warning? I mean, knew that I was going to meet her at some point seeing how this is her event, but it would've been nice to have some kind of a heads up. I would've liked to mentally prepare myself, but clearly that is not going to happen. I am pulled out of my internal panic by the sound of his elegant voice saying

"Mother, this is Anastasia Steele. Anastasia, this is my mother, Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey." _Here we go. I hope that my encounters with his mother go better than the ones that I had with Logans' mother._

"What a pleasure to meet you." She says with in a stunned tone, while offering me her hand. I grasp her hand back and give her a shy smile before saying

"Likewise ,"

"Call me Grace." She says warmly, while grinning.

"eeeeeeeekkkkkk! See mom, I told you that she exists! She's pretty and nice!"

"Mia!" they both of them shout at the same time, equally chastising her for her outburst, while I blush.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it. Christian has never had a girlfriend before and now-"

"She's not my girlfriend." He replies quickly.

This is so awkward. I am trying to look everywhere except for Mia and Graces' face. I see out of the corner of my eye that they are both look at each other, clearly stunned by Christians confession. They both are trying to regain their composure, trying to act as if this whole thing never happened.

This is going to be one hell of an evening.


	18. Chapter 18:Coping Together Pt2

***I do not own the rights to the characters and some of the screen play, the rights to the characters, along with some of the screen play belong to E.L James***

**AN: Hey y'all! Here is the next chapter. Thank you all for the reviews! Please continue to review the story! I have been a little busy which is why the updates have not been very frequent, but I promise will not disappear. Also you can still find the outfits on my Pinterest page. You can search the name of this story or the at sign and alight louis all together. Along with that, Work Song by Hozier is in this chapter. The song is fantastic and you really have to listen to it! Please continue to read and review! Please also PM me about any question or concerns, or even just casual chatter. All support it welcome. I hope that y'all are all doing alright, and I hope to see you soon :)**

**Much much love,**

**Alysha**

**SN: I am also a fan of the Divergent Series and I saw insurgent on the premiere night... I would just like to say that they completely went the opposite direction of the books and I am pissed. I know that this is not about fifty shades but just had to rant slightly to somebody. Lol.**

**SN #2: Sorry if there are formatting issues with this chapter, I wrote it on my friends computer and the formatting on here is a little funky.**

Chapter 18: Coping Together Pt.2

Alcohol.

One of Gods many wonderful gifts to the world. I probably wouldn't be able to get through the rest of today without it. I really don't know what I did to deserve a day like today, but I am sooooooo over it. The day started off on a good note, because I had the pleasure of waking up next to the one and only, Christian Grey. Then that wonderful start to my day quickly went downhill at my brunch meeting with my lovely ex-boyfriend. It was just so great that I found out that the bastard has been cheating on me again. To make matters worse, he then decided to publicly humiliate me in front of majority of the Mile High costumers. After that whole fiasco, I thought my shitty day would once again be turned around, by the master of the universe himself, . But no, I freaked out before we got to the gala, because I thought he didn't like my dress, and then I freaked out because I was meeting his family. But to top it all off, he called me out for "not being his girlfriend" in front of his mother. He said it so fast that it seemed like he was embarrassed to even be associated with me. To be honest, I am confused. I am confused because on the one hand I know that I need to take time to myself and reevaluate my life, and take time on my own. On the other hand, I want to just give and be with Christian, because I know many parts of me want to. The rational part of me knows that his comment shouldn't effect me because, one... I am actually not his girlfriend, and two... I just got out of a relationship myself. But the irrational part of me is sad... Sad because I was not good enough for the man that was mine for six years of my life, and I'm still clearly not good enough for the man that I want to be mine. So what have I been doing about this internal dilemma of mine?

I. Am. Drinking... A lot

I am drinking because I really needed this night to go a lot better than the way that it has been. I needed him to be my knight in shinning armor, and whisk me off of my feet, and away from the sadness that lingers inside of me. I am so pissed. We were making out in the limo, and everything felt really special and fun. But now its awkward. As the night has progressed, I have been introduced to more of the Grey clan. My introductions with Grace and Mia, have become a distant memory of the past. I have meet his father Carrick Grey, a lawyer, who was loving an affectionate with all of his family members... Accept for me. In all honesty, he wasn't really rude or anything... Its just that he kept looking at me weird. I know he doesn't know me well enough to actually have a problem with me, so the only guess I have is that he is skeptical of me because his son has never brought a woman around family before. I admire his protectiveness over his son, because I would be the same way if I had one. Other than Carrick, I have also meet Mr and Mrs. Trevelyan. They were very nice, they were also very supportive of their daughter. All of the chatter at the table mostly consisted of Elliott making jokes, Mia talking about Paris and his grandparents sharing wonderful memories. Yet, I have barely interacted with Christian at all. He has been rubbing small circles in my back, rubbing my arms affectionately... But I am not having it. His comment make me feel unwanted. So in return... I want champagne.

A waiter comes towards our table after making more rounds throughout the gala and offers me another glass of champagne. I gladly accept his offer and sip on the lovely bubbly liquid that I have been offered. I can feel Christians heated gaze at my accepting of another drink. I see him shift and his chair and lean closer to me. _Uh oh here we go._

"Anastasia, don't you thin that you have had enough to drink?" he whispers sharply into my ear. _What the hell is his problem? It's partially his fault that I am feeling this way any way._

"I would like to think that I am just evening myself ."

"Perhaps a little too much, don't you think?"

"How much I want to drink should be none of your concern, and quite frankly I don't appreciate you judging me either." I reply sharply _take that Grey._

"Ana I am not trying to pick a fight with you, I just don't want you to be sick. I am worried about you." I almost soften up at his attempt to be sweet but I am still mad... And tipsy.

"I am fine Christian... I don't need you to worry about me. I clearly mean nothing to you so I don't know why you keep getting on my back about it." he frustratingly runs his hands over his face and lets out an exasperated breath.

"What the hell are you talking about Ana? When did I ever say something like that? You are jumping to conclusions... Do you want to be mad right now? Because no matter what I say to you, you get upset. I am just trying to make sure that you don't get sick."

Now he wants to care? Why couldn't he just try and be all cute earlier, instead of acting like the thought of me being in a relationship with him is repulsive? My small rant is brought to a stop by the sound of Mias voice.

"Ana, will you help in the auction?"

"Of course," I respond only too willing.

* * *

By the time dessert is served, night has fallen, and I'm feeling pretty good. The champagne has done me very well. I know I am not drunk, but I am pretty tipsy. I see that flinch line of being drunk in the distance, but I am not allowing myself to actually sprint towards it. Mia and Elliott have been great. Elliott is still on a roll with the jokes. We have talked about funny things, Kate, GP construction, and Christian. Mia is still on a rave about Paris, her friends that she met there, and the auction. The MC announces that the lists of auction gifts are going to be passed out soon, and I am confused. I went to some fundraisers in the past with Logan, but nothing as intense as the one that I am at now. A server comes to our table and passes us each a card to review. Opening et manilla envelope is a long list that reads...

* * *

Auction Gifts And Gracious Donors for Coping Together

Signed Baseball Bat from the Mariners – Dr. Emily Mainwaring

Gucci Purse, Wallet &amp; Keyring – Andrea Washington

One Day Voucher for Two at Esclava, Braeburn Center – Elena Lincoln

Landscape and Garden Design – Gia Matteo

Coco De Mer Coffret &amp; Perfume Beauty Selection – Elizabeth Austin

Venetian Mirror – Mr. and Mrs. J. Bailey

Two Cases of Wine of Your Choice from Alban Estates – Alban Estates

2 VIP Tickets for XTY in Concert – Mrs. L. Yesyov

Race Day at Daytona – EMC Britt Inc.

Pride &amp; Prejudice by Jane Austen First Edition – Dr. A. F. M. Lace-Field

Drive an Aston Martin DB7 for a day – Mr. &amp; Mrs. L. W. Nora

Oil Painting Into the Blue by J. Trouton – Kelly Trouton

Gliding Lesson – Seattle Soarers Club

Couples Art Lesson- Paint Paws Art Studio

Weekend Break for Two at the Heathman, Portland – The Heathman

One weekend stay in Aspen, Colorado (Sleeps 6) – Mr. C. Grey

One Week Stay Aboard the SusieCue Yacht (6 berths) Moored in St Lucia – Dr. &amp; Mrs. Larin

One Week at Lake Adriana, MONTANA (sleeps 8) – Mr. &amp; Dr. Grey

* * *

Holy shit. I blink up at Christian.

"You own property in Aspen?" I hiss. The auction is underway, and I have to keep my voice down.

He nods, doesn't seem surprised at my outburst and irritated. He puts his finger to his lips to silence me.

"Do you have property elsewhere?" I whisper.

He nods again and inclines his head to one side in a warning.

The whole room erupts with cheering and applause; one of the prizes has gone for twelve thousand dollars.

"I'll tell you later," Christian says quietly. "I wanted to see what you would like so that we can do something together" he adds rather sulkily.

I rescan the list of offers and realize that the she-devil is on the list of participants. My thoughts automatically cloud at the mere existence of her. I glance around the marquee to see if I can spot her, but I can't see her telltale hair. Surely Christian would have warned me if she was invited tonight. I sit and stew, applauding when necessary, as each lot is sold for astonishing amounts of money.

I continue to look over the list of things, scanning and scanning to see if I find anything that I would even consider doing, even though there is no way that I could possibly afford any of these things.

"I've always wanted to do this." I say to myself

"Do what?" Christian says, while looking over at my pamphlet. _ I didn't even realize that I said that out loud?_

"The painting class... I have always wanted to learn how to paint, I just never had the opportunity to try it."

The bidding moves to the painting class and it reaches twenty thousand dollars. I continue to listen intently as the price of the class continues to go higher and higher. I really wish that I could afford something like that. Based off of the description, the class is going to be lead by an award winning artist that is still to be determined.

"Going once, going twice," the MC calls, and the next thing I hear is an all too familiar voice.

"Twenty-four thousand dollars!"

Every mask at the table, along with mine, turns towards him in shocked amazement; the biggest reaction of all coming from me. I let out a sharp intake of breath and feel my blush creeping over me like a tidal wave.

"Twenty-four thousand dollars, to Christian Grey, going once, going twice . . . Sold!"

Holy shit, did he really just do that? It must be the alcohol. I've had champagne plus four glasses of four different wines. I glance up at Christian who's busy applauding.

He is clapping, along with all of the other members at our table while staring at me; waiting for me to give him some kind of response to his purchase. _Is he fucking crazy? Who spends twenty-four thousand dollars on a painting class? Clearly this man has more money then sense._

Christian leans over to me, a large shy smile plastered across his face. I lean in and kiss his cheek and then move closer to whisper in his ear.

"Are you crazy?"

He looks over at me nervously before saying "I thought you said that you always wanted to go to a painting class? I just wanted to make you happy..." _my subconscious has her arms crossed while scowling at me disapprovingly. She knows I want to chastise him for spending an obscene amount of money on a painting class. Through closely examine his face, I can see that he is at a total loss for how to handle a womans' wrath. _I let out a sigh, and grab his hand in mind underneath the table. I start to rub small circles on his knuckles. Looking at his face I can tell that he is trying to maintain his cool. I haven't said anything to respond to his outrageous purchase other than "Are you crazy?", and I can tell that it is starting to get to him. It's times like this that I realize that he is not always as in control as her tries to be.

I lean my head on his shoulder and whisper "I'm sorry" into his ear.

"I don't know what I did wrong for you to get so mad earlier. I invited you so that I could show you a good time."

"I know, I know, can we just forget about it? I don't want to fight anymore." he nods at me before whispering ok. Our moment is interrupted by Mia saying.

"Ana!" Mia calls. "It's time!"

"Time for what?"

"The First Dance Auction. Come on!" She stands and holds out her hand.

I glance at Christian who is, I think, scowling at Mia, and I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but it's laughter that wins. I succumb to a cathartic bubble of schoolgirl giggles, as we are thwarted once more by the tall, pink powerhouse that is Mia Grey. Christian peers at me, and after a beat, there's a ghost of a smile on his lips. Mia stands up and walks towards me to join me on the other side of the table, before we leave Christian stands up and whispers good luck into my ear.

"Come on, Ana," Mia nags. Taking her outstretched hand, I follow her onto the stage where ten more young women have assembled. Looking back towards our table, I notice Christian and see him briefly look at his phone, before he stands up, and walks away. _Where is he going?_

"Gentlemen, the highlight of the evening!" the MC booms over the babble of voices. "The moment you've all been waiting for! These twelve lovely ladies have all agreed to auction their first dance to the highest bidder!"

Oh no. I blush from head to toe. I hadn't realized what this meant. How humiliating!

"It's for a good cause," Mia hisses at me, sensing my discomfort. "Besides, Christian will win." She rolls her eyes. "I can't imagine him letting anyone outbid him. He hasn't taken his eyes off you all evening."

Yes, focus on the good cause, and Christian is bound to win. Let's face it, he's not short of a dime or two.

_But it means spending more money on you! my subconscious snarls at me._ But I don't want to dance with anyone else—I can't dance with anyone else—and it's not spending money on me, he's donating it to the charity._ Like the twenty-four thousand dollars he's already spent? My subconscious narrows her eyes_. _I don't think that she is every going to let me get away with that one. I still don't know any sane man that would spend twenty-four thousand dollars on a painting class._

Why am I arguing with myself?

"Now, gentlemen, pray gather round, and take a good look at what could be yours for the first dance. Twelve comely and compliant wenches."

Jeez! I feel like I'm in a meat market. I watch, horrified, as at least twenty men make their way to the stage area, moving with easy grace between the tables and pausing to say a few hellos on the way. Once the bidders are assembled, the MC begins.

"Ladies and gentlemen, in the tradition of the masquerade we shall maintain the mystery behind the masks and stick to first names only. First up we have the lovely Jada." _Where is he?_

Jada is giggling like a schoolgirl, too. Maybe I won't be so out of place. She's dressed head to foot in navy taffeta with a matching mask. Two young men step forward expectantly. Lucky Jada.

"Jada speaks fluent Japanese, is a qualified fighter pilot, and an Olympic gymnast . . . hmm." The MC winks. "Gentleman, what am I bid?"

Jada gapes, astounded at the MC; obviously, he's talking complete garbage. She grins shyly back at the two contenders.

"A thousand bucks!" one calls.

Very quickly the bidding escalates to five thousand dollars.

"Going once . . . going twice . . . sold!" the MC declares loudly, "to the gentleman in the mask!" And of course all the men are wearing masks so there are hoots of laughter, applause, and cheering. Jada beams at her purchaser and quickly exits the stage.

"See? This is fun!" whispers Mia. "I hope Christian wins you, though . . . We don't want a brawl," she adds.

"Brawl?" I answer horrified.

"Oh yes. He was very hot-headed when he was younger." She shudders.

Christian brawling? Refined, sophisticated, likes-Tudor-choral-music Christian? I can't see it. The MC distracts me with his next introduction—a young woman in red, with long jet-black hair.

"Gentlemen, may I present the wonderful Mariah. What are we going to do about Mariah? She's an experienced matador, plays the cello to concert standard, and she's a champion pole-vaulter . . . how about that, gentlemen? What am I bid, please, for a dance with the delightful Mariah?" _Oh god, the more women that get sold means that my name is getting closer on the list of ladies to be auctioned. Where the hell is Grey?_

Mariah glares at the MC and someone yells, very loudly, "Three thousand dollars!" It's a masked man with blond hair and beard.

There is one counter-bid, but Mariah sells for four thousand dollars.

"How long ago?" I ask Mia.

She glances at me, nonplussed.

"How long ago was Christian brawling?" I clarify

"Early teens. Drove my parents crazy, coming home with cut lips and black eyes. He was expelled from two schools. He inflicted some serious damage on his opponents."

I gape at her.

"Hasn't he told you?" She sighs. "He got quite a bad rep among my friends. He was really persona non grata for a few years. But it stopped when he was about fifteen or sixteen." She shrugs.

Holy fuck. I really don't know him as well as I would like myself to believe that I do.

"So, what am I bid for the gorgeous Jill?"

"Four thousand dollars," a deep voice calls from the left side. Jill squeals in delight.

I stop paying attention to the auction. So Christian was in that kind of trouble at school, fighting. I wonder why. I look into the crowd, curious as to where the hell he possibly could've gone.

"And now, allow me to introduce the beautiful Ana."

Oh shit, that's me. I glance nervously at Mia, and she shoos me center stage. Fortunately, I don't fall over, but stand embarrassed as hell on display for everyone. I direct my eyes back towards the crowd, nervously looking to find Christian. Much to my surprise, there he stands, front and center, nursing on a glass of champagne. _Oh thank God! For a moment I thought that he wasn't going to show, and that I would be stuck with some random guy here._ When I look at Christian, he's smirking at me. The bastard. He probably knows that I am shitting myself a little bit here.

"Beautiful Ana plays six musical instruments, speaks fluent Mandarin, and is keen on yoga . . . well, gentlemen—" Before he can even finish his sentence Christian interrupts him, glaring at the MC through his mask.

"Ten thousand dollars." I hear one of Mias friend, Lilly, gasp of disbelief behind me.

_Oh fuck._

"Fifteen."

What? We all turn as one to a tall, impeccably dressed man standing to the left of the stage. I blink at Fifty. Shit, what will he make of this? But he's scratching his chin and giving the stranger an ironic smile. It's obvious Christian knows him. The stranger nods politely at Christian.

"Well, gentlemen! We have high rollers in the house this evening." The MC's excitement emanates through his harlequin mask as he turns to beam at Christian. This is a great show, but it's at my expense. I want to wail.

"Twenty," counters Christian quietly.

The babble of the crowd has died. Everyone is staring at me, Christian, and Mr. Mysterious by the stage.

"Twenty-five," the stranger says.

Could this be any more embarrassing?

Christian stares at him impassively, but he's amused. All eyes are on Christian. What's he going to do? My heart is in my mouth. I feel sick.

"One hundred thousand dollars," he says his voice ringing clear and loud through the marquee.

"What the fuck?" Lily hisses audibly behind me, and a general gasp of dismay and amusement ripples through the crowd. The stranger holds his hands up in defeat, laughing, and Christian smirks at him. From the corner of my eye, I can see Mia bouncing up and down with glee. My subconscious is gazing at Christian, utterly gobsmacked.

"One-hundred thousand dollars for the lovely Ana! Going once . . . going twice . . ." The MC stares at the stranger who shakes his head with mock regret and bows chivalrously.

"Sold!" the MC cries out triumphantly.

In a deafening round of applause and cheering, Christian steps forward to take my hand and help me from the stage. He looks at me with with a stern expression. I thought that I should display my appreciation for his extremely kind gesture by giving him a kiss on the cheek. I lean my head towards his, making my intentions clear. He recognizes my intention and pulls away from me, gazing down at me before saying. _What the fuck?_

"Someone you can meet have about thirty minutes until the First Dance Auction finishes. Then we have to be back on the dance floor so that I can enjoy that dance I've paid for."

"A very expensive dance," I mutter disapprovingly.

"Lets just wait for them to call us and get this over with." He says dryly. _What the hell happened to him? Before he was trying to win over my affections, and now he is being all dry and distant._

We start to walk off on the side, towards the lawn. He sits at a small metal table for two. We both sit down and for a while we are both encountering a large amount of awkward silence.

"So... This is one hell of a gala huh?"

"Yes, I suppose that it is."

"okay..." _this is so awkward. _"Where did you go earlier?"

"Earlier when?"

"Right before the auction, I was standing up there looking for you and you were gone."

"Oh, I had to talk to a friend."

"Oh who?"

"No one for you to worry about."

"Well ok... I thought that since we were sort of friends now that, that wouldn't be a big deal to tell me."

"You think that everything wouldn't be a big deal to tell you."

The sound of the Mc's voice rings through the lawn saying "And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the first dance. Mr. and Dr. Grey, are you ready?" Carrick nods in agreement, his arms around Grace.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the First Dance Auction, are you ready?" We all nod in agreement. Mia is with someone I don't recognize. I wonder what happened to Sean?

"Then we shall begin. Take it away, Sam!"

A young man strolls onto the stage amid warm applause, turns to the band behind him and snaps his fingers. The first beat of "Work Song by Hozier" fills the air. **(this song is amazing! Please do take the time to actually listen to it. It will give your more insight for why I picked it ;) )**

Christian gets up from the small metal chair and offers his hand. I put mine in his and we start to move towards the dance floor.

"Are you sure that you still want to do this? You seem a little tense..."

"I already paid for it, and everyone saw the auction so I guess I have to." _Is he possessed? What the hell happened to my caring Christian? He did say that he was fifty shades, my subconscious reminds me. _

Looking around all of the other couples are all taking place al around the dance floor. "You don't have you do anything that you don't want to if you don't feel like it. I especially don't want you to dance with me acting the way that you are."

"Don't be dramatic Anastasia, let's just get the dance over already." I start to pull away from him wanting to break away from his grouchy attitude, when the lyrics of the first verse start to ring through the air.

_Body's workin on empty_

_Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?_

_I just think about my baby_

_I'm so full of love I could barely eat_

_There's nothing sweeter than my baby_

_I never want once from the cherry tree_

_Cause my baby's sweet as can be_

_She give me toothaches just from kissin me_

I know that I have been drinking... But clearly not enough to want to tolerate this kind of behavior. I need playful and caring fifty back. My favorite version of Christian is carefree Christian. I love to see him with his head thrown back in a fit of laughter. That's what I can do! I can try and make him laugh.

He seems to reluctantly take me into his arms and he starts to move. And boy does he move because this man can dance well. I try to move closer to him. I lean my head towards his and whisper "You are quite sweet yourself ."

_[Chorus:]_

_When, my, time comes around_

_Lay me gently in the cold dark earth_

_No grave can hold my body down_

_I'll crawl home to her_

Christian does nothing but gaze down at me without uttering a single word.

_Boys, when my baby found me_

_I was three days on a drunken sin_

_I woke with her walls around me_

_Nothin in her room but an empty crib_

_And I was burnin up a fever_

_I didn't care much how long I lived_

_But I swear I thought I dreamed her_

_She never asked me once about the wrong I did_

"Christian... I just want you to have a good time with me... I know that I was upset earlier, but you were fine. We were laughing and everything was fine, and then after the dance you were a completely different person."

_[Chorus x2]_

_My babe would never fret none_

_About what my hands and my body done_

_If the Lord don't forgive me_

_I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me_

_When I was kissing on my baby_

_And she put her love down soft and sweet_

_In the low lamp light I was free_

_Heaven and hell were words to me_

"That's what you thought Anastasia... You think that you know me so well and you don't. I am just being myself. You are the one that keeps trying to convince yourself that I am this wonderful person. You don't know me, you know nothing about me, and you continue to try and push this so called 'friendship' that you have invented in your own head. You cannot blame me or try to force me into pitying you for your own mistakes."

My whole body goes stiff. I can't get myself to keep moving among the rest of the people who are gliding across the floor. I needed tonight to be my night of relief. When I saw Christian on my way out of the Mile High, I felt nothing but relief. Now I find myself in the same situation I was before, I want to run. The rational part of my mind knows that I should be snatching myself out of his grasp and getting the hell out of here. But my body can't seem to find the strength to move. I think I am trying to convince myself that he didn't actually say the things that he said. I am trying to convince myself that our countless bickering hans't occurred. I am trying to convince myself that all the bad things that happened today don't actually exist. Worst of all... I am trying to convince myself that the words of this song don't have a sense of truth. I am fighting myself to not believe that in this short amount of time... That I feel this way for Christian... My man of many shades.

_[Chorus 2x]_

_When, my, time comes around_

_Lay me gently in the cold dark earth_

_No grave can hold my body down_

_I'll crawl home to her_


	19. Chapter 19:Coping Together Pt3

**AN: I know I am late! I meant to post this chapter the day after I posted chapter 18. I think I needed a little bit of time to regroup. I was noticing that many parts of me felt like I should change my initial plans because people weren't happy, it took me a couple days to come back to the conclusion that I should write my story the way that I want to. Don't get me wrong, I really do love all of the feedback, but I can't just change everything because it's not what people want. While we are on the topic of the people and what they want, I would just like to point out that posting guest reviews, the only way that I can respond to you is through posting on chapters. As previously stated, I have received negative criticism before and because people used their usernames I was able to respond in private. Secondly, the negative criticism that I have received was meant to be constructive. Not just rude and demanding. Thirdly, I know that everyone has the right to state his or her opinion, please note that I also have the ability to state mind and defend my story. **

**On a positive note, thank you all for reading my story! I appreciate everything. Please make sure that you review, review and review! The pinterest board is under the name of the story, or you can search the at sign and alyshalouis (all together). **

Much love

Alysha

Chapter 19: Coping Together Part 3

What the hell did I get myself into? Why the hell did I come here with him? What possessed me to think that this was actually going to work out? The main reason that I keep telling myself that we shouldn't be together is because; I have realized that I am too depend on others. I was dependent on Ray to rescue me from husband number three. I was dependent on Logan to bring me back out of my shell; and now I am dependent on Christian to save me from my failed relationship. I keep throwing myself in the same situation that put me here in the first place. I have royally screwed up. I need to go. I need to be away from Christian right now. I don't deserve this shit.

The last beat of the song starts to fade out; signaling that the first dance is coming to an end and Christian is still trying to pull me towards him. I am so pissed off at him right now, that I can barely even formulate words to describe it. Now that the song has ended, Christian removes his hold of my body, without letting go of my hand. I start to tug my hand away from his and he pulls my arm sharply to turn me towards him.

"Where are you going?" he asks with a stern gaze. _This man has clearly lost his mind if he thinks that we are going to act all hunky-dory right now after how he just acted._

"Far away from you." I snarl in response.

"Ana-" he starts to say. But before he can say anything else, I lean towards him and say

"Get your fucking hands off of me." Through my teeth.

Under no circumstances is this ok. What bothers me even more is that he seems to have no idea as to why I am acting the way that I am. I understand that to most of the world, he is the king of the universe who can shout and demand in whichever way that he pleases; but I am not that girl. Being here, with him, I am not just his employee. I am not this person that he can just run over whenever it is that he sees fit. I aggressively snatch my hand out of his grasp and being to storm off of the dance floor. I need to be far away from him right now, because is he tries to get anywhere near me, I won't be responsible for my actions. On my way off of the dance floor, I spot another server with a fresh tray of champagne glasses. _Oh yes, more alcohol. _I stop the waiter briefly, grab two flutes of champagne and walk towards the side area that Christian and I previously vacated before the dance. I sit down on the small metal chair and let out a frustrated breath. _What the hell am I doing? Why the hell am I still here? And most of all, what the hell happened to him?_I do understand that I was in a slightly foul mood earlier, but we got over it. We were both having a good time after the auction. I am feeling so many different emotions right now, that it's hard to even make coherent thoughts. I feel sad, mad, confused, betrayed, offended, devastated, and disappointed all that the same time. I was hoping that seeing Christian today would be my save and grace, but clearly life had other plans.

I am sitting here, at a gala, sipping far too many glasses of champagne, and really thinking about getting the hell out of here. It seems like for the millionth time today, my body just can't seem to actually move. Although I really don't want to face him right now, I am enjoying the silence of just being here by myself. All day I haven't actually had the opportunity to sit down and just think. All day I have either been flirting with Christian, fighting with both Logan and Christian; but no matte what I do, I still cannot seem to make people happy... But right now I am tired. Right now I don't feel like just putting on my brave face and acting as if nothing has happened. I just want to have time to get my thoughts together and I know that I cannot do that when Christian is around.

Sometimes I really do hate it. I hate that it feels like every time I am around him, my thoughts get clouded. The only way I can describe the way that I he makes me feel is vulnerable. He makes me feel extremely vulnerable. He can read me like a book. Looking at everything really, he has so much control of my life. He has control of my occupational future, he has control of my emotions; makes me feel things that I haven't felt in month…maybe even years. Everything feels like its moving way too fast for me to actually have the chance to catch up. I let myself gain feelings for this man, while he has no regard for mine. I am pulled out of my internal debate by the sound of Christian's voice.

"Anastasia what are you doing?"

"Staying away from you." I reply over the rim of my glass of champagne, before I take another sip. Why the hell is he here? He already said enough before; and I don't want to talk right now.

"That was rude."

"So were you comments earlier. So I guess that makes us both assholes. Now that we've got that covered, so can you leave me alone now Christian? I really don't want to talk to you right now."

"Who do you think you are talking to Anastasia?!" he replies sharply

"I am talking to you, ! What the hell is wrong with you! You were perfectly fine before the auction, and then ever since you came back, you have been nothing but an ASSHOLE!" I say while raising my voice. I am not going to allow him to talk to me that way anymore.

"YOU ARE WHAT MY PROBLEM !" he says while shouting.

"I am your problem? How the fuck am I your problem? I don't do anything! All I try to do is be friends with you; all I try to do is spend time with you! YOU are the one who is always pushing me away! You are the one with the problem!"

"My problem with you is that you can never just do as I say, you are always defiant and you always have to be the one to make the decisions! You keep trying to convince me that you are my friend but you are not!"

"You are so confusing! I never know which way is up, and which way is down with you because one minute you say you like my smart mouth and all of my comments; but then you say that I am defiant and I don't listen. My brain is suffering form whiplash trying to keep up with your constant mood swings. Secondly, Why aren't I your friend Christian? Tell me what I have done that is soooooo wrong that makes you so reluctant towards me?"

"You don't understand people like me Anastasia. You-" _How mature, way to just completely avoid the first part of that comment._

"Understand people like what? Like what Christian? What kind of people are you like?"

"I can't tell you right now... We have to talk about it later. I don't get to let people like you in, because people like you will run away from people like me."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Every time we are together you say that there is something that you have to tell me, there is something that I have to know and that there is something that I don't understand. Stop dancing around the subject and just tell me already! You don't know how I am going to react-" he says something under his breath that cuts me off from continuing my frustrated rant, and his next words stop me right in my tracks. _Did he just say what I think he just said?!_

"Elena said you would react like this" he murmurs under his breath, while running his hands over his face exasperatingly.

"What did you just say?" I ask. He better have not said what I think he has said.

He sighs heavily before saying "Ana just-"

"Don't Ana just anything... What did you just say."

"Goddamnit Ana! I said that Elena was right! She was right that you wouldn't understand, and that you would keep trying to push me into being someone that I am not. She was right in saying that you and I are two different people. She was right in saying that people like you and me cannot be friends. That's why I confide in her, because she knows. She has been in my shoes before, and she doesn't allow things like this to happen. When people like us stay out of these situations, we stay in control."

Shocked.

That is the first reaction that I can muster from his confession. That is what happened. That bitch called him and tainted his powerful mind with useless nonsense... And I am fuming. I am seeing red at everything that he is saying. This is such bullshit! How does this woman have the ability to gain the control of a man as powerful as Christian? There is something wrong with this! Out of all things that I know, I know that Christian is not one that can be easily swayed or influenced; so how the hell does this woman have the ability to control him in a way that doesn't even make sense?! I really want to yell! I really want to scream, find that she-bitch and give her a piece of my mind, but I am far beyond that point of mad. I am at the point where the anger if rolling off of my body in waves, my colorful eyes have now changed to icy blow orbs. Yelling won't even do me justice for what I am feeling right now. All I know, is that I am not fucking having it.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... Are you meaning to tell me that somehow... Somewhere... That incompetent... Devilistic bitch; said something to you that made you think it was ok to treat me like shit? Is that what you are telling me right now... _ ?!" _At first I thought that he would at least respond, but after a couple of seconds, he is just continuously starting at me in complete silence... If I were to be honest, he actually looks quite scared. I am so mad, I actually start to laugh... I start to laugh at the irony of this whole situation. The multibillionaire, intelligent, master of the universe Grey, cannot see that he is being manipulated. I shake my head in disbelief at the realization that this man seriously has no clue.

"Ohhhh Christian... Christian… Christian… Christian... Christian. I would've thought that you would know better than this. I would've thought that you could see that, that gutless sack of shit is manipulating you! Tell me, does she know anything about me? Does she know anything about me at all? Due to your silence, I am going to go with no. You let this woman, who does nothing but make absence accusations about me dictate your actions. You say that me being defiant is what makes you feel like you are out of control, but the problem is truly, that you don't have control... She does. She does because she is controlling your actions whenever you are with me; she tries to infiltrate your life, in ways that I, quite frankly, do not understand. I really don't get what it is about that woman that makes you feel like she is someone who is safe to trust. In the short time that I have known you, countless times I have made you laugh, smile, and feel relaxed. You have told me about your life, granted, I don't know everything; but whether you want you admit to it or not, you have opened up to me. You have gotten me out of situations that could've been sooooo much worse if you weren't there, but I have done the same for you in return. I have made you happy, we have enjoyed company, we have experienced intimacy, in ways that you said you have never before. When you woke up next to me this morning, it was you who said that you haven't been able to sleep straight through the night in years. I brought you that piece, I brought you that happiness. I don't say this in a way that means that you owe me something, but I am saying it to remind you to look at the facts. Look at what your experience with me has taught you. Look at what all the signs tell you. In all honesty I pity you if you can't. If you can't see past the deception of that evil woman... Than I really have nothing else to say to you; because I am not going to sit by and get treated like shit for more days in my life than I already have. I just got rid of Logan for that specific reason, and I am not going to sit here and do that all over with you again. If the man that you truly are relies on that poor excuse of a human being, than we are done. In every sense of the word. I don't want to see you, speak to you, interact with you, eat with you; or anything that is not work related. I will reduce our relationship to the meaningless acquaintanceship that she wants us to be."

After this extremely long rant, I am left with nothing but Christians silence. He is staring at me, looking doe-eyed and vulnerable. I don't think anyone has ever brought the toxic ways of that relationship, out to him in person. I am not even sure if anyone knows that it is that makes up their relationship, but all I know if that I don't like it. I am not too sure myself what it is about them that makes them the way that they are, but I don't like it one bit. That woman has issues, she has major issues with me and she uses Christian as a puppet to say the things that she feels that she cannot. Anyone who is really looking can see that Christian is a very broken person... I would know because I have looked in the mirror and have seen the same thing that he has, pain. I know pain all too well... But it is something that can consume you if you cannot control it. Right now, I am controlling it. I can't be this doormat for him to inflict all of his pain on. This is something that he needs to figure out on his own, and that is why I have to walk away from him right now. I understand that he is fifty shades, I understand that he feels like he is repairable; but he has to want the change... I can't just be that change for him. I take one last look at the copper haired god that is Christian Grey and make my way out of the gala. As I am pushing through people, desperately trying to find an exit, I am stopped by a man with a British accent who says

"You are good for him you know."

"Excuse me?" I asked confusingly. _Who is this person? Have I met him before?_

"Christian... You are good for him, is what I am saying." he says factually.

"And how would you know that?" I say sarcastically while still trying to weave my way throughout the crowd.

"Because you challenge him, you don't accept mediocrity from him. You actually want to make him better." his comment makes me stop, and actually look at him for a moment. I look at his face, searching his for answers... Why would he say that to me? How would he know that? Examining his attire and face again, I realize that this is the man the bid on me against Christian at the auction.

"Who are you?"

"John Flynn, a friend of Christians." he says while offering me his hand. I reluctantly take his hand before saying.

"Christian doesn't have friends." I reply factually. He laughs a bit at my response before saying.

"Well... That does sound like something that he would say, but tell me... Do you believe that? Do you believe that he isn't capable of them, like he just tried to say to you in the garden?" _Garden? Oh shit. He heard everything I said to him... He heard our entire argument._

"_No... I don't believe that he is not capable of having friends... He is capable of anything that he wants to be capable of."_

"_Which is exactly why you are good for him."_

"_Well... Good luck trying to convince him of that. I_'ve tried... And quite frankly I am loosing the strength to keep fighting and tiring war."

He sighs out loud before saying "Actually I do... All the time. Christian is a very stubborn person, you don't really get to convince him much of anything. He needs to feel like he has the ability to determine things on his own. He just needs people to steer him into the right direction... But the actions themselves have to come form him."

"Well Mr. Flynn was it?" he nods. "I've tried... But does not take very kindly towards sitting in the passenger seat."

"You have to be patient with him please?" I look at him silently; searching his face for answers about what to do with Mr. Mood swings himself. Before I can answer him, Grace is coming towards me.

"Ana dear, I was just with Christian and he was besides himself worrying that you left. Oh and I see that you met John." she says while gesturing to him.

"Umm yeah I did actually, he's quite nice. It was very nice to meet you ."

"Likewise Anastasia." he says before he walks away, into the crowd.

"Is everything ok Ana? Are you having a good time?" she says worryingly.

"Yeah, yeah, everything is fine. I just have a little bit of a headache and I am really tired... I think I am just going to head out now and get some shut eye."

"Oh but you haven't even seen the fireworks yet! You have to stay! They are absolutely gorgeous... Why don't you go lie down in one of the guest rooms for now to calm that head of yours, and then later, if you feel up to it, you can come on down and rejoin the party and fireworks." _I really just want to get out of here. I need to be away from him right now because every time he always manages to make things fuzzy._

"Idon't want you to have to go through all of that trouble, I could really just-"

"No Ana, I insist."

"Ummmmm ok then... Sure. I will wait to see how I am feeling later."

"Great lets go, I will show you to your room."

The last thing I remember was walking through their beautiful home and being shown to a very warm feeling guest room before everything drifted into a land of unconsciousness.

* * *

I am planning on posting the next chapter tonight, or tomorrow morning. Stay tuned. Remember to review

Alysha


	20. Chapter 20:Not Coping Together

***I do not own the rights to the characters and some of the screen play, the rights to the characters, along with some of the screen play belongs to E.L James.***

**AN: Hey Hey Hey! I know I said that I was going to post this morning but I am a full time student. Unfortunately I couldn't sleep last night, and I had a 9:40, my oral exam got rescheduled, I had to go to the library for a couple hours… along with other foolishness. I would love to blow off class and right fanfiction all day but lets be real… My mom would kick my ass for wasting her money to send me out of state if I am doing nothing but goofing off. Good news is that after 3pm tomorrow, I will be on Easter break till Tuesday … which means I should have a lot more time to update. I still have the next couple chapters outlined; but I have also switched things around a little bit so it may take me a while to regroup. I am currently working on chapter 21 it should be up in an hour or two. Please remember to review! Keep reading, stick with me, there are quite a couple of interesting things to come in these next five chapters **

**Remember the pinterest page is under my name alyshalouis and the at sign, or you can search it under boards and the name of this story.**

**Also, just incase you didn't receive the update notification, chapter 19 has been posted and the PSA has been taken down.**

**Alysha**

Chapter 20: Not Coping Togther

Awaking from my deep slumber, I am smothered in heat. When I try to remove some of the sheets from my sweating body, I realize that my limbs are currently pressed down on the bed by something else. Looking to my left, I come across a mop of unruly copper locks that could only belong to the one and only, Christian Grey. Thinking about how he slept with me tonight has me curious... Why would he think that it would be ok to sleep next to me? I said everything that I had to say earlier, and it was all far from pleasant. For such a smart man, he can be so obtuse sometimes. I look around the room, trying to see how I can get myself out of this situation. I look towards my right, and notice that there is a bedside lamp on the nightstand. I stretch my arm over, trying to bring light to the room. Finally, after struggling for a while, I have finally turned the light on; that's when I realized the full extent of Christian's slumbered state. He is all over me. One of his legs are pushed in the two of mine, his harm is wrapped around my waist. While his head is rested firmly against my chest. Although I am still pissed at him, I cannot deny that a rested fifty is a very cute fifty. He looks so at peace in his sleep. For once he actually looks his age. Some of his copper locks have found their way towards his forehead and his eyelashes are fanning across his beautifully sculpted face. Without realizing that I was, I am racking my fingers through his hair. It is just as soft as I remembered it being. Realizing that I shouldn't be doing this, I reluctantly pull my fingers away from his copper waves. I let out a frustrated sigh, wondering why everything had to be so complicated.

Why couldn't I just stay by myself? Why couldn't I stick to the plan I originally had for myself? Why couldn't we just be friends? Why did I allow myself to develop the small feelings that I do have for this an, in such a little bit of time...

I. Am. Fucked.

To be honest, I know that I need to stay away. Knowing him, he will try and convince me of some reason to not be mad at him, and knowing me... I would fall for it. I can't deny that I want him in a way that is more than just sexual... But he can't be what I want him to be right now, and its not even like he is willing to try. Fuck. What did I get myself into? I need to get out of here... And now. If he were awake to see me leave, hurricane fifty would've made its way to Seattle. I gently try to lift his arm away from my body but I am only pulled in tighter to his grasp. I instantly still at his unconscious effort to bring me closer, I try to wait it out and see if he is still asleep. I wait a minute or two and realize that he must have fallen back to sleep.

Thank God.

I reattempt to remove myself from his grasp and I am greeted by smothering grey, sleepy eyes. _Let the shit show begin._

"Ana?" he says confusingly.

I let of a sigh before replying. "Yes, Christian?"

"Where are you going?"

"Home... I didn't expect to actually spend the night here, I've already overstayed my welcome." at my omission, his eyebrows are now turned inward with a frowned expression.

"Why I want you here?" he says sincerely.

"Well... That sounds nice Christian, but I don't need to be here." I say while moving myself from his arms and start to gather my things. Christian sits up, runs his hands over his face and says

"Well than at least stay and get something to eat. You drank quite a bit last night and you need something to soak up all of that alcohol."

"Listen, I don't need you to tell me how much I drank last night, because I am pretty sure that I was the one who requested the drinks."

"I know Anastasia... I am not trying to argue with you right now. I just need you to be safe."

"Well... I am fine. I promise, I will be fine. I just need to go to the hotel and have a hot shower." he finally makes his way out of the bed and over towards where I am standing. He tries to reach fro my arm, but as soon as he makes a step forward, I take one back. I will never forget the dejected look on fifties face when I took a step away from him. I don't think that the master of the universe has actually ever had someone turn away from what he wanted. I guess its time that he learns, even if I feel bad for making him hurt.

"Ana... I really thought heavily about what you said to me last night. I don't know anything outside of the lifestyle in which I was brought up. I don't really have friends and the only one that I do have is Elena. She has helped me in ways that I can't even explain. I know that is not something that you can easily understand. But can you give me a break? All I want to do is keep you safe. I know that I have a lot to explain, and I will... I promise. But right now, can you just allow me to get you something to eat and take you to the hotel. Just let me help... Please."

Goddamnit... This is exactly why I wanted to make it out of here before he woke up. I already knew that there would be no way that I would make it out of here without an argument. As always, Grey has to get his way.

I rub my hands over my face and let out a frustrated sigh.

"Christian… I will eat breakfast with you if, and only if your family is downstairs eating, and I will allow you to bring me back to my hotel, but afterwards… I need space. Lately everything in my life has either been moving too fast or exploding right before my eyes and quite frankly, I cannot take anymore surprises."

"If that's what you want, that is what we will do then."

"Thank you." I reply. "Do you have something else that I can put on? This dress isn't exactly comfortable…"

"Yes, I have some of my old clothes that are in my room. Hold on." He briefly leaves the room and returns with an old Harvard sweatshirt and grey sweatpants. He hands them to me before letting me know that he is going to change in his room. I walk into the bathroom, unzip my beautiful fire red dress and put on the clothes that Christian gave me to borrow. Somehow, even though he probably no longer wears them, they still have his trademark Christian Grey smell. After getting dressed, I walk back into the bedroom and Christian is there waiting for me. He is wearing a white V-neck shirt and plain blue jeans. He gestures for me to walk before him and we both exit the room.

Now that I am not as intoxicated or tired, I am actually taking a moment to look around. This house is beautiful, huge, but beautiful. Photos of the family hang all throughout the walls, along with beautiful artwork. We both walk down the sweeping staircase, and towards the first floor. Once we are in the foyer, we both make a right and walk into the living room. The room is spacious, tastefully furnished in crams, browns, and pale blue. It's very comfortable, understand and stylish. In the living room, everyone is lounging on the sofas talking amiably, and laughing. Once they realize that Christian and I are in the room, all attention has been shifted towards us.

"Ana dear, how are you feeling this morning? When I went to check up on your again, you where asleep." Grace says with concern.

"Yes I am feeling a lot better, I just want to get back have a shower."

"Oh well, we are just about to have breakfast, Gretchen is in the actually setting the table now. Are you are you and Christian going to join us?" This is so awkward, I really don't want to insult them but I really would like to go home. Reluctantly I agree to have breakfast with them. Next to me I hear Christian let out a breath of relief. Looking over at him, I can tell that he is nervous. I know that he has said that he has thought about everything that I have said, but it still hasn't changed things. I am still upset, and I still want space. Although I don't want to hurt him… I am not staying here for him.

* * *

We are all finishing our breakfast that Gretchen has prepared. Today's discussion has mostly revolved all around last night. Apparently the auction was very successful, along with the first dance auction. It is crazy how the minutes in between those two things were so great, and by the time the auction started; Christians attitude went down hill. I really wished things would've have turned out differently. Apparently he and I were quite the topic of conversation. Everyone wanted to know if we were dating, what we were wearing, why he spent so much money on our dance and so many other ridiculous questions. Its funny how even though everyone thinks that we are dating; we actually aren't really talking to each other, well I am not exactly talking to him, but its fine. I hope that he tries to make a change for the better soon. My thoughts are interrupted my the sound of Graces voice.

"Ana, do you and Christian have any plans for today?"

"I'm not too sure about Christian, but I am actually going back to my hotel room today. It's been a very crazy week and I just want to relax."

"That's understandable." Graces says

"What hotel are you staying in Ana?" Mia asks

"The Fairmont hotel."

"Oh I have to come visit you! Maybe we can go shopping together some time?"

"Uhhh I may be a boring shopping partner, but I would love to go with you."

"How come you are staying there?" _Great… how do I try and explain why I am staying at a hotel? Oh hey, me and my asshole of an ex-boyfriend actually just broke up and I am kind of hiding away from him in a hotel. But yes, you are not wrong in thinking that I am moving on fast, because I was at the gala last night with your son. Hopefully you can't feel the awkward tension between the two of us, but pray for me…. Yeah no._

"Ummmm I am currently looking for a new apartment… but until then I am going to stay there. My graduation is really close and things have been very hectic so I am just trying to wait for things to calm down a bit more before I make things even more complicated than they already are."

"Well that's understandable, are you excited to graduate?" Carrick asks _wow, I am actually quite surprised that he is talking to me._

"Yes very! I have very hard over the past four years and I cannot wait to see all of my hard work come to life through my internship."

"Yeah! Ms. Ana-Banana and I will be working close together to construct the publishing building. I must admit she has some pretty rad plans thus far." Elliott admits.

"Thanks Elliott I think that will be fun." I say will offering him a nice smile.

"Well, I think that it's time that Anastasia and I get going…" Christian says while keeping a hard glare on Elliott. _Oh god, now is not the time for his caveman tendencies… I guess it is a good thing that we are going to get going… We don't need a yesterday round two._

"Well… Thank you for having me Grace. I really enjoyed myself and the gala was beautiful." I say while standing up to offered everyone goodbyes.

"It was great to have you Ana. If you need any help with moving or anything I am pretty sure that everyone would be willing to help you."

"Thanks, I will be sure to let you know." We all exchange hugs and kisses goodbye, and make our way towards the front door. Once Christian and I are outside, he quietly walks towards the Audi and opens up the passenger door or me. He waits for me to sit in the passenger, and transfer some of my items to the back seat. After I am done he shuts the door and walks towards the drivers side, closes the door, and starts the car." We are sitting in a miserable silence before I ask

"Where is Taylor?"

"He's following in the car behind us why?"

"I am just surprised that he wasn't going to be the one driving us back… he usually did."

"I wanted to bring you home myself." He says in a hushed tone. I can tell that he feels bad about the way that the events of last night panned out; but I don't have the energy to try and rectify this whole situation right now. I nod my head at his admission and turn my head to look out towards the window. The thirty-three minute drive back to the Fairmont was deathly silent and awkward. Once we pull up at the lobby, Christian gracefully pulls the car to a stop and I can see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I bring my eyes to meet his, and his face displaces nothing but pure regret. I don't really give him the chance to say anything before I say

"Thanks for the ride and I will see you Monday morning ." and open up the passenger door. I collect my things from the backseat before walking into the lobby. I can tell that he really wanted to say something based off of the way that his mouth would open and reclose several times without uttering a single word. I continue to make my way towards my room without even daring to look back.


	21. Chapter 21:Potential Little Kennys

***I do not own the rights to the characters, the rights to the characters belongs to E.L James.*******

**AN: Hey all **** here is chapter 21, I felt bad for being late today so I wrote y'all two chapters. I start break tomorrow so hopefully I can get quite a few updates in. Please please review **

**Stay Golden**

**Alysha**

Chapter 21: Potential Little Kenny's

These past couple of days have been nothing but crazy. Last week Logan and I got into this huge blow out and we broke up. He also managed to publically humiliate me in a restaurant. Then I ran into Christian and we were having such a great time, until we weren't. Since the day after the big blow out I haven't uttered a single word to him. I have kept my distance and stayed completely professional. Although I am still pretty mad about Saturday night, I am starting to miss our chats. No matter how lonely I am currently, I don't just want to break down. Everyday since that day he has sent me a different bouquet of flowers. Even though he is trying to sweeten me up, I still haven't said anything to him. Every time a new bundle of flowers come in, I just place them somewhere around the office. I really do hope no one has any pollen related allergies, because it smells like we have a florist shop on our floor. I wouldn't be surprised if he actually has come down here to check up on me. I would kind of feel bad for him if he did… he would only then be surrounded by the flowers that he has gifted me everywhere except for near me.

The past couple drama free days have given me a chance to get refocused. I have gotten very serious about GP. Elliott and I have met several times to go over the floor plans for GP. He was saying that as soon as I am able to get sponsors, we should be good to go for construction. Lately I have been doing so much research to find different ways to fundraise for GP but I kept coming up empty. That's when I realized that I could through a fundraising gala just like Coping Together. I can gather other publishing companies and authors that would want to become silent partners in GP. We can also have it become a two-event extravaganza. I was thinking that one GP fundraising event should be for everyone in the neighborhood. Every one of all ages should come for a book fair. There we can take donated books from others and auction them off to others, while authors that have agreed to transfer publishing companies to GP come and sign book covers for fans. We can also have an author-speaking panel where new aspiring authors can give us the insides on their new books. There can be face painters, photo booths, reading sessions, and book baskets for kids. The second even can consist of only adults, and sponsors. There everyone can place bids on first additions, and raffle for different authors. Hopefully afterwards we will be able to come up with majority of the funds that will be necessary to start contrition. At some point I know that I am going to meet with Christian about my ideas. I really want to get the to do this before my graduation on Thursday. I would make my life so much easier if majority of this were set into place before graduation. I know my dad is going to be coming in and I want to be able to properly celebrate. Wanting to just get this over with and rip off the Band-Aid I shoot Christian an Email.

* * *

**From:** Anastasia Steele

**Subject:** Grey Publishing Ideas

**Date:** May 10 2011 11:14 AM

**To:** Christian Grey

, I have come up with a couple of Ideas regarding GP and I was wondering when you would be free to discuss them. I am hoping to run these by you before my graduation on Friday.

Thank You,

Anastasia Steele

Intern at Grey Enterprises and Holdings

* * *

Here goes nothing. At first I was nervous that he wasn't going to reply, but almost less than three minutes later; I hear an all too familiar ping in my email.

* * *

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Ideas

**Date:** May 10 2011 11:16 AM

**To:** Anastasia Steele

Ms. Steele, I am currently free if you don't have anything else that needs attention at this moment. I will let Andrea know to let you in whenever you are ready.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Wow… well that was easier than I thought it would be.

I send a quick reply letting him know that I am available now and that I am on my way. Once I finally make my way to the 20th floor; Andrea greets me with a kind nod and says that Mr. Grey is available to see me now. I give her an acknowledging nod before making my way down the hall and into his office. When I walk through the double doors that lead to his office, he seems to be extremely focused on whatever is happening on his computer screen.

"Uhhhh Mr. Grey?"

He finally breaks his devoted attention to his computer to look my way.

"Oh, you are here already. So what did you have in mind?"

I spend about 45 minutes going over ideas for GP construction and GP fundraising with Christian… lucky, everything has been given an okay. We have gone over the logistics and we have gone over the budget for fundraising. Over this time we were also able to call Elliott over the phone and get the construction dates figures out. Hopefully in two months time, the renovations for GP will be complete. We also have gone over the hiring process and have scheduled to do interviews within the next month. I am so incredibly happy that everything for GP is falling into place. I know that my personal life has been a mess, but I am really looking forward to my business life coming together. I am gathering all of my notes from our meeting and Christian is staring at me silently while rubbing his knuckles that are resting on his lap.

"Well, I think we got a lot done today, don't you?"

"Yes, I would say so."

"Well… Thank you for carving out time in your schedule to meet with me over this. I am glad that we were able to get this done before Thursday. I don't want to have to worry on graduation."

"Are you excited for your graduation?" he says

"Yes, It's been four years of long and hard work. I am ready for all of that work to pay off now."

"I can see you enthusiasm for publishing. I know my mother will be proud to hear that you are doing a gala fundraiser for your publishing company." Thinking back to how sweet Grace is I can't help but smile. She seems like such a giving a loving person.

"I am sure that she would." I say with a confident smile. Christian doesn't reply and just continues to look at me with an unreadable expression. I can sense the atmosphere changing and now I think it would be best that I leave. I start to stand up form the seat in front of his desk until I hear him ask.

"Did you get the flowers?" _should've seen that coming. The man has been sending you flowers on a daily bases and has not heard anything form you except that you want to discuss ideas for your company my subconscious points out while looking at me sternly._

"Errrr….. Yes, I did actually."

"Did you like them?"

"I suppose you can say that… The office really seems to be enjoying them."

"And why would your office be enjoying the flowers that I have sent to you." He says with lots of emphasis on "the you".

"Well, you sent so many that I figured that everyone should be able to enjoy them. I took the liberty to display them around the office."

His facial expression changes from one of questioning to one of frustration. He then gets up from his seat behind his desk and runs his hands through his hair while pacing. _Uh oh, this is not going to be good. _

"Anastasia… I am at a loss here. People like me don't know how to handle situations like this. I thought that by keeping my distance you would be happy. I thought that by sending you flowers you would see that I am still thinking about you while trying to abide by your boundaries, but you are not making this easy for me. These past couple days have been exceptionally boring without your smart ass remarks and your giggle, so can you please put me out of my misery here?!" he says while looking at me. Everything about his demeanor displays anxiety. He is standing stiffly while clenching and uncleaning his jawline. His hands are resting at his sides in fists and I can tell that he is close to loosing it. Why is it so impossible for this human being to just apologize? Why would he think that someone like me would fall for material possessions rather than his sincere apology? Asking myself all these questions reminds me of what Mr. Flynn said to me Saturday night. "_Christian is a very stubborn person, you don't really get to convince him much of anything. He needs to feel like he has the ability to determine things on his own. He just needs people to steer him into the right direction... But the actions themselves have to come form him." _He clearly doesn't know how to apologize, but he's trying. I let out a frustrated breath before saying.

"Christian, I do understand that you have been trying to keep your distance from me because I asked you too, but sending me flowers isn't a way to apologize. I am not a very materialistic person. I did want you to earn back our friendship or whatever complicated situation it is that we have going here but material things won't change anything."

"Ok… So what am I suppose to do now then? What do I do for you to talk to me again?"

"Why don't we talk?"

"Talk?" he says in a confused tone.

"Yes just talk?"

"So I don't get you anything?"

"No."

"Ok so we just talk… but aren't we doing that now?"

"Well... Technically yes. But no this is not how we should talk to discuss Saturday night."

"Ok, well than lets talk tonight?"

"I can't tonight… I have plans to go out with the other interns for happy hour."

"Ok, well what about after graduation? I am going to be there anyway giving a speech and handing out diplomas so we might as well."

"That should be ok as long as I get to spend time with my dad."

"Ok, your graduation starts at two and will probably end around six. So how about I pick you up at eight?"

"That sounds good, I will see you on Thursday Christian." He was about to say something but stops in his tracks to stare at me before his million-dollar smile.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You called me Christian again." He says confidently.

I let out a small giggle before walking towards the door and saying "Well Mr. Grey that is your first name."

"You and your smart mouth." He says right as I walk out the door

* * *

The rest of the day has gone by smoothly. The rest of the interns are also finalizing their projects. Earlier today in the break room, we discussed going to the bar fifties that is right near GEH. It is finally five o'clock and I am really looking forward to this happy hour. The six of us are all laughing and walking towards the bar. We are finally seated around our table and we are all looking at different drink options. Knowing how hard that I went this past weekend, I think I am going to take it kind of easy on myself.

It's about six thirty-five and we have all had our fair share of drinks and my focus has been disturbed from a very intoxicated Ryan Powers.

"NOOOOOO!" he says loudly. We all say different variations of what to see what's going on.

"My roommate Phil just texted me and said that he found cum in fucking the toilet."

"Oh My God that is disgusting! Why was there cum in your toilet?" I reply.

"Because my roommate Kenny has a masturbation problem. He literally spends hours a day in our bathroom jerkin it."

"How do you know?" Lilly asks

"Where did you find this guy?" I ask

"Because every time he turns on the shower for hours thinking that it is going to mask the sounds that he makes, and every time we always find cum in the toilet. Lately he has gotten better at masking it up but today was not a good day. I know him from school. He is a musical theater major and he needed roommates."

"Dude, what are y'all going to do about that because that's fucking disgusting."

"I don't know man," Ryan replies.

"You should say something to him!" Patrick says

"Say what? Yo stop jerkin it in the toilet for hours?"

"Yeah because that's not cool." Patrick says with a slur.

"You know what I think I will." Ryan says while pulling out his cellphone. We all continue to laugh and tell jokes to one another before Ryan is quieting the entire group trying to read us his demands.

"Guys, guys this is what I wrote:

"Dearest Kenneth,

Whilst, as fellow males, we the suitemates fully understand your desire for sexual release, we feel as though the frequency at which you partake in such actives has grown far out of hand. Numerous times, we have spotted your seed in our beloved toilet; potential little Kenny's that were thrust into a life of sewage, far away from their Broadway aspirations they surely held. You routinely take extraordinary amounts of time in our bathroom, most of which you use in the shower. Out of what little concern we may possess, we worry that your parts have gone raw at this point. Should you continue down this destructive, repulsive and unprecedented path of masturbatory filth, you may jerk the poor lad completely off, leading to loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life.

Stay Golden Kenneth,

Your Roommates" he says while reading out loud. We are all peeing ourselves of laughter and everyone else in the bar is staring at our table. Over the past couple of weeks we have all become better friends. I really think a lot of good things re to come at my internship at GEH.

* * *

**AN: Just so you now, I actually have a friend named Ryan Powers… and this does actually happen to him and he actually did write that letter to his roommate. I felt is would be humorous to include it.**


	22. Chapter 22:A Filthy Graduation

***all rights to the characters and some of the word play belongs to E.L James, I do not own the character or some of the word play***

**AN: I'm backkkkkkk! I am sooooooo incredibly sorry for my disappearance. Lately there has been a lot going on. School has gotten intense, I have been slacking a little too much this semester and I needed to regroup. Finals week is also on its way and a lot of work has been thrown my way. There is also the personal aspect of my life that could be a lot better as well. I haven't been sleeping and it's been making me feel like poo. Now that you all know that I am not abandoning you for no reason, here is the next chapter. I am going to try and get on my game now that the writers block has gone away and I am in my groove. Also, because finals week is going to be so busy, the amount of time that I would have to update is going to be limited. I wanted to ask you all if you would prefer that I just wait a post lengthy chapters or I can post shorter chapters up as often as a can to keep you satisfied. I know that it sounds like a stupid question but I didn't know if you would prefer to have everything all at once or everything broken into smaller chunks more frequently (please include your opinion into a review). Speaking of reviews, please also make sure that you do that! I love hearing from you all! So review, review and review, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, hopefully there aren't too many errors. Just in case you need it again, the Pinterest account for this story is under the at sign and alyshalouis or you can search it by the name of the board which is the tile of this story. **

**I hope you all are well and thanks for sticking with me!**

**Alysha**

Chapter 22: A filthy Graduation

From where I am outside I can tell that the sports auditorium is crowed, and we are all starting to line up to be seated. The day that I've been working towards for the past four years is finally here…

Graduation

The past couple of days leading to today have been both busy and tiring. Eelier this week I was at least able to get my fundraising idea presented before all of the graduation festivities. As much as I wanted to talk to Christian about my proposal, I knew that he was going to eventually mention our fight at the coping together gala. I was happy that he actually attempted to give me the space that I needed, even though he hoarded my office with floral arrangement. Thinking of our conversation reminds me of two things: one, that he is going to be here… giving a speech and handing me my diploma; the second thing is that we have plans for tonight… we actually have to talk about everything in full length and establish some sort of lines and boundaries, myself included. I keep saying that I want to be just friends but then every time he and I are in close proximity of each other; we are always three seconds away from ripping each other's clothes off. Hopefully we can keep our act together while ray is here.

Ray arrived in Seattle last night and we finally got the chance to get together and catch up. Sometimes I forget that while I am getting older, my daddy is too. I really miss him. Lately I have been so wrapped up in finals, Logan drama, Christian drama and all things GEH; that I have barely made time for my dad. Yesterday was great, I took him out to eat and we were able to kick back talk, eat some buffalo wings and have a couple of bears. It was nice to actually do something that was not mentally taxing. While we were leaving the bar, I completely forgot that I had not brought anything to wear for graduation. I felt bad because Ray and I were supposed to be spending quality time together and I had to go and run around some more. Ray, as cool and calm as he is was completely ok with it. He actually offered to go with me, I was very thankful for it because shopping is just such a tedious task. You have to go into a thousand stores, look all around for something that you find slightly appealing, try it on: because you know that sometimes the thing you picked looks better on the hanger than it does on you, and after all of those tasks you have to go wait in line for who knows how long just to buy everything… the point of this small rant: I hate shopping. Lucky, Ray and I only had to going to two stores and I was able to find the perfect dress. It was very simple yet elegant. It was a white dress with a jewel styled neckline and a porcelain plate design that went along the neckline, sides and bottom hem. It was perfect! It was something comfortable cute and simple. After I was able to snag a dress, I had to find shoes. Lucky, the same clothing store also had the perfect pair of shoes. I found some nude lace-up high heels. Although I was nerves because I was as clumsy as they come, I wanted to get something that made me look nice. After I was done finding everything, Ray refused to allow me to leave the store without allowing him to pay for everything. I felt so bad.

I am brought out of my trance by someone behind me tapping me on the shoulder. I turn back to give them my attention and the person lets me know that we are starting to walk in. From a distance I see Ray going to sit down next to other proud parents that await to see this children move onto the next chapter in their lives. We are all starting to pile into the auditorium. _Here we go… the beginning of the next chapter._ As we walk in, I am nervously looking around to see how is here yet. I already know what I am doing… I am looking for Christian. I look towards the stage and see that it is empty, but that realization alone is doing nothing to cool the anxiety that I am feeling at this moment. If I am feeling this way about the mere thought of seeking the face of my beautiful boss and "friend" than I can only imagine how Kate feels. At today's ceremony she is going to be the one giving the valedictorian speech. While walking into the auditorium with the rest of the auditorium I didn't see her outside, so I can only assume that she is backstage with everyone else who will be a part of the ceremony. I wonder if she is talking to him? I know that she and I have talked about him before and I wouldn't put it past Kate to give Christian Grey the Katherine Kavanagh inquisition because I know that he is here somewhere.

I continue to make my way to my seat amongst fellow students whose surnames also begin with S. I am in the second row, affording me anonymity in addition to my cap in gown that gives me the pleasure of camouflaging into the background. I glance behind me and spot Ray sat up high in the bleachers. I give him a sold wave. He self-consciously gives me a half-wave, half-salute back. Now there is only two more things left to do… Listen and wait.

The auditorium filled up pretty quickly, and the buzz of excited voices gets louder and louder. All of the people in the rows in front of me are talking. There are two girls sitting on either side of me talking a little too loud for my liking. They're obviously close friends and talk across me excitedly.

At exactly eleven am, the Chancellor appears from behind the stage, followed by the three Vice Chancellors, and then the senior professors, all decked out in their black and red regalia. We stand and applaud our teaching staff. Some professor's nod and wave, others look bored. Professor Collins, my tutor and my favorite teacher, looks like he's just fallen out of bed, as usual. Last on to the stage are Kate and Christian. Christian stands out in his bespoke gray suit, copper highlights glinting in his hair under the auditorium lights. He looks so serious and self-contained. As he sits, he undoes his single-breasted jacket, and I glimpse his tie. I lean forward in my seat slightly to exam him closely and realize, that's the same tie that he wore the day that we met. _Oh and you want to be just friends? My subconscious snaps while looking at my knowingly. _ I lean back in my chair and attempt to pretend that I am not the slightly phased but I can't seem to take my eyes off of him. The audience sits down and the applause ceases.

"Look at him!" one of the girls beside me breathes enthusiastically to her friend.

"He's hot."

I stiffen. I'm sure they're not talking about Professor Collins I think to myself while frowning.

"Must be Christian Grey."

"Is he single?"

I bristle. _He's mine! _

"I don't think so," I murmur.

"Oh." Both girls look at me in surprise.

"I think he's gay," I whisper while nodding my head.

"What a shame," one of the girls groans.

As the Chancellor gets to his feet and kicks off the proceedings with his speech, I watch Christian subtly scanning the hall. I sink into my seat, hunching my shoulders, trying to make myself as inconspicuous as possible. I fail miserably as a second later his gray eyes find mine. He stares at me, his face impassive, completely inscrutable. I squirm uncomfortably, hypnotized by his glare as I feel a slow flush spread across my face._ He looks soo good. That suit was tailored to fit his body to the tee. His shoulders are broad. His hair is slicked slightly to the side and fully complements his jawline_. _Lord knows I would love to run my hands through his hair and pull his face closer to mine. I would chastely kiss him before leaning back to look into his eyes before I brought his face back towards mine and sternly pressed his lips mine. Then I would break away and leave a trail of kisses that run for his mouth down to his neck. Then he would pick me up, holding me by my ass and fu_-

I can see the shadow of a smile cross his lips, but it's fleeting. _Jesus Ana! Way to have a full blown sex fantasy in the middle of your graduation! _Subconsciously I must have captured my lips between my teeth. I release the hold of my bottom lip and focus my attention back on Christian. He briefly closes his eyes, and on opening them and resumes his indifferent expression. Following a swift glance up at the Chancellor, he stares ahead, focusing on the WSUV emblem hung above the entrance. He doesn't turn his eyes toward me again. The Chancellor drones on, and Christian still doesn't look at me. He just stares fixedly ahead.

Why won't he look at me? Did I do something wrong? A wave of unease washes over me. Perhaps it's been my distance from him that has turned him off. I thought that we would be fine and talk today? Maybe He's bored of waiting for me to make up my mind and talk to him. Oh no, I could have completely blown it. I remembering yesterday conversation, maybe I have kept away from him too long. Maybe he's mad that I wouldn't talk to him sooner?

Suddenly, the room erupts into applause as the one and only, Miss Katherine Kavanagh has taken the stage. The Chancellor sits, and Kate tosses her lovely long hair behind her as she places her papers on the lectern. She takes her time, not intimidated by a thousand people gawping at her. She smiles when she's ready, looks up at the captivated throng, and launches eloquently into her speech. She's so composed and funny; the girls beside me erupt on cue at her first joke. Oh, Katherine Kavanagh, you can deliver a good line. I feel so proud of her at that moment; my errant thoughts of Christian are pushed to one side. Even though I have heard her speech before, I listen carefully. She commands the room and takes her audience with her.

Her theme is What Next After College? Oh, what next indeed. Christian is watching Kate, his eyebrows slightly raised – in surprise, I think…

Kate concludes her speech with a flourish, and spontaneously everyone stands, applauding and cheering, her first standing ovation. I beam at her, cheer and give her two thumbs up on her speech; which she gives me a grin and two thumbs up in return. Good job, Kate. She sits, as does the audience, and the Chancellor rises and introduces Christian… holy shit, Christian's going to give a speech. The Chancellor touches briefly on Christian's achievements: CEO of his own extraordinarily successful company, a real self-made man.

"And also a major benefactor to our university, please welcome, Mr. Christian Grey."

The Chancellor pumps Christian's hand, and there is a swell of polite applause. My heart's in my throat. He approaches the lectern and surveys the hall. He looks so confident standing in front of us all, as Kate did before him. The two girls beside me lean in enraptured. In fact, I think most of the female members of the audience inch closer and a few of the men. He begins his voice soft, measured, and mesmerizing.

"I'm profoundly grateful and touched by the great compliment accorded to me by the authorities of WSU today. It offers me a rare opportunity to talk about the impressive work of the environmental science department here at the University. Our aim is to develop viable and ecologically sustainable methods of farming for third world countries; our ultimate goal is to help eradicate hunger and poverty across the globe. Over a billion people, mainly in Sub-Saharan Africa, South Asia, and Latin America, live in abject poverty. Agricultural dysfunction is rife within these parts of the world and the result is ecological and social destruction. I have known what it's like to be profoundly hungry. This is a very personal journey for me… "

My jaw falls to the floor. What? Christian was hungry once. Holy crap. Well, that explains a great deal. And I recall the reviewing all of his service while considering applying for the internship; he really does want to feed the world. I desperately rack my brains to remember what had been written about him in articles online, as well as the conversations that we have had together. Adopted at age four, if I remember correctly. I can't imagine that Grace starved him, so it must have been before then, as a little boy. I swallow, my heart constricting at the thought of a hungry, gray-eyed toddler. Oh no. What kind of life did he have before the Greys got hold of him and rescued him?

I'm seized by a sense of raw outrage. Poor charming, beautiful and philanthropic Christian – though I'm sure he wouldn't see himself this way and would repel any thoughts of sympathy or pity. Abruptly, everyone bursts into applause and stands. I follow, though I haven't heard half his speech. He's doing all of these good works, running a huge company, and chasing me at the same time. It's overwhelming. I remember the brief snippets of conversations he's had about Darfur… it all falls into place. Food.

He smiles briefly at the warm applause – even Kate is clapping, then he resumes his seat. He doesn't look my way, and my mind is racing trying to assimilate this new information about him. Although we have talked about his past before, he's never given me this much information.

One of the Vice Chancellors rises, and we begin the long, tedious process of collecting our degrees. There are over four hundred to be given out, and it takes just over an hour before I hear my name. I make my way up to the stage between the two giggling girls. Christian gazes down at me, his look warm but guarded.

"Congratulations, Miss Steele," he says as he shakes my hand, squeezing it gently. I feel the charge of his flesh on mine. "Is there a problem with your phone? You haven't been answering any of my messages or calls."

I frown as he hands me my degree.

"No."

"Then do you just which not to speak to me any longer?"

"No, I still want to be…" I am having difficulty honestly telling him that I only want to be just friends with him, but I will do it anyway. "…Friends with you. I will explain after the ceremony ok?"

He looks quizzically at me.

"Later," he says, and I have to move on because I'm holding up the line.

I go back to my seat while thinking to myself. I thought that we were going to talk today; I've been busy lately… I didn't mean to ignore him this time. I mean I was before, but after the meeting we agreed to talk things over.

The ceremony takes another hour to conclude. It's interminable. Finally, the Chancellor leads the faculty members off the stage to yet more rousing applause, preceded by Christian and Kate. Christian does not glance at me, even though I'm willing him to do it. My inner goddess is not pleased.

As I stand and wait for our row to disperse, Kate calls to me. She's heading my way from behind the stage.

"Christian wants to talk to you," she shouts. The two girls who are now standing beside me turn and gape at me.

"He's sent me out here," she continues.

Oh…

"Your speech was great, Kate."

"It was, wasn't it?" she beams. "Are you coming? He can be very insistent." She rolls her eyes, and I grin.

"You have no idea. I can't leave Ray for long." I glance up at Ray and hold my fingers up indicating five minutes. He nods, giving me an okay sign, and I follow Kate into the corridor behind the stage. Christian is talking to the Chancellor and two of the teaching staff. He looks up when he sees me.

"Excuse me, gentlemen," I hear him murmur. He comes toward me and smiles briefly at Kate.

"Thank you," he says, and before she can reply, he takes my elbow and steers me into what looks like a men's locker room. He checks to see if it's empty, and then he locks the door.

Holy shit, what is he doing? I blink up at him as he turns on me.

"Why haven't you answered any of my calls? Or texted me back?" He glares.

"I've been really busy trying to reach out to different investors for the fundraiser and my dad is in town. I have been trying to catch up with him. I've been so busy with everything that has been going on that I haven't made time to actually talk to him the way that I should be." Crap, has he been trying to call?

"Busy you say…" he says while looking at me sternly "Does he know about you and the boy?"

Boy? Oh Logan "Yes he does, we talked about things last night. I am going over tomorrow to move everything out. I have not had the chance to do that recently."

"You are still staying at the hotel!" he says while raising his voice a couple of octaves. I try my distraction technique that's so effective on Kate.

"You gave a great speech."

"Thank you." He says

"Explains your food issues to me."

He runs a hand through his hair. Seeing him do this reminds me of my dirty thoughts earlier. I blush at the memory of doing filthy things with Christian.

"Anastasia, I don't want to go there at the moment." He closes his eyes, looking pained. "I've been worried about you."

"Worried, why?"

"Because you have been living out of a hotel instead of having a home to live in that is safe."

"It's honestly not that bad Christian, It's only temporary I just need to save up for an apartment, I don't want to have to live with Logan after everything"

"Absolutely not!" Christian's eyes narrow, his face frosting. Oh, crap.

"Exactly what I thought you would say."

"Right again as usual Ms. Steele. I told you that you can stay in the apartment downstairs in Escala. It will be rent free and its safe there. I will call Taylor and have him alert the desk guard that you will be moving in this weekend."

"You really don't need to do that Christian; I was going to return all of those items to you anyway. I don't need then and I could do this on my own."

He takes a deep breath.

"Anastasia, I need to know that you are safe. This waiting around is and wondering if you are in any danger is driving me crazy. Can you please just move into the apartment?"

"Christian, I… look, I've left my stepdad on his own."

"Tonight. I want an answer by tonight."

"Tonight?!" I say shocked. "But that's not fair Christian, I need more time." I say while blinking at him in disbelief.

"Yes Anastasia tonight, you are not moving out this weekend and talking all of your things to a hotel. You need somewhere safe. Somewhere with security and space where you can make a home for yourself." He says

This is clearly getting nowhere. I exasperatingly run my hand over my face before saying "Ok Christian."

He steps back, regarding me coolly, and his shoulders relax.

"Are you staying for drinks?" he asks.

"I don't know what Ray wants to do."

"Your stepfather? I'd like to meet him."

Oh no… why?

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

Christian unlocks the door, his mouth in a grim line.

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"No!" It's my turn to sound exasperated. "Introduce you to my dad as what?"

"Your boss and friend as you like to call it. I am pretty sure that friends know each other's parents. You have met my mother." Christian glares down at me, and then his lips twitch up in a smile, knowing that he is right.

"Fine, let's go."

He opens the door, and I head out. My mind is whirling. The Chancellor, the three Vice Chancellors, four professors, and Kate stare at me as I walk hastily past them. Holy crap. Leaving Christian with the faculty I go in search of Ray.

I am replaying everything that we have said to each other in the past few minutes. "Tell him I'm your friend". In my mind I know that I want him more as a friend with benefits, or maybe even a little bit more than that. I just don't know if it's smart. I have just gotten out of a serious relationship, and most importantly, he's my boss. I don't want to blur the lines to much and have it become messy. I don't want all of my accomplishments to be seen as something that I have attained because people think that I am fucking the boss. I have my subconscious scowls. I know, I know. I shake the unpleasant thought away. How will I introduce him to Ray? The hall is still at least half full, and Ray has not moved from his spot. He sees me, waves, and makes his way down.

"Hey, Annie. Congratulations." He puts his arm around me.

"Would you like to come and have a drink in the marquee?"

"Sure. It's your day. Lead the way."

"We don't have to if you don't want to." Please say no…

"Annie, I've just sat for two and half hours listening to all kinds of jabbering. I need a drink."

I put my arm through his, and we stroll out with the throng into the warmth of the early afternoon. We pass the line for the official photographer.

"Oh, that reminds me." Ray drags a digital camera out of his pocket. "One for the album, Annie." I roll my eyes at him as he snaps a picture of me.

"Can I take the cap and gown off now? I feel kind of dorky." I say before taking off of my gown and modestly posing.

* * *

The marquee is immense, and crowded – students, parents, teachers, and friends, all chattering happily. Ray hands me a glass of champagne or cheap fizzy wine, I suspect. It's not chilled, and it tastes sweet. My thoughts turn to Christian… he won't like this. I know how he gets all macho and caveman like for reasons that I myself barely understand at times.

"Ana!" I turn, and Ethan Kavanagh scoops me into his arms. He twirls me around, without spilling my wine - some feat.

"Congratulations!" He beams down at me, green eyes twinkling.

What a surprise. His dirty blonde hair is tousled and sexy-looking. He's as beautiful as Kate. The family resemblance is striking.

"Wow – Ethan! How lovely to see you. Dad, this is Ethan, Kate's brother. Ethan, this is my dad, Ray Steele." They shake hands, my dad coolly assessing Mr. Kavanagh.

"When did you get back from Europe?" I ask.

"I've been back for a week, but I wanted to surprise my little sister," he says conspiratorially.

"That's so sweet." I grin up at him.

"She is Valedictorian, couldn't miss that." He looks immensely proud of his sister.

"She gave a great speech."

"That she did," Ray agrees.

Ethan has his arm around my waist when I look up into the frosty gray eyes of Christian Grey. Kate is beside him.

"Hello, Ray," Kate kisses Ray on both cheeks, making him blush. "Have you met Ana's really close guy friend? Christian Grey."


	23. Chapter 23:When was I baby?

***I do not own the characters and some of the screen play, the rights to the characters along with some screen play belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hello all. I have finally finished my first semester in college and I am just trying get my life together. I have had writers block and I also have not had a laptop, but now that I do you can expect updates more frequently. I know that the chapter seems very close to the book, but it is necessary for upcoming events.I am currently feeling creative so I should have another chapter up by tomorrow or tonight if we are lucky. Please please continue to review! The Pinterest board is under the name of this story. Please do review! I am happy to be back!**

** Remember that the authors note on chapter 22 has been removed and updated with the chapter. So if you have not read that make sure you go and reread that!**

**Alysha**

Chapter 23: When was I baby?

Leave it to Katherine Kavanagh to let the cat out to the bag. This is so incredibly awkward. I am standing here stiff and still looking between Ray, Kate and Christian. Ray is looking at me questioningly, while Kate is smirking like the cat who got the cream and then there is Christian, who is looking at me with an expression that is questioning me on how he should proceed. Clearly Christian senses my discomfort and quickly moves to help me cover up my nervousness.

"Mr. Steele, it's a pleasure to meet you." Christian says smoothly, warmly, completely unflustered by Kate's introduction._ Special friend? Couldn't she have come up with something less awkward to introduce him as?_

Ray shakes his hand firmly before looking towards my direction, giving me a what-the-hell-is-actually-going-on-here look. Poor Ray, he is so confused. I told him about Logan and I last night, and here Kate is introducing him as my special friend. I know he is probably really curious to know exactly what that means but the problem is that I barely even know what is going on myself. I am still so confused that I don't really know what is going on between Christian and I. I was hoping to get that cleared up tonight, but obviously Kate had other plans.

"Mr. Grey," Ray murmurs

"And this is my brother, Ethan Kavanagh." says Kate to Christian.

Christian turns his arctic glare on Ethan, who still has one arm around me.

"Mr. Kavanagh."

They shake hands. Christian holds his hand out to me.

"Ana, baby," he murmurs, _baby?! Oh shit! _

Obviously I wasn't the only one that heard his new pet name for me because Kate is attempting to discreetly jump up and down while clapping her hands in excitement. I don't even know why she thinks she is even attempting to be anything close to discrete. Ray is looking at me with one eyebrow raised. Ray Steele is not happy… I feel bad because he and I tell each other everything, he would've wanted to know if I was seeing somebody else and I would've told him too but I still have no idea what exactly Christian and I are.

I walk out of Ethan's grasp, while Christian smiles icily at him, and I take my place at his side. Kate grins at me. She knows exactly what she's doing! _Bitch _

"Ethan, Mom and Dad wanted a word." Kate drags Ethan away.

"So how long have you kids known each other?" Ray looks impassively from Christian to me.

I really do want to respond and offer him some sort of intel as to what the hell is going on here but all words seem to fail me. Once again, Christian luckily comes to the rescue.

"Couple of weeks or so now," he says smoothly. "We met when Anastasia came to interview with me for an internship at my company." He says proudly

"Didn't know that you were seeing your boss, Ana." Ray's voice is a quiet admonishment, revealing his irritation. Shit.

"Well not really" I murmur. It's all I can manage.

"Fine speech you gave, Mr. Grey." Ray says, clearly seeing that this is a conversation for later.

"Thank you, sir. I understand that you're a keen fisherman." Christian says. Wow, he actually remembered from what we talked about that night that we had dinner at his apartment.

Ray raises his eyebrows and smiles - a rare, genuine, Ray Steele smile - and off they go, talking fish. He's charming the pants off my dad... Thank God though, Ray looked one minute away from handing me my ass right here in the middle of this party. I excuse myself to go and find Kate.

She's talking to her parents, who are delightful as ever and greet me warmly. We exchange brief pleasantries, mostly about their up and coming holiday to Barbados and about our many successes that we have achieved prior to graduation.

"Kate, how could you out me to Ray?" I hiss at the first opportunity we won't be over-heard.

"Because I knew you would never say anything. I know that you are scared to talk to someone new because Logan cheated but you gotta get out there Steele!" Kate smiles at me sweetly.

I scowl. Fucking A

I sigh before replying "Kate, I don't know if I want to be in something super serious right now. I also work for the guy! What if he ends up firing me?"

"Jesus Ana calm down, he is clearly not going to fire you and I'm petty sure you said that he was the once the engaged you first so that's ridiculous. I am not saying you guys have to get married, just have fun, go with the flow. He seems cool about it anyway. Look at him! He can't even take his eyes off of you you." I glance up, and both Ray and Christian are looking at me. "He's been watching you like a hawk."

"I'd better go rescue Ray or Christian. I don't know which. You haven't heard the last of this, Katherine Kavanagh!" I glare at her.

"Ana, I did you a favor," she calls after me. _Sure she did_

"Hi." I smile at both of them on my return.

They seem okay. Christian is enjoying some private joke, and my dad looks unbelievably relaxed given he's in a social situation. Maybe he forgot all about Kate dropping the bomb and me not telling him. What have they been discussing apart from fish? "Ana, where are the restrooms?" Ray asks.

"Back out front of the marquee and to the left."

"See you in a moment. You kids enjoy yourselves."

Ray heads out. I glance nervously up at Christian. We pause briefly as a photographer takes a picture of both of us.

"Thank you, Mr. Grey." The photographer scurries off. I blink from the flash.

"So you've managed to charm my father? I gotta give it to you Grey, I thought he as going to skin me a while ago"

"I don't know why you seem to be so surprised Anastasia, charm is a necessity in the area of business" Christian says while raising an eyebrow factually. I let out a snicker before attempting to revert my eye contact to any direction of the room rather than him.

He lifts his hand and traces my cheek with his fingers.

"Oh, I wish I knew what you were thinking, Anastasia," he whispers darkly, cupping my chin and raising my head so that we gaze intently into each other's eyes.

My breath hitches. How can he have this effect on me, even in this crowded tent? It makes me wonder if he has any idea as to where my head was during the graduation.

"Right now, I'm thinking, nice tie," I breathe.

He chuckles.

"It's recently become my favorite."

"Really?" I ask before I even realized that the words have escaped my lips.

"Yes really." He says while still caressing my cheek.

"You look lovely, Anastasia, this dress really suits you."

Suddenly, it's like we're on our own in the room. Just the two of us, my whole body has come alive, every nerve ending singing softly, that electricity pulling me to him, charging between us. _How the hell does he do that?_

"Baby when can I have you to myself?" he whispers. I close my eyes as my insides uncoil and melt. I can't wait to actually spend alone time with him. I am just praying that we aren't going to end up arguing this time… but since when was I his baby?

"I don't know, it just seemed fitting" he says while looking down at me puzzled. _Shit I didn't realize that I actually said that out loud._"

The rest of my evening went surprisingly very well. We only stayed at the marquee for about another hour. Ray and I continued to talk and spend quality time with another. What was even more surprising was the level of comfort between Ray, Christian and I. Everything just felt really easy going. Often times when I was dating Logan the atmospheres would be very awkward. Sometimes it seemed hard for him to relate to my dad's easygoing life. My dad isn't the type to want to go out to brunch, go golfing or spend hundreds of dollar's shopping. I don't know how I never realized these things before… I never realized how much Logan and I were truly not compatible. I wasted all of this time trying to paint this perfect picture. Now here I am sitting with this man that intrigues me to no end, yet I am afraid. I am afraid because I don't know where this will lead. I haven't been single in six years… the concept of dating is strange to me. I didn't even really approach Logan when we dated. We were friends that ended up being something more. With Christian, it is just automatic attraction. I am afraid because I don't want this possibility to consume me. Yet here I am sitting in the passenger seat of his car, blindfolded, while he takes me to some undisclosed location. Most people would probably be afraid. They would probably be concerned that they would never been seen again, but I don't feel that way with Christian… I really trust him. After what feels like about half an hour I feel the car finally being pulled to a stop.

"We are here." He says factually

"Where exactly is here Christian?"

"As impatient as always Ms. Steele, you are just going to have to wait and see". I can already imagine the smirk that is playing on his face right now. I then hear the sound of his seat belt being released. Soon after, I hear his door close and mine open. He reaches for my hand and helps me out of his Audi R8. He puts his hands on the small of back and starts to lead me in different directions.

"Is everything ready and set up Taylor?" he asks. _Taylor? When did Taylor get here? _

"Yes sir, everything is set up and things are running according to plan." He states. I want to know the plan! Where are we going?! I hope he didn't do something too outrageous.

"Are you ready to see where we are going tonight baby?

"Yes" I whisper before capturing my bottom lip between my teeth nervously.

Just as I think that he is going to respond to me, the silver blindfold has been removed from my eyes. OH MY GOD! He remembered! He actually remembered!

"OH MY GOD CHRISTIAN WE ARE AT THE ZOO! WE ARE GOING TO THE ZOO?! HOW DID YOU GET US IN HERE?!" I say while screaming and jumping up and down excitingly. I know that he probably wants to answer some of my questions but I am firing them off at rocket speed. I know it may seem stupid that someone my age is soo excited to go to the zoo but I have never been. We spent some time on a military base when I was a child and then after everything that happened with husband number three… I wasn't really ready to actually go out and socialize, even if it was something as simple as going to the zoo. The simplest of things were taken away from me at such a young age. Whenever I would ask Logan to take me it always resulted in a fight. The fact that Christian actually remembered and brought me here actually means more to me than he realizes. Before I realize it I am actually crying.

"Ana are you ok? Do you not like it?! I thought you said that you always wanted to go so I thought that this would be the perfect place to take you… I am sorry we can leave. I didn't mean to offend you." he says worryingly while reaching for my hand, while the other runs through his copper locks.

I tug on his hand while trying to gather myself.

"Christian… this is perfect, they are tears of joy. I promise everything is perfect can we please stay?"

He is looking at my face curiously to see if there is any sign that I am lying. "You are sure that you want to stay?" he asks

"Yes I want to stay and see the animals."

"Ok if you want to stay." I squeal in excitement and then start to walk towards the entrance. His beautiful laugh rings through my ears as we continue to make our way into the zoo. As we continue to walk, I see a man in a zookeepers uniform standing by the entrance.

"Hello my name is Ben Johnson and I will be the one assisting you with your tours and everything this evening."

"Thank you Ben, This is Anastasia and she will accompany me this evening, Anastasia this is Ben."

"Nice to meet you Ben." I say while shaking his hand politely.

This evening is going to be so great.


	24. Chapter 24:You Otter Forgive Me

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: So! I did want to post yesterday but my laptop just overheated and was not functioning. I finally found a computer to snag to upload this chapter and hope to post another one really soon. I just got a nanning job and i will admit, I will be very tired and busy. I will do my best to keep up with updates and attempt to update every day or every other day. I am also going to be honest in telling you that I have had a couple glasses of wine and we are going to hope that I edited this correctly. I wanted to upload this before I went to bed, I will go over this chapter again again for sticking with me, reviewing and spending the time to read this story. Please keep reading, and please review, review and review again! Remember the Pinterest board is under the name of this story and here is the next chapter. See y'all real soon!**

**Alysha**

Chapter 24: You Otter Forgive Me

I still cannot believe this is happening. He actually took me to the zoo. I have been repeating this in my head for the last seven minutes. It is completely blowing my mind how someone like Christian Grey would be willing to do this for me. Never in a million years did I except that Mr. Control Freak, suit wearing, dripping in sex appeal Grey, actually would be the one to put his serious demeanor aside to make me happy. This thought alone brings me right back to my thoughts of Logan. After being together for six years he would never go with me. I know it sounds silly… Why in the world would a 22 year old want to go to the zoo? The answer to that question is simple: when you have had so many innocent things taken away from you, you oddly begin to crave them at some point in your life. Innocence is such a beautiful and sacred thing. I really wish that I could've been a part of it much longer than I was.

Sometimes when I look at myself and the way I am, it makes me realize that Christian is just like me. He has never gone into detail about what happened to him, but all I know that it wasn't fair. It's completely obvious that he guards himself away from people; just like I do as a way to protect myself. In many ways I feel lucky though. This wonderful and beautiful man allowed me to see the true him. The real fifty.

We continue to make our way into the zoo and although I am inspecting every single aspect of this zoo down to the colors incorporated in the map, I can feel his intense gaze on the side of my face. Ben is explaining how to get though the exhibits and gives us options for different behind the scenes specials that apparently fifty arranged. He is too much. I am already overly excited and thankful for his graciousness towards me.

"Christian" I say while sighing and running my hand over my face "You didn't need to do anything extra, I already basically worship you for taking me to the zoo. I would've appreciated this without anything extra." I say while looking at him, out of the corner of my eyes I see Ben start to walk away in an unknown direction.

"Oh I am aware Ms. Steele, but I am not a half –ass kind of man. If I was going to take you to the zoo, you are going to have the full experience. After all, we do aim to please Ms. Steele."

"I know Christian, but I know that this must have cost a fortune." I say while we are waiting for Ben to return

"You would have a heart attack" I hear him murmur underneath this breath. I audibly gasp looking at him in a state of disbelief. _How much did all of this cost?_

"Christian… how much did all of this cost." I ask him seriously. I really hope that he didn't blow an obscene amount of money to take me to the zoo.

He raises an eyebrow at me, questioning me as to wither I actually want the truth or not. "Trust me, you don't want to know." He says

"I really didn't need you to spend this much money, but since we are on the topic, what is it that you did that would make this excursion cost so much money."

"Well for starters, I rented the zoo." He says simply

"You did what!" I exclaim. Only Christian Grey would take me saying that I want to go to the zoo as an excuse to rent it. "Christian why the hell would you waste all of this money on renting a zoo?! What the hell were you thinking? You have sooo much more money than sense!"

"Can you just go with the flow and do what you are told for once!" He declares. _Oh shit, controlling fifty has entered the building guns blazing. _"I did this because you deserve it. I did for reasons that I myself don't understand sometimes. You are so damn infuriating! Do you know that? I try and do something to make you happy, I piss you off. I do something to piss you off, and you obviously get pissed off. I just want to make you happy Ana! For the first time in my life, somebody really matters to me." He says in a shouty tone. I am standing shocked and still, thanking God that Ben is currently nowhere to be found. This is so embarrassing. Christian is pacing around in front of me in circles, frustratingly tugging at his hair. "I needed to impress you. I needed you to not walk away from me. I needed you to..too. Shit! Fuck! Goddamn this fucking Control?!" _What? , my subconscious is looking for somewhere to hide because fifty is about to blow. _ I walk towards him cautiously; not wanting to bust my ass in these heels and also trying not to cause a riot in Christian. I gently lay my hand on his shoulder.

"Christian." I whisper. "Christian." I repeat in a stronger tone.

"I didn't mean to seem ungrateful… I just have never had someone go to these lengths for me. I mean in the past Ray and Logan both have done tremendous things for me…. But never in this way. Ray never knew certain things… he never knew why I would want something like this and Logan… I don't even know what to think… maybe he didn't care. I really do love what you have done for me… I am sorry if I made you think otherwise… I really want to enjoy my time here with you. I know we have time to..." I am cut off by the sound of Bens voice. He appears on a golf cart, telling us to hop on so that he can start the tour.

* * *

Although it seemed that our evening began on a rocky start, it is actually going quite well. We far we have passed through the Africa and Asia. While visiting the Africa exhibit, we were able to see all of the animals. In addition to that I was able to feed the Giraffes and a baby tiger. It was probably one of the coolest experiences of my life. I was kind of weirded out because of the giraffe's tongue. It may sound stupid, but I never thought that their tongues would be so long! I never thought that their tongues would be purple either. The baby tiger feeding was precious! The baby tigers name was Kenzie and she was tiny and hyper. We fed her with a bottle for about 15 minutes and by the time she was done, she was up and ready to play. We both played with her by pulling on her rope and running around with her. At some point, my feet decided to call it quits on me and I was forced to remove my heels. If I would've known that this was on my agenda I would've packed something that would've been more suiting for the event. This evening events are still flowing through my mind as we make our way towards the Amazon Exhibit. This evening has included so many interactive activities that I was expecting the same thing here; but boy was I wrong.

As we make our way throughout the exhibit we pass many different animals. We have seen snakes, monkeys, and different kinds of wild cats. We are making our way towards the Giant River Otter exhibit; I am greeted by a large amount of lighting. I know that this is a public place, but majority of the exhibits all maintain the same structure; except that they all have small differences to accommodate the needs of each animal, but this one seems to contain more lighting than the others. I look over at Christian and he has that all too familiar smirk on his face. _What the hell does he have planned? _Clearly he knows that the jig is up.

"Christian? What the hell is this?" I ask in a questioning manner.

He shakes his head before replying "You will just have to see Anastasia." He takes a hold of my hand in his and continues to lead me further into the exhibit. When we finally make it towards the heart of the exhibit, it is the furthest from anything that I ever would've expected. We are walking through the bottom of a cave and there are lanterns hanging from Christmas lights that lead heading downwards. At the bottom of the caves pathway, there is a dinner table set for two in front of a glass wall where you can see through the bottom of the water. Through the glass wall, you can see the otter swimming about together and communicating. I always thought of otters to be small creatures, but these are just so precious. Handing on the left side of the caves wall displays a sign that says "You Otter Forgive ME!" my heart is instantly melting at the cliché yet adorable gesture. My hand is instantly brought to my chest in a state of disbelief. _This is so beautiful. _There are so many words that I want to say that could give him some inclination about how I am feeling in this moment, but I currently have none.

The only thing that I can seem to be able to produce is "Christian" in a whispered tone.

"Do you like it?" He questions me, sounding oddly unsure of himself.

"This is… it's" I stutter in a true loss of words "Beautiful."

"It sure is." he replies, for a moment I take my eyes away from the wonderful scenery in front of me to actually meet his eyes. When I look at him I can see that he was definitely looking at me while making that comment. That realization alone has me blushing like a mad man.

"Let's sit." He says, before pulling out a chair for me to sit in, and waits for me to get comfortable. Afterwards he makes his way towards his seat and waits for me to start digging in before we can actually start eating. For dinner we were seared Zoo Macaroni and Cheese with dino-nuggets. Never in a millions years did I ever think that I would see Christian Grey eating dino-nuggests. He looks at it the kiddy nugget questioningly before dipping it into some ketchup and eats it. I stare at him in true amazement to his ability to attempt to put aside his controlling, manly and mature ways to make me happy.

"Is everything ok?" he asks while dipping a second nugget into the ketchup.

"Yes everything is fine." I say in a breathy tone.

"I know that this is not your five star quality meal, but like I said… I wanted you to have the full zoo experience." He says while shrugging his shoulders.

"It's perfect Christian… Everything about tonight has just been… Perfect. I never expected my first time to the zoo to be this amazing. I mean I held and fed a baby tiger today…. Not everyone can say that they have done that in their lifetime." I say while munching.

"Well, you are not just anyone Anastasia." He says.  
"I am just as normal as you are Christian…. You put me on this pedestal that I have no business being on." I say, while whispering the last part.

"You do deserve it!" He declares! "You are hard-working, beautiful, smart, driven, loving and kind. You are everything that I wish I could be and at times, I think those things are what cause me to be so wrapped under your spell."

"What spell Christian?" I ask somewhat defensively. "You and I are probably a lot more similar than we both realize…. We clearly have both had our fair share of tragedy. I would like to think that we are very strong people, but everyone has their boiling point. We both are givers, we give everything we have and often get nothing in return. There are so many good attributes about you and you complete disregarded them and it's frustrating. How can you not see how good you are! Look at what you've done for me? Look what you have done for me in these past few weeks that someone who I thought was the love of my life was not able to do within six years! If that doesn't tell you something… than I don't know what will." I say desperately. _I need you to hear me Christian! Please hear me!_

"I am no good for you."

"You don't know that,"

"But I do… All I do is confuse you and make you sad…. Coping Together was a clear indication of that."

"First of all Christian, my confusion regarding you all had to do with myself… I didn't know what I wanted… I still don't really know what I want. But if we are being honest, I haven't felt this alive in… I don't know, years? I feel different for some reason and I think that reason all has to do with you, so whatever you are doing; don't stop. "

"You cannot honestly sit here and say that I have never hurt you because I know that I have."

I rub my hands over my face, clearly frustrated about where this whole conversation "That night was just a shit show in itself… everyone has an up and a down… we can't explain our entire relationship through one evening… because that was bullshit."

"Anastasia… it doesn't matter what night we equate this all too… it's still not good. It's not good for you."

"Clearly we are not going to agree on this subject so why don't we just move on and start disguising why everything turned out the way it did anyway." I ask. _Jeez! Why does he have to be so damn complicated?! _I think to myself while sarcastically rolling my eyes.

He gets up from the table and walks towards the glass wall. He leans his head against the wall before closing his eyes and letting out a heavy breath. _What could he possibly be telling me right now? _It seems like he has finally gotten the courage to say what he needs to say because he finally gets words to escape his lips by saying

"In order for you to understand what happened that night… You have to understand my past… And I am afraid that once I tell you, that you will run away from me. And for some reason that I myself don't understand, I can't seem to let you do that… I can't seem to let you go…. I can't seem to tell you."

"We are complicating this much more than we need to be… You can't just assumed that I am going to react a certain way or do certain thing. Just talk to me… let me in."

"You just wouldn't understand Ana." He says while turning around.

"Enlighten me then."


	25. Chapter 25:I Know Someone

***I do not own the rights to the characters, the rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hello all! I know that it has taken me a while to post, but I have been using my cellphone to write my story for this chapter and it has been a little bit of a challenge. In addition to that, the writers block has been real. I hope this chapter was ok because I am not sure how I really felt about it.**

**Also, in addition to that (I know that this is kind of random) I have been Nanning for a two year old… it has probably been one of the hardest things that I have had to do. For any of you that are parents or watch child… I have to give it to you for how hard you must work.**

**Please remember to review my story, pm me for questions and the Pinterest board is named after the story. Please do review and I will try to get this next chapter up to you ASAP! I am sorry if there are many erros, the autocorrect on my phone is crazy.**

**Xoxo,**

**Alysha **

Chapter 25: I know Someone

He has sat here, staring at me silently for quite a while now.

Why can't he just tell me?

All that I know is that what whatever is going on here is the epitome of complicated. But I thought that even though it was complicated, that he could at least trust me. I thought that amongst all of this confusion that we would at least be friends first. I know we are still trying to get to know one another, but we've let each other in before. I don't know why this time is so different.

"Tell me Christian." I ask while attempting to push him further.

We are both locked in a very intense gaze with one another, waiting to see if he actually going to make the step. I am about to interject and offer more encouragement, when he removes his gaze away from mine and puts his head in his hands while running his beautifully sculpted fingers through his hair and finally says "fuck" in a very hushed tone. If I weren't paying his much attention I probably wouldn't have heard it.

"Ana I consider myself to be a very confident man... I was able to achieve so much in such a short time because of my communications skills. I can capture everyone's attention just by me walking in the room. At the snap of my fingertips things get done, without ever having to ask twice. I am not trying to be an asshole by telling you this Anastasia, I just need you to understand that I am completely out of my element here. I have never had to explain myself to anyone before. If I tell you about my past I need you to promise me that you won't leave until I am finished."

"I am not going anywhere Christian." Why does he always think that my first instinct is to run... I don't know what this is or is happening between the two of us but I won't be going anywhere until I at least find out what this is.

"You say that now but you haven't heard everything yet."

"Then tell me."

At first I thought that we were really starting to get somewhere with this conversation, but what he does next surprises me. He rises to his feet, standing before me in all of him that is Christian Grey and asks me to dance.

Has he lost his mind?!

We are trying to conduct a very important conversation and all he wants to do is dance?! We need to be talking this out not prancing around here like everything is fine. It seems that the flabbergasted facial expression must give him an idea of what I am actually thinking. I have tried to be calm and collected about this, but we are getting nowhere! I am really about to give him a piece of my mind when he ends up beating me to the punch saying,

"I know you want to talk, and we will but I just need to feel you right now." He says while offering his hand to me. I let out a frustrated sigh because I am slightly torn. On the one hand I want to be stubborn and demand that he just tell me what I want to know without the potential distractions. On the other hand I want I comfort him and make him feel at ease. In making my decision, the look on his face tells me exactly what to do.

I shake my head and sigh before placing my hand in his, standing up and saying "But there is no music Christian."

He places both of his hands on my lower back, lying dangerously close to the top of my ass and pulls me closer to him. The part of me that really wants him is all too tempted to run her hands over every inch of his delectable body, but the look of fear that is plastered all over his face the moment he moves me closer to him makes me think otherwise. I look into his eyes deeply, silently trying to reassure him to trust me. I lift up my left hand and move it to rest behind his neck; clearly trying to display my intentions. When he sees where my hand is headed he slightly begin to relax. I take my other hand and rest it in the middle of his arm.

Christian starts to move us into a steady motion. Although it seems effortless for Christian, I am desperately trying to keep up with his movements.

Front,side, back... Front, side, back

We've been moving together in a steady groove for a while now. This is exactly why I didn't want do this. I knew that he would use this as a way to distract me from this very important conversation. Goddamn him and his beautiful ways. He knows exactly how to get me. I really want to say something because there is no way that we can get around this; but I don't want to push him, he needs to do this on his own. We are continuing to glide around the exhibit. He still hasn't said a thing and I really think that this was all a joke to him when he surprises me by actually talking

"I was a very troubled child." he states

"My life before I was adopted by Grace and Carrick was horrid. My mother was a crack whore and constantly struggled to make ends meet. To say the least, the effects of her abandonment has shaped me in ways that I guess until now I never even realized." He says while pulling me closer to him, settling my head on his chest. As soon as my head makes contact with his iron chest, he immediately starts to tense.

His reaction to me causes me to lose count and step right on his foot. Shit!

My face snaps up to his to see how much damage I've done. I know that must have hurt.

"Oh my God, in so sorry Christian are you ok."

"Yes." He says while trying to maintain a steady tone of voice and regaining our steady pace across the exhibit.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean for that to happen! Please continue."

He sets his head against my hair and inhales sharply in my hair and relaxes his hold around me.

I lift my head up to look up at him. When I meet his eyes I am greeted by a very vulnerable looking Christian. This is. Very strange experience for me. I've never seen him look anything but the powerful Christian Grey that everyone thinks they know.

"What does this have to do with the gala Christian?"

"Well due to my previous upbringing before Carrick and Grace, I was a very rebellious teenager. I was throwing shit, breaking shit, breaking people, getting expelled… if it was bad I probably did it. Seeing how much I fucked up, my mom didn't know what to do with me anymore. She and Carrick had half a mind to just ship my ass off to military school… but they didn't. They settled instead for sending me to work with a close friend of theirs. I would go to her house every day after school and then do yard work for her. At first it was all fine until one day I was doing work in her backyard and she came up to me asking me if wanted something to drink. I don't even remember what it was that I said, but I replied with something slick and she slapped me. I was completely stunned and out of my element, what shocked me even more was that after she slapped me, she kissed me."

"What?!" I say out loud! _She kissed him? What does he mean that she kissed him?! _

"Ana-" I have once again I have managed to lose my focus and trample all over his feet.

"Jesus... I am so sorry Christian I didn't mean to step on your feet again.

"It's ok Anastasia… let me explain everything though."

"Ok." I agree before attempting to regain our previous movements along the floor.

"When she kissed me it was really strange for me. I was partially pissed off me because she hit me; but at the same time I was so turned on because she kissed me. I was even surprised that a woman wanted to be with me in that way. Everyone that I know was afraid of me, and here comes someone that wanted to be anywhere near me. over time we established a… relationship of sorts for around six years and since she has been a close friend and a mentor. She was able to set me straight, keep me in line and teach me how to be the man that I am today… everything I am is all owed to her. She is someone that I can trust and that helps me make all of my decisions… while we were at the gala she called me… she's been concerned about me lately. She has been worried that I have been off my focus and that my relationship with others may be affecting my ability to keep control."

"Is that what that bitch did to you Christian!" I scream while stopping all movements across the floor. I am absolutely livid!

"Ana." he says in a quiet voice

"What did she do to you? What kind of 'relationship' was it that you had with her… because right now it sounds like you are saying that she had sex with you as a minor?"

"Ana… it's not that simple… she really helped me Ana… She told me something and I needed to consider what she was saying when I was acting. She's always been right, she's never steered me in the wrong direction. Normally I can understand and do everything perfectly and in any way that I want to, but with you I am out of my comfort zone… I have no idea how to do this."

I am standing in front of him trying to figure out how to handle this situation… her influence on him is even stronger than I thought that it was. She raped him… she raped him and he doesn't even see it and what's worse is that he defending her! He is fucking defending her! He is defending his rapist! Never in a million years did I ever think that I could ever defend the person that molested me… I could never defend husband number three.

"Christian… I don't know how to tell you this, but she did everything but help you Christian, she crippled you."

He backs away from me instantly and starts to move around and tugging at his hair. "Ana… I know that  
Elena was rude to you, but you don't know her. You don't know her like I do. I need her help."

"I might not know her as Elena, but I know someone else like her who did the same thing…" I whisper while looking down at the fingers that are twirling around near my lap. _Calm down… you are fine… he's your friend… you were going to tell him eventually._

"What do you mean you know someone like her Ana…"

"I was fourteen… and he… her husband he…"

"You were fourteen and what…?" he asked while looking at me confused

"He molested me." I whisper.


	26. Chapter 26:Not About Me

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hello all! Here is the most recent chapter. I just wanted to thank you all for reading my story! I've gotten over 50,000 views and it's truly amazing. I am really trying to make sure that these chapters remain interesting. Please do continue to review and PM me with anything! I tried to upload this last night but my computer had a meltdown.**

**I know that I took long, but I really wanted to make sure that I as careful in the way that I presented this material. This chapter contains a lot of sensitive topics and I wanted to attempt to not offend people while writing this. I originally finished the chapter and reread it and started over because I didn't like the way that it was presented. I hope I did an ok job. **

**As always, remember to review! I love y'all and I am working on the next chapter as you all read!**

**Alysha**

Chapter 26: Not About Me

********Please remember that this chapter will contain sensitive and may slightly graphic content******

The carefree and easygoing atmosphere between the two of us has completely vanished. I learned something that I never expected about Christian; while also revealing one of my deepest of secrets. I am almost at a complete loss… how am I supposed to make him see something that he doesn't want to see. If there is one thing that I know, it's that Christian Grey is a very stubborn man, you cannot make him do anything that he has no intention of doing. I also don't know how he will react. How will he react to seeing the truth about her? How will he react to knowing the truth about me? How can I fix this when clearly I might be just as messed up as claims to be.

_Jesus what did I get myself into?_

I didn't even realize that I had started pacing around the exhibit until I end up walking straight into his chest. He grabs me by my shoulders, saving me from the fall that was almost destined to happen. When I look into his eyes I am greeted with stormy grey eyes, showing nothing but remarkable amounts of pain. _Oh fifty._

"Ana what did you just say." He says sternly, without breaking any form of eye contact with me.

"Christian…" I whisper, struggling to find the right words to explain this.

"Ana." He says, almost begging me to continue. "What. Did. You. Just. Say."

_C'mon Steele! Get it together! Just say it, rip it off like Band-Aid_. I sigh heavily before saying "I said that I was molested. I was molested at fourteen by my mother's third husband." There I said it.

I can't believe I just spit that out like that. Whenever I have even tried to mention husband number three in the past, I could barely get two words out without becoming an emotional mess. Now that he knows the most of it, I am internally freaking out; waiting for him to tell me what he is thinking. Even though it seems pathetic, I care about what he thinks and feels. I need him to understand what I am trying to show him. It feels like I am staring at him for eternity before he runs his hands down his face and turns his back to me.

_What the hell?_

"Christian? I get no response. I try again for a second and third time and I still get nothing.

I walk back towards the table and plot down into my seat, sighing frustratingly at my lack of ability to read his emotions. Instead of pressing him further, I think I would be more successful if I just explained everything and then asked questions later.

I let out a large breath before recalling some of the most horrifying moments of my life.

"I was a quiet, shy and studious little girl. At the time the only things on my mind were school, books and Ray. My mother and I were having issues because she divorce my stepfather, Ray, to remarry to her third husband. At first things seemed to be ok… something about him still rubbed me the wrong way. At the time I couldn't put my mind on exactly what it was, but I just tried to brush it off. I was fourteen the first time that something happened. One day I was reading in my room and he came in and started making all of these absurd comments. He kept calling me a sexy librarian or something." I say while shaking my head, silently wishing that I could crawl into a hole and forget this conversation. But I remember how important it is that Christian sees Elena for who she truly is, and I continue. "I really don't know why he was saying those things to me. I… I was just so confused. No one had ever paid attention to me in that way and even worse, he was married to my mom. I tried to kick him out of my room… I tried to yell at him. To do anything really, just to make him stop making me uncomfortable. After trying to get him back off, after a while he started to get angry. He started yelling and he had this crazy look on his face and then he hit me. I thought that was the worst that it could get; but I was wrong… I was very, very wrong." _Deep breaths Ana, you can do this. _"Later that night, when I wanted to take a shower, something felt off. I just felt like I was being watched and when I looked around I saw him… masturbating. He was pleasuring himself while watching me in the shower. Of course that made him even angrier than he was earlier. He threatened me and told me that if I ever said anything he would tell my mom that it is all my fault; among many other terrible things… and that was just the beginning of my nightmare living there. For two months I endured pure hell at the hands of this man. I was so young and innocent… and he took all of those things from me. He forced me to do all of these things that I didn't want to do and if I didn't do them, violence always follows. He was sick, he used my naive mind and innocent body to his own amusement and pleasure. He prayed on an innocent little girl and used her vulnerability to his advantage."

"What is that fuckers name!" He bellows

"Christian… that's not important. That is not talking about him because we are trying to talk about me; we are talking about him because this is about you."

"Anastasia, . "

It seems that Christian's eye contact has found his way back to mine and his facial expression displays nothing but pure and utter horror.

"You are completely missing the point here. I am not telling you this, to freak you out… or make you think that I am disgusting… I hope you don't think those things, but I needed you to see her as who she is. She is just like Husband number three. She prayed on your weakness and innocence and used it to her own selfish agenda. Although you claimed to have wanted that for yourself because she 'helped you'; but you don't know if there was any other way because that was the only option that she gave you. She used her friendship with your mother to gain knowledge about you and use that knowledge to her advantage…. She is not your savior Christian, she is your abuser. I am sorry, but I care about you too much to allow you to defend your abuser." _There… it's all out there. I have told him everything. _I am looking him straight in the eyes, smothering grey on intense blue; and all I can see is his horrified expression morph into one of sheer pain. I am completely shocked… this is one of the strangest things that I have seen in a long while. The sight before me is very unsettling, before me stands a very pained and vulnerable looking Christian Grey. I am not even sure how to handle this one… This man can intimidate anyone with just one glance and silence a room solely by his presence alone; yet here he stands look anything but the powerful and domineering CEO that I am use to encountering.

_Oh fifty. _I start to walk towards him to offer him some sort of comfort. I cautiously walk towards him. Not knowing how he is going to react after everything that I have said to him; I stand in front of him and carefully lean my body into his front. Remembering his fear of touch, I make sure that I make my moments slow, so he can see all of my intentions. As soon as my head makes contact with his extremely sculpted chest, I feel his incredibly strong arms surround my body. I don't even bother to say a word; this is what I think he needs… I have done all that I can do for him in this moment. He needs to come to terms with this on his own. I can't make him see something that he doesn't. He needs to figure this out for himself. I try to pull back to see if our embrace has offered him any sort of comfort; but in return his arms tighten around my tiny frame, causing me to release a strangled breath. I guess he realizes how tight he is actually holding me, because his fierce hold on me begins to falter slightly. I am about to say something, to offer him some sort of comfort that holding him cannot supply, but he beats me to the punch.

"Ana." He whispers breathlessly.

"It's ok… I know that it's hard to accept something like this but it's important. As your friend I can't allow you to continue to submit yourself to this form of torture. I won't let you."

"I know you won't… but I just don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe that she didn't care about me. I don't want to believe that she did this solely as a manipulation tactic."

"I know you don't, I didn't expect you to come to terms with everything all in one evening."

"I f I am being honest, the rational part of me knows that you are right about her. It knows that what she did was wrong and that I didn't deserve it. But the irrational part of me, thinks that you are wrong… that what happened between the two of us wasn't the same and that what happened to me was something that I deserved because of my past and the way that I was to my family… I… I am having a very hard time telling the difference."

I pull out of his arms absolutely insulted. _What does he mean that he can't tell the difference? Molestation and rape is molestation and rape! There is nothing good about either one of those situations. Part of me even wonders why I bothered to broach this conversation with him. He is one of the most stubborn people that I know, I don't know what possessed me to think that I was going to be able to do this simply. _I start to pace in a small circle, attempting to calm myself down before I blow. I know that this is hard for him, but I can't allow him to belittle me or my past, that I willingly shared with help him.

"Christian… how are those two situations different other than the fact that you claimed to have wanted what happened to you… how are they different?" He begins to open his mouth to respond, but before he does, I beat him to the punch.

"And before you respond to that, be careful about your response. I care about you, and I am upset about the misfortunate that you has been bestowed among you; but I won't allow you to see this one sided. I won't allow you to give me some BS excuse that will end up offending me. There are a lot of things that I can take, but I won't take that from you Christian." I say strongly.

"I don't want to offend you Ana… it's just that… fuck!" He says while forcefully tugging at his copper locks. "I wanted it! I needed it at the time Ana, she gave me something that helped me gain control. The lifestyle that I live… it helps me in ways that you don't understand Ana. I know that I was young, but I wasn't young enough to not know what I was getting myself into once I started the whole arrangement. I understand why you are upset, but it's not as bad as it seems." _How am I going to get through to him without hurting him? He has already been through so much pain in his life, but I don't know any other way to get through to him._

"Would it not be that bad if it were Mia who was being abused by a male friend of your dads because she had a troubled childhood?" I ask sternly while trying to make my point.

"Ana stop it." He says with a sour looking expression.

"Would it not be that bad if it were Elliott who were in your same position as you were, and he were seduced by her instead? Would it not be as bad if it were me with husband number three except that I wanted it?"

"Ana, fucking quit it!"

"I WILL QUIT IT WHEN YOU STOP DEFFENDING HER!" I shout. I never meant to get this angry…. But there is something about that woman that makes my skin crawl and to hear him defend her stabs daggers into my heart.

"I don't want to hurt you… I hate the fact that it looks like I am hurting you… but I am not afraid to hurt you when it comes to this… when it comes to that woman. You terrify my Christian… in so many ways that I don't even understand. You came into my life and in such a short period of time, you have made a strong effect on me… I am still trying to figure out what that effect is, but I know that it's there. I also know that you are used to intimidating everyone into giving you whatever you want… but I can't do that with you." I say with a whisper. "I've already been in a relationship where dishonesty crippled me… and I can't take that again. I am not allowing this friendship to begin with lies and dishonesty; because I don't want that for myself or for you… we both don't deserve that."

I stand there for what feels like forever before he runs his hands through his beautiful copper locks and says "This is a lot of heavy shit for one night Ana… I promised you that I would make it up to your for the other night; and I don't want to spend what is supposed to be a wonderful memory fighting." _I don't know why I convinced myself that I was going to be able to handle this whole situation simply, when I am dealing with one of the most stubborn people on the universe. My subconscious has her arms crossed, rolling her eyes at my rookie move. _

"Fine, we don't have to discuss this tonight, but just understand that this is not going anywhere… no matter how far you run, this situation is always going to find you. We are going to have to talk about this in further length at another time."

I thought that he was going to respond, but instead, he offers me his hand.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." He says while offering me a smile.

"Well, the last time you told me that where we were going was a surprise, you ended up renting a zoo." I say while placing my hand in his.

"Well I made a promise and despite the past half an hour; I intend to keep that promise."


	27. Chapter 27: Wings

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hello all! I know it has been way too long since I have last updated. I don't want you all to think that I have abandoned this story, because that is not true. It has honestly been a very difficult 3-4 months lately and I haven't been myself. There has been a lot of stuff going on and unfortunately I couldn't do everything that I wanted to. Something had to give and unfortunately my story (for the time being) was one of those things. I was able to get things somewhat restored back to normal. Since things are getting back into the groove I was actually in the right mind frame to write. It really took a lot to get this out, even if it has been almost three months in the making. My old laptop also had a major breakdown, so I had to work more to get more cash to buy a laptop. Now I have a mac and it's amazing. So there should be no more computer drama. I really do appreciate all of you for reading my story and I look forward to seeing what you all have to say. Please, please, please do review. It is one of the things that I personally get from this and I love hearing your feedback. I am definitely going to try and get back to a regular updating schedule. I don't really know right now which days will be the best days for me to upload so I am not going to give a for sure and then let you down. But I do know that you can probably expect something soon. Once again, thank you all, review and I hope to have more things up for you all soon. (didn't have too much time to edit, so hopefully there are not too many errors, if so have mercy lol)**

**-Alysha**

Chapter 27: Wings

"Jeez Christian slow down."

He immediately stops his determined pace, to question me

"Are you ok Anastasia? Is everything alright? I just don't want us to be late or miss anything." He says with a worried expression that takes over his face.

"Everything is fine Christian... but do we have to rush? We have been walking around the zoo for hours, don't get me wrong I am having a good time, but I just don't know why we are rushing to see anything but if we are the only ones in the zoo."

"Yes we do have the zoo to ourselves for the evening but I promised that I would make it up to you and I still intend to do that." He says while grasping my hand and leaning us to an unknown destination.

"I thought we were better now? I know neither of us were ecstatic about the result of the evenings earlier discussion but we promised to put it behind us for now to enjoy the rest of the evening."

This evening has been an emotional rollercoaster. It started off well, great if I may add. He gave me the surprise that I was never expecting; he took me to the zoo. At first we were really enjoying ourselves. We walked through so many exhibits, saw so many of the cute animals and did behind the scenes tours. I saw such a wonderful side of Christian. He was playful, laughing and we talked like we knew each other for years… I know we have had deep discussions in the past but today was just so light. Everything seemed almost perfect…. until we had that fight. It was so hard for me to hear him say those things. To hear him defend that awful woman who abused him for all those years. But since we left since we left the exhibit, both of our moods have gotten significantly better. After we left the Giant River Otter exhibit, we ventured to other sectors of the zoo. We went past the primate exhibit, where I was able to play with a Capuchin Monkey named boo. He was honestly the most precious thing. He started off on Christian's head and ended up jumping from his shoulders to mine. I couldn't help but giggle at how silly he looks with a small monkey on top of his head. If someone would've asked me the day that I fell into his office that I would one day see his so carefree and playing with monkeys and tigers at the zoo; I would've called the crazy. Boo definitely did lift our tense moods. After we assisted the zookeeper in feeding him and put him away Christian has been leading me down the path to nowhere.

"Are you sure that you can't tell me where we are going?"

"I am quite sure , we are almost there anyway." I should've know that he would never tell me. Almost everything about this man is a mystery, I don't know why I thought that this time would be any different. As we continue to walk I see a large white and gold dome that extends towards the end of the walk way. As we get closer towards the dome, Christian starts to walk towards the golden door. Next to the door there is a sign that reads "Seattle's Aviary Parade"

"What are we doing at the Aviary?"

"I am making things up to you." He says while looking sincere. _Oh Gosh, what does he have planned now?_

Christian widely opens the heavy looking golden door while he uses his other hand to gesture for me to walk in first. _A gentleman as always. _What lies behind the golden door is a long hallway filled with many photos of what I can suspect are different types of birds. I slowly make my way through the hallway with Christian walking by my side. Looking at all these birds that colors vary from blues, greens, reds, yellows. The only thing that can come to mind to describe them is beautiful. We continue towards this path until we are met with glass doors. We walk through those doors and the sight before me is slightly overwhelming. Long white stage that has multi-colored lights bouncing off of all ends of the aviary. In the middle, the orchestra area is covered with blankets and snacks.

I am pulled from my intense studying by Christian's hand being placed in mine. I finally have managed to pull my eyes from the scenery around me to actually look at him… to see if there is anything that his facial expression would give away. As useful, I cannot read anything off of him. There are those rare moments though, where he allows himself to be vulnerable enough for me to actually gage his emotions. Right now though, I am wondering what it is that he has in store for us here.

He leads me over towards the Royal blue blanket that is surrounded by pillows in the center of the floor. He then reaches down to take off his shoes before sitting on his knees. He then reaches for my hand to help me balance and assists me in taking off my heels. I put my hands under my dress to keep myself from giving Christian a free show this early in the evening. Once seated, He fluffs some of the pillows and moves them to rest behind his own back. _He looks really sexy right now. _What a sight this is… Christian Grey, leaning against pillows in the middle of an aviary with his button down shirt rolled to his elbows in only slacks and socks. I can't help but let my eyes wander from his toes to his face.. never in all of my life have a seen a man look at me the way his is now… There are so many possibilities of what that look can be… it could be wanting, desire, nervousness, passion but I am so unsure… the way he looks at me right now makes me slightly unsure of myself. I don't know where to sit… Should I sit beside him? Should I sit on the other end of the blanket? Or, should I be daring and sit in between his legs? I don't know why such a simple decision is currently so difficult to make. In the past few weeks I still cannot seem to figure out what it is about Christian that makes me behave like a giddy elementary school girl.

If I were being honest with myself; I would just admit that I want to be as close to him as possible. The question is though… would he let me?

"Can I try something?" I ask nervously.

"Depending on what it is?" He answers questioningly.

"I want to sit close to you, but I know that you don't like to be touched… and I don't want to hurt you."

"How are you trying to sit? _Should this be as embarrassing as it feels?_

I can't help but blush before saying "Well… I wanted… Can I just show you? I will go slow and if you feel uncomfortable you can just stop me."

"Anastasia…" He begins.

"Just please let me try? I promise I won't do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"Fine." He says while running his large hands through his copper locks.

I scoot closer to him, and start to move towards him. I make sure that I keep all of my movements slow so that I don't scare him; I don't want to lose my chance to be close to him. I then slowly start to move towards the insides of his legs. Once I am seated I take a look back at him and see that he still seems calm. I continue to move backwards until I can feel him all along my back. I look slightly over my shoulder to double check if he is ok with this.

"Is this ok?" I whisper in a nervous tone. I hope that I am not making him uncomfortable.

At first he doesn't answer, at least not verbally anyway. He then shifts slightly before bringing his arm around my midsection, bringing me even closer towards him.

Sitting like this is slightly unnerving. I can feel him everywhere. I can feel his hot breath on the back of my neck, his scent is all that invades my nostrils; while his legs are along side of mine and his hands are resting on my mind section. _Well I did say that I wanted to be close to him. _

"Now it is." he says against the back of my neck.

He then leans over my shoulder and places a swift kiss on the side of my cheek. _This man._

"Can you pass me my phone for a second." he asks.

I reach towards the side of his right leg where his phone rests on the blanket, before moving back to my previous position between his legs while passing him his cellphone. He swiftly sends off a message before setting his phone down next to him and then grabs a pack of M&amp;M's. He passes me the pack of M&amp;M's and suddenly music rings throughout the theater. I look around wondering where the music is coming from. _What the hell? what…? who..? _

The music continues to play before an automated voice rings through the theater.

"Welcome To Seattle's Wookland Park Zoo! Right now you are about the have the experience of a lifetime at the courtesy of our birds. Please do make sure that you do not try to feed the animals and allow them to perform on their own. They have been trained to do so. To protect both you and our animals please be sure to keep all of your objects to yourself. Now that part of the presentation is out of the way, please do enjoy the show."

"Did you plan this?" I ask Christian.

"Well, yes but I did have a little bit of help from Taylor and Ben."

"Well thank you. I will make sure to thank them as well if and when I see them."

Just then the lights start to focus on the left hand corner of the stage and a the music changes and large blue and gold Macaw flights across the theater while Sam Smith's "Latch" rings throughout the theater. Once the blue gold Macaw makes it to the other side of the theater, Two other birds fly out from the same spot. Both Christian and I continue to watch different colored birds fly throughout different sectors of the theaters. I then reach down and tear the corner of the M&amp;M's packed before putting a couple into my mouth. I then reach for me and lean over slighting to offer some to Christian. Instead of taking the candy from my hands, he brings his mouth towards my offering hand and uses his tongue to bring the candy into his mouth.

_Oh. My. God that was hot. _Both Christian and I both have our heated gazes directed at each other. The calm and careful atmosphere has now turned into one that is thick and full of passion. I start to slowly lean towards him when he says

"You are missing the show." He says with an all too familiar smirk on his face. _Jackass, he knows exactly what he is doing._

"Fine, let's just get back to the show then." I say defiantly.

Now that my attention had now been returned to the show, I am finally realizing how beautiful this is. Some of the birds are flying in different directions and performing different tricks. All of a sudden the the birds had returned back towards the directions that they flew out of. The rainbow colored lighting that was once rapidly dancing across the theater has now started to slow down and transform. They have now started to dim and turn into cool blues and purples that are slowly making their way across the theater. A someone familiar beat starts to ring through the speakers, and as each sound of the bass comes through, a bird flies through, just reaching the other end of the theater as the next sound comes through. Soon the realization has hit me… this is the same song that was playing during the coping together gala. Before I can even ask anything or make a comment Christian just starts to speak.

"I know you are probably wondering why this song is playing" he starts while I nod my head to agree. "I asked them to play this song because it was obvious to me that you liked it while they were play it at the gala… that was until I ruined it, I suppose. I wanted you to have a memory of this song that wasn't so bad. I figured that if I was going to make it up to you, I should at least attempt to fix where I started to mess things up in the first place."

"Christian… you didn't have to do all of this I mean…. You already made it up to me by bringing me to the zoo. Just doing that was already good for me. I mean the dinner and this is just beyond amazing…"

"Well we aim to please Miss Steele."

"And please me you did ." I reply while smiling back at him. "Honestly, Thank you for everything Christian." I say before placing a swift kiss on his cheek.

I can't believe things have been moving this fast. I didn't think that I would be this easy… especially after everything that happened with Logan. I never expected to feel this… free.

**We've been** in sitting in the middle of the aviary for a while now. Watching the show, feeding eachother M&amp;M's and engaging in casual conversation. It has been like having a mini concert in here. We've listened to Hozier, OneRepublic and Coldplay. and Alex Clare. Currently, my back is resting against Christian's front. His arms are wrapped around my midsection, while my head is resting at his bicep. We are both gazing above us, watching the beautiful display while engaging in casual conversation.

"So what have you been up to the past couple of days? We haven't caught up with one another lately."

"Well… If you must know I have been engaging in a deal with the Taiwanese. I have also been spending quite a bit of time ordering floral arrangements."

"I guess you can say that I have spent quite a bit of time receiving floral arrangements."

"Did you even look at the cards? or did you just completely disregard them and give other people my flower arrangements."

"Oh no, I kept them… I just put them away in my drawer. I didn't want to look at it while I was angry."

"Well wasn't that the purpose? To make you not angry?"

"Flowers don't make me not angry." I say while giggling.

"Well then what does?"

"Well.. for starters I can't be brought… I don't really value material objects. I value sincerity and honest conversation. If I am mad, buying me out won't work."

"Oh… but girls don't girls like that kind of stuff?"

"I would suppose so, but I am not one of those women ."

"You can say that again." He replies sarcastically. His response makes me giggle.

"Yes you could." I reply as the song begins to change, as the rhythm of the music sets in, the lyrics finally start to play.

"_Tried to keep you close to me,_

_But life got in between_

_Tried to square not being there_

_But think that I should've been"_

"For the life of me… I wish that I could figure you out Anastasia." He says while looking down at me.

_Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes_

_Hold back the river, so I_

_Can stop for a minute and see where you hide_

_Hold back the river, hold back_

"I don't think that you are doing a bad job, and I could say the same for you… I guess we just have nothing but time." I can't help but get lost in his gorgeous grey eyes. The tension between the two of us is breaking out in waves. There is no place that I would rather be right now than in his arms… looking at him just they way that I am right now.

"_Once upon a different life_

_We rode our bikes into the sky_

_But now we're caught against the tide_

_Those distant days all flashing by_

_Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes_

_Hold back the river, so I_

_Can stop for a minute and be by your side_

_Hold back the river, hold back"_

Slowly… both of us start to move ourselves to get closer to the other. He's going to kiss me… at least I hope that he is…. because that is definately what I want.

"_Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes_

_Hold back the river, so I_

_Can stop for a minute and see where you hide_

_Hold back the river, hold back"_

"I am going to kiss you now Anastasia."

"Sure."

"_Oh, oho, oho, oho, oho_

_Oho, oho, oho, oho"_

"_Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander_

_Let us hold each other_

_Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander_

_Let us hold each other."_

"_Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes_

_Hold back the river, so I_

_Can stop for a minute and be by your side_

_Hold back the river, hold back."_

"_Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes_

_Hold back the river, so I_

_Can stop for a minute and be by your side_

_Hold back the river, hold."_

"_Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander_

_Let us hold each other_

_Lonely water, lonely water, won't you let us wander_

_Let us hold each other."_

I reply breathlessly. Much to my satisfaction, he quickly places his soft lips on mine. Both of us are so in sync with one another. What first started off as a slow kiss has turned into one that is full of passion. As we continue to engage in our heated exchange; Christian reaches for my hip that is currently locked over his leg, to then bring me into a straddling position. As soon as my crotch means his I start to tense. I immediately have to remind myself that this is Christian before I allow my mind to wander towards that dark place. I then reach forwards and rake my fingers through his soft locks. We both continue this rhythm until I feel his tongue run across my bottom lip asking for entrance. Almost as soon as I feel his expert tongue enter my mouth. Even though we haven't kissed often, it just feels so natural. We keep going at this pace until his lips suddenly part from mine. But my disappointment is very short lived once I feel his talented mouth make its way from my lips, to my chin, to my jaw.

There is so much passion and wanting flowing through the two of us that its almost hard to breathe. We are both leaving trails of kisses along each others chins, jaws and ears. I can feel slightly feel his bulge between my legs. _Oh My God, He's huge. _A part of me really wants to roll my hips against his, to give us the friction that we both probably want. But the scared part of me is holding me back. _My subconscious is throwing her hands up in aspiration; screaming for me to just block the dark thoughts out of my head and GO FOR IT. _I guess the gutsy part of me wins and before I realize it; I feel my hips rolling against his. Just then I hear the sexiest sound I have ever heard: Christians moans. He lets out a small moan while rolling his hips back towards mine in response.

"Christian." I say while panting.

"Hmm." He murmurs while continuing to shower me with kisses.

"We are in public, we should stop." I say regrettably, lord knows I would love to continue to feel his lips on mine.

He lets out a slight grunt before removing his lips from my neck while running his hands through his hair. "You are right, I wouldn't want to go too far or embarrass you… and I definitely would not want anyone else to see you turned on." I can't help but giggle. While we are both trying to regain our composure, the voice of the MC once again rings through the theater,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope that you enjoyed this evenings show. I hope that you have enjoyed yourselves. Please use any of the doors to your left or right that are labeled as 'exit'. Please do take any of your belongings with you. I hope you have enjoyed your time at Woodland Park Zoo."

"You can leave those there, someone is going to come to clean up."

"Oh ok."

"Well we should probably get going… it's already 10:30." He says while standing up and offering me his hand. Together, we both walk out of the Aviary and begin to make our way back towards the hallway of photos. As we are walking I feel his hand brush against mine. I look towards the both of our hands and grab ahold of his strong hand in mine. We continue walking out of the aviary, and in the directions of the signs that signal the exit.

"I really appreciate you taking me here Christian… it really was a great night."

"I am glad to hear that you have enjoyed your night."

"I really did, I am glad that I don't have to go into work tomorrow… It's already starting to get late and getting up that early is going to be a pain in the ass."

"I thought there would be more celebrating happening on your end Miss Steele."

"No, not tonight."

"How come?" He says questioningly.

"On the way here Kate texted me that she was going out with Elliott and her parents and would most likely end up not coming home."

"Oh… what are you going to do then?"

"Well, I don't know… I wasn't thinking that far ahead."

"You can stay with me." he says. I can't help but snap my head to look towards his face, where did that suggestion come from. He must tell that I find that suggestion strange because he quickly finds a response in attempt to ease my mind. "I have no other plans for the evening and you should still be having fun, not being bored by yourself. I have a guestroom that you could sleep in if you'd like. We can find something to do there." He says reassuringly.

"Are you sure? I have taken up a lot of your time this evening and I don't want to intrude."

"Positive. Come home with me… Say yes."

"Ok sure, I will come home with you then."

"Great exits this way."

* * *

Song choice: Hold Back the River- James Bay


	28. Chapter 28:Late Night Breakfast Club

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: HI! I did say that I was going to post soon. I had this week off so I had more time to write. Thank you to all of you who favorited or followed my story recently. A special thank you to those who reviewed. I really do enjoy getting them. Please Please please to do review after the chapter. My creative juices are flowing so I am currently working on the next chapter right now. If we are lucky I can try and get it up within the next two days. I have updated the pinterest page! The board is under the name of this story or you could search me personally, my pinterest username is alyshalouis. If you have any questions or trouble finding it, please PM me. Once again thanks alot and enjoy the chapter!**

**SN: Pinterest board is under the title of this story, or your can search my user which is alysha louis**

**xoxo, Alysha**

Chapter 28:Late Night Breakfast Club

**Tonight has** been amazing. Never in a million years did I think that Christian could do something so sweet and sentimental. It was nice to see another side of him that differs from his CEO persona. It is completely obvious that he went above and beyond to make things special for me. I don't think he knows how much tonight actually meant to me. For years Ray tried to do whatever he could to make me happy; especially after the everything that happened with husband number three. Even though he wanted to make those things happen for me, there was only so much that he could do financially. I never complained because ultimately he gave me everything. Thats the way it should be… not only with your family but also with the person that you love. I gave Logan everything. I tried to be the best that I could be. I can't blame the entire failure of our relationship totally on him, majority of that was his fault; but there were things that I should have done to better protect myself. I held on to something because I was comfortable… I held on to someone that was not giving me everything. I don't want the material things but I want loyalty, honesty and true love. I have to better protect myself when I decide to enter my next relationship.

I can't help but realize that I am really starting to feel things for Christian and the thought honestly scares me… what if he is nothing like I think he is? He already is starting to become a large part of my life. These last couple of weeks have been wonderful for the most part. We have both done things that have aggravated the other person, but that is expected. Sometimes I just don't know what to expect with him. Sometimes he seems completely into me, other times he seems to be fighting the feelings. He says that there are things that I don't know, things that we have not talked about… but how long can I go not knowing if it can change everything. Since I am staying over his house tonight, maybe I can get him to talk to me.

**The drive to Escala **was short. It only took us between 10-15 minutes to finally get here. Now the two of us, along with Taylor are making our way towards the elevator up. As we start to enter the foyer, it is exactly how I remembered it being. I am so glad that we have finally made it up here because my feet are killing me. I use the table that is on the wall to the left of the foyer to support myself while using my other hand to take off my heels. Once my heels are heels are off, I start to join Christian at the start of the foyer. He and I both walk together towards the kitchen.

"Would you like something to drink?" He offers.

"Umm, I could do for a glass of wine if you have it."

"White or red?"

"Surprise me." I say somewhat suggestively.

"You and that mouth." He says before smirking at my remark. He then walks off in another direction to receive some wine. _This is definitely going to be an interesting evening. _

"Here you are Miss Steele." He says while offering me the glass of wine.

We both take small sips of our wine before Christian starts a conversation.

"So, you are the lady of the evening I suppose, what would you like to do?"

Hmm, what to do? "Well for starters, I would like to get out of this dress and into something that's more comfortable."

"That can be arranged." He says darkly while taking another sip of wine.

"Is that so ?" I say with the same amount of flirtatiousness.

"Well, Taylor is here and could run and get you something more 'comfortable' so you say."

"You are not going to send Taylor to fetch me some outrageously priced clothing at this hour. What do you have here."

"It's his job to assist me in anything that I may need Anastasia." He says defiantly, _Here we go._

"I know that it would technically be Taylors job to assist you in getting me some pajamas, but I would personally prefer that you didn't send him out to do such a job. As a matter of fact, as you guest I insist that you don't send him to do such a thing."

"Insist?" He questions me, with his classic Christian Grey smirk with one eyebrow raised.

"Yes, I insist." I say matter of factly. _Take that Grey!_

"Well, who am I to deny you. The only thing that I have here would be comfortable for you is a an undershirt."

"That will work."

"Ok, I will go and get you a shirt and then show you to your room." He says while he rests his glass of wine onto the counter.

"Wait, do you think you would have anything that would fit me on as bottoms?" I ask while mildly blushing. _This is embarrassing._

"The only thing that might fit you waist wise are my boxers."

"That will work." I say with a smile.

"You never cease to amaze me Ana."

"Well, I hope I never disappoint."

"I am very doubtful that you would ever disappoint." He says while going while walking away. After a moment I hear my name being called in the distance."

"Christian?" I yell back.

"I am upstairs."

"Where exactly is that?"

"Straight up the stairs and to your left, the door is open." He says from upstairs.

I walk up the stairs and had towards the left, where I see him there waiting for me.

"This is one of the guest bedrooms of my apartment, you can sleep in here tonight if you would like. There is in an en suite through the door to your left over there." He says while slightly showing me around. The room is wonderfully decorated, This room alone is almost larger than my entire kitchen and living room in the apartment that I use to share with Logan. _Shit! I still need to get my things from his house, hopefully I will have some more free time this weekend to fully move out. _The room is a pretty beige color. The middle wall has a detailed floral mural that varies in colors of greens, beiges, whites and creams. The bed is set front and center in the room and in front of the Mural. This room looks even nicer than the room I had at the apartment that I owned for almost three years. Christian lets me know that he will meet me downstairs before he leaves to allow me to get changed. I quickly whip off my dress and am left standing only in my bra and underwear. I undo the straps of my bra and release the clips from the back side. I look over towards the bed and and see the plain white shirt and white Calvin Klein boxer briefs that rest on the top of the bed. I quickly throw on the white shirt and boxers. I look in the mirror that's on the left side of the bed and realize that this shirt is huge! It could easily pass as a dress on me. What's best about the shirt is that it smells just like Christian. I get a quick whiff of the shirt and look up to realize that there is a goofy grin lying on my face. _I am going to get myself into so much trouble this evening. _I walk back towards the bed and receive my clutch and fish out the extra point tail that I always carry with me and wrap my hair into a messy bun at the top of my head. Now that I am fully dressed, I can finally start to make my way downstairs.

**When I hit** the last step at the bottom of the staircase, my eyes and heart rate were truly not ready for the sight that lies before me: Christian Grey, in a tight fitted white undershirt with dark blue pajama bottoms that hang off of his hips in a way that makes me feel things in my southern regions. He looks HOT. It should actually be illegal how good he looks in this moment. Before I use to think that I was seeing him in those business suits that made him so attractive; but clearly it's just him. He is just that hot, all on his own. I guess that I have been staring at him for longer than i realized because my heated gaze is interrupted by the sound of his voice.

"Like what you see Miss Steele?" _Arse, he is teasing me._

"I don't know what you are talking about Christian ." I say while walking away as if what just happened never did.

"Oh I think you do Miss Steele."

"Still not ringing a bell here Grey. I continue walking away from him and start moving towards the chocolate covered couches towards the right hand side of the room.

"So." I say before taking another sip of wine. "What are we going to get into this evening?"

"I could think of alot of things that we could get into, but like I said; you are the lady of the evening so it would only be right for you to decide."

"That leaves us with quite a few options doesn't it?"

"That it does."

"I think I could go for a movie… a classic of course."

"Ok… and where exactly would you like to watch said movie?"

"I am not too sure, what are our options?"

"Well… we have my room and the theater room."

"Ohhhhhh we should go to your theater room, we can bring some pillows and blankets from the other rooms and just camp out there."

"I guess we can do that if you would like."

"Yes… that is what I would like. I am going to grab some of the pillows and blankets from the room upstairs, you go to yours and do the same."

"You want me to bring my bedrooms pillows up here?"

'Well yes, if not that would defeat the purpose. And I want you to do it, not Taylor. For a smart man you can be quite obtuse sometimes."

"As you wish Anastasia, I will go fetch some of my pillows and bring them up here."

"Thank you."

"Do you know what you would like as snacks?"

"Maybe just some fruit, wine… Oh do you have any gummy bears?"

"Gummy bears?" He says with an eyebrow raised."

"Yes, everyone loves gummy bears."

"Okay… I will be back here with your gummy bears, wine, fruit and pillows."

"Perfect!" I say before dashing off down the hall to get my pillows.

**The atmosphere is so relaxed. **Christian and I are currently lying down on the floor in front of the giant grey platform. His movie room really is beautiful, even though it resembles the same decor as the rest of the house. There is a large screen smack dab in the middle of the room. The walls are all colored in greys, blacks and silvers. I am assuming that he had a chrome finish implemented on the walls to give the bland colors some more texture. Towards the back of us, there is a platformed seating area. There is a large turquoise "U" shaped sofa that extends along the entire back wall. The ceiling has beautiful star like lighting. Its as if the two of us are lying under the stars watching the breakfast club while nursing a couple glasses of wine. I honestly thought that our argument earlier was going to ruin the entire evening, boy was I wrong. We are honestly both acting as if it never happened. I do know that one day I am going to have to bring it up again; but I guess today does not have to be that day. Thinking of the days activities: the zoo, dinner, the aviary; all have me thinking about my failed attempt to be "friends" with Christian. I don't know how that was going to happen when we both have so much built up tension between the two of us. Even now, that tension is still crackling between us… Every so once in a while I manage to sneak a sideways glance at him, only to find him looking back at me. No matter how many times I do it; his gaze still causes my blush every time.

We are well settled into the movie. Currently, Brian is writing the letter on behalf of all of the members of the breakfast club, which means the movie is close towards the end. Allison and Andrew both exchange small kisses before going their separate ways. Brain walks off to his own designated vehicle. Finally Claire and Bender have their own special moment before he walks towards the football field and lifts his clenched fist into the air. No matter how many times I watch this movie, it never seems to get old.

"Sooooo, what did you think?"

"It was just how I remembered it being."

"Oh c'mon, I know you can give me something better than that!"

"Alright, Alright, the movie was interesting… the couple pairings were quite unusual… but over all it's a good movie."

"Why did the pairings seem so strange?"

"The athlete and the basket case are two polar opposites that I guess can work if they really tried. I think what I have the most difficulty is understanding the Claire and Bender pairing."

"And why is that?"

"They are just completely different. She's completely innocent! He's not! There are things with him that are obviously very dark. He would corrupt her completely… I just don't see that kind of a relationship working out. The way I see it, he should've had more control… He shouldn't have allowed himself to lose control of his ability to remain isolated. He let her enter his world, were he may introduce her to so many demons… she might not even be able to see straight anymore."

"What is with you in your control issues?"

"I need control Ana."

"Yeah I can see that but why?"

"Because I need it. It's the only thing that I know… It's the only lifestyle that I am use to living."

"What lifestyle are you referring to? From what I can tell Grace and Carrick-"

"Grace and Carrick gave me the best lifestyle that they possibly could… The lifestyle I am referring to has nothing to do with anything that they personally have given me."

"I'm confused."

He lets out a frustrated sigh before running his hands through his hair. "Come."

"Where are we going."

"Can you ever just do as you are told? Just come, we are only going downstairs."

"Okay."

He offers his me his hand and I place my hand in his. He helps pull me up and leads us both towards the exit. We continue to walk hand and hand until we are both downstairs standing in his study. He silently releases my hand and walks to his computer where he then sits and brings it to life. The room is so silent that you could hear a pin drop. The only sound that rings throughout the room is the click of his mouse. After a moment the printer begins to sound. _What can he possibly be printing that has to do with our previous conversation. _

"Christian… what does whatever you are printing have to do with our conversation."

"What I am printing is a Non-Disclosure Agreement. Once you sign this I can further explain why I don't think that couples like Bender and Claire will work, why I sent you a warning through those books and why I need control. Option one is that you can walk away from this conversation and watch another movie. Option two means that you are going to continue on with your debasement than you have to sign the NDA, my lawyer insists on it."

_Holy shit, what is he getting me into?! _"I will go to option number two sir." I say with a nod of my head. For a moment I swear that his eyes begin to darken a shade before he says,

"Curious as always I should've known." before handing me the NDA.

"Yes, you should've." I say before reaching for a pen on his desk to sign the paper.

I started to crotch down to sign the paper before he asks if I am even going to read it.

"No, I trust you."

"Well, you shouldn't"

"But I do, so I guess that there is nothing that we can do about that now… can we?"

"I suppose there is no talking you out of this." He said before he starts to walk away.

"Where are you going? I signed? I thought that you could tell me now."

"It's harder for me to explain… I will do better by just showing you and then answering your questions."

"Show me what?"

"You will see if you come with me."

"Okay" I say before releasing a deep breath.

He reaches towards me and grabs my hand before walking towards the kitchen. Once we are in the kitchen he finds a small hook off to the corner with many different sets of keys. He reaches for the set of keys with the red tastles before retreating the room. He is leading the both of us towards the stairs. The closer that we get to the stairs, the more tense that he sems.

"You ok?"

"Yes… I just hope that you will be."

"I am a big girl… I think that I could handle it."

"Good… because we are going to my playroom."

"Your playroom? You have a playroom and a movie room, what else does your ivory tower have in store for me?" I say excitingly. _Why the hell would he be nervous about a playroom? Thats quite normal to me._

He chuckles loudly before telling me "It's not that kind of a play room Ana."

He then leads me to a set of double doors that are to the right and across the hall from the guest room that he showed me earlier. _How did I not see these earlier? _He then stops in front of the doors before saying.

"You can leave at anytime… Should you feel uncomfortable we can leave here. If you want to go home, Taylor is a call away. Whatever you decide is fine." He says while looking worried. _What is he so afraid of?_

"Just open the damn door Christian." _I want to know what this big secret is. For weeks we have skated around the topic… I am ready to know._

"As you wish." He says before inserting the gold key into the double doors. He slowly opens the door before he enters, pulling me along with them. For a moment the room is pitch black and then slowly the lights begin to illuminate the room.

_HOLY FUCK._


	29. Chapter 29: I See Red

***I do not own the right to the characters and some of the play, all rights and some play belong to E.L James***

**AN: Hello Everyone! I know that I am late! I wasn't giving up or anything. I went on a mini vacation and seeing how it was a vacation, I actually wanted to take time to relax. I got back this evening and started to continue to work on this chapter. This was a hard one for me… I have no idea about BDSM or anything so I really had to use the book as a reference for some of this. Hopefully that doesn't bother you all too much. Since I am late I felt that I could at least make this a long chapter so enjoy! I didn't have much time to edit this, but I wanted to give you all new material, hopefully it's not too bad. Please please do review! I enjoy seeing them and I like to know what you all are thinking. Please do feel free to PM me or anything with any questions or concerns. I will be updating again ASAP (hopefully within the next three days). Thanks again and enjoy!**

**-Alysha**

Chapter 29: I See Red

* * *

_**Previously:**_

_"You can leave at anytime… Should you feel uncomfortable we can leave here. If you want to go home, Taylor is a call away. Whatever you decide is fine." He says while looking worried. What is he so afraid of?_

_"Just open the damn door Christian." I want to know what this big secret is. For weeks we have skated around the topic… I am ready to know._

_"As you wish." He says before inserting the gold key into the double doors. He slowly opens the door before he enters, pulling me along with them. For a moment the room is pitch black and then slowly the lights begin to illuminate the room._

_HOLY FUCK._

* * *

**This was definitely** not what I had in mind when he said that we would be coming to see his playroom. I was expecting to see too see a typical man cave; instead I am greeted with what looks to be a red room of pain. In the playroom I was expecting the smell of beer and pizza, with a lot of old sofas and so many different gaming systems that you could lose count. I was expecting him to maybe sarcastically ask me to compete with him in a game of Call of Duty… the reality though, is much different than old pizza and video games. This is clearly no average man cave; other than holy fuck, the first thing that this room reminded me of was the sixteenth century Spanish Inquisition. The reality is that his playroom smells nothing like old pizza, it smells like leather, wood and polish that has a fresh citrus scent. The lighting is very soft and subtle, the source isn't really visible. What makes the lighting obvious is the way that it reflects off of the deep burgundy and red walls. The flooring is old varnished wood, which strangely beautifully accents the rest of the room.

There is a large wooden cross like an X fastened to the wall facing the door. It's made of high-polished mahogany, and there are restraining cuffs on each corner. Above it is an expansive iron grid suspended from the ceiling, eight-foot square at least, and from it hang all manner of ropes, chains, and glinting shackles. By the door, two long, polished, ornately carved poles, like spindles from a banister but longer, hang like curtain rods across the wall. From them swing a startling assortment of paddles, whips, riding crops, and funny-looking feathery implements.

Beside the door stands a substantial mahogany chest of drawers, each drawer slim as if designed to contain specimens in a crusty old museum. I wonder briefly what the drawers actually do hold. Do I want to know In the far corner is an oxblood leather padded bench, and fixed to the wall beside it is a wooden, polished rack that looks like a pool or billiard cue holder, but on closer inspection, it holds canes of varying lengths and widths. There's a stout six-foot-long table in the opposite corner - polished wood with intricately carved legs - and two matching stools underneath.

But what dominates the room is a bed. It's bigger than king-size, an ornately carved rococo four-poster with a flat top. It looks late nineteenth century. Under the canopy, I can see more gleaming chains and cuffs. There is no bedding... just a mattress covered in red leather and red satin cushions piled at one end.

At the foot of the bed, set apart a few feet, is a large oxblood chesterfield couch, just stuck in the middle of the room facing the bed. An odd arrangement... to have a couch facing the bed, and I smile to myself - I've picked on the couch as odd, when really it's the most mundane piece of furniture in the room. I glance up and stare at the ceiling. There are karabiners all over the ceiling at odd intervals. I vaguely wonder what they're for. Weirdly, all the wood, dark walls, moody lighting, and oxblood leather makes the room kind of soft and romantic... I know it's anything but, this is Christian's version of soft and romantic.

When I finally take a break from inspecting the scenery, I am meet with a very intent looking Christian. _Of course he would be. _As always, my curiosity gets the best of me and I can't help but walk further into the room. Following close behind me though is Christian. The feathery looking thing that I found earlier has now regained my attention. I walk towards it and pick it up and start to fiddle with the tassels at the end of the stick. The first thing that I notice now that more of my senses are now involved is that its suede. It has small cat-o-nine tails but slightly bushier and it also has small beads at the end. I am brought out of my inspection by the sound of his voice.

"It's called a flogger."

A flogger? It seems like Christian has more surprises than I anticipated. This room has completely and utterly shocked me. In addition to the initial shock, I also am experiencing a large amount of confusion. Given all of the events of my past, the mere sights of this room should have sent me running from the hills… but for some reason I am not. It is obvious that there are things in this room that are meant to inflict pain, but I don't think that he would hurt me. I know it's strange and that I really don't know him well but I honestly don't think that he would do something to intentionally cause harm to me. I don't even know how to really react to all of this. What would be the proper reaction to finding out that this amazingly sweet guy, who you have developed feelings for over the past few weeks and could be a potential lover is a freaky sadist… How am I supposed to react?

"Say something." He says while looking at me nervously.

_What could I say? _"Do you do this to other people? Or is this something that they do to you?"

He giggles before saying "This is something that I do to women, women who want me to."

"I see… but if you have so many willing volunteers then why am here?"

"Technically you were here to enjoy the rest of your graduation day."

"You know what I mean Christian."

"Because I would very much like to do this to you."

_Oh Shit. _He likes to hurt women. The thought really saddens me, I was really hoping that we would be able to work something out. I thought I was getting successful in breaking down his walls.

"You're a sadist?"

"No Anastasia, I am a dominant."

"I don't know what that is supposed to mean."

"It means that I would like you to surrender yourself to me in all things."

_What the fuck. _"Why would I do that?"

"Because it would please me."

_What time period does he think that he lives in? Woman actually want someone to cease all control over them? _

"Oh… sooo… if I were to attempt to 'please you' as you say, how would I even do that?"

"There are a certain set of rules that I want you to follow, certain things that I would like you to do. It's simple really, if you follow them and please me, then I will reward you. If you don't follow my rules and do not please me, then I will punish you."

"And what does all of this have to do with that."

"Well this is all part of the deal. The things in here can be used as both instruments of pain and pleasure."

"No offense, but I am struggling to understand what I get out of all of this."

"Me." He says simply. _If only it were that simple._

I don't even know how to respond, I just look at him trying to gauge his emotions. I still don't know how I am supposed to feel about all of this.

"C'mon, let's get you out of here. Having you in here is very tempting." I can't help but snicker at his admission. In return, he gives me a strong glare before saying "Careful Anastasia."

He reaches for my hand and starts to direct me out of this room. Once we get to the door, he asks me "Where would you like to go to further discuss this? I need you comfortable and honest for a conversation like this."

"Wow, I am surprised that I actually get a say in anything. I thought that you would just do whatever you felt like, or better yet 'exert your will over me'" I reply sarcastically.

"Good to know that you haven't lost your sense of humor."

"It appears not, is having one against one of your rules or something."

"No, but sassing me is."

"Go figures."

"Anastasia, I need you take this seriously. I only am showing you and telling you these things to make sure that everything stays in control. If this is not handled carefully there can be a lot of trouble in store for the both of us."

"I would prefer to go somewhere where I can have full disclosure, I need to know everything."

"I will answers that are necessary."

"Full disclosure Grey!" I say sternly, I do not want to back down on this.

"Fine, we can work on giving you full disclosure."

"We can talk in the movie room, you were comfortable there, I will bring up the other paperwork, along with my laptop so that we can look into things further."

"Sounds like a plan, do you mind if I grab some more wine from downstairs?"

"Whatever makes you more comfortable."

**I quickly run downstair**s and grab the bottle of wine that we opened earlier in the evening. When I make my way back towards the theater room, Christian is sitting on the pile of blankets towards the center of the room. It seems that he has gathered more paperwork and his laptop… he seems so comfortable with this. I walk towards him before pouring both he and myself a glass. Once both of us have a decent amount of wine, I join him in sitting down on the pallet.

"I can imagine that you have questions, I want you to feel comfortable to ask me about anything that you have concerns about. For any of this to work, I need you to be honest with me."

"Ok, fine. Let's start off with the basics, how does this all work?"

"Well, we would have to come towards an agreement on how often and at what times we are to see each other. As I told you earlier, this is about your ability to surrender yourself to me in all things. If you please me, I reward you. If you don't please me, I punish you. In order for me to do so, we need to first establish our hard and soft limits. After we go over the contract and the things that we expect from each other we will start to engage in play. We will engage in play; afterwards you are welcome to go into the sub room, the room that I showed you earlier… unless I give you any other further instructions. That's basically the condensed version of it all. All of the other details we will go through together piece by piece." He says simply. _In what world is any of this simple?_

"Is it safe to assume that you didn't bring me here to make love to me tonight?"

He chuckles lightly before answering, "Anastasia. Firstly, I don't make love. I fuck… hard." _Oh shit. _"Secondly, you are right to assume that. What I would like to you is a lot more complicated than making love, and I would like to have your written consent before I proceed to corrupt you any further."

"I see… so we would plan our 'engagements' shall I say for a lack of a better word and then afterwards I would retire to the room you showed me earlier."

"Yes."

"And you would sleep with me there?"

"No, we would only engage in play in the playroom. After we leave the playroom you will retire to the sub quarters and I will retire to mine. I've told you I have never really shared a bed with anyone before."

"We have before, what would be the big deal in continuing this now?"

"Because, it will be easier to maintain control if we handle things that way."

"That's what everything leads down to doesn't it."

"Yes, I need it."

"And this was the lifestyle that taught you? The one that your parents didn't give you and helped you."

"Yes."

"Christian, you were fifteen and doing this?"

"Yes."

"Why would she do that."

"Because she knew what's best for me. Listen, lets not rehash something that we both know is going to be unsuccessful for the both of us."

"This is crazy Christian."

"So it would seem Miss Steele."

_Here he goes with the Miss Steele again. _I cannot understand this whole thing for the life of me. I cannot understand how a woman, that is two times older than him would want to engage in relations with him. I don't understand how any fifteen year old could handle engaging in something like this. I don't understand how the Christian, who helped me escape public humiliation at the hands of my ex, who takes 22 year olds to the zoo and gives them the night of their dreams, can be the same man that hurts woman in that room. This whole evening we have been open with each other, even when we were going head to head earlier, he was still open. Now he seems so cold and distant. Dominant Christian has taken over. I knew the man had many shades but I did not see this coming.

"Do you have any other questions?"

"Yes I do. Is it easy to find women who are willing to do this?"

"Yes."

"Than why me?"

"Because there is something about you that I cannot seem to leave alone. I've tried and have been unsuccessful at ever turn."

"How many women were there?"

"Fifteen." _Fifteen! _I feel gutted. How would I ever be able to compete against that? I know that I am no virgin, but I have only ever had one consensual sexual partner. If I were being with honest, I can admit that I don't really know everything. It took me four years to finally open myself up the the idea of even having sex. In the past two years that I have been sexually active, my entire experiences have been limited. How am I supposed to compete with that? Even though all of these thoughts are running through my mind, the only words that can make it past my lips are "Oh." I finally regain my composure and find the courage to continue my questioning.

"Were they for long periods of time?"

"Some were, yes."

"Have you ever hurt anyone?"

"Yes." He says regretfully. _Shit._

"Will you hurt me?"

"Not intentionally no." He reaches towards the left of him and picks up the stack of papers that are bound together by a large clip. "Here." He says while handing me the stack of papers. "This is the contract that we have to sign. I want to go over some of this together incase you have any questions. There are things on here that are subject to change depending on what we are able to come to an agreement on."

* * *

**RULES:**

Obedience:

The Submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The Submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities which are outlined in hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation.

Sleep:

The Submissive will ensure she achieves a minimum of seven hours sleep a night when she is not with the Dominant.

Food

The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and wellbeing from a prescribed list of foods (Appendix 4). The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit.

Clothes:

During the Term, the Submissive will wear clothing only approved by the Dominant. The Dominant will provide a clothing budget for the Submissive, which the Submissive shall utilize. The Dominant shall accompany the Submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires, the Submissive shall during the Term any adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and any other time the Domi- nant deems fit.

Exercise:

The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with a personal trainer four times a week in hour-long sessions at times to be mutually agreed between the personal trainer and the Submissive. The personal trainer will report to the Dominant on the Submissive's progress. Personal Hygiene/Beauty:

The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. The Submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant's choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant, and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit.

Personal Safety:

The Submissive will not drink to excess, smoke, take recreational drugs, or put herself in any unnecessary danger.

Personal Qualities:

The Submissive will not enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant. The Submissive will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. She must recognize that her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant. She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of the Dominant.

Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which shall be determined by the Dominant.

* * *

_Oh fuck, What have I gotten myself into? _

"What are Hard Limits."

"Things that you and I are both not willing to do; we will go over those in further details."

"I don't feel right accepting money for clothes… it makes me feel cheap."

"I have a large amount of money and, I want to lavish you with all of things that you could possibly want. As your Dominant it's my job to take care of you."

"I am perfectly capable of doing that myself."

"I don't doubt that, but as my sub it would be your responsibility to surrender yourself to me and allow me to take care of you. Better yet, it would be your responsibility to enjoy the fact that I am taking care of you in the first place. And, there will be times where I have functions that I would want you to attend and I want you to be in something that I like."

"And I am not capable of doing that on my own?"

"Like I said, it would be my job."

"And I would only have to wear them when I am with you?"

"Yes… I suppose that will work."

"While we are at it, I am not exercising four times a week."

"Anastasia, I need you strong and with stamina for the activities that I have in mind for you and the exercise will help you manage that. Trust me, you will need the exercise."

"Christian." I say with just as determination as he did. "The thought of participating in physical activity four times a week is giving me heart palpitations."

"Anastasia, you need the exercise."

"This is supposed to be a negotiation?"

"Fair point made as always ." He says while gesturing for me to continue.

"So can't we just come to a common ground? I have no desire to work out four times a week, I think three is more than acceptable."

"Now that we have that part figured out, lets go over limits." He flips over towards the next page and then passes the contract back to me.

"Here I have listed my limits."

* * *

**Hard Limits:**

No acts involving fire play

No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof No acts involving needles, knives, piercing, or blood

No acts involving gynecological medical instruments

No acts involving children or animals

No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin

No acts involving breath control

* * *

People actually have to right shit like this down? People actually get a kick out of this? _blood play? fire play? _

"Is there anything that you may like to add?"

I think hard for a moment and there are only two things that I can think of… "Yes, I am not entirely sure of what it is called, but it's a somewhat large metal bar with cuffs attached to the end. It's commonly used to secure your ankles at the ends. I think you can also attach cuffs towards the center of the bar. Do you know what that is called?"

"Yes actually, thats a spreader bar. It can be used-."

"It's a hard limit. An extremely hard limit. I would never want to even see one if we agreed to do that."

"I thought that you said that you have never had any experience in this lifestyle."

"I don't, how I know about that object is not by choice. All I want to tell you for now is that it has to do with Husband number three and if I were to encounter one I would probably freak out. If you want me to even begin to trust you, I need you to promise me that if we decide to do this at some point, that I will never see one, one will never be used on me...ever."

He looks at me strangely for a while, simply just staring at me with a look that I cannot even explain. "Anasta-."

"I need you to promise me Christian." I say desperately. I can't go through that again, I can't even fathom the thought of even seeing that demoning object. I really hope he takes me seriously, if he can't promise me this than there is really nothing else for the two of us to talk about.

"Yes Anastasia, I promise to never use, or even have a spreader bar anywhere near you. I perfectly understand hard limits and wouldn't want to push you towards anything that you cannot handle. Is there anything else that you would want to add to the list of hard limits?"

_Should I tell him? I mean… I can't… I've never... but it's been so long. I've never tried it, but this is Christian we are talking about. I will be fine. _

"No that's all." I say while trying to appear confident. _My subconscious is throwing her hands in the air in aspiration of my foolish decision. She's yelling for me to just tell him and be honest. She doesn't think that I will be ok, but I disagree."_

"Are you sure that is all?" He says while eying me questioning me.

"I think so… I can't really think of anything else." _LIAR!_

"Well, it's simple. Just think of things that you do and don't enjoy when you are having sex."

"Well… I don't really know." I say shyly.

"What do you mean that you don't know? You were in a relationships, surely you have had sex before."

"I did.. but recently I have learned that my whole image of sex isn't really accurate."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well.. I have been seeing a physiatrist to help me manage the things that are going on in my life, and in seeing her, I have realized that I don't really have an idea of what sex is supposed to be like. My first introduction to sex was when my stepfather raped me. There is nothing that I would want to reencounter from that experience. The only person that I have had sex with is Logan and even in those experiences… I have been limited."

"What do you mean by limited?"

"He… he never." Damn this is harder to explain than I thought it would be. Even thinking about it makes me want to cry. "He never really made sex enjoyable… we never really were equal in it. I was just there for him to use…"

"Well when you were having sex, what would he do to make you orgasm." I look at him strangely, orgasm?

"What do you mean?"

"What would he do to make you cum? What turned you on."

"Oh, I can't… I've never… came before. I don't think I can."

"What do you mean that you can't?"

"I don't think that I can! We've tried and no matter how many times we have had sex… he never could get me to… you know." Oh gosh this is so embarrassing. I can only imagine that my face is as red as a tomato right now.

"You have never had an orgasm?" He asks.

Automatically my top lip finds it's trapped in the restrains of my teeth. I am so embarrassed… Was I supposed to be able to? I thought everyone wasn't able to cum. I lower my head down towards my thumbs that are twirling in my lap. _Stupid choice Ana! _Something told me that I wouldn't be able to compete with the other fifteen. Why is it that I can never seem to be enough for the men that I want? I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the embarrassment that I just went through. All too soon I feel his hands go under my chin to pull my head up. As he positions my face to look at his, I still allow my eyes to wander everywhere except for him.

"Look at me." He says sweetly. I try to turn my head more, but it only makes his grip on my chin tighter. "I said to look at me." He says sternly, giving me his nonsense tone. My eyes automatically snap to his and I am greeted with stormy grey eyes. This is one moment where I have no trouble figuring out what is he is feeling. Everything about his facial expression only gives off one emotion: pure lust. The tension between the two of us is rolling off one another in waves. Sexual tension is nothing new to us, but here, in this moment, things are different. He slowly starts to lean towards me, as if he is going to place the world's most passion filled kiss on my lips when instead he kisses my forehead. I outwardly groan in disappointment that he didn't kiss me. Clearly he hears my frustration because he starts to chuckle before he continues to shower my face with kisses. First he starts at my forehead. He then moves to my temple, to my eyelids, to the corners of my mouth, to finally reach my lips. He kisses me with even more passion than I was expecting. This kiss is filled with wanting. Before I even have an opportunity to attempt to run my tongue against his bottom lip for entrance, his lips have resumed their trip down my body. He his both sides of my jaw and starts to move down my neck, peppering me with kisses, sending wetness down to my southern just having him in my near vicinity is enough to cloud my judgement; but his sensual attack on my neck has all of my common sense flying out of the window. Part of me is concerned why I am letting this happened after everything that I have learned tonight; but the bigger part of me is just too turned on with want and need for this man. I didn't even realize that small moans were escaping my mouth. I feel his hands that were resting on my cheeks start to make there way down my body. I am almost panting and he has barely even touched me.

"Christian what are you doing?" I ask breathlessly.

"Rectifying the situation."


	30. Chapter 30:Moth to a Flame

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: I know I know, I am late again. I didn't give up, it was actually quite the opposite. I had such a hard time writing this chapter. I have re-written it at least 4 times. In addition to that, my laptop had a malfunction and I had to wait for them to finally fix it. I would really like you guys to review on this chapter. I have never written a real lemon before and I don't really like what I came up with. But I figured that I should post it anyway, and then if you all hate it I can re-write it. I really hope it turned out to be ok. I am also going to be editing past chapters as for all the support and hope you enjoy. :)**

**xAlysha**

Chapter 30:Moth To a Flame

* * *

_Previously:_

_"Christian what are you doing?" I ask breathlessly._

_"Rectifying the situation."_

* * *

**"We are going to have to rectify this situation right now.**" He whispers in my ear sensually, before grabbing my lobe between his teeth. _mmmm_

I can feel his everywhere. Almost every sense of my being is heightened by the one and only: Christian Grey. I can feel his lips peppering every inch of my face with kisses; while his hands start to descend down my body. His scent is piercing through my nostrils.I am completely consumed in him. All of my thoughts are currently consumed in him as well.

"What? How?" I reply breathlessly, before turning my face towards his, While I start to shower him with kisses in return. Both of our lips are now colliding against each others. Our lips continue to move against each others as if our lips were meant to move against one another's. I begin to run my tongue along his bottom lips, silently asking for entrance. Unfortunately my access is denied when he removes his lips from mine. I can't help but pout in disappointment.

"Disappointed Miss Steele?"

"Very much so, I thought you were going to kiss me."

"Ohhh… I am… and I will. But I am a man on a mission."

"Oh really, and what mission is that ." I reply smugly before bringing my hands to rest against his shoulders. He looks at me and I am greeted with smothering grey/almost black eyes. He shakes his head, lightly chuckling at my apparently silly question. He leans down towards my face, at first I thought that he was going to kiss me. Instead he leans towards my ear and whispers.

"My mission." He says before leaving a delicate kiss on the shell of my ear. "Is to make." Another kiss. "You." he says before leaving two kisses on the corners of my lips. "Come." He whispers sensually against my lips before leaving one last delicate kiss there. He pulls back and looks down at me. I can feel my cheeks heat up at his admission. _He is going to make me orgasm? This should be interesting._

"Sounds like one hell of a mission ." I reply with a smirk.

"That it is Miss Steele." He replies before he crashes his lips down to mine. He completely went for it. Nothing about this kiss was soft or gentle. This kiss was filled with passion, wanting and pure desire. Out tongues continue to tangle against one another's before he eventually pulls back to leave wet kisses down my neck. He continues to leave wet kisses down my body as he applies more body weight to his legs. He looks down at the patch of skin on my stomach, that remains uncovered and leaves a chaste kiss right below my navel. He then reaches for the end hem of his white undershirt and slowly begins to bring the shirt up my body. As he brought the shirt up inch by inch, he would leave a trail of wet kisses in his wake. This is so different than what I am use to. Part of me knows that this is too fast, that we should both slow down and think about this; but the irrational part of me wins. I am excited and anxious. From the time that I met Christian Grey, I found everything about him to be sexy. The man himself just oozes of sex. For a moment I just want to do something different, feel something different. I want to soar to places that I have never been before.

All of a sudden, a chill runs through me and it is then that I realize that my entire torso is exposed. He slips his hands under my back and slowly lifts me up. Once I am seated in an upright position, he whips my shirt over my head before bringing his lips to mine. I bring both of my hands to cup his jaw, before both of my hands start to rake through his copper locks. His expert tongue continues to work through my mouth. Before I know it, my back is once again pressed against the pile of blankets on the floor. His lips leave mine and leave a trail of wet kisses down my neck and towards my torso. When he finally reaches my breast, he looks up at me sensually before cupping both of my breast in his large, talented hands.

"You fit so perfectly in my hand." He says darkly.

He slowly leans down, and blows softly on my nipple, causing my nipple to harden in response. He then repeats the same action to my other nipple before murmuring "very nice." He brings his talented fingers over my nipples and starts to pinch and roll them sensually, causing me to groan. I can already start to feel an immense amount of wetness pool in my underwear. _How did he do that? He's barely even touched me._

"Let's play a game." He says before once more blowing on my nipple, but instead of rolling my nipple with his fingers, he captures my nipple in his hot mouth. He then sucks on my nipple before releasing it from his mouth with a loud pop; which causes me to whimper and roll my hips against his for more friction. _Oh My God!_

"I am going to make you come for every year that he didn't." He says before he moves his mouth towards my other nipple to repeat his previous action. "Let's see if I can make you come like this first." He says before he continues his sensual attack on my breast. Christian is nipping, sucking and pulling at my nipplies almost animalistically. By only the use of his mouth and his hands on my breast, he has turned me into a wanting mess. My hands are tugging at the sheets beneath me, while my body continues to move on its own accord, looking to get something more from his carnal acts.

"Oh Please." Escapes my lips , begging for him to give me more. My head is thrown back and my mouth is open while I all but beg for him to give me more. My legs are stiff and there is an unknown pressure building in my lower regions. _What the hell is happening to me?_

"Ah." I groan in response.

"You are very responsive, I like that." He says before he grasps both of my breasts into his strong pushes them up and then together before he sucks roughly on my breasts. He continues his attack of my chest and I am completely lost. I cannot even begin to make a coherent sentence out of the moans that are coming out of my mouth. I have never felt anything like this before. I am feeling this foreign tension begin to build up in my lower regions once more. My entire body feels like it's on fire. I panting so hard, I can barely catch my breath. The pressure starts to almost become uncomfortable. I feel like I am about to pee myself.

"You are right there baby." He says before attacking my breast for what seems like the millionth time. "It's ok to let go, come for me Ana." He says against my breasts while he continues his assault.

The words barely leave his mouth before I start to come like a freight train. My body is trembling so hard from my release that I have to hold on to his biceps to steady myself. I can only imagine what I look like right now; with my head thrown back in ecstasy, mouth wide open eyes closed and trembling. That was fantastic! Now I can finally say that I know what all the fuss was about. There were times where I enjoyed my encounters with Logan, but there were never any like this.

"I think I am going to have a good time fulfilling my mission tonight baby, don't you" He says while smirking.

"_Mhmmmmm, God yes." _I reply breathlessly, still out of breath from the most recent orgasm.

He then starts to move his talented mouth down my torso; licking, sucking and nipping on every inch of skin that is in his wake. He continues to do so until he finally reaches the hem of his boxers. _Oh shit! _takes the hem of his boxers between his teeth before pulling the hem off of my skin and then releasing it, to let it snap against my skin. _Ouch. _Surprisingly, the pain sent pleasure straight to my core. He looks up at me sensually before his hands begin to wander. His hands that move from my waist, to my hips, and then he cups me… intimately… right _there._ He then starts to move his fingers in a circular motion against the outsides of his boxers.

"Ready for orgasm number two baby?" He says darkly.

In my head, I am saying. Yes! Hell yes! But no words can seem to make it out of my lips. I can only seem to vigorously nod my head. He then reaches for for the edge of his boxers and starts to slowly remove them from my lower regions. All too soon, his boxers are completely removed and I am now completely exposed to him. Almost instinctively, I start to attempt to discreetly cover myself. I guess that Christian knows me more than I think he does because, he starts to move my arms from hiding from him. He shakes his head in response to my shyness before telling me to never hide myself from him. He moves back towards my feet and places right foot in his hand. He brings my foot towards his face and leaves a delicate kiss on the instep of my foot, my heel, the front of my foot and each of my toes. He then starts to leave a path of kisses that start from my ankle and end on my pelvis. I almost expect him to kiss me where I am needing friction; but instead he takes my right leg and leaves it open, before he repeats the same process to my left leg. Now, I am lying down with both of my legs stretched open, completely exposed to him. I am nervous… What if I look weird down there? What if it smells weird. Before I was this exposed, I was much more confident. Christian must sense my distress.

"Hey, Hey. You are a very beautiful woman Anastasia. There is no need for you to feel nervous."

He leaves a kiss on top of my pubic bone before he closes his eyes and runs his nose past my sex. He inhales sharply before saying.

"I can't wait to taste you." When he reopens his eyes, I am greeted with smothering grey eyes. He brings his right hand towards my sex, while his left rests on the top of my hip. He starts to circle his fingers against my pussy, causing me to moan out in response.

"You are so wet for me Anastasia."

"Ah." I say in response. This feels so good.

He then removes his hands from my sex, and my eyes shoot open in disappointment. _What?! Is he going to stop? _But my silent question is quickly answered once I see his head disappeared between my legs. He leaves kisses all along my outer lips and my inner pelvis before he swipes his tongue against the my pussy, causing him to let out a groan. He then takes two fingers and spreads my lower lips apart before running his tongue against my pussy once more.

"Oh My God." I say loudly. This is fucking incredible.

He then sucks my clit into his mouth, causing my hips to lift towards his mouth. He has found a comfortable routine between sucking, licking and nibbling softly on my clit. If I thought that I was turned on before, that was nothing. He continues to uses his mouth on my sex causing my to release all kinds of sounds. I continue to build higher and higher as his mouth continues its work on my lower regions. He then puts his tongue inside of me lightly; while using his tongue to fuck me. He then removes his mouth from my lower regions and blows on my clit before he deposits one finger inside of me.

"Oh, Christian." I moan

He brings his mouth back towards my sex while his one finger continues to pleasure me from the inside. He sucks on my clit and adds another finger inside of me. He continues to uses his talented mouth and while his fingers continue to move in and out of my core; bringing all pleasure to my lower regions. His acts on my body have me feeling sensations that I never have before. I start to feel the semi familiar tingles in my pelvis, and my legs start to stiffen. I see that tip of the edge, but I am not ready to reach my peak yet. Christian must realize this because he then changes his position of his fingers to make "come here" motion with his fingers. This new angle causes me to finally reach that peak. My back has arched off of the sheets and I am panting like I ran a marathon. He can tell that his actions are causing me to do this and continues his ministrations. With two more flicks of his fingers, I am now lost in the sensations of my second orgasm.

"Uh,Uh, Christian!" I exclaim! I am seeing stars. This second orgasm has managed to hit me even stronger than the last one. I cam coming so hard that I feel my juices start to fall down my lower legs and thighs. Christian reattaches his mouth to my pussy and laps up all of my release. Although the initial shocks of my orgasm are starting to wear off, I am still tingling. He lips then leave my sensitive sex, to then trail back up my body. When he finally reaches my lips, we both attach one another's in a passionate kiss. What's strange is that I can taste myself against his lips. I can also feel his very well endowed length straining against his pajama pants.

"Two down, four more to go." He says before reaching towards his own pajama bottoms to set himself free. I could always tell that he was big, but I never expected what I what I see now. _How the hell is that going to fit inside of me?_

"Don't worry, it will fit." I says while pumping himself in his fist. _That is so hot. _Watching him pump his very erect shaft has caused more moisture to pool in my lower regions. I didn't think that it would be possible for him to get any bigger, but apparently I was wrong.

"Are you on birth control."

"Yes, Since I was young." He nods at me before reaching to the side of him, grabbing a foil packet, ripping it with his teeth and glides it down his shaft.

He leans down, his hands on either side of my head, hovering over me, staring down into my eyes, his jaw clenched, eyes burning. It's only now that I register he's still wearing his shirt.

"Are you ready for number three?"

"Please," I beg.

"Pull your knees up," he orders softly, and I'm quick to obey. "Thank God, because I can't wait to be inside you." He says darkly before he takes his shaft and rubs it against my outer slit, effectively teasing me.

"Oh, Please." I beg while rolling my hips to for more friction.

"As you wish." He whispers as he finally sinks into me, stretching me in ways that I never have been before. He feels so. fucking. good. I guess the effects are not only one sided, because he hisses as he continues to sink further into me.

"Wait, Wait." I whisper out while panting, causing Christian to tense above me. _Shit. _"I'm ok, I'm ok. You are just so big. Give me a sec." I say breathlessly.

"You are so tight." He groans, before slightly adjusting himself inside of me. "I need to move now baby, or this won't last very long and I fully intended to indulge myself in you."

"Mmmmm, yes." I whisper before placing both of my hands on the side of his face, catching his lips with mine. If I thought that I was a goner before, that was nothing. The feeling of him inside of me is giving me this overwhelming sense of fullness. He slowly pulls out of me slightly, before reentering me at the same pace, teasing the both of us I am sure. He does this twice, before he picks up the pace, pounding in and out of me, kissing me like his life depends on it, while my fingers rake through his hair. I want nothing more than the run my hands down his back while he pleasures me, but I know that I can't. Christian must sense my urge to touch him because he then breaks our kiss, while grabbing my hands, holding them in his above my head. Once my fingers are secure there his mouth attacks my neck with kisses.

"Ahhhh! Christian." I moan

"You feel so fucking good Anastasia." I says while pounding into me mercilessly.

"Ahhhh! Don't stop! I say breathlessly while meeting him thrust for thrust. I have never had such desirable sex before. I know that I should be scared. There are parts of him that are dark and dangerous; but like a month to a flame… I just can't seem to stay away. The more that he continues to thrust in and out of me, the higher I climb. I can feel myself clenching around him so tightly, making it slightly difficult for him to move. He is absolutely rocking my world. I keep climbing higher and higher and losing more and more of my sense. My entire body feels like it's engulfed in flames.

"Come for me Ana!" He grunts.

And come for him, I do. I come fast and hard, shattering into a million pieces beneath him. He thrusts into me twice more before he grunts out "Shit Ana.", while releasing himself into me.

He releases his hold against my hands and brings his hands to rest on the sides of my face while kissing me. We are both still covered in sweat, trying to ride out the sensations of our intense orgasms.

"What are you doing to me." He whispers against my lips.

"Apparently screwing you." I reply jokingly, before giggling.

"Oh really?" He says suggestively before peppering me in kisses. "Then fucking you it is. Seems like I am almost done completing my mission." He says while rolling his hips. I can feel his erection start to stir inside of me for a second time before he starts to pick up a rhym.

**By the time** I've had my fourth orgasm, I have lost all consciousness of what was going on around us. He had me in so many different positions throughout the night, that by the time we were done I all but passed out in exhaustion. My exhaustion is quickly starting to take over and as I am starting to get consumed by darkness I start to realize… I am really falling for Christian Grey.

* * *

**Please do give honest opinions on the lemon… do I need to rewrite it and try again?**


	31. Chapter 31: My Girl

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hello All! I am truly amazed by your response to the previous chapter. I know alot of you are wondering why I was so nervous about it. I first sent it to my cousin to see her opinion and she didn't really think that a lot of it was realistic and that a lot of things were just really off. Because of that, I didn't really think that I wrote a good chapter. Especially since it was the first lemon of the story, I wanted to make sure that it was at least a good one. That being said thank you for all of you who reviewed! It really gave me the boost I needed and it was great to hear feedback. I am working on attempting to write ahead so maybe I can establish an update schedule, but I am not sure if I will succeed. I am starting my second year of college this week and I have to kick ass. I will do what I can with whatever time I have available. Thanks sooooo much for the support. Keep on reading, reviewing and following. ENJOY!**

**Alysha**

Chapter 31: My Girl

Consciousness is slowly starting to bring me out of my deep slumber. Christian and I were at it for hours yesterday. We were in so many different positions, I lost count. Now fully risen from my sleep, I realize that I am now in a bed, with Christian sleeping steadily right beside me. _Huh? When did we make it here? _I turn towards my side and look at his sleeping figure beside me. Sleeping beside me is a very peaceful looking Christian Grey. He looks so young and relaxed; nothing like the dominating CEO that I am used to. I have no idea how I managed to be with someone like him. If someone would've told me a few weeks ago that I would be lying next to him, in his bed, after many rounds or glorious sex… I would've never believed them. Although I enjoyed every second of last night, it made things even more complicated. I am fresh out of a relationship, just started an internship, with a boss who I currently just slept with. Not to mention the fact that I am really starting to feel things for this man… It's scary. The only man I really know romantically was Logan, and look how that turned out. If I shouldn't have trusted him then how do I know if I can trust Christian now?

"I don't know how you can think that hard this early in the morning." Says a barely awake Christian. I almost jumped out of my skin. He's still lying on his stomach, with his face facing towards me, yet his eyes are still closed.

"Jesus, you just scared the crap out of me." I say while holding my hand towards my apparently very naked chest. I can't help but bring the blanket up towards my chest to cover myself. I can already feel the heat rising to my face from the memories of last night.

He finally opens his eyes, and I am greeted with his beautiful grey eyes.

"Penny for your thoughts Anastasia?" He says before reaching his arm towards my waist, grabbing me and pulling me towards him, before leaving chaste kiss on the tip of my nose.

"Goodmorning." I whisper.

"This was a great morning thus far, all thanks to you" He says huskily, while causing me to blush. Christians sleepy voice is hot.

"Well, you made my day yesterday."

"I fully intended to."

"Well I am glad that I ended up spending the rest of my day with you."

"What do you think about spending the rest of today with me as well?"

"Well… I would love to, but I have to go by my old apartment to get my stuff out and then I have to move it into my hotel and then look at places to live now." I say and let out a sigh. There is so much I need to do.

"I thought that we already discussed this? I have an empty apartment downstairs that you can move into. I have security and a garage full of cars downstairs that I could use to help you get your things. I need to know that you are safe Anastasia. You have everything that you need right here, you are just being stubborn."

"I don't want to have to depend on you for everything… that's not fair. I am also pretty sure that you have an empire to run? I don't want to keep you from getting things done today."

"Ana, I am the owner of a multi-billion dollar company… They should be able to function when I am not there. If they are not able to do so, then clearly I am hiring the wrong staff."

"I get what you are saying Christian, I just don't want to be an inconvenience."

"You aren't." He says sternly. "I don't want you doing all of those things by yourself. I know that you are a lot stronger than you seem but you can ask for help. Besides, where is your ex going to be while you move your things?"

"I'm not sure, he may or may not be on call."

"Well, I don't want you going over there by yourself."

I raise my eyebrow to his remark. "You don't want me going over there by myself?"

"No, because if he says or does something out of character and you are alone with him… I will not be responsible for my actions. I would prefer if me or Taylor accompanied you over there."

I sigh in defeat. "Fine Christian, if you say so. But before we go, let me at least get us both fed."

"I second that notion, last nights activities have me quite famished." He says. I swear his eyes got slightly darker after he said that. _mmmmm. If I don't get out of here, then we may not make it to doing any of the things that we sought out to do today. _

"Oh no you don't . We have things to do and we need to make today productive." I state while scooting closer to the edge of his bed.

"If you insist Anastasia. If you want, you can head out to the kitchen and get breakfast started while I update Taylor on today's activities." He says before flipping the cover off of his naked body. I can't help but stare. Seeing Christian Grey in all of his glory, is quite the sight to see. If I am honest, I don't even know how I got so lucky. He bends down and grabs a pair of sleep pants that are on the ground, brings them up to his hips and walks out of the room. If I had a body like his, I would feel comfortable walking around stark naked too. Once I know that he is definitely not entering the room again, I flip off the covers and look around for something to wear. In the corner of the room I find a chair with his button up shirt from yesterday resting on it. _Perfect. _I grab the shirt and place it over my body, buttoning it up enough to keep me modest, and exit the room.

**I have set a good groove in the kitchen. **I found an Ipod dock in his living room and have picked old school Motown as today's music of choice. Currently the song "My Girl" by The Temptations is blaring through the speakers while I stir the eggs and pancakes with the bacon starts to simmer. Although I can't sing to save my life, I can't help but sing along and move to the beat as I cook. Suddenly, I feel big, strong arms wrap around my torso. Automatically my nostrils are filled with the fresh laundry and Christian. He nuzzles his face into the side of my neck saying,

"Hmmmm, what is my girl up too in here?" _His girl? I wish! _I can't help but giggle at his playfulness.

"Well, I am cooking us breakfast before we have a long day ahead of us." I reply while looking over my shoulder and placing a kiss on his cheek.

"Are you almost done?"

"Yes, as soon as the eggs are done we can start to eat. I actually meant to ask you if you like your eggs with cheese."

"I do."

"Perfect well, scrambled eggs and bacon are coming right up!"

"Sounds, perfect. Would you like something to drink?"

"Uhhhhh, sure. What do you have to drink?"

"Anything you want."

"Do you have some orange juice?"

"Yes I do." He says before going to fix the both of us glasses.

**We are both sitting **at the breakfast bar enjoying our breakfast while my mind in running a million miles per hour. Christians comment earlier is really taking my mind on a trip. What am I? Am I really his girl? Can I be? Can I even consider being his submissive? What if I can't be?

"You seem a million miles away over there Ana." He say before taking a sip of his orange juice.

"I wouldn't say a million miles away, but my mind is kind of on a trip if I am being honest."

"What are you thinking about?"

"You." I reply broadly.

"What about me?"

"Well… what I mean to you."

"Can you be a little bit more specific than that?"

"It's just… I am confused. I don't know what we are to each other. I don't even know if I know for sure what I want from you exactly. Apparently, you made it pretty clear about what you want from me last night… I just don't know if I could be that for you."

"Be what? My submissive?"

"Yes. I don't know if I can do all of those things that you want me to do in that room. I don't want you to have control over me in all things. I want to be equal."

"I feel like you are not telling me everything that there is to know here Ana. What is it that is really scaring you?" He says concerningly.

I sigh and drop my fork on my plate before answering. "I am scared that those things that you want to do are going to blur the lines between reality and what happened in the past between husband number three. I don't want myself to feel powerless like that again and I am afraid that it is going to hurt."

I look into at him to see if there is anything that his face could give away. His entire facial expression displays nothing but utter sympathy and concern; and that itself is slightly comforting.

"Ana, I would never want to bring back bad memories for you… I would only hope that I would be able to replace those memories with good ones between you and I. As for hurting you, the pain is part of what comes along with the agreement. You learn how to tolerate and receive pleasure in different ways. Majority of the time the pain is all in your mind. You psychologically freak yourself out and make it to be more than what it really is. This entire agreement is about trust. You have to trust me and know that I would never do anything that you would not be able to handle. If I am also being honest, the submissive is the one that holds all of the power."

"How is the submissive the one that hold all the power when you want to tie me up and hit me. I am pretty sure you would not be the one shackled to a bed."

"Smart mouth as always Miss Steele, but watch it. I don't want to have to spank you this early in the day." He says warningly, causing me to gulp involuntarily. "As I was saying, the submissive is the one that holds all of the power because you are the one who determines the guidelines. You can say two words and the whole scene will stop. You are the one who holds the power in that. I will enjoy exerting my control over you, but you are the one who gets to control how much control that will be." He says sternly while reaching for my hand.

"Try this my way." He says softly before placing a kiss on my hand. "Let me show you everything that we could be together. I won't let you down I promise."

I look down at my lap and let out a sigh. I don't see us getting through any sort of decisions today. "I don't know Christian, I just don't know… I really would need to think about all of this before I make any decisions. Say I chose not to go through this sort of an arrangement with you, what would happen then?"

"I don't know Anastasia… This is all I know. I have been doing this since I was fifteen years old. I know nothing other than this. I am sure that you have noticed, I have issues, some issues that you still don't know about. And because of those issues, this is the kind of arrangement that works out the best for me. I don't know if I could do anything else. I don't think I would want to venture into another kind of arrangement."

"Why not? I don't know anything about BDSM and I am willing to try. Do you think that you could meet me halfway on this?" He releases my hand from the confines of his and runs it through his tussled copper locks.

"Ana, lets not beat ourselves up about this right now. We still have so much that we need to do still have not gone over the full control and we haven't fully gone through all of the limits and nicks and crannies. Let's just finish our breakfast and get started on our day. I want to make sure you are able to move out all of your things and if you'd like. We can look at some furniture stores and see about getting you some things for your new apartment." He says before diving right back into his eating. Defeated, I just nod my head and go about eating my breakfast.

**Christian and I **are both on our way to my old apartment. Our conversation at breakfast is still weighing very heavily on my mind. I don't know if I can be what he wants to be, and that scares me. With all of the crazy things that have been going on lately, Christian has been the light at the end of the tunnel. He's been here for every bad thing that has happened to me with Logan… If I were to lose him now, it would really hurt. I know I promised myself that I wouldn't get this deep into depending on someone… but I find myself already in too deep. Now we are both sitting in the back seat, dressed in exercise clothes, waiting to see what is in store for when we finally reach my old apartment.

"What do you need to get done today?" He asks.

"Well, I would like to get my belongings from my old apartment. Take them to the new one in Escala and possibly make it out to some furniture stores today to start looking at things. I also need to go to target and get some food and an air mattress, along with other basics until my furniture arrives. Am I allowed to paint there? If so I want to get some paint to liven up the place."

"Yes, I believe you are allowed to paint. The apartment is yours to do as you please Ana; but you will not be sleeping on an air mattress."

"And how would you know that? You wouldn't be staying in my apartment, and it takes a while for them to receive and ship the furniture, so until then I will have to wait."

"Money talks Anastasia, if you find something that you like at the store, you will be walking out of the store with it today. I need you to be healthy and fit. I don't want you to not have an adequate amount of sleep or suffer from back problems because you don't have the proper mattress."

"I am not your submissive Christian, you can't just demand that I do certain things because that is what you feel is best." I spit back. His head snaps to mine at my smart comment. I can see his nostrils flaring from here. I know he is use to just spitting out demands in his empire, but as an individual, I get to make my own choices.

"I might not be your dom yet, but I am your boss and a friend. As your boss, you are my employee and I prefer that all of the people under my pay roster take care of themselves. If they can't take care of themselves, how can they take care of my company? You are the one that insisted on us being friends, and if I remember correctly friends care about eachother. I am your friend who is just trying to care for you, I really wish that you would just accept that. I am not trying to solely exert my power over you, I am trying to protect you and keep you safe and healthy. You bring out things in me that I have never experienced before, I am just now learning how to deal with them."

"I understand that Christian, but I also am my own person. I want to be able to make decisions on my own. I don't want to be depending on you for everything. I done that before and I realize that I am doing it again with you and I want to stop that."

"I understand that as well, but I want to do things for you, I like to… so let me."

"You can do somethings Christian but I don't want you going overboard."

"Understood." He says before grasping my hands and playing with my fingers.

The closer that we get to my old apartment, the more nervous that I get. What if he's there? what is he going to say or do when he sees Christian with me? How am I going to be if I see him? What am I going to say? What am I going to do about that dog? I forgot about it this whole time.

"Are you ok?" He asks with much concern.

"Yeah…yeah I am fine… I just don't know how this move is going to go."

"You will be fine, if anything… I am here." He says.

I am about to reply when I feel the car come to a complete stop. _Oh boy, we are here. _I let out a deep breath before opening my door and exiting the car. Christian meets me on the other side of the car, before grabbing my hand and walking towards the entrance. I use my keycard to enter the building we both walk towards the elevator. The doors to the elevator open, allowing us both to enter, before I press the button to lead us up to the third floor. As soon as the doors are closed,we are both being suffocated from the sexual tension that is clouding the air. He starts to tug on my hand to bring him me towards him. He starts to lean down towards my face before we hear the all too familiar _*ding* _letting us know that we have reached our destination.

"Until later then." He says darkly before leading us both out of the elevator.


	32. Chapter 32: Movin' on Up

***I do not own the rights to the characters, the rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hello All! I am back. It has been such a mess. I am starting a new semester in college, moving in, classes and I just got a new job as a waitress. Yay me! It has caused me to be very busy but I have not stopped writing. This is a monster sized chapter (7,000 words almost). I just really wanted to get this part done and not have to split it up in so many chapters, sorry if it's really long. I hope there are not too many errors. The pinterest page has been updated as well. Please do review! I really like when you all do. Welcome to all of the new followers and favoriters and readings lol. I hope you all are enjoying the story. Please do feel free to PM, review any questions that you may have. It's been a pleasure as always and see you next time.**

**xAlysha**

**PS: pinterest board is under the name of this story or you can search my user name which is alyshalouis**

Chapter 32: Movin on Up

**Christian and I **have both working together to get everything I need packed. After we almost had a heated moment in the elevator, we both headed towards my apartment. To our satisfaction, we found my old home to be Logan free. I am so happy that he wasn't there because I don't know how it would work out, having the two of them in the same room that is. Now we are going through some of the things in my room and setting them into suitcases. We are both working diligently at the task at hand. Everything about us feels so… normal, yet strangely intimate. We are so comfortable just being in each other's company, even if we are silence. We have been at this for about an hour thus far and we've got a lot done. Currently, Christian is taking all of my shoes out of my side of the closet, and is placing them into the boxes that Taylor brought for us to use earlier. I must admit, I am one lucky girl. I get to see the fun and simple sides of Christian… I just hope that it can continue to be that way.

"Ana, I am just going to run out and use the restroom, and grab some more boxes from the car. I will be right back."

"Sure, use the one that is in the hall. It will be the first door to the right." I say while continuing to pack.

Once he has left the room, I take a moment to really look around at the place that I use to call home. We had quite a few good memories here. I remember when we threw a party here last new year. All of our friends from school made it out and we all had a few drinks and ate food and engaged in many laughs. Earlier in the week we decided to make a New Year's resolution as a couple; we agreed that we wanted to be better as a couple and make milestones in our relationship. We made that promise to each other and now we aren't even together. Christian has been wonderful to me in these past couple of days, especially while I have been going through all these things. I still can't help but feel sad, looking at all of these things that remind me of he and I and what we should've been. Christian is far form a booty call… I care about him to much already, and I didn't even intend to. I am scared though, I was with logan for six years…. how do I know that Christian and I won't be the same? Is there even a Christian and I when he wants a contractual agreement?"

"Ana." _Oh shit. _My entire body tenses automatically at the sound of his voice. I didn't even hear the front door open. I slowly start to turn my body towards the direction of his voice and there he is; standing in the threshold of our old bedroom door dressed in scrubs. I should've known that It would've been too good to believe when I thought that he wasn't going to show the entire time that I was here. I know that I should say something, at least address him or something but my mind is blank. I am frozen in time looking at the face that I use to love seeing everyday.

"What are you doing here?" He asks while setting his wallet and cellphone down on the dresser to the right the door.

"I came to get my things and then I am leaving." I answer robotically. _Geez Ana, snap out of it! My subconscious is running and ducking for cover, afraid of the outcome of this interaction. _

"I thought that you were trying to come back."

"No I wasn't, and you made damn sure of that the last time that we saw each other." I reply dryly before grabbing another suitcase and setting on on the bed, before walking towards my set of drawers, grabbing my things and throw them into the suitcase. I need to get the hell out of here.

"Oh, come off of it Ana. Don't act like you had nothing to do with the way that the conversation ended. You kept saying shit about how I didn't love you and that you wanted more and all this other shit when I was already giving you everything."

"No you weren't. You weren't giving me anything actually because you were too busy giving your all to someone else, and that was only one of the reasons I chose to break things off."

"I'm a guy Ana, we tend to dip and dabble. I was in a relationship with you for six years, sometimes I just needed something different. I still was coming home to you at the end of the night."

"Yeah and that's fucking disgusting. Why would I want to sleep with you or anything like that when you are with someone else. I trusted you! You knew about everything that I went though. You knew how hard it was for me to trust men, yet you decided to do all of the things that you did. It is partially my fault, I stayed for too long. I should have left a long time ago." I say sternly while zipping up the suitcase and move it towards the living room area. The nerve of this asshole is astounding.

"Leave? You were going to leave and go where Ana? I was your life. You tried to go anywhere and you would be lost. You couldn't survive without me. You relied on me for six years and you think that you would've been able to survive without me?" He says while walking towards me angrily. _Oh no._

"Yes, I do actually. I think I am doing quite well for myself now." I reply starting to walk towards the bedroom. As I am walking more towards the room, I feel a really strong grip on me arm. My eyes snap up to meet his and if looks could kill, I would be six feet under right now.

"Don't you dare walk away from me, who the fuck do you think you are? Do you think that you could just walk away from me? You can't! You are fucking driving me crazy Ana."

The look in his eyes is taking me back to a really dark place that I don't want to venture to right now. Instead of the eyes that I use to know and love, I only can see the monstrous eyes of husband number three. My reality and my past are both starting to intertwine and I am having a hard time snapping back. My can feel my body trembling and I am shaking like a leaf. I start to feel myself break out into a sweat.

"GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF HER RIGHT NOW!" comes blaring through our front door. To my luck, I am rapidly released from the confines of Logan to Christians arms._Christian. _I rest my head on his bicep before while breathing in his soothing scent.

"Oh I should've fucking known! I should've known that you were fucking him while we were together, yet you wanted to blame me for having a little fun." He says while chuckling. "You can have your slut back." He says while gesturing towards me.

"The only reason that you aren't on a stretcher right now is because she needs me. If you ever fucking talk to her like that again I won't hesitate to kick the everloving shit out of you." He says before walking me towards the door. Once we are out of the threshold of the door, he pulls me out of the comfort of his arms and holds me at arm's length. His grey/ almost black eyes are fuming with anger. As soon as his eyes snap down to meet mine the slightly start to soften. He places a chaste kiss on my forehead before telling me that he will be right back. He hands me to Taylor.

" Miss Steele." Taylor says before nodding at Christian before starting to walk us towards the elevator. I look back just inside to see Christian disappear back into my old apartment. _This is not going to be good at all. _

* * *

**It's been five minutes **since Christian has left back to my old apartment. Since then, I have calmed down significantly. My visions of husband number three have surprisingly vanished rather quickly. I still want to know what the hell he is up to up there though. The events of yesterday and today are really starting to make me tired, but I could not drift off even if I wanted to. I have to see him come back. It seems as if my prayers have been answered when I see him walk through the front door of my apartment. _Thank God! _I was starting to think that we were going to have to send out a search party. As he walks through the apartment complex from door, he has his hands vigorously running through his hair. He forcefully opens the door, and closes it right after he is seated. Before he can ever get a word out, my arms are wrapped tightly around his neck, catching him off guard. As usual, his instincts are swift and natural. He brings his arms to wrap around my lower back.

"Ana." He whispers against my head.

"I am ok. What happened? Are you ok?" I whisper back, attempting to give him some peace of mind.

"I am fine Ana. I saw you shaking Ana… I know he scared you. We can go home… we don't have to do all of the stores today."

"No! I want to go. I don't want to stay home and think about this all day long. Besides, I will deal with it when I see my therapist on Tuesday."

"You see a doctor?" He asks questioningly.

"Yes, I have since I was young… I think I need help just getting my thoughts together sometimes."

"Oh, I wasn't aware. I actually am seeing someone as well."

"Really?" I say surprisingly, I didn't see that one coming.

"Yes I do… But enough of all of this talk about shrinks, where would you like to go today?"

hmmmm. "I am not sure, I just want to go look at some furniture." He nods his head before saying.

"Taylor, back to Settle please, and when we get closer to there we would like to go look at some furniture stores around the area. Miss Steele and I will look at some things online and see if we can find any stores that have exactly what we want." Taylor replies with a single nod of his head before heading towards Settle. Christian and I have quite the drive back to Seattle from Portland. As he said, he and I are both making good use of our time and are looking for some things online. I am writing down some notes of things that I like on my cellphone.

We have been in the car for about two hours and forty-five minutes. My butt is starting to get numb and I am starting to get slightly overwhelmed by the amount of things that I have been online.

"ETA to Settle is in about 30 minutes Sir, do you and Miss Steele have a suggested destination?" Taylor says from the front seat.

"Ana?" Christian says while tilting his head towards me questioningly.

"Ummm… I saw some things that I liked at the Pottery Barn, Ikea and Bed Bath and Beyond thus far."

"I think that the Pottery Barn will be the closest, We will start off there, then Ikea and then I believe Miss Steele said Target earlier. If there are any other places that we need to visit I will let you know as soon as possible."

"Will do Sir." He replies before he directs all of his attention to the road.

"I really feel bad about making you both have to do all of these things for me. I know you both have other things to do and the run in with Logan earlier was everything but pleasant. Are you sure that this is not too much?"

"Anastasia, I am a man of my word. If I said that I was not busy and that I wanted to help you than I meant it. I don't like that you second guess everything that I tell you." He replies while looking at me sternly. _Geez, what crawled up his ass?_

"Well… given my past experience, I am use to not being able to fully trust people's word. Excuse me if I am absent mindedly acting out on an old habit." I reply

"That smart mouth of yours is going to get you spanked one of these days Anastasia." He replies before he brings his eyes up to meet mine.

"I haven't agreed to be your submissive yet." I reply while raising an eyebrow towards him, silently challenging his word.

"I might just break the rules, I already have reneged on many of my usual rules when it comes to you, so what's one more." He says back, equally challenging me just as much.

Before I can come back with another sassy remark, I can see the car turning into a complex that contains a Pottery Barn Store.

"Saved by the bell it seems." He replies before he starts to unbuckle his seatbelt.

"So it seems ." I reply before unbuckling my own.

He opens his door and exits the card, before quickly coming and opening my door, and offering me a hand.

"Thank you." I reply while gathering together my belongings.

"We aim to please." He says before shutting the car door. "So what are we looking for here Anastasia?" He says before walking towards the direction of the store, with me at his side.

"I saw some bedding that I liked, along with some throw pillows and such."

As we enter the store, Christian stays at my side while I grab the attention of the sales associate. As soon as she sees us, shes automatically enchanted by Christian and his extremely good looks. I can't say that I blame her completely, he is very hard to miss. I must admit, part of me is jealous. Any other woman could ogle at him to their hearts desire, because no even though part of me wants it so bad, he is not mine. I am not even sure if he wants me to be anything other than just his submissive. I am finally able to catch her attention, by showing her the image of the bedspread that I saw online. To my luck, this specific store has the bedspread that I was looking for in stock.

"We offer this spread in sizes queen, king, and california king."

"She will take it in a king." He says while tapping away on his phone. I hit the side of his bicep in protest.

"Christian!" I don't need a bed that big. I am going to be in it all by myself… that doesn't make any sense." I reply while looking at him like he's crazy. What the hell would I need a king sized bed for? He leans closer to my ear, so I am the only one to hear his reply.

"You could always invite me over. I would gladly make good use of all of that extra room." He replies suggestively. I can already feel my face burning from his admission. I have only had one true sexual encounter with Christian and I must say, it was one hell of an encounter. I nervously turn my head towards the sales associate, hoping that she did not catch any of Christians perverted comments.

"I will take it in the king size please." I say to her in an embarrassed tone. Christian is besides me slightly laughing at my discomfort. The associate grabs the quilt set in the size that I requested before letting us know that she was going to set it behind the register for us. As soon as she has left the aisle, Christian bursts into a fit of laughter.

"That's not funny! She could have heard everything that you just said."

"So, at least she would know that you are mine."

"Yours?" I reply while raising an eyebrow at him, before continuing to walk down the aisle. As I am walking, I feel Christian's arms wrap around my middle, while the front of his body is directly against the back of mind.

"Yes, Mine." He says while bringing my lower half closer to his, where I can feel his length twitch against me. _Shit. _I close my eyes to regain my composure. I thought for a moment that things were going to get quite steamy in the middle of this store. I am surprised when I no longer feel the presence of his body against mine. I open my eyes and he's already continuing to walk throughout the store.

"Well, are you coming?" He asks, while I remain stationed in the same spot. I shake my head, to rid myself of the perverted thoughts that were consuming me. I walk towards him, grab ahold of his outstretched hand, and continue to walk throughout the store, looking for more things.

* * *

**We have been **shopping for hours. At The Pottery Barn, I was able to find some cute throw pillows that matched my bedding, along with some cute wall decorations as well. When it was finally time to ring everything up at the register, Christian automatically offered him card to the clerk at the register before I could even get my wallet out. I attempted to deter him from paying for everything, but that battle was quickly lost. After we left The Pottery Barn, much to Christians Displeasure, we headed towards Ikea. At Ikea, I was able to find a nice tan push pinned headboard, It was beautiful. It was a beautiful cleveland styled push pin head board, with tan suede fabric and gold push pins on the edges of the headboard. I was also able to find some nice gold side tables to go besides my bed, as well as some lamps. We were able to get quite a bit covered in Ikea. I was able to complete majority of the furniture for my bedroom, bathroom and kitchen. I currently don't have the slightest idea for what I want to do with the separate extra bedroom. As much as Christian was willing to figure it out, I was ready to be done with this tedious process. On the way to Bed Bath and Beyond, Christian had Taylor put out the order for my mattress and paint combinations that I thought that I would like while we continued making our many stops. Apparently, when you are Christian Grey, your apartment will be painted the same day that you order paint. My mattress was also on rush delivery and apparently is supposed to be delivered this afternoon as well. We are now in Bed Bath and Beyond, trying to gather the last of the things that I will need. So far we have gathered majority of the necessities for my apartment. All I need to get are the necessities for cooking and then we should be just about out of here. As we are looking through the pot aisle, Christian automatically finds the most expensive set of pots before putting them into the cart.

"I don't need a set that expensive Christian." I tell him reluctantly.

"You need the top of the line kitchen wear Anastasia. I know nothing about cooking, but I am sure that there is a reason that this set is considered to be top of the line." He says while continuing to place items in the cart.

"Do you even know that half of these things are?" I ask him while he continues to set almost everything in his reach into the cart.

"Nope." He says while adding another item.

"You are a mystery to me sometimes Christian Grey." I reply while I continue to push the cart.

"I could say the same about you, he says as we continue to gather things.

By the time we are finally making it out of the Bed Bath and Beyond, it's already three o'clock and I am starving. Clearly my stomach was having the same thoughts, when it's grumble started to sound in the parking lot.

"We need to get you fed Anastasia." He says while walking with me to find the car, with Taylor trailing behind us pushing the cart.

"I will not object to that." I reply while continuing to move along.

We stopped at the Mile High to have a quick bite before heading to our final destination before my apartment, Target. Once we are here we automatically head to the grocery section while I push the cart. We both make quick of getting everything that I seem to need; and before I know it we are leaving the store. We are all starting to walk throughout the parklot, looking for the Audi Q5 that we arrived in.

"Does anyone see the car?" I ask while looking for where we parked.

"I had another security member come and pick up that car and drop off your items to your apartment. I figured that we would need more room after shopping here as well." Christian replies as he starts to make his way towards the Audi A7, parked a couple spaces over than where initially did. After all of the things are set in the car, we start to head towards Escala.

"I really wish that you would have allowed me to pay for the things that we bought today Christian."

"You know that you are more than welcome to have the things that you need Anastasia. I would never question getting you something that you needed, wanted even." He replies before grabbing my hands to play with my fingers.

"I know… It just makes me slightly uncomfortable. I would never want you to feel like I was using you."

"I know that you are not that kind of person Anastasia. If you were my submissive, you would not have to worry about whether or not to let me buy you things. I would buy you things that I wanted to get you; and you would receive pleasure in knowing that I am happy." He says while still twirling my fingers.

"I wish it were that simple Christian." I reply with a sigh.

"It could be, if you just sign the contract." He says while looking at me sternly. _Oh Christian. _

Before I can even reply to his statement, we are already parked in his reserved spot in Escala. We both silently exit the car before shutting the doors. I go to help Taylor with the bags, which Christian of course objects to, but I quickly explain that I want to see what my apartment is going to look like. All three of us are carrying an abnormal amount of bags in each hand while we are waiting to reach my apartment floor. The ding of the elevator alerts us that we have reached the thirteenth floor of Escala. I follow Christian and Taylor towards the direction of my new apartment. We have finally stopped at door 1310 at the end of the hall. Christian retrieves the key out of the pockets of his pants and opens the door. Once we both start to walk into the foyer of the apartment, I can already tell that this is everything but what I was picturing. This place is huge! Looking forward I can see a dining room space available. As we continue to walk into the apartment, the kitchen starts to come into view. The kitchen is very open in space and has very new appliances. The kitchen is l-shaped and curves around the the walls, with a half g-shaped island counter in the front. The counters are white wood with grey marble countertop finishings. All of the appliances are stainless steel and shiny. I set some of my bags down on the counter and continue to walk throughout the apartment. Across from the kitchen is a very well spaced living room. In the center of the living room lies the white sofa that I picked out, as well as the white rustic end table, white floor lamp and the cream colored push pin ottoman. All of the things that I picked out earlier are here, covered in plastic wrap in the center of the living room. The painters must have quickly made their way here to have already painted the walls in here. After walking out of the living room, towards the left, there is a small hallway. At the end of the hallway lies a single door. Once I push open the door that lies at the end of the hallway; I notice that this must be the master bedroom. Like in the living room, my bedroom furniture is all lying in the center of the room, covered in plastic. The walls are painted in the cute baby blue color that I picked out. I notice two doors that are also across from each other in the small entrance halloway in the master bedroom. My automatic assumption is that one is for a closet and the other a bathroom. I make my way out of the master bedroom and see Christian anxiously leaning against the kitchen island.

"So, what do you think of the space so far?" He asks

"It's… Amazing. I never imagined myself living somewhere like this. Everything is so spacious and up to date. I love everything. I just can't wait for this God awful new paint smell to go away so that I can actually get a chance to organize everything and enjoy my new place."

"I am really glad that you like the space. The apartment has as 24 hour security system in place. There is also the desk man downstairs, who you need to send a list of proscribed visitors that are allowed to have access to the apartment through the bottom floor. There is also a gym, pool and many other utilities that you can use whenever you see fit. I also live on the penthouse floor. Later I will have taylor give you the code to the elevator so that you can access me any time that you may need me." He says confidently.

"Honestly, thank you so much Christian… I don't know how I would have gotten all of this done without you." I say while going to give him a hug. As we pull apart, I bring his face closer to mine so that I can leave a chaste kiss on his cheek.

"You are more than welcome Ana." He says while releasing me from the hug.

"Where would you like to stay tonight, I know that the smell in here is very obnoxious. If you would like, you are more than welcome to stay at my apartment tonight and see about moving in tomorrow when the scent is gone." He says while grabbing my hand.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. You are actually one the the people that I enjoy being around for long periods of time."

"Then I guess I will be staying at your place then. Why don't I make us some dinner ot pay you back for everything that you did for me today." I offer.

"Sounds like a great plan to me." He says before grabbing ahold of my hand in his and leading him out of the apartment.

* * *

**Dinner was really great. **After leaving my apartment we went straight for his apartment and headed right towards the kitchen. After debating for a while one what to make, I finally settled on making spaghetti. We sat in the comfort of one another's company and great food. After a day filled with such hecticness, it was nice to just have a moment to take a load off and relax. After dinner, we both put things away and talked a bit more. The more time I spend with him, the harder I am starting to fall for him. I just hope I don't fall too deep and end up having no one to catch me. After engaging in nice conversation, we both went our separate ways throughout his apartment. I am now freshly showered, wearing Christians clothes. I am upstairs in the subs room trying to fall asleep. I look over at the clock towards my left and see that it is now 12:45 in the morning. This is so ridiculous! After a day of strenuous activities, you would think that I would be asleep right now but nothing is working. Giving up on my attempts to fall asleep, I head downstairs to grab a glass of water. While I am in the kitchen having a glass of water, nothing but complete silence is surrounding me. After I have satisfied my thirst, my curiosity starts to get the best of me. I wonder what Christian is doing? I head towards his office and peak my head in to see if he is there. Much to my disappointment, he is not there. The only place I can really see him being at this time is his bedroom. I walk towards his bedroom and under the crack of the door I see light illuminating from inside. _He's here! _I knock three times and peak my head in.

"Come in!" is shouted through the door, giving me permission to enter.

Once I peak my head through the door I ask.

"Is it ok if I come in? I can't sleep." I confess.

"Of course you can." He says while his eyes remain focused on his computer.

Christian is sitting upright in bed, in pajamas working on his laptop. I walk further into the room and towards his bed. I walk towards the bed and lie down on the side of the bed that is currently not occupied. Lying here next to him I can actually take a moment to appreciate his physical appearance. He is beautiful. He looks especially sexy when he is completely focused on work. I've seen him look exactly like this at the office when he extremely focused. When he is like this his eyebrows form this cute little v in the middle of his forehead and his lips start to make this pouty expression. It may seem strange but it's really hot to me for some reason. I can't help but grasp my bottom lip to rest in between my teeth at the thoughts of Christian. My eyes wander from his beautiful face, to his sculpted biceps and rock hard chest. All of his muscles are extremely pronounced. I wonder what they look like when he has nothing covering them? _My subconscious is fanning herself down, in attempt to cool herself off. _My eyes continue to wander down his body, towards his strong fingers tapping away at the keyboard of his computer that rest on top of his lap; all the way towards his very sexy feet. It's strange because usually I tend to find feet to be gross; when it comes to Christians feet though…. I think that they are sexy. My visual examination of his body is broken by the sound of his voice.

"If you keep staring at me like that, I am going to have no choice but to set this down and fuck you." He says while keeping his gaze focused on his computer. _Fuck. _

His comment automatically causes sensations in my lower regions to come alive. My mouth drops open wide.

"W-w-what?" I reply while attempting to gather myself.

"I said." He repeats as he continues his work. "That if you keep looking at me like that; I am going to have no choice but to fuck you. So if you don't want to be fucked, I suggest that you stop looking at me like that." He says while taking a brief moment to peer over the top of his computer to make eye contact with me.

"Oh." I reply. He brings his attention back towards his laptop and continues to work. _But what if I want him to fuck me? _I can't help but think to myself. Although I know that I would love nothing more than for the two of us to be enthralled in deep passion; he has work to do. I let him know that I will be back and go upstairs towards the sub room to grab my kindle. Once I make it back to Christian's room, I reclaim my spot on his bed. I turn on my kindle and look for a new stories. In the list of suggestions, I come across the crossfire series. As I am reading, I can't help but get a little hot and bothered by some of the scenes in this book. What is making it worse is that I have a beautiful man next to me while I am reading all of these sexy things. I can't help but peek over at him every couple of minutes, slightly imagining him doing some of the dirty things that are happening in this book. Almost every time that I look over the rim of my book, he is there staring right back at me. I turn my eyes back towards my kindle in embarrassment, hoping that he has no idea about what I am thinking right now. I redirect my focus back towards Ava and Gideon and their lives. One again, Gideon is giving Ava extreme pleasure. I can't help but look up at Christian. This time, I find him already staring at me with a very hooded gaze. Both of us are staring heavily at one eachother, waiting to see who is going to be the first to break the eyecontact. He quickly shuts his computer and sets it down on the nightstand before pouncing towards me, causing me to squeal out loud. His lips are attaching my neck, while my fingers run wildly through his hair. The two of us are all hands and mouths; sucking, licking and touching every once of skin that we can get to one one another's bodies. We both just can't seem to get enough. I was so enchanted in his movements towards me that I didn't even realize that I was already naked. I bring my lips towards his, crashing our lips together, both of our tongues fighting for dominance. While my hands start to slowly descend down his body, while keeping in mind to not touch his no go areas. My hands find the hem of his pajamas and I slowly start to break away from him to allow me to take off his pants swiftly. Once his pants are off, his painful erection comes springing to life. I inch myself closer towards his erection while maintaining complete eye contact with him. Once I am set completely in between his legs, I settle myself on my knees to get more comfortable. I bring my hand to his erection and start to slowly pump him up and down. I feel him start to grow more in my hands, giving me more courage to continue. I keep pumping him as I move myself towards his engorged rod. I lick my lips before running my tongue along his shaft; starting from the bottom to top. Once I get towards the head of his cock, I run my tongue along the edges before sucking on the tip. A painful groan escapes his lips as I continue to pleasure him through my mouth. My head continues to bob up and down as I suck him harder and harder.

"Shit Ana." He says while his hands tangle themselves in my hair. "You are going to make me come, if you don't want me to come in your mouth, stop." He says while I continue to lick and suck on him. I bob my head down once more before paying special attention to the head of his penis. I take his balls in one of my hands and knead them while I continue to pleasure him. I can feel him start swell and contract slightly in my mouth. Before I know it, his thick release is flowing through my mouth. I quickly try to swallow and continue to move my head up and down to gather the entirety of his release. After he has came down from the intensity of his orgasm. He reaches down, grabs me by my middle before picking me up and throwing me towards his side, with my back resting towards his front. He starts nipping, sucking and pleasuring my neck, causing more moisture to pool between my legs.

"You made me feel amazing in your mouth Ana." He groans as his hands continue to wander all over my body. He brings one of his knees to a bent position in the air before bringing my leg to rest over his, completely exposing me. He takes his hand and brings it towards my hot center where he starts to use his talented fingers on my clit. My head is thrown back in ecstasy on his shoulders while he continues to work his hands on my center.

"You are so fucking wet Ana." He says before leaving kisses on my neck.

"Ahhhh." I pant out while I feel one of his fingers dip inside of me.

"Is this for me Ana? Are you wet for me?" He says as his fingers continue to work their way in and out of me.

"Ahhhh…. Yes." I reply wantingly. My hips are moving to the rhythm of his fingers, hoping the gain more friction.

"You greedy girl, you are ready for me aren't you?" He says as he takes his fingers from inside my debts to spread my moistness on the outer lips of my center.

"Yes." I say breathlessly while turning my head towards his to kiss him. We are both completely engaged in one another and our bodies. Much to my disappointment, his hand moves from my center. My disappointment is quickly ended when I feel the tip of his shaft start to enter my pussy.

"Ohhhhh." I moan out as he enters me.

"Shit, you are so fucking tight." He says while he slowly starts to ease himself in and out of me. His hand comes towards towards my breast, where he leans his head down to capture my nipple in his mouth while he continues to fuck me. As he continues to use his mouth on my chest, his pace increased.

"Ohhhh Shit!" I hiss out "You feel so good inside me." I mewl out as his pace continues to quicken. In and out he continues to thrust inside of me. The sounds of our moans, mixed with the sounds of our bodies hitting against each other is all that I can hear.

"I feel you baby, you are almost there." He says as he grabs my leg to lift it higher; slightly altering our position. At this angle, he is hitting the magic spot inside of me that causes me to shatter into a million peices. I come so hard that I am seeing stars. I feel him continue to thrust into me three more time before he too follows me into the land of no return. After we have both ridden out the intensity of our organisms, he releases my leg and withdrawals himself from my pussy; causing me to feel really empty, before wrapping his hands around my center. He rests his head against the crook of my neck before leaving a chaste kiss on my neck.

"Goodnight Anastasia." He whispers like a prayer against my neck before reaching for the duvet to cover us. One we are both covered in the warmth of the duvet, he resumes his previous position. Being here in his arms, after having some amazing sex has helped lull me into the land of dreams. Before I know I am already asleep, in the confines of his comforting arms.

* * *

**Sometimes the site ends up cutting out some of the words during the uploading process, hopefully nothing got too messed up. If nothing looks weird than yay. If it does than sorry. I hope that you enjoyed the chapter.**

**Review and see you soon!**


	33. Chapter 33: On That Note

***I do not own the rights to the characters. All rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hello all. I recently I have been trying to better this story. I went back and edited the first 4 chapters of the story. I know finally. I wanted to start off by apologizing. By going over those past chapters I really realize how much the story did not make sense. There were so many errors and things were also poorly explained. I feel bad that the story was so poorly maintained. I am in the works of editing them myself and I also have a potential beta reader for the story that I am waiting to hear back from. Hopefully that will make things run more smoothly. I also realize that I have gotten better at my writing and hope to continue to move in an upwards direction in that area. Thanks a lot of sticking with me. I currently work two job and I am a full time student so life has been relatively busy. I have had this chapter ready for like a week and a half, but I have not actually had the time to go over it. I am about a third of the way done with the next chapter and I hope to have it up within the next couple of days. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I will have the next one up ASAP. As always, please review! **

**xAlysha**

Chapter 33: On That Note

**This weekend** was so productive. I was able to fully move out of my old apartment and into my new life at Escala. I stayed at Christian's apartment until Sunday. When I finally made it back to my apartment, the God awful paint smell was finally gone. Having had full use of my apartment, I was actually able to set everything up the way that I wanted too. It was great to finally have a fresh start. I am so grateful that I did not have to stay in that same apartment and see all of the mistakes that I have made in the past six years all over again. Christian has been God sent in this whole process. He made my encounter with Logan slightly doable, he helped me gather all of my things together and simply just kept me company. There was not really a moment that went by that I felt lonely. Even today, we drove into work together to save some time on both of our parts. Although I would love to be able to spend the day with him and engage in our usual sarcastic but interesting banter, I have a full schedule ahead of me. Today I have a meeting with Nathan and the other interns, as well as a mentor meeting with Christian, lunch with Kate, and a meeting with Elliott. I am completely swamped. The previous weeks as an intern here at GEH were clearly the calm before the storm. I have been working hard on these business plans and everything is slowly starting to come together. Today is the day that I will start to make some of my ideas concrete. I was so busy compiling all of my things for my meets today that I didn't even realize that it was already ten thirty, and my meeting starts in five minutes. I gather all of my belongings and dash to the conference room that is located on our floor. Opening the door to Conference Room B, I am greeted by the very nervous eyes of the other interns.

"Are you all ready?" Patrick says while looking at us all with anxiety placed all over his face.

"As ready as I am going to be." Lilly says worryingly.

"Why is everyone so worried? We have all got this internship for a reason, if there was any reason that we would not be successful we would have not been picked. We are all fine, if we get nervous that we really won't do well." Ryan states confidently.

"Well, I am pretty just that everyone's project is going to be great." I state reassuringly.

Before either of us can mutter another pep, Nathan enters the conference room and walks straight towards the head of the table.

"Welcome back to another week of your GEH internship everybody. I know that congratulations are in order. As of last week you all are finally college graduates. I hope all of you had a restful weekend because things are going to start to pick up around here. Today we need to go through a progress reports and track your progression into creating your business. After we go over personal progress reports, I will give you the letter criticism from your mentor. These letters are not made to discourage you, but to help you spot out your weaknesses early on so that going forward your proposals can be error free. That being said, we can start the reports with Ryan, the floor is yours." Nathan says before gesturing his hand towards Ryan, signalling for him to start.

**After an hour **and a half of reports, all of the interns have gone. Seems like neither of us really needed to be nervous in the first place. Everyone is well on track with their business plan. Now that the meeting is starting to come to a close, Nathan tells us that he is going to hand us our letters of criticism from our mentors. At the mention of our mentors my heart starts to race. _Christian. _I wonder what criticism that he had given me… I wonder if I was actually doing as well of a job as I thought that I was. I am quickly put out of my misery when Nathan passes by my seat and hands me my letter. As soon as all of the interns have received our letter, he lets us know that we are free to go and that he will see us again at the end of the week. Once he is out of the room, I quickly gather my things, along with my letter and make a quick getaway to my office. Although I am very anxious to know what Christian thinks of me business wise, I am nervous that he may not have good things to say. If he doesn't think well of me business wise, I would truly be devastated. Aside from our personal relationship, he is a very prominent businessman in today's society. If I were not to be seen as satisfactory in his eyes, I really may not make it at all. Before I read anything I want to be in comfort of my office before I read anything that could possibly put a damper on my day. By the time I reach my office, my somewhat pessimistic thoughts have come to an end. I walk towards my desk, set down my belongings and sit in my seat. I quickly fish out the letter of criticism from Christian. As soon as I find the letter, I rip off the pristine white envelope with "Grey Enterprises and Holdings" printed in grey letters in the right hand corner. In the center of the envelope says nothing than my name in Christians familiar handwriting. A single sheet of folded paper falls out of what is left of the envelope. I take the folded paper and open it to examine his criticisms. Once it I finally have it open, my eyes automatically look towards the printed script that reads…

_To whom it may concern,_

_ Anastasia has thus far been a noble and great asset to GEH thus far. She is always punctual and communicates well with the other staff. At our last meeting, she appeared to have everything together and was well on target with her proposal. She is smart, innovative and driven. She has used her resources at GEH here to her benefit and seems to have a promising addition to GEH's assets. Thus far there have not been any negative aspects of her that require direct attention. Any other further concerns can be discussed between she and I during our next mentor/mentee meeting. I look forward to seeing what else she can attribute to my company._

_ Christian Grey_

_ CEO of Grey Enterprises and Holdings_

Well that was not as bad at all. He actually thinks of me as a valuable asset to his company. I am pleasantly shocked yet I am also slightly concerned. Was his criticism of me solely positive because we have slept together? He wouldn't do that right? His business is serious to him… Yet,I can't help but second guess myself. I should have thought things through more before I managed to get myself so far into things with him. But who am I kidding, I am addicted… I can't get enough of him. We went at it like rabbits this weekend while we actually had the time to spend together. But that cannot be all that there is to us right? We actually spend time together without having sex. But does he think of our relationship the same way that I do? He did confess that he wanted me as his submissive. I am so confused. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the negative thoughts that are consuming me. I put myself back to work and organize my plans for my next meeting in thirty minutes.

**In that thirty minutes** I was actually able to get quite a bit done. I was able to get ahold of Jack Hyde from Seattle Independent Publishing and officially secure him as a sponsor of Grey Publishing. Something about him rubbed me the wrong way though, he seemed more intrigued to learn about me than my company. I have only met with him twice before and those encounters too were slightly odd. Although something in my gut tells me something about this guy is off, I need him as a signer. I am too close to my goal to let a small inkling effect the entire project. Besides Jack Hyde, I was also able to get ahold of other local publishing houses once I was able to get off of the phone. Thus far I have eight sponsors for my launch event and I am ecstatic. Now that I have all of the financial backing that I need for the event, I hope that Christian will sign off on my project. Looking at the clock I see that it is now eleven fifty and my meeting with Christian starts at twelve. I save my financial spreadsheets to excel and email them to myself and Christian so that we can go over them in our meeting. I lock my computer, gather my things and start to make my way towards the twentieth floor. I finally get to the elevator at the entryway of my floor and press the up button. Almost automatically, the elevator doors open; allowing me to move quickly towards the twentieth floor. I am greeted with the familiar ding that lets me know that I have made it to my destination. I walk through the entryway and towards Andreas desk.

"Hello Andrea, I have a meeting with at 12 today. Do you know if he is ready for our meeting my any chance."

"I received word from him that as soon as you were ready that he would be waiting for your in his office. You can head right in if you are ready."

"Thank you Andrea." I reply before making my way towards the double doors that conceal his office. Once I push through the doors, I see Christian sitting at his desk, deeply engrossed in whatever is happening on his computer screen.

"Come on in Anastasia and take a seat, I am just looking over the numbers that you e-mailed me a couple of minutes ago." He says while keeping his eyes trained directly on his computer screen.

"You know that we could have gone over them together in our meeting, it could have saved you some time." I reply while arranging my notes.

"I am well aware, but I like to be prepared for my meetings before I have them."

"Such a control freak." I murmur while arranging my notes.

"What was that Miss Steele." Christian says while breaking his eye contact with his computer screen to stare into my deep blue eyes, with one eyebrow raised.

"I said-" I say while rolling my eyes "That you sir, are a control freak." I reply proudly. There. I said it, it's not like he didn't know that himself.

"That smart mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble one of these days Miss Steele." He says while getting up from his seat to sit in the chair next to mine. "So what do we have on the agenda for the day?" He asks while setting his hands down on his lap.

"Well, you have already seen the numbers yourself; I guess the question is is that enough for my event?" I ask.

"Refresh my memory again? I know that we briefly talked about it but I just want to be sure that I know what you have in mind." He says.

"Your mother's charity event somewhat inspired me. I was thinking that we could have a publishing ball for funding and a community book signing to raise awareness. For the ball, I was thinking that we could invite all of the sponsors, investors, future investors and members of the community to take place in raising money. A large part of the services that Grey Publishing hopes to offer is free tutoring and ebooks to students. A Lot of kids lack resources and if we were able to give them that and assistance we could change someone's life.I plan to pair up with different charities that hope to assist childrens resources and through them we can gain relationships. Some of the proceeds can go to the charities, who in return can help fund our programs for the children. That way, it's basically paying for itself. In addition to that, we can have a community book signing. Authors that are going to be signed to GP can come and release special editions of their books as well as signing them for people. This way, people of the community can become familiar with the upcoming authors." I state confidently. I hope that he still likes my idea. Christian is staring at me intently while rubbing his sculpted fingers along his jawline.

"That sounds like a pretty good idea. Do you know where and when you would like to have this ball?"

"I have been looking around for possible venues, but if I am being honest… I think that the GEH ballrooms would be the best option. That way we can try and save the most money. It will also bring a lot of attention to GEH itself and also be a good way for the other interns to promote their projects as well. I wanted to run the idea by you first before I decided to contact HR about it."

"That will work, I can see how it will benefit GEH as well. Do you have a rough date in mind for when you would like to do this?" He questions while grabbing a notepad and a pen to take notes.

"I was thinking that we could try and do this in about a month from now. Elliott is going to show me the plans for GP today and he received permission for the city to finish the construction of the building. I want to have things up and running and on schedule." I say confidently.

"Sounds good, what if we can shoot for Friday, June the 24th?" He says while looking at a print of a calendar besides him.

"That day will work perfectly, it will give me just enough time to secure catering, photo booths and all of the other entertainment that will be needed for the event."

"Great. Send me a detailed involve of what you think you are going to need so that I can have Andrea run it up to HR to ensure that we will have everything that we need for that day."

"I will make sure that I get that to you as soon as possible." I state while also taking notes.

Over the next fifteen minutes we go over all of the last minute details for GP charity ball and staffing. We have decided that we will start to open up the staff interviewing process at the end of this week. I am so excited that things are actually starting to fall into place. My dreams are actually coming true. All of my hard work has not gone to waste. Christian and I are both starting to gather our things together to end our meeting.

"Well Miss Steele, it seems like you are not going to make me regret my positive criticisms of you." He says smugly while starting to walk towards me.

"I actually meant to talk to you about that. You didn't say all of those nice things about me only because we are sleeping together right?"

"Anastasia I take my business life very seriously. Although I really do enjoy our times together, our private life has nothing to do with what I said."

"Thank God." I said with relief.

"Why do you make it sound that way?" He asks sounding slightly offended.

"I just don't want the fact that I am screwing you to have anything to do with your opinion of my job performance." I reply. He his arms wrap around my waist, bring me closer to him.

"You are not just a random screw to me Anastasia." He says factually.

"If you say so Grey." I reply while rolling my eyes.

"Just because I want you to be my submissive does not mean that you are just a random screw. Obviously you mean much more to me than that. I thought that after the past couple weeks that we have spent together that you would know that."

"I am sorry if I made it seem like you don't care about me. I didn't intend for this conversation to turn out this way. I just wanted to make sure that you were giving me your most honest professional opinion."

"Well you have it, I think that you are going a wonderful job." He reaches for my belongings from out of my hands, resets them on the desk before grabbing me by the hands and pulls me towards him once again. His strong fingers rest under my chin, bringing my face closer to his.

"You know what else would be wonderful Miss Steele?"

"What, ?" I reply smugly. He brushes his nose against mine, before bringing his lips towards my ear.

"If you let me bend you over this desk, and fuck you… right here… right now." He says darkly while capturing my ear between his teeth. His sensual words automatically send heat down towards my sex. As much as I would love to indulge in him… we are at the office and I don't want other people to find about about he and I. I don't want to be the person who got ahead because they were screwing the boss.

"Christian." I reply breathlessly. He does not reply to me verbally, he only then tilts my head more to the side, giving him further access to my neck; where he starts to leave a trail of wet kisses along my neck. The more he continues to apply pleasure to my neck; the less amount of willpower I have to stop us from taking it too far. I reach forward, and grab the bottom of his chin before bringing his lips towards mine. Both of our lips are moving in at a lustfully charged pace. He runs his tongue across my bottom lip, silently asking for entrance. I quickly open my mouth, allowing him to have access. Before I know it both of us are tongue tied and fighting for dominance. His masculinely sculpted hands grab ahold of my rear end, before he pulls my body closer to his. I feel his rigid staff growing against my stomach. _Oh my God I want him. _Before things could get any more heated, we are interrupted by a knock on the door. I rapidly break away from hold, running my fingers along my now swollen lips.

"Come in!" Christian says tensely, while trying to gather himself.

"I am sorry to interrupt , I just remembered that your next meeting starts in ten minutes. Would you like me to set up the conference room with your notes?" Andrea says attentively. This is so embarrassing, she could have saw our entire heated exchange.

"Yes, that would be great Andrea. I will head over to the conference room in five minutes."

"No problem ." She replies before exiting the room.

"It seems like you have served as quite the distraction Miss Steele." He replies smugly.

"Didn't intend to be . As much as I did not want Andrea to see any of what just happened; This served as a good warning. We can't do this in your office, I don't want people finding out."

"Are you ashamed of me Ana?" He says defensively.

"Of course not." I reply while rolling my eyes. "I just want to keep things low profile, as well as keeping my private life private."

"Fair point made Miss Steele as always." He says while nodding his head. "But this has to have been at least the third time that you have rolled your eyes at me today; and I will only warn you once. If you roll your eyes at me again, I am going to spank you." He says confidently, while stalking towards me like I am pray.

"I don't think so , we have already pushed things too far and you can't spank me. I have not agreed to be your submissive yet."

"I think that you are much more intrigued by my lifestyle than you are willing to admit. I am all about consent, but I know that you will let me spank you."

"Andddddd on that note, it is time for me to leave." I reply back while walking towards the double doors. "I will see you later for dinner at my place. Bye!" I yell behind my shoulder as I make a clear exit.


	34. Chapter 34:Snap,Crackle,Pop

***I do not own the rights to the characters, the rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hello all, as promised, here is the next chapter. I stayed up till four to write this for you all. Sorry for my super long absence but enjoy! Please do review not only this chapter but also chapter 33.**

**with much love as always,**

**Alysha**

Chapter 34: Snap, Crackle, Pop

**It has truly been **a long day. I have had back to back meetings, both personal and business oriented. My work meetings were all productive and as of right now all of my projects for work are currently up to speed. After speaking with Elliott, I have learned that the construction for GP is well on its way. Talking with Christian really helped put things into perspective and allowed me to secure the location for the fundraiser. Lunch with Kate was also quite eventful. She was extremely eager to hear about all of my most recent happenings. Ever since the graduation, she has had her suspicions about the nature of Christian and I's relationship. As of right now, I honestly still have not told her much. As much as I know that being with Christian is ultimately my decision; I value Kate's opinion and I am scared of what she has to say. I know that whenever her opinion is concerned, there is generally always a lot to be said. Even if I wanted to say something about the situation anyway, there are still a lot of details that need to be worked out. There is also the lingering fact that I have also signed an NDA. The whole situation is complicated. Everything about my "love life" or the lack of one is complicated.

After such a long day, I am glad to finally just be home. I am expecting Christian to be here soon for dinner. Lately, have kept up a nightly routine of having dinner together. Although we have not solidified anything about our "relationship", we still have this level of comfort between one another. Unlike the past two days, he is actually coming to my apartment to eat dinner. I am currently waiting on the meatloaf to finish baking in the oven. While I am waiting, I have set the timer, and have begun to set my kitchen island for the two of us. As I am setting down the last of the silverware, I hear my front door open.

"Ana?" Christian yells from my doorway.

"In the kitchen!" I yell back while walking back into the kitchen to do a final check on the meatloaf. In walks Christian looking just as hot as ever, in his usual navy suit and grey tie. As he continues to walk further into the apartment, I notice that his face is wearing a very heavy frown.

"Anastasia, why was your front door left unlocked." He says in an annoyed tone. _Here we go._

"Because I knew that you were coming for dinner and I needed to pay attention to the meatloaf." I reply simply while taking the pan of meatloaf out of the oven. _Ahhh it came out perfect. _

"Ana, I think that your safety is more important than what is on the table for dinner. Anyone could have come in here just now and hurt you. You need to be more careful. If you will not keep yourself safe than maybe I should hire you a security detail that will."

"Absolutely not, I am perfectly fine thank you very much. This pace is literally like Fort Knox, I am pretty sure that I would be perfectly fine in my apartment." I reply defiantly while gathering the meatloaf and placing it on the kitchen island.

"Fort Knox or not, I need to know that you are safe Ana."

"Ok Christian, I will make sure that I lock my door now. Can we drop this and eat now, before we start finding something else to argue about?" I reply, while silently awaiting his response. His facial expression shows that he is conflicted. Obviously he wants to lecture me on the importance of my security but he also probably just wants to sit and finally gives up his internal debate, and ops to sit at the kitchen island.

**Dinner was fantastic. **I must admit, that I did a great job. The meatloaf was rich and flavorful, while the mash potatoes were creamy and delicious. The two of us are sitting on my couch, completely full and engaged in conversation.

"How was your day after you left my office?" He asks while playing with my fingers.

"It was good, I was able to get all of my points for my project up to date and completed and I was also able to have lunch with Kate."

"Ahhh , that was the friend from the bar that night who was dancing with my brother."

"The one and only." I reply.

"What did she want?"

"Nothing just to catch up. I haven't seen her in a while and honestly I have been spending the majority of my free time with you."

"Why Miss Steele I am deeply wounded; you make it sound like spending time with me would be such a bad thing." He says while bringing his hand to his chest as if I have hurt him. I can't help but roll my eyes at his sarcastic remark.

"Did you just roll yours eyes at me Anastasia" He says darkly. _Oh shit. Maybe if I just don't answer his question then he will forget about it. _

Boy was I wrong, before I even had time to react; Christian has boldly changed our position. I am now straddling his lap, while his arms are locked closely around my lower back, trapping me on his lap. "Now, I will ask you again, did you roll your eyes at me again Anastasia." He says seriously while looking straight into my eyes. _Shit. He was actually serious? My subconscious is running and ducking for cover. _

I gulp nervously before answering "yes" in a whispered tone.

"That is exactly what I thought, and you know what I said that I would do if you rolled your eyes at me again. Do you know what I said that I was going to do?" He asks. As much as I try to reply verbally, I am honestly at a loss for words. As a simple reply to his question, I silently nod my head.

"And what is it that I said that I was going to do Miss Steele?" He asks while raising one eyebrow at me, silently challenging me to even dare to not answer for a second time.

"You said that you would spank me." I reply shakingly. I can't help but nervously fidget in his lap at the thought of him spanking me.

"Yes I did, I said that I was going to spank you and I am a man of my word Miss Steele. But before I spank you, I need to know that you are ok with this. I would never do anything that would be outside of your limits Anastasia. Now do you trust me." He asks, his demeanor slightly softening.

"Yes, I do… I have just never been hit like that before in my life Christian. I am not sure that I want to know what it feels to be hit like that now either."

"You won't know until you try. The fear is all in your head Ana. Pain can be pleasurable if you let it." He says while taking one of his hands and delicately places a loose strand of hair behind my ear. He brings his forehead to rest against mine while rubbing my back; silently comforting me. I take a deep breath before whispering "ok."

I open my eyes and I am instantly greeted with smothering grey/almost black orbs. He grabs my face between his hands and kisses me roughly, slightly distracting me before he pulls away with a satisfied smile along his face.

"You have made me a very happy man Miss Steele, I promise that you are going to enjoy this just as much as I am. Now Stand up." He commands, his mood quickly shifting from caring and loving Christian to domineering Christian. I blink a couple times confusingly before oddly making my way off of his lap, while keeping in mind to not to touch his chest. Once I am standing in front of him. He rises from the couch before asking me if I keep condoms here. I nod my head before telling him that they are in the vanity in my bathroom. After about a minute, he returns with a gold packet resting in his hands. As he walks closer towards me, he extends his hand, grabbing mine before he pulls us both towards the couch. He is currently sitting with his legs slightly open, while I am laying across his legs. My breathing is increasing by the minute. I can't help but be nervous as hell. This entire situation seems absolutely bizarre in my mind. He slightly alters our position once again to where I am still laying across his lap; but now, my lower half is trapped between his legs. I can't move at all.

"Now, Why am I doing this Anastasia." He says seriously.

"Because I rolled my eyes at you." I reply while barely having the ability to speak at all.

"Do you think that it is polite?"

"No."

"Exactly, I will spank you for every time that you do it." He asks darkly.

Slowly, he starts to pull down my leggings and black boyshort underwear, leaving my lower half completely exposed to him. I thought that this spanking would entail by clothes being on. Now that I am lying here, across his lap, the situation is really starting to become real. My heart is beating so fast that I feel like it's going to fall out of my chest. My mind is racing through all of the possible outcomes of this scenario. I am snapped out of my internal debate by the feeling of his hand coming to contact with my now bare bottom. At the feeling of his skin against mine, my eyes automatically squeeze shut. At first I was expecting for his hand to forcibly come down on my behind, but instead I feel his hand softly stroking my behind with his flat palm. He more that his hands work on my behind the more sensual his menstrations become. I am slowly starting to find that I am enjoying this. That feeling of enjoyment is rapidly brought to an end when I notice that his hand is no longer longer there. I am about to protest his hands sudden retreat from my bottom when he then hits me… hard. _Shit._ My eyes spring open in response to the pain. I try to alter my position, but he quickly counters my movements; locking me even further into his lap. He begins to caress me me again, in the same exact place that he just hit me. He breath gets heavier as he continues to caress my bare and soon to be sore behind. I keep trying to weasel my way out of his very strong hold but my attempts are clearly useless. He responds to my attempt by laying down another smack against my ass.

"Keep Still!" He commands. "Or I will have no choice but to spank you longer."

His statement ends all of my attempts to remove myself from his grasp. I got myself into this mess, I am going to have to stick it out. I let out a heavy breath, while trying to calm myself down. If I just keep still than this will be over in no time. He continues to rub my now pink skin before he lays another blow against my sensitive behind. _Ow this hurts. _I just need to focus harder on masking the pain. As he continues to distribute his blows, he never seems to seems to hit me in the same place.

"Argh" I groan out in pain as he lays down another slap on my very raw and sensitive behind.

"Oh Ana, I am just getting warmed up." He says in a darkly satisfied tone. _He is really enjoying this?_

Just getting started?! For a while his menstrations don't cease. He continues the pattern of harshly bringing his palm to my behind and then rubbing the tender area. The more blows that come into contact with my aching ass make it things harder to take. I am starting to get a headache from how tightly my face is screwed. He lays down another blow to my behind, causing me to cry out for what feels like the millionth time

"Nobody can hear you baby, it's just me." He says.

He hits me, again and again and again. My butt is in so much pain that I my ass cheeks are slowly going numb. What confuses me is how he can go from harsh and numb while spanking me; to gentle and kind when he rubs my sore bottom. The whole act is confusing me. I knew he was quite the mercial man but I was not expecting this at all. At this time, I have no idea how many times that his hand has roughly came into contact with my butt. My body is ringing from the pain that it has endured. I have half a mind to call it quits, to end this entire painful experience. My eyes are still tightly shut. I feel his hand remove itself from my behind and my eyes automatically squeeze together even tighter, terrifyingly waiting for the next blow to come.

"Enough." His voice says hoarsely. My eyes spring open at his decoration, automatically seeking to find his. The look in his eyes tells me that he is finally done. _Thank Fuck! _"Well done Anastasia, I am going to fuck you now." He declares.

He caresses my behind gently for the millionth time this evening before I feel him insert two digits inside of me. He moves his fingers around my sex and I am surprised to find that I am wet. He removes his fingers from my debts to spread my moisture along my outer lips. I audibly gasp at this most recent discovery.

"See this Anastasia, your body likes this, desires this. You are absolutely soaking for me." He says somewhat proudly while he continues to move his fingers against my surprisingly moist sex. He once again places two fingers inside me, pumping in and out rapidly before he quickly withdraws them. Leaving me panting and wanting for him. I groan in response to the absence of his touch. He lifts me off of his lap, placing me back onto my couch before he goes towards the ottoman, grabs the condom, places it between his teeth and lowers his pants and boxers. Once his pants are off, his erection springs to life. He then takes the condom that is between his teeth and with the assistance of his fingers, releases the condom out of the confines of the gold packet. He takes the condom and stretches it over his large erection before he stalks towards me like a lion awaiting its prey. When he finally reaches me, he pulls my feet so that I am now laying on my back, while my rear is towards the end of the couch. He brings his lips towards my foot that is in his hand and sensually leaves kisses starting from the insted up my foot all the way towards my thigh and then switches to my other leg before his mouth and come towards my center. He repeats his menstrations to my other leg before his mouth finally comes into contact with my sex. He leaves a chaste kiss on my outer lips before he uses his fingers to spread me further apart. His eyes snap towards mine, where he finds me impatiently awaiting his kiss on my sensitive area. He smirks mischievously before sucks my clit- hard.

"Ohhhhhhh." I moan loudly while tossing my head back.

He releases my clit from his mouth, and then his tongue is inside of me. He continues to suck, lap and nip at my pussy until I am drenched and wanting. My back is arched off of my couch while my hands are tangled in his copper locks, pressing his mouth closer to me. I am so close to coming that I can almost taste it. His talented mouth works harder on my center and when I start to feel myself quiver, I suddenly feel cold. My eyes spring open to find that his mouth is no longer on my sex. I am about to protest for his lack of contact when he places himself between my legs and kisses me. I taste myself on his lips as our tongues battle for dominance. one of his hands rests next to my side while the other takes ahold of his strong shaft. He rubs the head of his thick cock along my outer slit before he sinks into me. Both of us groan in satisfaction at the connection of our bodies. He alters himself slightly so that he is on the tip of his toes while his knees rest on the edge of the couch. He rapidly starts to pound in and out of me. The sound of our grunts and our skin slapping against each other rings throughout my living room. He alters our position again, by grabbing my thighs to bring my legs even further apart, hitting a special spot inside of me.

"Ahhh, Christian! Harder." I moan out while he continues to move inside of me. My demands are quickly met, he starts to move even faster and harder. I start to squeeze him internally, trying to prompt his orgasm.

"Shit!" He hisses out. "Not yet baby, not yet." He says as he continues to drive himself in and out of me. His face is sheen with sweat and his muscles are starting to protrude from his shirt. The sight of him in the throws of passion itself almost makes me come. I can feel myself start to quicker and squeeze him even tighter. The more his talent and thick cock moves inside of me, the more I start to feel like I may just shatter into a million peices.

"Come on baby." He grits through his teeth. "Give it to me! You can come now" He says as he brings his thumb to rub my sensitive nubbin. That was all it took to tip me off the edge. I felt my body shake with passion. My whole body is ringing from the inside out. I come-hard. Soon after I have found my release, his follows. His body has slightly collapsed on top of mine. I an running my fingers through his damp hair as I try to regain my composure. As much as I don't want to admit it, that was fucking fantastic.

"Welcome to my world baby." He says while looking towards me. He looks at me intently, trying to see if my facial expression will give anything away. Giving up on his attempt to read me, he lifts himself up from onto of me and removes the condom. He nots it it, grabs his pants and walks towards the bathroom. When he returns, He looks almost as good as new. He his pants are now on but his shirt is untucked and his belt is looped around his hips. He strides towards me, offers me his hand, before lifting me from the couch. He walks the two of us towards my bedroom before entering my bathroom. At first I think that he is going to hop in with me until he turns on my shower and starts to adjust his belt to its proper position. _Is he not staying?_

I look at him confused, he usually always stays after we have sex.

"Aren't you staying?" I asked nervously.

"No, I can't tonight. I have some things to do." _Things to do? After you just spanked me and fucked the life out of me on my living room couch?_

"Oh." I reply disappointedly.

"Take a shower, get some rest. You did great tonight baby. I will see you in the morning?" He says hopefully.

"Uhhh yeah, sure I guess." I reply. He's seriously leaving. He brings me towards him, leaves a chaste kiss on my forehead before telling me that I better get started on my shower. Before I can even utter another word he is already starting to walk out of the bathroom. He shouts that he will lock up and to have a goodnight and before I know it I hear the front door close. He is gone… He has never been this distance after sex before. Everytiime we have slept together has resulted in us cuddling into the late hours, why was today so different? I guess it should be obvious, I let him spank and fuck me on my couch… I let him treat me as a submissive. The way I am feeling now has me second guessing myself even more than I was before. I shake my head slowly before walking into my warm shower. That night, sleep did not come to me easily.


	35. Chapter 35: Light Within Me

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hello All! I am back with a new chapter! Thank you for all of your reviews. If I am honest I didn't really know how to reply to most, which is why I did not reply to some. One of the readers actually gave me a suggestion and I have decided to go with it. This chapter will be in Christian's point of view! Make sure to review and tell me what you think! I have never written in male perspective before so I am not sure if I did a good job, I can always go back and edit.**

**Remember that the pinterest board is under the name of this story. I will have the next chapter up when I get a chance! **

**xA**

Chapter 35:Light Within Me

**CPOV:**

"Aren't you staying tonight?" She asks while looking at me shockingly.

I want to. Lord knows I want to, and that's exactly why I can't stay. Just looking into her longing blue eyes, my resolve almost folds.

"No I can't tonight, I have some things to do." I reply dryly while forcing the words to come out of my mouth.

"Oh." She replies disappointingly. The look on her face is almost enough to make me stay. But I have to fight it. I don't know what is about this girl that makes me lose control. She is an enigma to me.

"Take a shower, get some rest. You did great tonight baby. I will see you in the morning." I reply hopefully. Silently wishing that she won't beg me to stay, because if she asks I just might. I see the contemplation written all over her face. I know she wants to ask me to stay, but she's reluctant. Before she can argue, I pull her close to me, leave a kiss on her forehead, release her and make my way towards the exit. It feels like my legs are moving on their own. Before I know it, I am outside of her apartment, leaning against her front door. I close my eyes and take a deep breathe to clear my thoughts. _Get control Grey! _ I continue to chat to myself silently.

This woman is taking over my life. When I am not with her, I want to be. When I am with her, everything else just disappears. Never in my life has someone had the same effect on me as she does. With her I can sleep peacefully at night, without the worry of a nightmare. With her I find myself, laughing, light and doing things that I never do. The thing that frightens me the most is that I find myself losing control. She makes everything in my life beautifully chaotic. I ask her to go left, she wants to go right. I want to distance myself, she ends up pulling my closer. I wanted her as a sub, she wants more. There is nothing that she and I really tend to agree on in the aspect of control and I find myself oddly enjoying it. I just don't know if control is something that I am willing to actually give up about myself, when it comes to her. I need to call Flynn and get my shit together.

Determined to regain my control, I briskly walk away from her door to the elevator to head to my apartment. Once I make it to the penthouse, I had straight towards my office to find something to distract myself from the tempting woman downstairs. I open my macbook, press the power and then I realise the reason that I even came up here in the first place, _Flynn. _

I take my blackberry out of my pocket and dial his number.

"Hello." comes blaring through the phone.

"John, I need to speak with you."

"Oh, Christian! What can I do for you?"

"This woman is driving me crazy." I reply frustratingly. There is a long pause before he finally replies.

"I am sorry, did I hear you correctly, did you say woman." He replies in a shocked tone.

"Yes, a woman. Anastasia."

"Anastasia?" He says while testing out the name. "Is she your newest submissive?" He asks

"Furthest thing from it actually, she is my friend."

"Friend? How did this come about."

"She is actually one of the interns for my company that I have made acquaintance. She has manage to completely get under my skin. To complicate things even more, she and I have started to sleep together and everything after that has just been confusing. All of my control completely evaporates around her and I don't know how to get it back."

"Well let's back track Christian. Anastasia is an intern at your company. She has recently become a friend of yours and you have started to sleep together. I am struggling to find what about this situation is making you lose control. You have engaged in sexual relationships with women in the past, what makes this one so different?"

"Well for starters, I want her to submit to me. Being a dom is all that I know. It is what I am most comfortable with. When you are in a scene everything is calculated and planned; there is not much room for error or surprises, at least for me anyway. But this is not what she wants, she doesn't know if she wants to be in this sort of relationship with me. She has an ex boyfriend, who is a complete dickhead, by the way, that she had been dating for years. She does not really talk about him now but I don't know how she feels about him. What if she still loves this guy or some shit and we both know I don't like to share. If she's mine than she would not want anyone else." I reply while running out of breath. The thought of her and dickhead makes my blood boil.

"Have you considered the fact that she is technically not yours?" He says. His comment almost stuns me to silence. It never really actually occurred to me that she was not really mine. I have been so caught up in her spell that it has not really hit me. The thought of her not being mine puts a very sour taste in my mouth.

"No, I have not." I grit through my teeth.

"Well, hypothetically, it seems like your issue is that her not being yours, in the way that you want her to is not allowing you to have control. Say that she did give you control and she agreed to be yours; in your mind what would that relationship be like.?" He asks.

"It would be simple! It would be simple because as her dom, my job would be to look after and provide for her. There would be no what if's or worries because I would already know what I was going to do. I would take her out every once and a while, because I know that she would enjoy that. And seeing how I would have been her dom, we would engage in a scene of two and then I would-"

Realization has finally hit me. I was so worried about loosing my control that I went back on one of my own principles. I forgot to take care of Ana. _Fuck! _

"Christian?" John's voice says in a questioning tone.

I clear my throat before saying "John, I am going to have to call you back. There is something that I need to do." I reply before hanging up. I return my cellphone to my pocket before making my way out of my office, up the stairs, and to my bathroom. I can't believe that I forgot! I left because I wanted to try and regain control, but ended up losing more control than I even had to begin with. I am rummaging through my drawers like a madman, trying to find the bottle of arnica cream for her probably really tender behind. I finally find it in the second drawer of my bathroom vanity. _This woman is making me lose my mind! _I think to myself before heading back down stairs. I send Taylor a quick text that I am going back to Anastasia's apartment and that I will be back soon. No even waiting for a reply, I make my way towards Ana's apartment. My mind is going crazy with the thoughts of how Ana might be feeling. If I were her, then I would probably hate me right now. I completely let her down, I fucked her and then left… without having even cared for her. I feel completely guilty.

Once I have finally made it to her apartment, I make an attempt to enter quickly. Now that I am inside, I am greeted with a deafening silence. Her entire apartment is pitch black, the only source of light is from the moonlight outside. As I walk through her apartment I continuously look around for any signs of Ana. While I look around, my eyes fall upon the couch that we had sex on earlier. Looking at that couch just brings back all of the things that I did, as well as the things that I should have done. I shake my head, to rid myself of the thoughts that were starting to consume me and make a beeline to Ana's bedroom. When I walk into her room, I can slightly see her sleeping form in the center of her bed. I walk towards the side of her bed and turn on the lamp that is beside her bed. Once the lamp has illuminated the room, the sight before me makes me ache even more. Ana is lying on her side, with tear stained cheeks and a gloomy expression. There are a pile of used tissues on the nightstand beside her bed, confirming to me that she was indeed crying.

I feel like such an asshole.

It kills me to think that I did this to her… As much as I want to comfort her, I am scared of her reaction. I know without a double that she will be upset with me… but I am afraid that my lack of judgement may cause her to runaway from me for good. Even though I don't want to admit it, a large part of me feels like I need her in my life. As much as she has taking my life on a wild ride, she also stables me and comforts me like no other. If I thought that I have lost control when I am with her, I can only imagine how I would feel if she were no longer here. Before I realise it, my large fingers are raking through her chocolate colored mane.

"What are you doing to me." I whisper out loud.

I don't know how long I have sat here, at the side of her bed and just wanted her. I think part of me has an irrational fear that if I were to leave, then so would she… But if there is something that I have realized this evening, is that when it comes to this beautifully, frustrating woman, I have almost no control. I try to control her, she finds a way to defy me. I try to control myself, and I end up defying myself. Everywhere I turn, a surprise awaits. I lean down, leave a chaste kiss on her cheek, before leaving the arnica cream on her nightstand that is beside her bed. I walk into the kitchen and write a small apology on a napkin before returning back to her bedroom. I leave the napkin along with the arnica cream beside her bed. I leave one last kiss on her forehead, before turning off the lap and exiting her bedroom. As I walk out of her apartment, I realise that it is now 2:45 in the morning. I have exhausted myself with the worrisome thoughts revolving around Ana. I know that there is work that I could be doing, but I know that it would be useless. If I tried to stay awake, I know that one way or another; my thoughts would return to Ana. Giving up on the idea of staying up completely, I walk upstairs towards my bedroom, take a shower, get dressed and get into bed. Once I am in bed I find myself taking out my phone and looking at pictures of her. She's so fucking beautiful. The last thing I remember is the photo of she and I dancing at the Coping Together Ball before darkness consumes me.

* * *

_The smell of mold, cigarettes dirty dishes invades my nostrils. I immediately know where I am. I am in the shit hole that I use to call home when I lived with the crackwhore. The sun is starting to set here in Detroit and for me, that means one thing: He is coming home. I am starving and my mommy is asleep. Mommy sleeps a lot. During the day mommy stays home with me alone. I love when mommy is alone with me. When mommy is alone, mommy seems happy. I like mommy happy. When mommy is happy she lets me play with her hair and she smiles. Today mommy is very tired. The mean man came home yesterday and yelled at mommy. I don't like It when he does that. When he gets mad at mommy, I get mad. I stick up for my mommy. When he yells at mommy, it makes her sad and I don't like her sad. When I stick up to mean man he hits me and calls me a bad boy. I don't try to be a bad boy. I listen, I stay away and I use the potty when they ask me to. Speaking of the potty, I need to go now. I walk to our bathroom and sit down on the potty. As I go pee pee I hear the front door burst open. My eyes almost pop out of my head at the realization that he is here._

"_What the fuck are you doing Ella!" I hear him shout._

"_Nothing, John, just uh resting ya know?" I hear my mother mumble out._

"_Well you need to wake the fuck up! I have clients coming to see you in a few and your ass needs to be ready! Where is the little brat?" He asks white stomping around the apartment. I finish going to the bathroom. I nervously poke my head out of the bathroom door, attempting to hide myself from him while watching his every move. Unfortunately, he finds me peering through the door._

"_What are you doing in there."_

"_I going pee pee." I reply nervously._

"_Well get the fuck out here!" He yells before charging towards me._

"_John no!" my mother says while trying to stop him from getting to me. She grabs ahold of his arm before his hand makes a direct connection with her face. I watch in horror as he continues to beat my mother. I start to move over towards her, until I am frozen in place when her eyes meet mine. What causes me to cease all movements is that instead of her smothering grey eyes that mirror mine, deep blue irise. _

_Anastasia._

_I look towards john and see myself beating down on Anastasia instead of my mother and her pimp._

* * *

**I awake** from my troubled slumber drenched in sweat. My breath is really uneven and my heart is racing. Fuck, Fuck Fuck! Is she here?! Did I hurt her? _Oh course you did asshole. You fucked her, hard and spanked her and left her to take care of herself. I wouldn't be surprised if she left. _She can't leave! My terrifying thoughts are starting to consume me, causing me to rapidly throw the covers off of my sweat covered body and make a dash towards the foyer. I am impatiently pressing the down button on my elevator. As I continue to wait here impatiently, Taylor shows up.

"Are you going somewhere sir?" He asks, as the elevator doors finally open.

"I need to see Anastasia." I reply in a hurry. "I will be staying there tonight. See you tomorrow morning at 7 sharp."

"Yes sir." He replies as the doors close.

I can't seem to make it to Ana's floor fast enough. After what seems like forever, the elevator doors open and I dash to Ana's room like a bat out of hell. I unfortunately slam the door a lot harsher than I intended. I sprint towards Ana's room, and as I enter her room I am greeted with very sleepy blue eyes.

_Thank God! She is still here! _I can't help but let out the breathe that I did not even realize that I was holding.

"Christian, what are you doing here?" She says to me, with her voice heavy with sleep still.

"I run my hands through my wet hair before saying. "I had a nightmare… I had to come see if you- if I-" I replying rushingly.

"Calm down Christian, you aren't making any sense.

"I needed to see you. I haven't slept by myself in days and I had a nightmare without you there."

"You could have been here with me, but you chose to leave." She replies with her voice cracking slightly.

"I know… I fucked up really bad. I realized that about an hour after I left…. I don't know what is going on with me. I never meant to do that to you Ana.. I don't want to hurt you, ever."

"Well you did Christian! You spanked me, fucked me and left." She replies while a tear slowly starts to fall down her her cheek. I move closer to her to her to brush the tear off of her cheek, when she dodges my attempt to comfort her, leaving me slightly wounded.

"I don't need your help now." She whispers, while staring down at the fingers that are twirling in her lap.

"Ana I-" I start to say in a regretful tone before she interrupts me.

"What do you need Christian."

"You." I reply simply. In this moment of stress, she was all I wanted in this moment. Usually I would settle for a glass of scotch, but right now I just want Ana.

"I don't know if you can have me right now." She replies while trying to alter her position. Sadly, I see her wince as she tries to move, reminding me of what got us here in the first place.

"I just need to be near you Ana… Whenever I sleep next to you I can make it through the night." I confess. She looks at me silently studying over my face before she lets out a frustrated sigh and says.

"You can stay here, but only on my terms." She says sternly.

"As you wish." I reply.

"Number one is that you need to go take a shower, you can't get in my bed like that. Second is that you need to keep your hands to yourself… the next time that you touch me will be on my terms, and my terms only. Do you got that Grey?" She replies while raising her eyebrow at me.

"I agree to your terms, I only have one condition of my own that I would like to add." I say cautiously, hoping that I have not already ruined my changes.

"What is it?"

"That you let me apply some arnica cream on that bottom of yours. I know that you are sore Ana… I should have done this earlier, but better late than never. I don't want you to suffer anymore because of me." I reply honestly.

"Go get in the shower." She demands before giving up on the idea of debating with me at this hour.

I enter her shower and dunk my head under the water. As I continue to stand under the shower, I can't help but think about the amazing women that is waiting for me in bed right now. After everything, she has not left. She is still here, with me, and I am thanking the heavens for it. I can't believe I managed to fuck up this bad. I could have ruined everything. Oddly, somewhere in my dark twisted soul, she seems to find a light within me. To my surprise, I hear the shower door open. A very naked Ana walks in and stands behind me. I can feel her presence near my back, causing my to unconsciously tense.

"I am not going to touch you." She whispers. "At least not there." She adds.

I turn around to face her very vulnerable eyes. She moves closer to me and presses herself into my naked chest. I close my eyes in contentment and wrap myself around her small frame. For a while we stay like this together, silently comforting one another with our embrace.

Suddenly, the words that leave her mouth next surprise me.

"I know how you feel about me." She whispers against me, causing my eyes to snap open at her declaration. When I look down, I am not surprised to find that she is already looking up at me. "Stop trying so hard to fight it Christian… You aren't going to win." She says before placing a chaste kiss on my bicep. As quickly as the conversation started, the conversation was also over. She didn't utter another word for the rest of our time in the shower. She only passed me a washcloth and soap and started to bathe herself silently, while I did the same. I continued to stare at her in awe as she washed herself. She is so beautiful. Once we are done bathing, the two of us get out of the shower, dry ourselves and head towards her bedroom. Once we are there I let her hold on the the side of her bed while I apply the arnica cream to her still pink behind. Guilt starts to consume me as I see the way that I left her here. I quickly apply the cream to her bottom, trying to get rid of this awkwardness between us before we both move towards our respective sides of her bed. Once we are both settled under the covers, she turns her back towards me and rests her head on her pillow. I would give almost anything to reach towards her and wrap myself around her small body. I won't though, it was one of her conditions and I will respect that.

"Thank you Ana." I reply sincerely.

"You are welcome, but this doesn't mean that this is over." She replies while turning herself towards me. She lets out a yawn before closing her eyes and falling asleep. I don't know how long I watched her, but I find myself falling into a peaceful sleep for the first time tonight.

* * *

**AN#2: Tell me what you think of his point of view! Review and see you all soon **

**xA**


	36. Chapter 36:Meeting You

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: I know, I know I have been gone way too long. I have been so busy with school and I have tried to write this chapter multiple times over the months and I have hated every attempt. I was finally able to come up with this and I was kind of ok with it so I thought, what the hell, why not post it? I think I will be back for a long while, I hope to not lose my creative motivation again and I am sorry for going MIA. I have updated the pinterest page with Ana's outfit from this chapter under a board that is the title of this story. Thank you so much for your patience and I hope that you enjoy the chapter. Please do review as always, hope to be back real soon!**

**xAlysha**

**PS: Special thank you to lanieloveu for editing :)**

**Chapter 36: Meeting You**

**The past few days** have been exceedingly difficult for me. Between completing the final steps for Grey Publishing and avoiding Christian, I have been exhausted. I never realized how much work actually goes into the hiring process until I actually had to start doing it myself. I have been running back and forth in between meetings with different directors over the past couple days. Somehow, I have managed to avoid seeing Christian for the last five days which is record breaking if you compare it to only the five hours I use to go without seeing him. From the moment he entered my life, seeing Christian had become a normal part of my day. If we missed each other at work, we would have dinner that night and that usually ended with us spending the night together.

Although, now I hate to admit it, a large part of me misses him. It feels like I am punishing myself by staying away from him because of his mistake. Originally, I didn't see myself giving Christian the cold shoulder, but having time away from him has really given me the opportunity to think and as much as I thought about Christian, there were also times that I thought about Logan and what went wrong in our relationship. The way I handled our problems is something that I don't want to repeat with Christian. So, instead of folding and giving in to his charms, I decided to distance myself for a while. I have gone to lunch with Kate and Jose over the last couple of days to keep busy. Still, there were so many times that I found myself wanting to run upstairs and just forget everything, but he has to learn that he can't treat me like he's my Dominate. He needs to understand that as much as he wants me to be his submissive, I am not. What he did that night hurt me and I know he realized that later, but if he would have just taken a moment to open up to me and stop being so guarded, he would have known.

I have been successful at avoiding Christian, but that ends today. I had been checking my calendar religiously and saw that today at noon, I have a meeting scheduled with Christian himself. It takes place right before we start interviewing possible GP employees. I am slightly embarrassed to admit that I am nervous. I have not seen this man for over the course of five days and in Christian and Ana time that is more like five years!

For my first official day of conducting GP business, I decided to head out to the mall last night to find the perfect outfit. Knowing that I was to see Christian, I did what any reasonable female would do… dress to the nines and blow his mind with my ability to conduct business while attempting to look stylish. Although it did take going into a couple of stores, I finally found a winner: a loose white blouse with lace sleeves that I paired with flowy light blue cuffed joggers which have a bowtie on the waist, complete with white pointed-toe pumps. Now, looking at my reflection in the mirror, I feel confident that my outfit choice will give me the extra push I need to successfully get through my day. I take one last look at myself before grabbing my bag and the notes I need. I head out the door ready to get my day started.

* * *

**The moment** I entered the building, I was instantly thrown into my work. Even though I have made extreme progress with the GP hiring process; knowing that it's happening today makes me feel like I have absolutely nothing prepared. I am sitting in my office arranging the different folders for each of the candidates when I hear the familiar ping of my email. I reach over and grab my laptop from on top of my desk to open my email. As soon as the window opens, I notice that my latest email is from none other than himself.

* * *

To: Anastasia Steele

From: Christian Grey

Date:June 1, 2011

Subject: Seeking Amends

* * *

Miss Steele,

I would like to have dinner with you this evening to discuss my most recent transgressions. We have not had an opportunity to discuss the situation at length. I have tried to give you space, but let's be honest we both know that I am not a patient man. It is my hope that I have given you enough time and you will consider meeting with me this evening.

Christian Grey

Remorseful CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

_We both know that patience is not one of Christian's strong suits. I guess it's about time to put both of us out of our misery._

* * *

To: Christian Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Date: June 1,2011

Subject: Transgressions

* * *

Christian,

I agree it has been a while and I do appreciate the space that you have given me. I think it is time to talk. In case you have forgotten, we have interviews to conduct together at noon today. Perhaps we can grab dinner later this evening?

Anastasia Steele

Forgiving intern at Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

_There! _I pressed send and almost immediately I hear the familiar ping of my e-mail. It seems like the both of us just want for this situation to be over and done with.

* * *

To: Anastasia Steele

From: Christian Grey

Date: June 1, 2011

Subject: Grateful

I have not forgotten about the interviews this afternoon. I look forward to seeing you. We can leave for dinner once you get off of work this evening.

Christian Grey

CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

**I find myself** smiling at the thought of seeing Christian. I knew that I was going to see him today already, but I am glad that we will be able to spend time together outside of work. I miss our silly banter and pleasant conversation. It will be good to have dinner with him again and to see him outside of his usual CEO persona. I decide that I won't reply to his suggestion over email, but wait until we see each other in person instead.

I look up from the stack of files I have arranged to check the time. It's now eleven forty-three and the moment I have been waiting for is finally here. I am not only just excited to see Christian, but to also actually get the wheels for GP in motion. I have worked so hard, it will be exciting to actually see some of my hard work come to light.

Once we have chosen the candidates that we feel will be the right fit, we can start the training process. Once everyone is trained they'll be placed on leave until it is time to actually start putting together the GP fundraiser. Then, they'll be able to help with the funding process and secure more authors for the company. Once construction is done, we will be able to move everyone into the building and start conducting actual publishing business. I find myself smiling for the second time today because I realize that choosing GEH as an internship was probably one of my best decisions. The experience has taught me how to be a skilled business woman and on top of that I've also met someone that I hope to keep in my life for a long time. Although I am enjoying this moment of victory, I know it is time for me to go. I don't want to start things off on a bad note today by showing up late. I grab my files and place them in my work bag, as well as my laptop and other useful items before heading upstairs.

I make it to Christian's floor and I am met by an always prepared Andrea. She offers to help me with my things that I've brought up specifically for the meetings. I give her half of my load as she tells me that Christian is ready to see me now. We both head in the direction of his office while engaging in small talk. I find her very easy to talk to. Christian sees our slight struggle as we enter his office. He helps the two of us place all of my things comfortably where they need to be before he dismisses Andrea. He quickly turns towards me. His eyes rake up and down my body in obvious approval. _Objective complete. _My subconscious is high fiving me before she whips out the victory flag._ He noticed. _His beautiful Gray eyes are now smoldering as they finally lock with mine. I can't help but bite my lip out of nervousness.

"Anastasia, you know what biting your lip does to me, especially when I have not seen you in days." He says while striding towards me like an animal stalking its prey.

"Woah, woah, woah! Slow your roll there tiger," I say to him in an attempt to stop his movements, and lucky for me it works. "I am here because we have a meeting to get through before my hiring process, which by the way is due to start within the next hour. There will be no funny business, especially since we still have some things to work over if I remember correctly." I state confidently.

As much as I just want to give in and let him carry out whatever mischievous actions he had planned, I know I can't because I want us to work… whatever this is we have between us. In order for that to happen, we need to be able to act with clear minds and I know that the two of us will not be able to think clearly once we are enthralled in one another. Christian lets out a frustrated sigh while racking his hands through his beautiful copper locks.

"Anastasia I am trying. I have attempted to be patient but we both know that patience is not one of my strong suits. I want you to be able to trust me again but in order for that to happen we actually need to see each other. I sent you an email asking you to dinner to discuss everything that happened that night and you didn't reply. I need you to meet me halfway here." He says while sounding exasperated.

"I know, and that's why I came up here early. I wanted to tell you in person that I would love to go to dinner with you this evening. I think our separation has run its course and we should just get this over with." I explain to him.

"Good," he says while walking towards me in a much calmer manner, "because I have missed you. I do not like it when you are upset with me." He stops in front of me and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"I've missed you too." I whisper back to him.

"I am not good at this. I have never had someone truly hold me accountable the way that you do. I've also never had someone who has made me feel this out of control since I was a small child. I know that I fucked up, but I am trying Ana… I promise." He says sweetly before running his knuckles along the side of my face. I close my eyes in response to his touch. I cannot deny that I have missed this.

"I know, and we will talk about everything tonight." I tell him gently before turning into his hand to leave a chaste kiss on his knuckles. He cups my face as he looks straight into my eyes and I feel myself getting lost in his stare. In this moment, there is only him and me. He looks at me for what feels like an eternity before he leans his forehead against mine. I feel the quickness of his warm breath fanning out across my face.

"Ana." He whispers while shaking his head. "I would really like to kiss you right now." He says before he raises his head to look into my eyes once again, clearly trying to gauge my reaction. "Please." He says before running his thumb along my face. I silently answer his plea by reaching up to leave a chaste kiss on his lips. His arms drop around my waist in an attempt to deepen the kiss, but I quickly put a stop to that. I break our kiss and pull back causing him to look at me in confusion.

"Christian, I don't want to go too far right now. First of all, we don't need to confuse ourselves by doing this without having talked first. Secondly, we are at work and someone could see us. And lastly, I would like to run everything by you before we begin the actual interviews." I explain while trying to let him down gently.

"Ok." He says before leaving a kiss on my cheek. His strong arms fall from my waist and he gestures for me to move towards his desk. We turn to walk and out of the corner of my eye, I see him discreetly shift his pants. The sight of him makes me giggle.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Clearly I have missed you Anastasia, but as you said, we have work to do." He replies. He slips into CEO mode before sitting down to get started.

* * *

**I am really glad** that we were able to have a meeting before the interviews start. I feel a lot more comfortable with my skills for this hiring process after talking things out with Christian. I was able to run my approach by him and iron out all of the small areas that had potential for error before the actual interviews. It is now one thirty, we've eaten our lunch and finished going over my files. The first interview starts at one forty and I must admit that I am a mixture of both excitement and nervousness. I find myself restlessly tapping my foot against the ground. Christian and I are both seated in the section of his office that has space for interviewing. We are together on the large couch across from two individual seats reserved for the applicants. My nervousness must show because I feel Christian's hand on my knee in an attempt to stop my tapping.

"Anastasia, you are going to be fine. If anything, it should be the people that are being interviewed that should be nervous. You are completing one of the most vital steps of your business by simply making sure that you find the best people to help you in the establishment and growth of your company. I know that you are going to make the best choice for you, and if you ever find yourself doubting your choices that is what I am here for. Everything is going to be fine baby." He says while leaning towards me to leave a quick kiss on my cheek. He moves further away from me once he hears Andrea announce that the first applicant has arrived. He gives me one last reassuring smile before the door to his office opens.

_Let's get this show on the road._

**The interviewing process** is a long and tedious one. You have to re-read all of the different resumes and applications that you were sent in addition to listening to them present themselves. After a while though, it gets boring. You start to realize that people are repeating some of the same things over and over again. The good thing is there are moments where you meet someone that really seems to be worthwhile and want to help further your company. Thus far I have met maybe three possible candidates. One of my favorites right now is Hannah Hamilton. She applied for the position of being my personal assistant once things at GP really start to kick off. It was nice to actually see someone who is generally interested in the well being of the company. What is also comforting is the fact that Christian agrees with me on my assessment of her. He also thinks that she will be a wonderful asset to the company once we actually start getting things kicked off.

We have been interviewing people for a little over an hour and fifteen minutes and we still have three more people to see. The last applicant left a little over five minutes ago and Christian and I discussed our opinions of him. His name was Anthony Smith and something about him just did not sway me in a positive direction. It did not take Christian and me very long to determine that he would not be receiving a call for a follow up interview. I reach into my bag to get the file on the next applicant so that I may have a quick refresher on the details.

* * *

**Grey Publishing Employee Application:**

**Name of Applicant: **Julia Andrews

**Position desired: **Editor

**Date of Birth: **12/15/89

**Address: **2482 Sheldon St Seattle, Washington 98101

**Social Security: *****-**-2119

**Relationship status: **Married as of 2011

**Level of Education: **High School Diploma at St. Agnes High School, Baccalaureate degree in Biology at The University of San Diego

**References:**

Mary Wilks

(858)-334-6930

Relationship: Previous employer

**Past Places of Employment:**

Seattle General Hospital.

* * *

**After taking** a glance at her credentials again, I am surprised that she has taken an interest in this company. She received a degree in Biology and seems to have started her residency at a local hospital in the city. I don't know why someone in the medical field would suddenly decide to have an interest in publishing. I do know that everyone is entitled to change their mind, I just find it strange. I will make sure that I mention that during her interview today. All too soon, I hear the sound of Christian's office door open again. In walks a drop dead gorgeous woman. She confidently struts into the room wearing a simple black pencil skirt and a fitted white top underneath. Her red hair is pinned up into the neatest bun that I have ever seen. I find myself being oddly intimidated. She walks confidently towards the both of us before she offers us her hand giving both of us a confident handshake before taking a seat across from Christian and I. Christian sends me a small gesture, letting me know that he is ready when I am.

"Hello Julia, thank you for meeting with us today. This should be a very simple interviewing process. We can just go over your basic information on your file and resume and then we can venture into more things about the actual company." I say in a friendly tone, while offering her a small smile.

"Sounds great." She says.

"So, it says here that you are actually living in the city. Is it safe to assume that if hired, you would have the ability to make it to work around the area?"

"Yes, both my husband and I have a car so that should not be a problem." She says while putting much emphasis on the word husband. _Okayyyy…. that was strange._

"Great, I also see here that you were married this year, congratulations." I reply while trying to add some positives into the confusingly tense atmosphere.

"Thank you, my husband and I were married a couple of months ago and are blissfully happy." She replies while showing me her ring.

"Wow, this is a beautiful ring that you have here." I reply oddly, I look towards Christian for clues as to how he feels this interview is going and he looks conflicted. He is looking at Julia as if he is trying to figure her out. Before the conversation can go any further to the left, I decide to broach the subject of her sudden change in career paths.

"So, I also see that you have a degree in Biology and had actually started a residency at the local hospital. I must admit, I am curious about your sudden shift in direction." I say curiously. As I lift my eyes from her file, I see that her eyes are all but staring a hole into my head. I see that her breathing has changed, she is letting out very deep and harsh breathes. If I am honest, she looks five minutes away from blowing her top... and I have no idea why.

"Mrs. Andrews, are you alright?" I ask while getting concerned. She then shakes her head as if she were trying to rid her mind of a crazy idea.

"You know, you are a fucking piece of work. To sit here and act all innocent like you don't know what you are doing," she says.

"Excuse me!" I exclaim. Who the hell does this lady think she's talking too? And what the hell is she talking about.

"Oh, don't be coy! You know that you are trying to sway my husband back into your lanky little arms, but it is too late Anastasia he is MINE! I have won. You were in a relationship with him for years and you could never get him to see you the way that he saw me. That's how I got the ring Ana! I got the ring by being noticeable! Now that he finally got rid of you, I thought that we would be able to move the hell on, but no! You are like a leech, you have latched onto him and he can't seem to shake you off!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Christian exclaims angrily beside me while rising up from his seat.

"No, I want to hear this. What are you talking about? I assure you that I am not attempting to have any sort of affair with anyone who is in a relationship. I don't know who you are and how you have come to these conclusions about my personal life, but you are mistaken about me." I resort back.

"What I am talking about is that your use to be boyfriend of many years that cheated on you with me is my husband. We were dating and fell madly in love. After months of seeing each other, he proposed. Logan Andrews married ME at the court house two months ago. I am no longer Julia Rene Holks, I am now Mrs. Andrews. And I think it would be in your best interest to stay the hell away from my husband. You lost! You weren't enough for him which is why he found me. So I need you to do us all a favor and just stay the hell away from him!" She yells before Taylor comes bursting into the room.

He must have clearly heard the commotion in here and took control of the situation because her voice is now sounding further and further away. All I can hear are little bits and pieces like "not enough," "Logan," "married me" and "cheating" being repeated over and over again. As much as I want to pretend that this doesn't hurt… it does. The man that I have loved for so long suddenly married someone else. It's not even like he waited years before he decided to marry a women he met while being in a relationship with me. Months, it only took him a few months. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again. All the feelings of inadequacy and betrayal are starting to consume me. I can't seem to move or even conjure up a sentence. My eyes are just locked onto the seat that was previously occupied by _her._

I didn't even realize that I was crying until I felt Christian trying to snap me back into reality. He is trying to console me and cease my tears, but I am in complete hysterics. I am scared because while I no longer want to be with Logan, I am hurt. I am hurt that someone who was supposed to be so close to me managed to hurt me again. It seems like every time I find out something new about him, it ends up being worse than before. I don't know how much more heartbreak I can take.

I don't want Logan, I know that and I am confident in that fact. I am also confident in the fact that I want Christian… and I am now scared shitless because if Logan couldn't love me after years of being together, how can I trust that Christian will ever truly love me?

I have known for a long time that I love Christian, but I never really allowed myself to fully admit it. The thought of Christian doing what Logan has done to me is physically and mentally painful. I wouldn't be able to take it. The thought

* * *

**Hopefully I am not too rusty, thoughts?**


	37. Chapter 37:Understandings

***I do not own the rights to the characters, the rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**Hello all! Sorry for taking so long to post this up. I left the country on vacation a week ago, and the weeks before that I have been swamped with school work. I have actually had time to take a break and get this chapter out. I hope all is well and that you are continuing to enjoy the story. I hope to have the next chapter up ASAP. Until then, read, review, PM and etc.**

**xA**

Chapter 37: Understandings

CPOV

**She has been** asleep for quite a while now. My initial plans with her were completely destroyed at the hands of Julia Andrews. After that woman hijacked the job interview, everything got completely out of control. Taylor had to drag that woman out of my office kicking and screaming because she refused to leave. I truthfully believe that woman came into that interview with the soul purpose to break Ana down, and looking back at all of the aftermath, she definitely succeed. Ana was a complete mess after she was given more insight into her ex-boyfriends deceptions. Seeing her crying and hurting did strange things to me. The thought of someone hurting her sends me into a place that is darker than the images of my childhood with the crack whore, and that says a lot. After Julia was finally removed from the room, I took Ana into my arms in attempt to comfort her and nothing that I did seemed to work. I tried to do the "hearts and flowers" thing, but all of my attempts failed. The only way that she found peace was by falling asleep, which brings us to the present. The day is now gone, and Ana is resting next to me on my bed while I try and get some work done. When we finally reached Escala I couldn't stomach the thought of leaving Ana down in her apartment to deal with all of the fuckery by herself. Every few minutes I keep looking over at her to see if I will find that her beautiful blue orbs will be staring back at mine, but every time that I look over I find that she is still sleeping.

I know that it is probably selfish, but for some reason her reaction to the news is unsettling. I know that I shouldn't be surprised that a women who broke up with her long term boyfriend still feels the stings of his betrayal, but it is not easy to watch the woman that you care for cry over someone else. No matter how many times that I have tried to deny it, I care for Anastasia in a way that is completely new to me. Not speaking to her for several days was actual hell. The subs that I have had in the past have never had the impact on me that she does. If a sub decided to end a contract with me in past, I wouldn't even bother to convince her otherwise. Yet Anastasia does not talk to me for several days and it felt like my sense of normalcy had been completely disturbed, and for a man who craves control, it drove me nuts. Yet recently, I have found that I crave Ana more than control. I find that I would rather just hear her giggle, then want to control her. If I ever bothered to try I would probably end up failing anyway. And this realization is what made the events of today even more difficult. I planned on taking her to dinner to work through my past digressions to end up back in her favor. I wanted to tell her that for the first time in twenty seven years I have wanted more- and I want it with her, but now I am not so sure if she only wants me. Based off of her reaction today, I think she still loves him and I don't know how I would react if she told me that herself. I don't trust myself not to lose my cool if I lost her to him again. I know she was never really mine to begin with but I am a selfish man, and I want her. But is wanting her enough? Is my fifty shades of fucked up ever going to be enough for her? I know that she has showed me numerous times that she does feel something for me, even if she too is not sure, but I don't want to compete. I am afraid that my form of "competing" will overwhelm her and do more harm that good.I don't want to break her down anymore than he already has. Fuck this is complicated.

I give up on trying to get work done and decide to have a glass of scotch. I shut my laptop before setting it down on the nightstand next to my bed. I look over at Ana again to make sure that she is still sleeping before I get out of bed. As I am walking towards my bedroom door, I hear Ana start to stir. I quickly make my way back towards my bed to see if she is actually starting to wake up. Once I am at her side, my hand automatically finds its way into her her hair.

"Ana?" I whisper lightly. She does not respond to me verbally but she continues to toss and turn slightly. Looking at my watch, I also notice that it is now 6:30. We never did make it for our early reservation, but I highly doubt that she would be open for going out for dinner. It is getting late and the control freak in me desperately wants her to eat.

"Anastasia, it's getting late. You been resting for a while, and I know that you have to be hungry by now. It's time to get up." Slowly she starts to rouse from her sleep. Finally, her beautiful blue eyes find mine. I am almost rendered speechless from this simple action alone. Despite how I have been feeling over the hours, I find that I am always attracted to her.

"Hi." She whispers with her voice still full of sleep.

"Hello. I am glad that you are up. It was really boring while you were asleep." I reply.

"How long have I been asleep?" She asks.

"I would say about three, almost four hours."

"Shit. I have been asleep for a while." She replies calmly before sitting up. Once she is upright, I grab ahold of her legs before sitting down on the bed before placing her feet in my lap. Both of us are sitting quietly while I massage her feet that are resting in my lap. In this current moment, I don't really know what to say or do. I am afraid that if I ask questions, I am not going to like the answers.

"Are you hungry?" I ask sheepishly. _What the hell is wrong with you Grey. You are a dominant and you are afraid of making small talk with a woman. Get it together! _

"Yeah, starving actually." She replies shyly. I guess neither of us really know what to do in this position.

"Let's go get you something to eat then." I reply before placing her tiny feet back on my mattress to stand up. Once I am up, I offer her a hand. When she too is finally standing, she puts her hand in mine to head towards the kitchen. The two of us are silently walking to the kitchen hand and hand.

"Do you need me to fix us anything?" She asks.

"No, Ms. Jones left some food for us in the refrigerator, I will just heat that up for us if you don't mind."

"That sounds fine." She says while moving to sit on one of the barstools.

I continue my journey towards the kitchen to find what we are going to eat for dinner. I walk further into the kitchen, open the refrigerator to find that has made one of my favorites: Macaroni and Cheese.

"It seems that left Macaroni and Cheese for us. Are you ok with having that? Or so you want something else?"

"No that's fine." She says.

"Would you like something to drink?" I ask while fixing enough food for the two of us.

"Whatever you are having will be fine." She says as I heat up our plates.

"I will be right back" I reply before heading towards the wine cellar. I know that she hasn't had much to eat today so she definitely doesn't need any of the scotch that I was thinking about earlier, but I definitely need something stronger than water, so instead I will go for wine. I grab a bottle of chilled Sancerre from out of the wine cooler and move towards the kitchen. When I finally am back towards the kitchen, I find that Anastasia has already set everything up on the island. Both of our plates are warmed up and set along the island. She has also gathered our silverware and glasses for the wine.

"Seems like you got everything else situated here." I said while getting the wine open. She silently shrugged her shoulders in response before saying.

"Well I figured I should do something to help rather than just sitting here."

"I appreciate it Anastasia." I reply while setting down our glasses before joining her at the table.

"Are you going to call me Anastasia all evening? You know that drives me crazy." She states before grabbing a bite of macaroni.

"I don't know what it is with you and being called by your full name."

"I just don't really like it. It makes me feel like I am getting in trouble when someone addresses me by my full name."

"Alrighty then Miss Steele, I will no longer call you by your full name."

"Ugh, that's even worse." She replies while putting together another bite of mac'n'cheese. I can't help but chuckle lightly at her expense. In return she looks at me, smiling lightly before shaking her head.

"I've missed that." Slips out of my lips before I even have time to gain control over my sudden word vomit. She looks at me with a mild state of confusion before asking.

"Missed what?" She says while tilting her head to the side.

"Your smile." I reply simply.

"I guess life hasn't exactly been on our side recently."

"I suppose you can say that."

"Yeah… this morning I thought that we had enough problems to deal with, but given recent events I think we have a whole new set of problems." She says while finishing her dinner.

"Yes we do. Ana, I never meant to hurt you that night."

"I did not think that you did when you did it but you still did. I know that you are use to being the center of your own universe where you don't have to explain anything to anyone but I need to know what was going through your mind."

"I wasn't in control. You have to understand that I have never entered a non- contractual relationship since I was fifteen. Every woman that I have ever encountered… sexually I mean has always been a means to an end. I never cared about how she felt. I never spent extensive amounts of time with them, or let them into my life outside of the playroom and you are the only one I have ever done that with. The rules, the restraints, everything offers me a sense of control. With you, I don't have guidelines, rules and punishments and it is completely new to me. I quite enjoy what I have with you, I just have a difficult time trying to organize my feelings for you and my need for control."

"I know why you participate in the lifestyle Christian… I just have a hard time understanding where I am suppose to fit into that. I don't want to be just your sub that you see on the weekends when it is convenient for you. You have slowly become a daily part of my life and I just don't know if that is something that I am really willing to give up." _So what does she want from me then?_

"I am not saying that I want you to do that for me Ana. I am saying… that night I felt out of control. The only way that I thought that I could regain my control was to create some distance between the two of us. I just needed to regain my thoughts. Usually I am not use to explaining that to anyone. It wasn't until later that I realized what I had done and when I did I came right to you."

"I am glad that you were able to work through your issues and that you realized your wrong doings but Christian I don't want you to think it's ok to just walk out on me whenever you feel it's necessary. I felt very cheap and used that night. You probably didn't know that it would make me feel that way, but it did. The entire time I just felt like I had done something wrong, like I wasn't good enough. I have felt that way before and I really don't want to go down that road again." She says while cleaning up the used dishes. I_ feel like shit. I never wanted to make her feel the way that he does._

"I understand that now. As much as I don't like to admit it, you are one of my only friends. I would never intentionally hurt you." I reply while grabbing her hands to direct her towards my bedroom. _Friends? Way to play it safe Grey._

"I know Christian. I forgive you… just please talk to me next time." I pull her towards me, before leaving a chaste kiss at the top of her head.

"Good, do you want to stay here tonight?" I offer.

"Sure, I just want to go downstairs and freshen up. I will come back in a few."

"Are you sure? You can just shower up here and then we can head to bed if you'd like."

"I am sure. I just need to go downstairs and get my things. I have been in these clothes all day and I just want some of my own stuff."

"Ok." I reply sounding defeated. "Just come back when you are ready." I offer before she leaves my apartment. I guess I should take a shower while she is.

* * *

APOV

**I can't believe** all of this maddeness has transpired between the course of a week. It seems like no matter how much I try to distance myself from my old life with Logan, the consequences of his decisions seems to be following me around. I knew that he was unfaithful, I was starting to accept that fact, but today just took me back three steps. I wasn't upset because I want to be with him, that is the farthest thing from true. In all honestly, I was really just in a state of shock. I never expected to have a first hand encounter to the woman who claims to be his wife… WIFE. Hearing her say that she was married to him only after several months of meeting him, just cut open fresh wounds. I no longer want to be with him, but knowing that he did that to me just made me feel so many things.

At first I was shocked to meet the girl that he cheated on me with. Then I was upset to hear that not only did he marry her after only months of knowing each other, but he also married her while he was still in a relationship with me. After hearing that I just felt so inadequate. I just didn't understand how someone can do that to another person. I didn't understand how after giving him what felt like everything, I still didn't seem to be enough. Although those feelings were a tough pill to swallow, the worst thing to fathom was that I now be enough for Christian. I have ran in so many circles about my feelings for him, I have vertigo. I have tried to find every excuse possible not to admit one simple fact: I am in love with him.

I thought that I was in love with Logan but being with Christian has made me feel things that I have never felt before. I am so in love with him that I don't even know what to do with myself. I just want to be around him, talk to him, laugh with him, cuddle with him, and the sex. Lord have mercy that man does things to me that no one else could. But being intimate with him and then being completely disregarded made me feel subconscious. It took me back to a place that I told myself that I would never be again. After talking with him I have a larger understanding about why he did it but it also still doesn't change the way that I felt. Part of me is happy that I didn't do anything that actually turned him away, but the other part of me is disappointed in myself. I feel like after everything, my self esteem issues are starting to rise again, and that scares me. I don't want to be the vulnerable and naive Ana that I was after the who mess with husband number three. I don't want to lose myself to a situation like I have before. Although I have come along way, I know there is still a lot of work to be done. I seem to have confidence in myself in almost all things except when it comes to my relationships, but I don't want to let that control my life. I want to be happy and secure in my happiness in not only myself but also with other people.I know that Christian and I were able to have a better understanding of our issues from the other evening, but we still haven't even touched base on today's set of problems. Keeping that thought in mind, I find myself a simple set of pajamas to wear to head back to Christian's apartment. I know that it we try to skate around the issue, but eventually it will bite us both in the ass. I am also curious about what he thinks of all of this. I never expected today to take a turn like it did. I quickly put on a light pink pajama set and head up to Christian's apartment, determined to work this out.


	38. Chapter 38: Four Letters

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: I know I have been one for so long! Firstly let me start off by saying thank you for sticking with me. I know that this chapter has been a long wait and I truly apologize. Things with school got really crazy and I needed to finish off the semester strong. Now I am finally done with school for the summer and should have more time to dedicate to writing this story. Secondly, I would never give up on this story without sending out some sort of notification to everyone. I am sorry if I have given that impression but I just wanted to reassure everyone that I am not giving up. Thirdly, I have not written in so long this may be a little rusty. Lastly, please do remember to review, PM, follow, and favorite! I really enjoy writing back to everyone. Also, I have come up with another story but I don't think that I am going to dive further into that until I have more of a hold on this one. Hopefully when I do start that one you will also like that one too. Thanks so much for the support and sorry for such a long wait.**

**SN: I will admit that I didn't really proof read this much because its almost 4am and I really wanted to get a chapter out to everyone. But I will go over this again tomorrow. Sorry about that.**

**xA**

**Chapter 38: Four Letters**

**Now that I** am ready to go back to his apartment I am starting to feel nervous and unfortunately I know exactly why I feel that way. Today's revelations have opened up a huge can of insecurities. I huge part of me feels that I might not be enough for the man that I am falling hopelessly in love with. I have tried to tell myself that the idea of being with him is absolutely bizarre. However, no matter how many times I mentally try and withdraw myself from the situation, I find myself getting pulled in closer. So instead of trying to procrastinate any longer my attempting to talk myself out of this situation, I am just going to go over there and give this a shot. After I have finally shut off all of the lights in my apartment, gathered all of my things, and have shut the door I am now greeted by Taylor waiting by my front door.

"Oh!" I reply in a shocked tone "Taylor, what are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you."

" sent me down here to escort you back up to the apartment when you were ready." He replies simply.

"Of course he did." I reply while rolling my eyes. I should have expected nothing less from the Master of Control himself.

After exchanging pleasantries, he and I make our way back towards Christians apartment. When we have finally arrived at his apartment, I am greeted with nothing but silence.

"It's so quiet in here… are you sure that he still wanted me to come up?" I ask feeling slightly uneasy.

"I am positive ma'am. He asked me to tell you to meet him in his bedroom once you returned to the apartment."

"Oh… Well I guess this is goodnight then."

"Yes it is. Goodnight ." He replies before he heads off into another direction of the penthouse that I have never seen before.

Now that I am up here, I have no choice but to just face the music. I start off towards the direction of Christians room and I am still greeted with the defining silence of the penthouse. However, as I get closer to his bedroom door I can hear the faint sound of a shower running in the background. As I open the door the leads to his bedroom, the sounds of the water spewing out of the showerhead becomes even louder. Knowing that he is there… in the shower… naked does things to me. Even though I would love nothing more than to go in there and have my wicked way with him, the rational part of my brain wins. I know that I came here for a reason and I will never be able to have some mental peace without talking to him. While he is in the shower, I set my things down on the end table that is next to the side of the bed that I usually sleep on when I spend the night at Christians. After I get my things situated on the nightstand I make my way under the covers of his bed. As I continue to get further into his sheets my nostrils become filled with one of my most recent favorite scents: Christian. I can't help but close my eyes and snuggle my face further into his pillows as his scent continues to take over mine.

"Well don't you look comfortable." I hear from behind me after inhaling his scent for the millionth time. I was completely unaware that he had already finished his shower. As I turn around to reply, I am greeted with a very sexy sight: a freshly showered Christian. It is obvious that he has just gotten out of the shower because his hair is soaking wet as he tries to dry it down with a towel. He is also in a pair of grey sweatpants that hang deliciously low on his hips. If it weren't for this particular situation I would probably be climbing him like a tree right now. I shake my head to rid myself of the extremely tempting thoughts that are starting to take over my mind.

"Sorry about that. I didn't know how long you were going to be in the shower so I figured that I might as well make myself comfortable while you were freshening up." I tell him as he continues to walk further into the room.

"That's completely fine with me, I wanted you here to begin with." he says as he gets closer to the bed. Once he is finally by the bed, he walks his side and hops in. At first I expect him to say something… anything. But for a while he remains quite. I start to say something to kill the awkward silence between the two of us when I am interrupted by the sound of his voice.

"Are you feeling ok?" He asks shyly. _Christian being shy? This is strange. _

"Yeah I think so… While I was in the shower I actually had a moment to mull some things over."

"I didn't know that she was going to do this. If I had known that she was dating Logan and was just coming there to antagonize you I would have put a stop to it."

"I know, but it is not your fault. Logan has always been a man of surprises. I should have known that his most recent betrayal would have been thrown back in my face at some point."

"I can't let you take the blame for this one Anastasia. I am a man who does everything within my power to achieve control. I should have done my research on him and his mistress after the two of your ended your relationship to determine if she would become a threat." He says more harshly.

"Christian you can't take responsibility of the fact that the that woman is crazy. What kind of self respecting woman impersonates a person who is interested in a job just to sabotage the interview because she feels that her husband is straying." I reply while turning myself towards him.

"Does she have a reason to believe that her suspicions are true." He asks while his jaw tenses.

"How the hell would I know? I haven't spoken to Logan since we broke up. I certainly haven't reached out to him so I don't know what he does when I'm not around." I reply in a slightly insulted term. _What the hell is he trying to imply?_

"I don't know Anastasia." I says while running his hands through his hair roughly. "All I know is that before today I thought that you were completely over him. Until today when that woman went fucking crazy in my office you were distraught… You seemed more upset that when I found you leaving the Mile High after the two of you broke up. You were so fucking mad at me, for a good reason I might add, but we were not talking. I don't know what you were up to over the course of those days and after seeing how you reacted… I don't know it I want to know." He says while shaking his head.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?!" I say while raising my voice. _This is definitely not how I expected this conversation to go. _"Christian I haven't spoken to Logan since we broke up and I did not and still do not intend on having any contact with him once so ever. What the hell are you trying to imply right now."

"Do you still love him?" I says while his nostrils begin to flair.

"No, I don't." I reply just as strongly.

"Then why did you react that way? I was expecting you to be upset but you were damn near hysterical Ana. I didn't know what else to think except that you still loved him." He says in an exasperated tone. This conversation is going completely left. I came up here with the intention of telling him that I loved him and instead he thinks that I still love my ex! My cheating and apparently good for nothing ex boyfriends of 6 years. A part of me just wants to scream at him! Scream at him for being so blind and not realizing that my reaction had everything to do with him and not Logan. But the larger and much more rational part of me recognizes that he has never been put in this situation before. He has no idea how to know what I am feeling unless I tell him. _Here goes nothing._

"Christian." I say while shaking my head. "My reaction today had everything to do with you… I don't feel anything for Logan." I reply while looking back into his eyes. Usually when I look at him he seems so sure of himself, now he looks everything but sure.

"What do you mean it had everything to do with me? I hate to admit it but I am completely out of my arena here."

"Gosh this is so complicated to explain." I reply in hushed tone.

"Well try." He says while picking me up and setting me into a straddling position on his lap. I silently nod my head while trying to think of the best way to tell him what I am thinking. Before I came up here I was pretty set on what I was going to say and now that I am actually here, my mind seems to be in shambles. Suddenly, I feel his hands starting make small circles along my back. Also immediately, I start to feel myself relax.

"Firstly, I am sorry that I went into full blown hysterics in the middle of an interview. Fake or not I should have at least tried to maintain my composure." As I am saying this his brows start to crease, I know he is seconds away from interrupting me. I quickly place my hands onto his mouth in order to silence him before I lose my confidence to say that I have needed to say. "Just let me finish. Then you can say whatever you want. I just don't want to lose my nerve while I still have the courage to say what I want to say." He quietly nods his head,allowing me to continue.

"Secondly, I will admit that part of me was upset that he could do that to me. I knew that he was a cheater… but I never thought that he would actually marry someone while still marrying me. To be honest I could not even picture him marrying someone because we had been together for 6 years and not once had he ever proposed to me. We would talk about taking the next steps several times and every time we would have that kind of a conversation he would find a different excuse. So imagine my surprise when this woman walks into this interview and starts saying that she is his wife. I knew he was probably still with the woman that he cheated on me with but I never would have thought that he married her. I was hurt… I was hurt because even though we aren't together it still doesn't change the fact that he was with me for six years of my life and he didn't ever make the step to marry me and he knew this girl for a few short months and next thing I know we are broken up and he's married!" I reply while shaking my head.

"What happened earlier was nothing that I ever could have imagined… I know that everything that I said may make it seem like I still loved him but that was honestly just the catalyst of the things that I was feeling. Those original feelings of inadequacy then took another form. All I could think was that I find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with you everyday." I start to say while tearing up. I am really trying hard to maintain my cool but I know my emotions are starting to get the best of me.

"Ana." He says while bringing his hands up to my face to wipe away the tears that are starting to slip from my eyes. Although I know that he is trying to be sensitive to my current state, I also know that he is freaking out.

"Hush I am not finished." I reply sternly before continuing with my thoughts. "As I was saying… I am falling for you Christian Grey and that scares the shit out of me. I wasn't so much upset because Logan was married. I was upset because I was with him for six years and I apparently was not enough for him, so I felt like if I couldn't be enough for him that I could not be enough for you. I thought he was supposed to be the man that I spent the rest of my life with. I thought I had such strong feelings for him until I met you. You are making me feel things that I never felt even with him. I am terrified that if I was never enough for him… than how could I ever be enough for you." I reply. There I said it. I have finally gotten this off of my chest. When I finally looking at my fingers that are resting on my lap and back into his eyes I am met with a very shocked expression.

"I don't expect you to say anything back… I know how I feel. I also have an inkling about how you feel for me. I know that I am not alone in this but I know you will tell me how you feel when you are ready. I just couldn't keep this to myself for much longer." I reply before leaving a kiss on his cheek.

"Ana I" He says while stuttering. "You can't love me." he says in an almost panicked tone.

"What do you mean? Of course I can. You can't help who you love." I reply while bringing my hands towards his face to remove the hair that has found its way onto his forehead.

"I am fifty shades of fucked up Anastasia. It is not you who is not enough for you but it is the other way around. I don't want to taint the light that lies within you."

"Then I guess I am tainted then. It is too late for that. I already love you and I don't want to let you go without even trying." I reply before silencing him by placing my lips on his. I start by kissing him softly, but soon it becomes even more passionate. Before things start to get too wildly out of hand.

"I am no good for you Ana." He says with his eyes still closed while his forehead rests against mine.

"I don't care. I know how you feel about me. I know that you want this too and I have tried to fight it just like you have and it doesn't work. I have told you before that trying to pull away from each other won't work" I reply stubbornly. He finally opens his eyes and removes his forehead from mine. Almost automatically, his hand reaches up to caress the side of my face. Naturally, I can't help but lean my face further into his palm.

"You don't love him?" He asks in a questioning tone.

"Not one bit." I reply.

"You are sure?"

"Absolutely." I reply confidently.

"I just can't bare the thought of having to share you with someone else. I am a selfish man Anastasia and I can't share you with him or anyone else."

"I am all yours." I reply before leaving a chaste kiss on his lips.

"Ok." He says before placing kisses along the corners of my mouth. "I can imagine that we still have so much more to talk about." He says in a somewhat questioning tone.

"We do. We still have to talk more about what happened the other night." As soon as I mention the incident that occurred the other night he automatically starts to deflate.

"I know."

"But we can do that tomorrow right? If I am being honest I have not slept all that great this week and we have made so much progress tonight I really just want to cuddle with you and go to sleep."

"Ok baby. We can go to dinner tomorrow together if you would like? We planned on doing that today anyway I can just change the reservation for tomorrow."

"I would like that very much." I reply before removing myself from his lap to get back into a lying position. Christian too starts to move himself into a sleeping position and before I know it I am drifting away into a deep and peaceful sleep for the first time in days.


	39. Chapter 39:Busy Days

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Hello all! I told you that I would not be gone for too long. I am finally on summer break and have a little bit of time on my hands. I am going to try to update at least once a week while I still can. I don't have a specific date planned because I don't want to promise that I will publish on a specific day and then end up not following through. So here is the next chapter. I have updated the pinterest board with Ana's outfit for this chapter. The name of the pinterest board for those of you who are new is the title of this story. As always do review, follow and stay tuned.**

**xA**

Chapter 39: Busy Days

**Although yesterday was **an extremely taxing on my emotions, today is all about business. When I woke up this morning, Christian was unfortunately nowhere to be seen. He left a note on the nightstand besides the bed letting me know that there was a fall through with one of his most recent mergers and he was needed in the office earlier than usual. Although there is so much to do for GP, part of me does not want to go into the office today. I am extremely embarrassed that elements of my personal life made an appearance in the office. I am ashamed of myself for not being able to have a stronger grasp on my emotions. No matter how I am feeling, I know that I still need to go to work. Much to my dismay, I force myself out of the comforts of Christians bed to prepare myself for the real world. I gather my things to head out of the penthouse, when I hear the sound of Gail's voice calling my name. She invites me to join her for breakfast. After having a small breakfast with Gail, I help her clean up the kitchen and head downstairs to my apartment. Once I am at my apartment, I rush into the shower to start the process of getting ready. Once I am out of the shower, I quickly brush my teeth and finger dry my hair. For today's outfit I decided to keep things simple. I choice to wear a blush pink boyfriend blazer over a white chiffon top. I paired the two items with a pair of black skinny fitted dress pants and blush pumps. Looking at my watch I notice that I am running out of time. Instead of going through the tedious process of trying to tame my hair, I decide to leave it out for its natural look. I quickly run through my apartment, turning off all the lights while grabbing all of the things that I am going to need at work today. As I am running out of my apartment, I run right into someone.

"Oh my gosh I am so sorry" I start to say in a slightly panicked tone. " I was not looking and I was just in such a rush." As I look up I notice that the person that I ran into is Taylor.

"It is no problem , let me know that you were probably going to need assistance getting to work today and instructed me to pick you up and take to to GEH this morning." He says simply. Usually I would insist that I was fine on my own, but today I am already starting to run late and after yesterday's fiasco I need to be back on my a game.

"That would be wonderful Taylor, thank you." I reply before locking my door. Once my door i finally locked, Taylor and I make our way to the parking lot.

**After gliding through **Seattle's difficult traffic, I am finally at the office. Once we make it to my floor I make a beeline straight towards my desk. After I have finally logged into my computer to check my calendar, I really get an idea of just how much that I have to do today. Yesterday I was suppose to be finished with the beginning steps of the hiring process, now I running a day behind on scheduling. It is now eight forty five and my first interview starts at nine. Interviews for HR, marketing, and editing are going to run all day long. Luckily, I have managed to block out a thirty minute window for lunch. After I have looked over my schedule for the next couple days I decide to check my email. Once my email is opened, I noticed that the first email that I have received today is from no other than Elliot Grey. Much to my satisfaction, the construction for GP has been completed. Now that the structure of the building has been completed, we can finally get started on the interior design aspect of the project. Elliott also tells me that he is already in contact with an interior designer who would love to be apart of the project. He also asks me if I would be willing to meet him at GP along with the selected interior designer to go over some ideas for GP.I am ecstatic that the constructural part of the project is actually running up to speed. After I have answered all of my emails, it is quickly approaching the time for the first interview. I gather all of the files on the interviewees in addition to my laptop and note and head towards the conference room where the interviews will be taking place today.

**To say that today **has been exhausting is an understatement. GEH was extremely busy today. I had interviews almost all day. In between interviews I was on the phone with HR scheduling the different things necessary for the GP release event. I have been so busy completing the final steps for the actual business that I almost forgot that I still had to coordinate an event. After realizing that I still have so much to do, I have decided that it would be in the events best interest if I were to hire an event coordinator to help with organize the event. Of course I cannot just decide to hire an event planner, I had to run the idea by Nathan who then suggested that I write a proposal to Christian about hiring the planner. When I finally got the chance to call him to discuss the idea, he was already in another meeting. Andrea scheduled me in for next Monday to discuss the proposal and the details that I already have for the event itself. Even though I am finally leaving GEH, my day of work is still not done. I have to meet Elliott and the interior designer to go over the final steps for GP. After sitting in half an hours worth of traffic I am finally at the construction site for GP. Looking at the site now I can't help but feel that Elliott did an amazing job. The building for Grey Publishing is everything that I could have hoped for and more. The building has a slightly modern feel that will fit in great with the other properties owned by Grey Enterprises and Holdings. I feel extremely proud of the work that Elliott and I were able to accomplish together. Once the car comes to a complete stop I notice Elliott and another woman walking towards the car. I quickly exit the vehicle to join Elliott and who I assume is the interior designer. As I watch the two of them walk towards me, I can't help but notice that the two of them seem oddly familiar with one another. When we are finally close enough to each other I notice how gorgeous this woman is. She has beautiful red hair that is pulled into an elegant high pony tail. She is also wearing a black suit set with sky high pointed black stilettoes to match. When the three of us are finally close enough to each other, Elliott greets me with a very friendly hug before saying.

"Anabanana! I am glad that you could make it. This is one Gia Mateo the interior designer that I was telling you about earlier." He says while introducing us.

"Hi, as Elliott said my name is Gia Mateo and I am very interested in getting on board with this project. Elliott has told me so much about your project and what you plan to do with the space. I have wanted to get my hands on another GEH project for a while but none of their most recent projects have not had a need for an interior designer." _She hasn't gotten the chance to "get her hands" on another GEH project? Something about that phrase sounds like it has more than just one meaning._

"I see well… now you do. I assume since Elliott has walked you through somethings. Do you have anything specific in mind for the project? I am open to idea."

"Well I was thinking that we could go for an image similar to GEH. It can be very modern and upto date. That way it will be easier to place departments within the building. If all of the floors and sections have similar appeals, it won't be difficult to move any of the departments in case there is a need for change."

"Hmmm, while the concept of uniformity does sound appealing, I was hoping that we could go with a different approach for this building. I was hoping that each department can share some minor similarities, while also having enough differences that can make the appeal look unique. Grey Publishing also hopes to create a center for children for reading and tutoring services, I don't think that the modern approach would feel very comforting for children in that department. Maybe you and I can schedule a meeting for next week after we do the walk through to discuss other ideas that we have for the space." I suggest.

"Sure, we can definitely do that. If you would like I can schedule a meeting with Andrea for the three of us to come together sometime this week." She states confidently.

"Three of us?"

"Well, I assumed that Christian would also be included in this meeting. From what Elliott told me, you are one of his interns in charge of managing his project?" She tells me while looking at Elliott for support. Unfortunately for her, Elliot is no longer paying attention to the two of us since he is speaking to one of his employees who needed his attention.

"Actually , will not be joining us because creating Grey Publishing was my idea. You and I will be scheduling a meeting together if we are going to be working together in the near future because I am the person in charge of this project." I can't believe that she would sit here and make statements like that as if it is not possible that I could be in charge of my own project. I also find myself becoming extremely territorial when she talks about Christian in such a familiar tone. To make matters worse, it doesn't seem like she is only interested in him based on how I saw her acting towards Elliott when I got her. Obviously she has a taste for Grey men and because of it I am on high alert. This is one of those moments where I wish this situation were less complicated. While we are definitely more than friends, I have no right to stake a claim over Christian. I wonder if Kate would feel the same way? KATE! I have been up to my ass in work that I have not had a moment to update her with all of the things that have been going on. She and I will definitely need to discuss this later.

Before Gia has a chance to respond to my mild outburst, Elliott happily approaches the two of us before saying.

"Are you two lovely ladies ready to take a look at the building?" He offers.

"Please lead the way." I reply before walking next to him to finally get a glimpse of what will be my future.

**Grey Publishing was **even better than I thought it would be. The inside was just as impressive as the rest of the building. Once we finally were able to start the tour, Gia was finally on her best behavior. For the rest of the tour she did not make anymore inappropriate suggestions, which made me a happy camper. At the end of the walk through, Gia left with my contact information to schedule a meeting for next week to complete the final touches for the property. As we are all starting to leave, Elliott stops me before I can head off.

"Hey Ana! What are you doing for dinner tonight? I mom was having a family dinner tonight and I am sure that she would love to have you. I am also pretty sure that if you go, you can persuade my dickhead brother into coming along with you. What do you say?" He asks me kindly.

"I usually have dinner with Christian, but I have not gotten the chance to get a hold of him all day to see what his plans are. If you don't mind waiting for a second I can give him a call and see if I can talk him into coming along with us."

"Sure, I will just lock up the building before we both head out." He says before walking back towards GP.

I quickly shuffle through my purse in my car to retrieve my cellphone. When I actually have a chance to look at my phone, I have six unread text messages in addition to many unread emails and unanswered calls. Before I actually read through any of those things, I open up my contacts to call Christian. Before the phone rings at least 5 times Christians voice comes through.

"Grey." He says in a sharp tone.

"Well hello to you too Christian." I reply sarcastically.

"Oh, Ana. I did not look at who was calling before I answered the phone. Where the hell are you? I have been calling, texting and emailing you for hours to see if you still wanted to go to dinner this evening."

"I am at the GP site with Elliott. He emailed me earlier in the day to tell me that the site was finished. He wanted me to come and do a walk through of the property and meet the interior designer that he had in mind for the project."

"Well that is good news. At least that part of your project is done so you can continue to complete the other tasks. Andrea told me that you also need to schedule a meeting with me next week? Is everything ok?"

"Yes everything is ok. I just have a proposition that I wanted to talk to you about."

"Ok, well have at it ."

"I will tell you about it next week. I have been busy all day with work and now that I am finally off of work I would rather talk about non-work related topics. I actually called you because Elliott is having dinner at your mother's and he wanted to know if we would like to join him."

"Of course he did. I am actually about to leave GEH now. I thought that we had some things to discuss this evening so I envisioned having an evening with you to myself."

"Oh please. It is only seven o'clock Christian. The night is very young. We can have dinner at your parents house and then we can go back to one of our apartment later for wine and dessert while we talk, that way everyone can win."

"Are you sure you want to go to my parents house? I can't promise you that Mia will not talk about your boobs again." He replies jokingly. I miss playful Christian. There has been so much drama going on lately, I haven't been able to see his playful side in a while.

"I guess there is nothing that we can do about that. But I know that your mother is probably dying to see you."

"I know she is, that is one of the reasons that she has these family dinners in the first place.

"Than do her the favor and actually show up will you."

"Tell my idiot brother that the two of us will be attending dinner at my parents tonight. But I want to eat and then leave Ana. I have not had time with you alone where we are not at odds for days now and I would like for tonight to be the end of that pattern."

"I know. I promise later will be different. We can talk and then maybe we can actually do something fun."

"What kind of fun did you have in mind ?" He asks me suggestively.

"Get your mind out of the gutter Christian!." I reply while giggling.

"I can't seem to keep it out of the gutter when it comes to you Anastasia."

"Well try, and while you are at it get yourself to your mothers on time for dinner."

"Will do, Laters baby."

"By Christian." I reply before hanging up the phone. God I have missed him.


	40. Chapter 40: Propositions

***I do not own the characters. All characters belong to E.L James***

**AN: I know… I am the worst. I am not even going to go into all that has happened that has prevented me from writing because it would honestly just be too much… And even though life happened I lost my motivation to write. For a while now, I have tried and tried again to write this chapter and have only been empty handed. However, I got some of my mojo back and hope to be back to see this through. I would never just give this up without telling you guys. But I don't want to promise when the next chapter will be out because I don't want to let you down. I do however hope this good mojo lasts and hopefully I can get something going soon. I hope my writing style wasn't too different please let me know if it isn't the same so I can work on that. As always read, review, PM. **

**Thanks so much for the support,**

**xA**

Chapter 40: Propositions

**It's been half an hour** and we are still waiting for Christian to arrive, and I have not spoken to him since our last conversation. While apart of me is starting to worry, the rational half of me knows that he is an extremely busy man running a company that is worth billions. To pass the time, I have volunteered myself to help Grace with dinner in the kitchen. Once she received word that Christian and I were coming to dinner, she insisted that she be the one to make dinner tonight instead of her staff. Now, she and I are preparing a roasted salmon dinner with a side of mashed potatoes and salad. I am in the process of mashing boiled potatoes when I feel two strong arms wrap around my waist. _Christian._

"Mmmm, you smell nice." hes says while nuzzles his head against the back of mine.

"Well hello to you too . The last thing that I heard is that you were on your way. What took you so long? I was starting to get worried."

"I was waiting for a call back form Flynn. I wanted to wrap everything up before I came here." He replies. _Flynn? His therapist? _

"If everything ok?" I reply while turning myself around to face him.

"Yeah." He says while drawing circles in the small curve of my back. " He has been helping me work through some changes that I have going on."

"Changes?"

"Yes changes. He actually encouraged me to talk to you about them today."

"Well you know that I am always here to listen if you need anything. I don't want you to feel forced to talk to me about something if you are not ready yet."

"No, I am ready."

"Ok…. then what is it?" I ask while looking around the kitchen nervously. I guess Grace, along with the food, must have snuck out sometime in between Christian coming into the kitchen and now.

"So I have a proposition for you."

"I do too actually."

"Great, why don't you share yours first."

"No way, you said that your therapist said that you needed to speak to me about something and I want to know. Quite frankly it's really odd for you to skate around any issue."

"Anastasia, I want you to move in with me." He says simply.

"Move in with you? Are you crazy?!" _Where is this coming from._

"But I thought that you love me?"

"I do love you, and that is why I don't think that we should live together."

"Why the hell not?" He replies while moving himself away from me. I swear he is pulling at his roots so hard his hair is going to fall out.

"Because… Just the other day I told you that I loved you and you freaked out. You did not even want me to be loving you in the first place. Now, after all of that you want to tell me that it is a good idea for us to live together? Christian I don't think that is what you really want."

"What I want is for us to stop fighting. It seems like things get the worse of us when we are not together. And you said that you love me. Don't people who love each other live together?"

"Exactly, people who love each other do live together. But answer me this, do you love me Christian?" As soon as I asked him this question he finally stops pacing around the kitchen. For a while it's so quiet that you could actually hear a pin drop.

"Exactly, you can't even tell me that you love me… and that is ok. I want you to say it if you mean it and you think that it is real. Maybe some day we can get there. But until then I don't think that we should take the chance of ruining all of the good things that we have going on by just throwing ourselves into something that we are not ready for. Me not wanting to move in does not not mean that I don't love you."

"Ok, but we have said that if anything that we are friends… don't friends live together?" He protests. _He is really not going to let this go easily._

"Christian." I reply with a sigh.

"Forget it." He says while walking away.

"Don't just walk off come back here." By the time that I am ready to say something else he is already quite a ways away from the kitchen. _Damnit! I thought that we were suppose to be getting closer tonight. Not that we would end up drifting farther apart._

When I finally find him, he is already seated at the dinner table.

"Oh Ana! Come sit down, dinner has been served." Grace says politely.

_Well here goes nothing._

* * *

**Thus far **we are only 15 minutes into dinner and Christian is still in a foul mood. I thought that maybe he would at least try and act normal in front of his family but boy was I wrong. I am pretty sure everyone has picked up on the space that there is between us. Gone was the affectionate pair that greeted each other in the kitchen. Now, it feels as though the ice queen and king have made their way to the dinner table. Everyone is making small talk, constantly trying to move the attention away from the tension that is going on between Christian and I. I can't even really say that he is all to blame because I too am lost in my own thoughts about the problems that are surrounding me. _Would it really be that bad? Living together? Loving Christian everyday? _I know that the concept doesn't sound like a bad thing at all, however given our track record we tend to fall short in execution. I love him, I know I do, despite the fact that I tried to hold myself back from him so many times. But I don't want what happened between me and _him _to occur a second time. I need to do this right. I need to do this better, not just for myself, but for Christian too. I am broken out of my train of thought by the sound of Grace calling my name.

"Ana dear? She says questioningly. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, yes" I attempt to say convincingly. "My mind is just in a million different places. I have not really had the time to catch up with everything."

"Well I do hope that you are alright. You just seemed a little off. I was just thinking that you and Christian seem really close, and I was going to propose that you join us on Sundays for family dinner." She says brightly.

"Of course, I would love to come. As long as Christian doesn't mind." Almost instantly, all of the eyes in the room were focusing on Christian, anxiously waiting for his response.

"I wouldn't mind at all, she is more than welcome to come." He replies after a while.

"Fantastic! It will be great to have the whole family together again!" Grace says while looking at her children adoringly. _Thank God. _

Since Graces dinner invite, things at the table are finally starting to cheer up. Everyone seems to be in a better mood and the majority of us are half way through our entrees. However, the atmosphere changes at the sound of Christians cellphone ringing. He quickly pulls his phone out of his pocket before telling us that he needs to be excused.

"That boy always working I swear." Grace says with the shake of her head.

"Now Gracie, there is no need to give him a hard time. You know how hard he has worked and how much he loves that company." Carrick says while trying to calm her down.

"I know." She replies with a sigh. "I know, I just don't want that to be the only thing in his life that he cares about. Right now he is with family, I wish work could wait." She says putting an end to that conversation.

Eventually, the minutes start to feel like hours and Christian has yet to make a reappearance a the dining table. I know that he may be handling business, but apart of me feels that it's something else.

"If you'd excuse me, I just want to go check on Christian and make sure he's ok." I announce while setting my napkin to the side of my plate. After getting up, I head off in the same direction that Christian did a couple of moments ago, in the hopes that I will find him. To my luck, he is close by sitting on a lawn chair outside.

"Christian.. Is everything ok?"

"Why wouldn't everything be ok Anastasia?" He replies briskly.

"Because it seems like you are sitting out here sulking while the rest of your family is inside waiting for you to join us. Let's also not forget your foul mood in the beginning of dinner."

"Yeah, well how could I forget? You told me that you love me and now you tell me that you don't want to move in with me." He replies while walking away.

"Christian will you stop doing that! You can't just walk away whenever I say something that you don't like." I reply while walking after him.

"OH yeah? Well watch me!" He yells over his shoulder.

"This is ridiculous! You are acting like a child. You can't be mad at me for not wanting to move in with you. You can't just bulldoze me into making the decision that you want!" I exclaim.

"I am mad! Palm twitchingly mad Anastasia." He says while continuing to march on. _Where the hell is he going. _

"Can you stop walking off! I can't talk to you when you are speed walking off into a direction that I don't know. I can't walk that fast in these heels and I need to talk to you!"

Instead of replying, He turns around and starts storming off to meet me.

"Fina-" I start to say until I am thrown over Christian's shoulder.

"Christian what the hell are you doing?! Put me down!" I yell over his shoulder. _What the fuck is he doing! _Surprisingly, instead of a reply, I only receive back a slap on the ass. While I want to talk to him like a rational adult, the whole situation is starting to piss me the hell off.

"Christian! I mean it put me down this instant or I swear-" I was going to continue my sentence until I was moved again to now stand on my own infront of Christian. I was so busy trying to think of things to tell me off that I did not even realize that we were now standing in front of the boathouse. In Front of me is a very angry, seething, and dominant Christian. However, he has a very pissed off Anastasia Steele that he is going to have to deal with.

"Christian what the hell do you think you are doing? I was trying to talk to you and you walked off and then threw me over your shoulder like caveman! I am not your property! You can't just treat me in whichever way you feel like!" I yell.

He roughly opens the door of the boathouse before pulling me inside. Before I can say another word. His lips are on mine, his body is pressing mine between the door while one of his hands moves my leg to anchor it around his. As much as I want to yell scream and shout at his appalling behavior, my body is doing something else entirely. Both of our tongues are battling for dominates while we both fight to take of each other's clothing. My back is no longer pressed against the door but is losing clothing quickly. We only break apart our kiss for air and to remove our clothes. I am ripping at my shirt like a mad woman while Christians pants are being flung in an opposite direction.

Once the majority of my clothing is off I grab Christian's hand in mine to yank him closer to me. Quickly, our lips are fighting for dominance once again while Christians hands explore my body, searching for any piece of skin that it can find.

"You are so fucking infuriating." I growl against his list.

"Yeah well takes one to know one he says while grabbing the back of my thighs to lift me up. Once I am completely in his arms, I start dry humping him like a dog in heat. I am so pissed at him right now but for some odd reason our reaction to one another is doing nothing but turning me on. Once Christians legs hit the back of the bench that sits to the left of the door, he roughly moves us into a sitting position.

"All I fucking wanted is for you to be mine." He growls while his mouth begins to cascade down the front of my body.

"I am yours." I moan out as his mouth engulfs my left nipple.

"You have a funny way of showing it." He replies while moving his mouth to my other breast.

"Ah Christian" I moan out as his hands move my panties to the side and slip into my warmth.

"Thats right baby give it to me." He says while his talented fingers work themselves inside of me.

"I need you."

"And have me you will." He says before finally thrusting himself inside of me, causing both of us to moan loudly. quickly , his pace changes, he is rapidly thrusting in and out of me like a man on a mission, and I am giving it right back. The only sounds that surround us are our moans and the sounds of our skin roughly colliding against the others. I know it may be wrong because we have to talk, but it has never felt so right. Nothing else beats the feeling of being with him, at any time of the day, whether he is infuriating me or making me feel like queen of the world.

"Shit." I hiss. "I am so close."

"I know. I can feel you. You are right there."

"Ahhhh!" I moan out while he grabs my hips in his hands to allow him to quicken the pace.

"Come for me baby." He says through gritted teeth.

"FUCKKK CHRISTIAN!" I exclaim while seeing stars. This may have been the strongest orgasm I have ever had. And this man has given me quite a few.

"Shit Ana!" He moans out following me shortly after. He lends back on the couch, allowing me to rest me body against his, with his member still within me. Our improve angry fuck has me utterly spent and satisfied. The both of us are still heavily breathing, trying to return ourselves into a state of equilibrium. After a short while, the two of use can finally breathe again and Christian hands are rubbing against the small of my back.

"I am sorry." He whispers against my head. I sigh before lifting my head from his shoulder.

"You can't just treat me that way Christian."

"I know-"

"Well obviously you don't, you don't play fair. Whenever I say something that you don't like you find a way to keep me at arm's length in a way that can be disrespectful. I love you, but I don't think I am willing to tolerate that from you."

"And you shouldn't have to. I have never done this before Ana… I have never had something this close to me, my space, and my family… it can be overwhelming. I certainly am not use to hearing the word no form people. I can imagine that I will do things that will piss you off, but I ask that you are patient with me."

"I will. Just because we argue doesn't mean that I will just stop loving you. And me not wanting to move in with you doesn't change anything else either." I reply while raking my hands through his copper locks.

"Ok."

"No more Christian, I am serious."

"You have my word ."

"Ok. Well we need to clean ourselves up and come up with a valid excuse to tell your mother for why we have been gone so long before we head home." I reply while removing myself from his grasp.

"To our respective homes, or to one place."

"I am fine with either."

"To one place." He replies sharply. "I sleep better whenever you are there." He says with a far away look in his eyes.

"Then we can go together." I reply while putting on the last of my clothing.

Once the two of us are finally dressed, we start to make our way back towards the main house. As we start to get closer to the house, Christian grabs me by hand and pulls me back towards him, before pulling my body against his, to lean his head against mine.

"Promise me you will think about it." He whispers hopefully with his eyes closed.

"I promise, if you promise to communicate and not shut me out." I reply, while nudging my nose against his to get his attention.

He opens his eyes, gives me a chaste kiss before saying. "For you Ana, I would do anything."

_Me too Grey, me too._

* * *

**AN#2 I hope my lemon writing abilities has not gotten too rusty. Let me know what you guys think! I finally finished this at 4am so I didn't really edit... sorry. **

**Thanks for reading**

** xA**


	41. Chapter 41:Comfy Couch

***I do not own the rights to the characters, all rights to the characters belongs to E.L James***

**AN: Thanks for being patient with me! I didn't edit this because I need to go to sleep but I at least wanted to get some new material out. Still working posting something else soon. See you all soon and as always, read, review, or PM.**

**xA**

Chapter 41:The Comfy Couch

**The rest of dinner **was pleasantly uneventful. After Christian's "move in with me" breakdown, normalcy was finally restored. We went about our evening discussing the current events in everyone's life. Sitting at the table with the Greys, engaging in familiar banter makes me realize how much I miss Ray. It's been weeks since I have last seen him. I know he is probably worried about me. With everything that has been going on, we have rarely had the opportunity to talk. _Which reminds me, I really need to call him tomorrow._

Christian and I are finally on the way back to Escala after a hectic day. Even though the rest of the evening has gone on without a hitch, I never did get the chance to talk to him about my business proposals. Although it would not be a terrible idea to just get it over with, I am mentally and physically exhausted. All of that business can definitely wait until tomorrow. I can feel myself starting to drift off, but the feeling of Christians hand touching mine dulls my feelings of exhaustion. When I turn my head, stormy grey eyes meet mine.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks before linking our hands together.

"Not much, sitting at dinner with your family made me miss Ray. I really need to call him tomorrow."

"When is the last time you talked to him?"

"Honestly, it has been so long that I don't even remember. Usually, we talk on the phone at least once a week. I have been so absorbed in my own drama that I haven't even thought to call him." _Which is odd for me._

"Why is it odd?" He asks.

"I didn't even realize that I said that outloud. Usually, when everything around me is falling apart, Ray is the one thing that keeps me grounded."

"So what keeps you grounded these days then Miss Steele?" He asks before bringing our rising our linked hands to his lips.

"You." I reply simply. If I thought that his eyes were a smothering grey before, it is nothing compared to the way that they look now. As soon as the words begin to register in his mind, he pounces on me. His lips on mine, his hands in my hair, his body turned towards mine. I can imagine that if he was not a control freak his body would be completely on top of mine. His kiss is extremely urgent. His tongue fighting for dominance over mine to the point where he almost consumes me. We have been so lost in our kiss that neither of us had realized that we were finally back at Escala. With little separation, the two of his have released ourselves from the constraints of our seatbelts. Once we are out of the car, he effortlessly lifts me up, causing my legs to instantly hook around his hips. As soon as I know I am secure, my hands instantly are weaving through his copper locks. _God it has been too long._ Christian hits the elevator button that opens the doors that soon encase us inside. His lips separate from mine briefly to enter the password to the penthouse. As soon as the elevator starts to rise, his assault continues.

"You are driving me fucking crazy." He grunts out as his lips start to move down my neck.

"So are you." I reply while tilting my neck to give him more access.

As soon as we both hear the familiar sounds of elevator announcing our arrival, clothing starts to fly. My hands instantly rise above my head, allowing him to rip off my blouse. After my shirt is off, my hands instantly find their way to his belt in attempt to free his bulging manhood. Once we are finally rid our out clothes, he lifts me back into his arms before moving us to the wall.

"I've missed you so fucking much." He says before moving his hot mouth against my now peaking mounds. The moment his mouth encloses on my breast, my senses are in overdrive.

"Ohh Christian, I need more." I moan out, with my head tossed back against the wall.

"More you say angel?" He says while looking me in the eye, before moving his mouth to my other breast.

"Uhhh, more!" I reply will rocking my hips against his. He hisses out, before saying.

"Ana, this will be over before you know it if you keep that up." He says between his teeth.

"Than give me what I am asking for." I reply bravely, before capturing my bottom lip between my teeth.

"Oh I can give it to you sweetheart. Anywhere you want it. Just name your place." I replies while lifting me up once again. Looking around the penthouse, I get an idea.

"On the sofa, I want to look at the skyline while you make love to me."

"Your wish is my command sweetheart." He says while walking to the sofa. Once we finally reach our destination, he wastes no time. He bends me over the couch, before landing a hand smack against my backside. Before I can even come up with a witty comment, I feel his hands spread my ass before his mouth is on my womanhood.

"Ahhh, Christian." I moan out, hoping to encourage him to continue. However, I am dissapointed when I feel his mouth leave my pussy.

"Quiet!" He demands while laying another slap on my ass, before him mouth is on me again. As much as I want to moan out, show him exactly how good I am feeling, I don't want him to stop. So I lay there, As quiet as I can possibly be with my arm in my mouth hoping that he won't stop.

"You taste delicious." He says before I feel his throbbing manhood rubbing against my most intimate parts. "As good as you taste" He says before leaving a kiss on my shoulder. "I can't wait to be inside you." He says while leaving another kiss on my shoulder. "Are you ready for me baby?" He says before leaving one last kiss in the center of my spine, causing me to shiver. I quietly nodded my head before I felt the tip of his manhood slip into me. Once he is completely inside of me, both of us automatically sigh in relief.

"I've missed you baby." He says while he starts to move inside of me.

"Me too" I reply breathlessly.

"Promise me that we will never go that long without speaking to each other again." He says while his pace increases.

"I promise" I reply breathlessly, while moving myself against him.

"Thank fuck!" He replies before leaving a final slap on my ass. With my ass still stinging, and his cock moving inside of me I am in pure bliss. I am bent completely bent over the back of the sofa, with my ass in the air while Christian pleasures almost every inch of my body.

"Ohhhh! Just like that." I moan out, causing him to move even faster. I didn't even think that it was possible to do so, but as always, he never ceases to amaze me. The sounds of our heavy breathing and our skin slapping against each other fills the year.

"Ahhhh fuck! Ana!" He exclaimed while he continues his wonderful assault on my body. "So good."

I want to reply, but the words can't seem to leave my lips. I am in a complete state of euphoria. My eyes are rolling to the back of my head and my body is slowly losing its will to hold on the edge of the sofa. Just when I thought that he couldn't possibly get any deeper within me, he alters our position, causing the two of us to fall onto the sofa. We were so lost in each other, the two of us didn't even notice that we were falling onto the sofa. However, that did not deter him. His instantly moved us into a different position. His back is firmly against the sofa, while my back is resting against his chest. He instantly hooks my leg over his, allowing me to open myself up for him. To my satisfaction, he guides his member back into my warmth before he continues to thrust into me wildly while leaving open mouth kisses on the sides of my neck.

"Oh God!" I exclaim while throwing my head back.

"Come on Ana, give it to me! I can feel you!" He says before he brings his hands start to stimulate my nubbin.

"FUCKKKK! CHRISTIAN!" I exclaim before my body shivers with pleasure. The feeling of my release soon triggers his, and I can feel him start to empty himself within me.

Following our sensual highs, the two of us are still laying on the couch, enjoying each other's contact while trying to catch our breaths. Somehow, I find the strength to turn over to look him in the face. When I look over, he is already staring at the ceiling, sitting silently to himself.

"We didn't use a condom." He says in an almost shocked tone, before he turns his head to look into my eyes. Before his eyes meet mine, I am almost scared of his reaction. However, my mind is put to ease when I see that he does not look upset.

"Wow, I guess we were too caught up… I mean I am on the pill… and I haven't been with anybody else." I reply shyly, while bringing my hand to his hair.

"I know." He says quietly.

"Does it bother you?"

"No… not now."

"But it did?"

"When we first started all of this… I didn't know what it meant. I didn't know if you would end up going back to your ex. I just wanted us to be safe."

"Well you don't have to worry about that. I've been done with him… plus I love you." At the end of my admission, his facial expression almost looks pained. I can see him slowly starting to retreat back into himself.

"Christian" I say softly, before leaning up to leave a kiss on his lips. At the feeling of his lips on mine, his eyes finally open. I can see that I am finally starting to get him back. "I love you." I reply simply.

"You don't have to say anything, whenever you are ready you will say it. Until then, you just have to accept that I love you." I reply before leaving another kiss on his lips. At the union of our lips, I feel his body slightly shiver. I detach myself from him before grabbing the throw at the end of the sofa. Once we are both encased within the warm of the throw and each other, we both lose ourselves in slumber. _Finally we are back on track._


End file.
